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What are we going to do about this Dolphin menace?

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  • #52
    Spring Onion
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,087 ✭✭✭Spring Onion


    Galway Dolphins Take To Land Killing 24 People

    http://waterfordwhispersnews.com/2014/10/02/galway-dolphins-take-to-land-killing-24-people-2/

    FOLLOWING on from swimmers being assaulted by dolphins in the Salthill area of Galway yesterday comes the devastating news that angry and aggressive dolphins have taken to Galway mainland killing as many as 24 people.

    “I wish I could say that after killing these pensioners the dolphins didn’t have the presence of mind to rifle through their wallets taking their money, but they did. Those evil bastards did!” Frank Gillen, local councillor told WWN exclusively.

    Yesterday’s assault is said to have involved dolphins innocently ‘slapping’ swimmers, but today’s incident is said to be far more serious.

    “From a distance it looked like they were dancing with members of the over-65s Dolphin Appreciation Society of Salthill but on closer inspection they were dancing on them. It’s a tragedy,” added Gillen.

    While many locals were taken by surprise at the sight of a dozen dolphins exiting the sea to brutally beat and assault members of the public, Gardaí confirmed that it appeared the dolphins had been planning this for some time.

    “They are a well drilled unit, possibly with some Navy Seals training,” explained Garda Vincent Cusack, “we urge the public to scream loudly and immediately panic if they see any dolphins in the general area. They were last seen exiting Leisureland following a game of mini-golf. We believe they took the golf clubs with them”.


  • #53
    nuac
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,769 ✭✭✭nuac


    Spring Onion wrote: »
    Galway Dolphins Take To Land Killing 24 People

    http://waterfordwhispersnews.com/2014/10/02/galway-dolphins-take-to-land-killing-24-people-2/

    FOLLOWING on from swimmers being assaulted by dolphins in the Salthill area of Galway yesterday comes the devastating news that angry and aggressive dolphins have taken to Galway mainland killing as many as 24 people.

    “I wish I could say that after killing these pensioners the dolphins didn’t have the presence of mind to rifle through their wallets taking their money, but they did. Those evil bastards did!” Frank Gillen, local councillor told WWN exclusively.

    Yesterday’s assault is said to have involved dolphins innocently ‘slapping’ swimmers, but today’s incident is said to be far more serious.

    “From a distance it looked like they were dancing with members of the over-65s Dolphin Appreciation Society of Salthill but on closer inspection they were dancing on them. It’s a tragedy,” added Gillen.

    While many locals were taken by surprise at the sight of a dozen dolphins exiting the sea to brutally beat and assault members of the public, Gardaí confirmed that it appeared the dolphins had been planning this for some time.

    “They are a well drilled unit, possibly with some Navy Seals training,” explained Garda Vincent Cusack, “we urge the public to scream loudly and immediately panic if they see any dolphins in the general area. They were last seen exiting Leisureland following a game of mini-golf. We believe they took the golf clubs with them”.

    Was that not a protest about the delay in opening the swimming pool at Leisureland.?


  • #54
    Spring Onion
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,087 ✭✭✭Spring Onion


    nuac wrote: »
    Was that not a protest about the delay in opening the swimming pool at Leisureland.?

    Mark my words, those fiends will hog every lane in the new Leisureland pool. It's a shocking development really.


  • #55
    Stella Virgo
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 478 ✭✭Stella Virgo


    nuac wrote: »
    Was that not a protest about the delay in opening the swimming pool at Leisureland.?
    after last nights pissy little storm,it wont be open until summer 2015 :pac:.....


  • #56
    Lapin
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 18,184 ✭✭✭✭Lapin


    martin6651 wrote: »
    Swam there today and no sign of any dolphin.

    They probably saw you coming and legged finned it.

    Anyway, fair play to you for reclaiming the beach for the people!

    Those nasty aggressive dolphins have no business in our waters.

    Bastards.


  • #57
    sheesh
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,081 ✭✭✭sheesh


    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dRR_pXJT0zU


  • #58
    Spring Onion
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,087 ✭✭✭Spring Onion


    Y'all know me. Know how I earn a livin'. I'll catch this bird for you, but it ain't gonna be easy. Bad fish. Not like going down the pond chasin' bluegills and tommycods. This dolphin, swallow you whole. Little shakin', little tenderizin', an' down you go. And we gotta do it quick, that'll bring back your tourists, put all your businesses on a payin' basis. But it's not gonna be pleasant. I value my neck a lot more than three thousand bucks, chief. I'll find him for three, but I'll catch him, and kill him, for ten. But you've gotta make up your minds. If you want to stay alive, then ante up. If you want to play it cheap, be on welfare the whole winter. I don't want no volunteers, I don't want no mates, there's just too many captains on this island. $10,000 for me by myself. For that you get the head, the tail, the whole damn thing.


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