would you hook up with someone who was attached?

Pherekydes

Yes. My wife has an ex-husband and I have an ex-wife.

Earthhorse

Can't say whether I would or wouldn't but don't think I would.

Recently found out that half the women in my department, some of whom were in relationships, were with one of the married men in here. Always knew that some people would be willing to cheat or be with someone else's partners but have to say I was surprised that the number was that high and that some of the people involved would be the type.

beks101

I've unwittingly been the "other woman" a few times.

I think that in and of itself is a pretty ****ty thing to do to someone - to shoehorn them into a position where they're unknowingly betraying their own morals and facilitating him in being a crap person.

But then I guess you can't expect someone who doesn't even give a sh1t about their own partner to have an ounce of consideration for some random person they want to fcuk.

Things are never black & white but I would consider someone who cheats to be either morally weak or deficient.

Wibbs

Earthhorse wrote: »

Can't say whether I would or wouldn't but don't think I would.

Just my humble EH, but I don't think you're the type at all.

Recently found out that half the women in my department, some of whom were in relationships, were with one of the married men in here. Always knew that some people would be willing to cheat or be with someone else's partners but have to say I was surprised that the number was that high and that some of the people involved would be the type.

Oh I was once equally surprised, but a period of time when I was the "other guy", mostly unwittingly, sometimes not(not with married women though), really opened my eyes. I had some weird notion that women cheated way less, but IME they can be just as bad as men. It's still a minority in both genders, but yep I'd reckon they're about equal.

Now this was just my personal experience and observations in the wild and obviously not statistically viable, but I found there were some general diffs in how and when the genders cheated. EG men were more likely to cheat when married. Women were more prone to "overlap" cheating where they'd line up the next guy before the soon to be ex boyfriend got the heave ho*. Younger women were more likely to cheat than older women and vice versa for the men. Women seemed to be better at covering their tracks and the cheating type tended to pick more naive men with it. Actually the latter bit was gender nonspecific.

As I say it was only my personal observations and I was aware of selection bias on my part too. IE I would for a time preselect women who would be the type if you know what I mean. I was ignoring those who wouldn't. Some of the stories I could tell though. Bloody hell. The ability of some people to lie to someone they "loved"(and more times than you'd think still claimed to love) with a completely straight face... Mad.

Joke is though I was the "other man", personally I'm not a cheater. Never have, never even been tempted. Sure I might ogle another woman, but the eyes would be the only part of my body in play. Just not in my nature.


*that I found remarkably common and not really considered cheating.

TheBeardedLady

Losqualo wrote: »

They can't help that they are cowards, that's the luck of the genetic lottery. Someone being a coward doesn't😉make them inferior.it'so similar to judging someone for having a different skin colour. It's pointless. You may as well judge someone because they rolled a die and it landed on 2.

No worries. I just don't find that attribute attractive in someone.


I'm a coward when it comes to many things (scared of talking Spanish on the phone, scared of public speaking, scared of men I really fancy etc.) but this is the worst kind of cowardice and they're cowards among many other not-very-desirable attributes in my eyes.

That's just my opinion on the matter though and my answer to the OP.

I don't believe in absolutes and not all situations are equal or black and white, but I can't see a situation where I would enable someone to cheat.

It'd be like loading a gun for someone else to shoot a stranger in the street and pretending it doesn't matter because I don't know them personally.

Earthhorse

Wibbs wrote: »

Oh I was once equally surprised, but a period of time when I was the "other guy", mostly unwittingly, sometimes not(not with married women though), really opened my eyes. I had some weird notion that women cheated way less, but IME they can be just as bad as men. It's still a minority in both genders, but yep I'd reckon they're about equal.

It's not so much the genders as the people and the numbers; I mean, I did think women cheated less (just slightly less) but I found it remarkable that half of them would enable someone else's cheating and I was surprised by a few who were involved. I don't know these people intimately but we've worked together for years and I know them well enough. If you'd said maybe around a third of people would be willing to do something like this I'd have said fair enough. It's honestly been eye opening.

Wibbs wrote: »

Just my humble EH, but I don't think you're the type at all.

Thanks...I think. With all these stories going around it feels like I'm missing out on the fun.

Wibbs

Candie wrote: »

It'd be like loading a gun for someone else to shoot a stranger in the street and pretending it doesn't matter because I don't know them personally.

Yes you may load the rounds, however, they have the gun and the rounds and they chose to pull the trigger. Never mind that if you weren't around they'd find another "loader".

KomradeBishop

TheBeardedLady wrote: »

No worries. I just don't find that attribute attractive in someone.


I'm a coward when it comes to many things (scared of talking Spanish on the phone, scared of public speaking, scared of men I really fancy etc.) but this is the worst kind of cowardice and they're cowards among many other not-very-desirable attributes in my eyes.

That's just my opinion on the matter though and my answer to the OP.

Ah in your case, examples of you, I wouldn't say that's cowardice though - a bit harsh there - just quite normal/common anxieties, that a great number of people have.

What makes cheating and enabling a cheater cowardice, is either the lack of or conscious compromising of a persons own principals/ethics/standards (even in a universal "don't do to others what you wouldn't want done to you" type of way) - knowing they are participating in harming someone else, and having such a lack of courage/fortitude to follow their principals - even trying to justify it sometimes.

the evasion_kid

Poll makes for some depressing viewing,seems as humans we're going backwards in the dating/mating game like the picture of how humans evolved in stages from apes except we are in reverse.

KomradeBishop

I have pretty strong/well-defined views on this, which probably go beyond that of other posters, and I think it's always interesting to see the response to this:
I think that if people know someone is being cheated on, they have a responsibility to tell the person being cheated on (even if anonymously), otherwise that person could end up wasting a significant amount of their time with someone who does not respect them.

There are definitely exceptions to this (e.g. when it may result in physical danger to someone), but I think it is a fair principle - I think it also makes assisting someone with cheating, even worse as well, as it involves not just keeping the betrayal from their partner, but participating in it too.

I have little respect for anyone who would cheat on their partner or for any person who would willingly get with someone in a relationship. It's just a horrible thing to do and shows a complete lack of respect for others.

Some vile scumbag send anonymous emails to my girlfriend's brother recently accusing me of sleeping with another girl when my girlfriend was away. Having my girlfriend ask was there any truth in it was a horrible feeling and I think it instilled some doubt in her head as we're no longer together. I never cheated on my girlfriend as there's no way I could ever hurt anyone like that. I also got emails telling me that my girlfriend cheated on me and while I didn't believe a word of it I did have to ask her. That someone could be so evil as to send such nasty emails is beyond me. I received a number of emails today gloating about how my girlfriend was gone and they hope I commit suicide. Really just depressing and evil stuff.

KomradeBishop

Deleted User wrote: »

I have little respect for anyone who would cheat on their partner or for any person who would willingly get with someone in a relationship. It's just a horrible thing to do and shows a complete lack of respect for others.

Some vile scumbag send anonymous emails to my girlfriend's brother recently accusing me of sleeping with another girl when my girlfriend was away. Having my girlfriend ask was there any truth in it was a horrible feeling and I think it instilled some doubt in her head as we're no longer together. I never cheated on my girlfriend as there's no way I could ever hurt anyone like that. I also got emails telling me that my girlfriend cheated on me and while I didn't believe a word of it I did have to ask her. That someone could be so evil as to send such nasty emails is beyond me. I received a number of emails today gloating about how my girlfriend was gone and they hope I commit suicide. Really just depressing and evil stuff.

Christ, that is messed up, sorry to hear that - I think that would count as defamation/slander, so you may be able to get the Gardai to trace the IP address in the email, back to the senders ISP account and home address through ISP records (though I'm not a lawyer etc.).

KomradeBishop

KomradeBishop wrote: »

Christ, that is messed up, sorry to hear that - I think that would count as defamation/slander, so you may be able to get the Gardai to trace the IP address in the email, back to the senders ISP account and home address through ISP records (though I'm not a lawyer etc.).

I doubt it would be worth the hassle and can imagine the guards would just laugh at me. Went to them before over text messages I got from someone I know about how he was going to jump me and break my legs. Guards told me come back when he broke my legs and they'd look into it.

Earthhorse

Frickin hell. That's messed up, dude. Sounds like someone has an obsession with you, or your ex. Pretty shabby of the Gards with respect to those texts too. Hopefully, your luck will pick up from here on in.

Wibbs

the evasion_kid wrote: »

Poll makes for some depressing viewing,seems as humans we're going backwards in the dating/mating game like the picture of how humans evolved in stages from apes except we are in reverse.

Actually, if anything we're better than we were in the past. We're more open about sexuality and relationships and there is discussion around the subjects. That's pretty rare in human history. Bastard, cheater, whoremonger, slut, cuckold and the like are very old terms to be found throughout human history. There was no romantic halcyon shangri la in personal human relationships. Since we came down from the trees it has been same old same old. The difference was and is that culture tended to paper over such things. In the past it was usually religion, cultural and social mores, today we can add to that the media and Hollywood. All painted and continue to paint a picture of what we wanted to be, the ideal we saw ourselves as, but it was always a thin enough veneer over the reality. If anything "apes" are more straight up about it.

Lalealynn

Deleted User wrote: »

I have little respect for anyone who would cheat on their partner or for any person who would willingly get with someone in a relationship. It's just a horrible thing to do and shows a complete lack of respect for others.

Some vile scumbag send anonymous emails to my girlfriend's brother recently accusing me of sleeping with another girl when my girlfriend was away. Having my girlfriend ask was there any truth in it was a horrible feeling and I think it instilled some doubt in her head as we're no longer together. I never cheated on my girlfriend as there's no way I could ever hurt anyone like that. I also got emails telling me that my girlfriend cheated on me and while I didn't believe a word of it I did have to ask her. That someone could be so evil as to send such nasty emails is beyond me. I received a number of emails today gloating about how my girlfriend was gone and they hope I commit suicide. Really just depressing and evil stuff.

Woa!

dgt

I, too, have been the other guy. Years ago I had a ONS with a nice enough woman. I found out the next day she was married and had kids, a young family.

To this day I feel absolutely terrible for the husband and if I'd known she was married I'd have ran

sbsquarepants

dgt wrote: »

To this day I feel absolutely terrible for the husband and if I'd known she was married I'd have ran

I honestly don't understand this way of thinking at all. I've been cheated on in the past, I didn't blame the blokes (there were at least 4, could have been dozens for all I know) they never made any promises to me. That being said if I'd have actually caught them in the act I'd have probably killed someone, but when you think logically about it - they done nothing wrong.

Wibbs

Wibbs wrote: »

Yes you may load the rounds, however, they have the gun and the rounds and they chose to pull the trigger. Never mind that if you weren't around they'd find another "loader".

It's easy for people to abdicate responsibility for their part in the hurting of another person, there's always a way to reason it out. "If it wasn't me, it'd be someone else" isn't really relevant when you've interjected yourself into a situation that can only end with one party suffering. It was them, not someone else. They were part of that damaging equation.

Even if we accept the co-cheater has no moral responsibility to the cuckolded party, they still took the decision to be part of the problem. They should at least take responsibility for that.

Streetwalker

Unfortunately cheating is widespread if most modern day office environments are anything to go by. Married, single, Attached doesn't seem to matter.

Streetwalker

Unfortunately cheating is widespread if most modern day office environments are anything to go by. Married, single, Attached doesn't seem to matter if the pussy is available the guy goes for it and visa versa. Women (in my job) are actually the worst offenders.

Shiraz 4.99

It depends how hot hey are, if they're an 8+ then no problem

wp_rathead

Shiraz 4.99 wrote: »

It depends how hot hey are, if they're an 8+ then no problem

Doubt an 8+ would go near a 4.99 in fairness..