Girlfriend secretive with phone

indigo twist

dixiefly wrote: »

I am married over 20 years and my phone and my wife's phone are both left around and we often look over each other shoulders at texts, Whatapp messages etc. the changes in behaviour are concerning.

As a matter of interest, are your friends and your wife's friends aware of this?

If your wife's friend messages her in confidence about a personal problem, looking for advice, don't you think that she'd have copied in your phone number too if she actually wanted you to see it?

You know, it's actually quite healthy and normal and natural to maintain close private friendships even while in relationships. Just because your wife is close friends with someone, it doesn't mean you should be privy to their conversations.

If her friend wants to share something with you - they'll contact you themselves - otherwise, please stop creeping over your wife's shoulder - it's really not fair on her unsuspecting friends.

Witcher

indigo twist wrote: »

As a matter of interest, are your friends and your wife's friends aware of this?

If your wife's friend messages her in confidence about a personal problem, looking for advice, don't you think that she'd have copied in your phone number too if she actually wanted you to see it?

You know, it's actually quite healthy and normal and natural to maintain close private friendships even while in relationships. Just because your wife is close friends with someone, it doesn't mean you should be privy to their conversations.

If her friend wants to share something with you - they'll contact you themselves - otherwise, please stop creeping over your wife's shoulder - it's really not fair on her unsuspecting friends.

'over each other's shoulders'...so it's not just him doing it.

skallywag

In general I would never put something into a text message which I really did not want the recipient's OH to see. A lot of phones these days will flash the message up on the screen as it comes in, so it could easily be intercepted without any malice.

dixiefly

indigo twist wrote: »

As a matter of interest, are your friends and your wife's friends aware of this?

If your wife's friend messages her in confidence about a personal problem, looking for advice, don't you think that she'd have copied in your phone number too if she actually wanted you to see it?

You know, it's actually quite healthy and normal and natural to maintain close private friendships even while in relationships. Just because your wife is close friends with someone, it doesn't mean you should be privy to their conversations.

If her friend wants to share something with you - they'll contact you themselves - otherwise, please stop creeping over your wife's shoulder - it's really not fair on her unsuspecting friends.

My wife shares personal information over the phone or directly with the person, same with me. I dont read her messages or her mine but there is no concealing going on either. What I was saying is that sometimes she shows me messages and I her. There is an openness there, no deliberate concealing.

And, no, I dont go "creeping" over her or her friends message though you do seem to be itching for an argument with me here.

The point I am making is that in some relationshps people are easy going about this stuff. It would be a concern to me if my wife suddenly changed her behaviour in this regard unles she was up front and gave some explanation.

The change in behaviour is as much the issue as opposed to the concealing in the first place.

dixiefly

Blay wrote: »

'over each other's shoulders'...so it's not just him doing it.

I am really struggling to see what your point is here, I said we are both easy going about our phones etc. Why are you trying to repeat it. Are you trying to have a go at me?

coffee_cake

I don't think anyone is having a go at you, and this isn't helping the OP, so let's move on please

santana75

Op it sounds like your intuition is screaming at you here. I'd listen to that. Forget about whats deemed normal behavior in relation to phones or laptops, something is up and you know it. She may not be cheating on you though, it could be that the relationship has just run its course and she wants out but is too scared to break it off. You say you've tried to talk to her and she got hysterical..........thats not so good. Thats somebody who cant communicate in a mature way. You deserve better than that surely? If it was me I'd remove myself from that situation.

LegacyUser

Sorry to hear that. I know that some people have a basic level of paranoia and I get that but from what you describe here, the fact here has been a sudden change I hate to say it but it does sound like something is up.

Gut instinct is usually right. I was in a similar situation and the lengths I went to, to get the truth were not easy. I found out what I expected was right all along.

You can know the person so well and love them that you might feel so secure you wouldn't even question them or have any doubt.

Also some people have said ask her out straight, what makes you think she will tell the truth, people who cheat would sell their soul, if it suits them to have two people or more on the go they will say mass to keep them all on side.

So it can be tough but you will have to be smart and sit it out and think and do what you have to do to get your proof.

Is she is cheating surely she will have to go see the other person at some stage. Anyway keep us posted and lets know how you get on.

Beaner1

She's cheating on you. You know it. We know it.

All that is left is confirmation. You could ask her but that can result in denial and some self denial from you happy not to have to accept the reality.

Your best bet is to get into her phone or computer. Crap option but its the best one if you want the truth and the truth will set you free.

Est28

Mouldy_Nuns wrote: »

Thank you to everyone for your advice and perspectives. I think I am going to have to sit on this one for the moment, keep quiet and keep an eye out for more suspicious behaviour from gf. The only thing to really do is stay quiet and keep observant.

We have had some discussion since the thread started but I think I need to reserve final judgement, after some hysterics in the conversation that ensued.

OP, You sound either very young, very naive or both. Sitting on it is NOT going to fix anything. All the little tiny details and things you list out, you sound like you are way too sensitive. She's probably bored of you doting on her.

I keep my phone fairly private too but its not that act, it's that she CHANGED how she acts. There's obviously something going on, either she's cheating, thinking about it, wants out of the relationship, whatever... she's going through the motions right now, avoiding you, avoiding your family, seeming to have "so much going on" that her boyfriend of 4 years isn't involved?

Dude, please open your eyes for your own sake. Walk away before she does it to you to save at least a little bit of the pain. You're clinging right now "sitting on it" in the hope it will all go away.

Man, if you've had a couple of relationships in your life, you've probably gone through this, sounds like it's your first time. We've all been there, it sucked, but when it happens once, you know the signs and don't get sucked in a 2nd time.