Problems with 2 year old and creche

Branoic

Disclaimer: there are no issues or concerns regarding the creche itself or the quality of care provided.

Now that that's out of the way, here's the situation:

We’ve got a son who’s almost 2 and a half.

We’ve been really lucky with child minding arrangements, particularly as money is tight. Since just after turning 1 he’s been going to crèche one day a week.

My wife has gone to a 4 day week and is off on Mondays. Her mother takes him on Tuesdays, and my parents take him on Thursdays and Fridays. The only day which isn’t covered in Wednesday, so he goes to crèche.

He’s never seemed to like it though. From the beginning (so, almost a year and a half now) he cries and cries and clings on to me every Wednesday morning as I’m bringing him in. Some people probably think its insane or cruel or something that we’ve left it going for a year and a half, but I know that it just seems to be a morning thing. We’ve phoned the crèche afterwards and we’ve dropped in during the day to have a little spy and see how he’s been getting on, and he’s always seemed fine. When we pick him up at 3pm he’s happy to show us what he was doing for the day. So that’s why he’s still there – I guess we always just hoped he’d get over the morning thing. But its heartbreaking every Wednesday and we’ve got to the stage where my wife starts to dread it on Tuesday nights. The crèche (obviously) say that its probably because he’s only there one day a week and the rest of the week he’s with family, and maybe we would consider leaving him with them more. I can see their point – he’s probably spoiled and treated as the centre of the universe by doting grandparents the rest of the week. But we can’t afford more days in a crèche, and would 2 days instead of 1 really make any difference?

Anyway, my wife recently had another baby (5 weeks old now) so she’s on maternity leave. Although she’s off, we’ve kept his routine the same to keep things as normal for him and also to give my wife the time to care for the new arrival. But my wife now wants to take him out of the crèche, and when she goes back to work she wants to drop to 3 days so she’d be off Mondays and Wednesdays and neither child would need to go to crèche then. I worried about the finances of it but as she pointed out – the financial difference between paying for crèche for two children for a day and her dropping work for a day isn’t that big at all.

Still I’m hesitant. Of course I dislike that he’s so upset every Wednesday morning, but I think there are developmental & social benefits to crèche. He mixes with other kids during the week too – goes to parent / toddler play groups and to those indoor play centres etc, but I think its different to the type of exposure he gets on his day in crèche. It’s the only time he’s not with family and he spends so long in the company of other children doing different things. I also worry that if we take him out of crèche, when it comes time to go to pre-school / school etc we’re going to have a much harder time of it with him. My wife doesn’t think so, she says that his social development wouldn’t suffer as she’d be still bringing him to play groups, and that when he’s school age he’ll be more ready to go off on his own.

Sorry for rambling! Summary of positions:

Me – hates that he’s upset in the mornings but sees that he gets over it during the day and seems to get on okay. Thinks the one day is good for him and for preparing him for longer stints away in the future.
Wife – hates that he has to go to crèche at all and worries about it all the time. Thinks that he can get all the development he needs elsewhere and that at 2 years old its better for him to spend that time with family, and that if financially it makes little difference then we should keep both children out of the crèche as there’s no other need or benefit.

So, what would you do??

pwurple

Congratulations on new baby!

The creche I use has a three morning minimum... because they say the children can find it confusing when it's less than that. Not sure if that's true or not, but that's what we did when I was on mat leave anyway. Her grandparents look after her in the afternoons when I'm at work, she is in there for the mornings.

At 2 1/2, you should be able to start to reason with him. Does he have any little friends in there that he looks forward to seeing? That's what my girl loves most... she is jumping up and down on creche mornings saying "I can't wait to see my friend xx or yy!".

Do you know any of the other families with children in the creche? Maternity leave can be a good oppertunity to take the couple of minutes at drop-off or collection time to get to know the parents of his friends. We have a few regular playdates set up from that.

On whether it's better or not in general, hard to say. children are all so different.

Rose35

I think it's the one day a week that has him confused or upset...
My little fella is 2 and been in full-time creche since he was 5 months old but on a sunday eve I like to inform
him after the weekend with me and daddy that he will be going into 'school' as he calls it tomorrow,
so I name out all his little friends and talk about them for a few minutes just to get it back into his head that the week is about to start again, maybe this might help. Now we have no problems with him in the mornings usually but if I was off for a week and he was at home with me he might be a small bit clingy to me the morning he knows I have to go to work and he is going to creche, chat about creche at home and his little friends and what they do together to keep it alive on days he is not in there, I know it's upsetting when they are upset hope it gets better, I would stick at it for his sake developmentally a creche environment is great and sets them up nicely for pre-school.

ceadaoin.

If it won't won't make a difference financially for your wife to work one less day then that is what I would do. You are worried about the social aspect but as you say, he will be going to playgroups frequently and interacting with other kids there. If going to a crèche is so important for social skills then what about kids who have a stay at home parent or nanny and don't go? As far as I'm aware they don't all grow up to be social pariahs! If he is going to be doing the free preschool year next year then that will prepare him for school.

silly

I agree with the crèche and what people are saying here.
When I first went to our local crèche to enroll my son I said I had been thinking of 1 or 2 days - she immediately told me that one day is a bad idea and 2 would be better. If ye can send him for 2 days financially - then that would be much better for him. Try it out anyway!

December2012

Honestly a few months at home (or even a year) won't negatively affect his development. He will get his free childcare year the year before he starts school and so he won't be behind, particularly if your wife is bringing him out on other social outlets.

mrsWhippy

pwurple wrote: »

The creche I use has a three morning minimum... because they say the children can find it confusing when it's less than that. Not sure if that's true or not, but that's what we did when I was on mat leave anyway.

Yep, our creche says the same thing - 3 days other wisethey take a LOT longer to settle in. There is too much of a break if they're only in 1 or 2 days at a time.

ariana`

1 day/wk is very hard for him to get used too. My oldest son used to do 3 full days and even that was hard, as by the time Monday came around he'd had 4 days of a parent minding him.

Like you i planned to keep him going to Creche for 3 monrings while i was on maternity leave with my 2nd (oldest was 2.5yrs) but I took him out in the end because he was so upset going those 3 days, it was just awful, it broke my heart each of those 3 mornings, i was in floods of tears and couldn't relax until i collected him again, even though the Creche reassured me he was fine once i was gone.

I kept him at home until the baby was 6/7months and i was preparing to go back to work and then i changed my Parental Leave so they both went to Creche for 5 mornings a wk (i was able take my parental leave in hours rather than a full day), the difference was immeasurable, both kids settled so well into the new routine. The oldest is now in school and doing the same hours as he was in Creche so he adapted to school really easily as well. And i'm just dropping off and collecting at the one time every day. It's a great routine.

I don't for a second regret having him at home the few months, it was great to have that time with him. No doubt i had moments where it would have been easier to manage with just 1 child at home but i got by. I breastfed the baby while the toddler played with his toys or he sat beside me and we read stories, i managed to cook meals and do the washing but aside from that the house was probably a mess most of the day and there was no day-time naps for me, but it's only a short-time really isn't it.