Is there "something wrong" with a guy if he...

Alf Veedersane

UnitedWeStand wrote: »

No worries, apology accepted.

You can fall in love with almost anyone I believe provided they don't violate a high social norm (i.e. has an obsession with hating homosexuals). Other personality traits, no matter what, I believe can grow on anyone.

This is why its important for me to find out the number sooner rather than later. People are lovable no matter there sexual number, that changes nothing about a persons character. If I did fall in love with them and then found out there number was high, it would then arise a probability of causing issues in how intimate I can be with them. Once intimacy is questioned in a relationship I find thats the day that the relationship is doomed.

So in essence if I wasn't told about how high her sexual number is, hypothetically we would go on fine as my intimacy towards her would not wane. I wouldn't be able to call or pick her out by guessing, that would be a sign of issues on my own count if I didn't trust her past and would question it. But hypotheticals are just that.

I can't call into question anyone not feeling comfortable about a partner having a high number of sexual partners, even if I don't agree with it, because of the age-old adage 'to each his own'.

I just think we get bogged down in it when the reality is we may never know the number or may never know the true number.

I don't remember ever being asked and I don't know if I've ever asked. Maybe, I just never thought it important enough, I don't know.

UnitedWeStand

Alf Veedersane wrote: »

I can't call into question anyone not feeling comfortable about a partner having a high number of sexual partners, even if I don't agree with it, because of the age-old adage 'to each his own'.

I just think we get bogged down in it when the reality is we may never know the number or may never know the true number.

I don't remember ever being asked and I don't know if I've ever asked. Maybe, I just never thought it important enough, I don't know.

Who knows, we are all the product of our own experiences. I used to be quite similar to you in terms of that viewpoint. I only changed my mind the last few years as of what I experienced with my ex girlfriend. It was one of the things I benefitted from in the relationship as I found a trait that I'd like in a future girlfriend (And some that I wouldnt!).

BlibBlab

paddy1990 wrote: »

Personally I would rather marry a girl with as low an amount of sexual partners as possible, with a virgin being absolutely ideal.

I can understand not wanting too many sexual partners, but I've never understood the obsession with virgins. It'd probably be a bit of a turnoff for me to be honest, the older she was moreso.

Alf Veedersane

UnitedWeStand wrote: »

Who knows, we are all the product of our own experiences. I used to be quite similar to you in terms of that viewpoint. I only changed my mind the last few years as of what I experienced with my ex girlfriend. It was one of the things I benefitted from in the relationship as I found a trait that I'd like in a future girlfriend (And some that I wouldnt!).

Like I said, to each his own. I just don't think that the perception that women who have had 20 sexual partners, or more, are devalued or degraded is fair.

I don't even think 20 is a massive number. Well, age dependent I suppose.

paddy1990

dissed doc wrote: »

Many women only choose certain types of guys for relationships, and pick other guys to hook up randomly with when drunk.

Why would a man be different in this regard? Maybe the sexual liberated and open-minded people who view the OP as prudish or naiive are simply not representative of others. Many women won't go near a guy who sleeps around when it comes to a relationship. Guys are just meant to take whatever is around and have not active decision making process in who the like or want? Maybe if you are a bottom feeder.

Good post. That's how I see it.

Many women on boards have admitted to having f*ck buddies that they wouldn't be in a long term relationship with and having ONS with guys they wouldn't be in a relationship with.

Yet men don't seem to be allowed to have the same luxury?

eviltwin

paddy1990 wrote: »

Good post. That's how I see it.

Many women on boards have admitted to having f*ck buddies that they wouldn't be in a long term relationship with and having ONS with guys they wouldn't be in a relationship with.

Yet men don't seem to be allowed to have the same luxury?

Who says men don't Sex and relationships are totally different things. Not everyone wants a relationship, they still have needs though, should they just play with themselves until they are ready for something more serious? I think once you are upfront with the other person about your intentions and obviously take precautions then where is the harm? Consenting adults and all that. What they get up to in the privacy of their bedroom is no concern of anyone else.

paddy1990

eviltwin wrote: »

Who says men don't Sex and relationships are totally different things. Not everyone wants a relationship, they still have needs though, should they just play with themselves until they are ready for something more serious? I think once you are upfront with the other person about your intentions and obviously take precautions then where is the harm? Consenting adults and all that. What they get up to in the privacy of their bedroom is no concern of anyone else.

Women are allowed to have preferences for guys that tick boxes as "relationship material" vs guys that are just "f*ck material and nothing else".

Yet these women frown upon men having their own boxes that a woman needs to tick to be "relationship material".

These women need to accept that men have preferences just like women do. There is nothing wrong with a man for preferring a woman with few sexual partners as opposed to the women with large lay counts.

eviltwin

paddy1990 wrote: »

Women are allowed to have preferences for guys that tick boxes as "relationship material" vs guys that are just "f*ck material and nothing else".

Yet these women frown upon men having their own boxes that a woman needs to tick to be "relationship material".

These women need to accept that men have preferences just like women do. There is nothing wrong with a man for preferring a woman with few sexual partners as opposed to the women with large lay counts.

Who said guys need to be relationship material . If I'm just hooking up with a guy for sex I don't care about anything other than is he someone I want to sleep with. If I want a relationship of course I'm going to have more depth than that. Same goes for guys I'm sure. What's wrong with that I don't think anyone here has said its wrong to prefer a smaller number, its just the judging of people with a larger number as though that fact alone sums up their entire character and moral code that people object to, also the double standard of "she has to be a virgin but I can sleep around as much as I like".

paddy1990

eviltwin wrote: »

Who said guys need to be relationship material . If I'm just hooking up with a guy for sex I don't care about anything other than is he someone I want to sleep with. If I want a relationship of course I'm going to have more depth than that. Same goes for guys I'm sure. What's wrong with that I don't think anyone here has said its wrong to prefer a smaller number, its just the judging of people with a larger number as though that fact alone sums up their entire character and moral code that people object to, also the double standard of "she has to be a virgin but I can sleep around as much as I like".

Right or wrong doesn't come into it. Women that sleep with large numbers of guys have different mentalities than women that sleep with very few guys. I prefer the mentalities of the later for relationships.

eviltwin

paddy1990 wrote: »

Right or wrong doesn't come into it. Women that sleep with large numbers of guys have different mentalities than women that sleep with very few guys. I prefer the mentalities of the later for relationships.

Explain, what is the difference and how does it impact on a relationship bearing in mind you have no way of knowing how many lovers your partner has had.

Mister Vain

paddy1990 wrote: »

Yet these women frown upon men having their own boxes that a woman needs to tick to be "relationship material".

These women need to accept that men have preferences just like women do.

Who exactly are "these women"? You speak of them as if they're some homogenous group. Not all women are alike.

I don't really care about a persons number. It's exactly that, a number.

Wompa1

eviltwin wrote: »

Explain, what is the difference and how does it impact on a relationship bearing in mind you have no way of knowing how many lovers your partner has had.

But I don't think him knowing changes the mentality of the woman who sleeps with many vs the woman who only sleeps with partners...

Of course their mentality is different. Just like the mentality of a man who sleeps around vs a man who only sleeps with a woman he's in a committed relationship with...

Penny Tration

Easiest way to avoid these issues - don't ask a person's number.

My number is low, and if anyone asked, I'd tell them to feck off. It's my past, not theirs. My boyfriend only knows because it came up in conversation the year before we got together, when we were friends and spoke about relationships.

Potatoeman

This thread made me think of this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qqrJp-EKy-w

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qqrJp-EKy-w

strobe

Wompa1 wrote: »

But I don't think him knowing changes the mentality of the woman who sleeps with many vs the woman who only sleeps with partners...

Of course their mentality is different. Just like the mentality of a man who sleeps around vs a man who only sleeps with a woman he's in a committed relationship with...

Where he's going wrong is presuming that all women with few previous sexual partners have the same mentality and all women with more have the same mentality. There's a multitude of reasons someone could have few or many, and a multitude of mentalities that would have influenced those reasons.

Wompa1

strobe wrote: »

Where he's going wrong is presuming that all women with few previous sexual partners have the same mentality and all women with more have the same mentality. There's a multitude of reasons someone could have few or many, and a multitude of mentalities that would have influenced those reasons.

But there's also a common character trait there....whatever about reasons there's something in your mind that tells you to go for it or not go for it. There's people who are reserved and those who are not. Those who believe sex is a close intimate act and those who think it's getting yourself off...d'ya know....

EdenHazard

eviltwin wrote: »

I often wonder about "the number" and if people who put such an emphasis on it are only concerned with the figure or it they have an issue with the nature of "the number"

For example, say you meet a person who has had 10 partners. Does it make a difference if those 10 people were proper relationships? Is it better to have been in 10 relationships than say, have had 4 drunken one night stands with people who you barely remember?

If you have had only had one lover what does that say about you? Does it make you a better prospect than the man or woman who has had a history? If so why and if not, why not?

I don't get this hang up on the number of sexual partners a person has had, I can understand it if you are young and the people you are looking at as potential dates are young enough not to have a history but for most people over a certain age the idea of a virgin or a person who has only had sex with one person is a bit pie in the sky.

Personally I want someone who has had a past, who has had a chance to hone his skills and get over his sexual hang ups with someone else. I don't want to have to be a teacher or the one who helps him through his fears of say, oral sex. I'm too old to take someone in hand and guide them. All I need to know is that they are experienced, std free and on the same wave length as me. The actual tally of past lovers is none of my business.

That's it virgins, I guess thats that!

Ave Sodalis

Wompa1 wrote: »

But there's also a common character trait there....whatever about reasons there's something in your mind that tells you to go for it or not go for it. There's people who are reserved and those who are not. Those who believe sex is a close intimate act and those who think it's getting yourself off...d'ya know....

I don't think it's as simple as that. I thought of sex as something that was just an enjoyable thing to do when I was single. In a relationship, I see it as a close intimate act. If I were to end up single again, it would go back to being something that's an enjoyable thing to do.

strobe

Wompa1 wrote: »

But there's also a common character trait there....whatever about reasons there's something in your mind that tells you to go for it or not go for it. There's people who are reserved and those who are not. Those who believe sex is a close intimate act and those who think it's getting yourself off...d'ya know....

Not necessarily. Do. You. Know. What. I. am. Saying?

EdenHazard

Also op, completely agree, imagine seeing your wife kissing your daughter or son knowing she's had umpteen dicks in and around her mouth. Vile. The problem is its very hard to find good girls now, this generation glorifies being a slut to the point that having sex by 30 times by the time someone is 28 is seen as 'standard' as been made clear by many in this thread.

RDM_83 again

I love boards, as soon as I saw the thread title I knew exactly what to expect and what the correct answer would be (by correct I mean popular), and how the fact the 'correct' answer is repeated a lot doesn't really tie to strongly in in what having honest conversations among men would tell you about preferences, note that I say preferences and not being a deal breaker.

This previous thread on a similar vein quite neatly shows how much the 'correct' boards opinion diverges from reality at a quiet frightening level, its also worth reading to see how once the thread goes on a bit the most 'correct' poster (most thanked) reveals their true colors and shows how shaming is used by those who would portray themselves as extremely tolerant (mod note its a closed account so I feel its fair game to refer to it).
A similar thing is happening in this thread to a lesser extent.

Is there anything wrong with the thesis that.

A large amount of experience tends to be either a neutral or negative factor in male judgement of 'attractiveness'
And that a large amount of experience tends to be either neutral or positive for female judgement of 'attractiveness'.

Also while for some men this attitude may be born of insecurity I have met enough lads who could be considered players who have exactly the same attitude, how are they explained away*

My personal opinion is that life is complicated and love (and sex) isn't exactly a rational thing at least on a individual level and while you may have some sort of mental checklist or 'type' it doesn't really matter if the person (insert soppy music or :rolleyes: as appropriate) is your soul mate.

* point to remember if your a woman they are trying to pull they know what the appealing answer to this question, it doesn;t mean its an honest opinion.

paddy1990

EdenHazard wrote: »

That's it virgins, I guess thats that!

I wonder what she thinks a 30 year old virgin should do?

If women generally won't want a guy who doesn't know what he's doing in bed, especially at age 30, what would she recommend him to do?

paddy1990

EdenHazard wrote: »

Also op, completely agree, imagine seeing your wife kissing your daughter or son knowing she's had umpteen dicks in and around her mouth. Vile. The problem is its very hard to find good girls now, this generation glorifies being a slut to the point that having sex by 30 times by the time someone is 28 is seen as 'standard' as been made clear by many in this thread.

Well I made the thread with the intention of exposing the fact that some women think that there is something wrong with guys if they have a problem with their wife having 20+ guys before them. My mistake was picking the number 20 though, I should have doubled it.

strobe

paddy1990 wrote: »

Well I made the thread with the intention of exposing the fact that some women think that there is something wrong with guys if they have a problem with their wife having 20+ guys before them. My mistake was picking the number 20 though, I should have doubled it.

:pac:

Yar! Me mateys, haul this sea dog up a Pulitser.

Shakespeare's Sister

RDM_83 again wrote: »

I love boards, as soon as I saw the thread title I knew exactly what to expect and what the correct answer would be (by correct I mean popular), and how the fact the 'correct' answer is repeated a lot doesn't really tie to strongly in in what having honest conversations among men would tell you about preferences, note that I say preferences and not being a deal breaker.

This previous thread on a similar vein quite neatly shows how much the 'correct' boards opinion diverges from reality at a quiet frightening level, its also worth reading to see how once the thread goes on a bit the most 'correct' poster (most thanked) reveals their true colors and shows how shaming is used by those who would portray themselves as extremely tolerant (mod note its a closed account so I feel its fair game to refer to it).
A similar thing is happening in this thread to a lesser extent.

Is there anything wrong with the thesis that.

A large amount of experience tends to be either a neutral or negative factor in male judgement of 'attractiveness'
And that a large amount of experience tends to be either neutral or positive for female judgement of 'attractiveness'.

Also while for some men this attitude may be born of insecurity I have met enough lads who could be considered players who have exactly the same attitude, how are they explained away*

My personal opinion is that life is complicated and love (and sex) isn't exactly a rational thing at least on a individual level and while you may have some sort of mental checklist or 'type' it doesn't really matter if the person (insert soppy music or :rolleyes: as appropriate) is your soul mate.

* point to remember if your a woman they are trying to pull they know what the appealing answer to this question, it doesn;t mean its an honest opinion.

Well I was someone who agreed on that thread that the situation in question was a very very extreme one and it would put me off.
20 sex partners by age 27 is very far off that though. It's not hardly any experience either, but it's really not extreme.

I don't get the emphasis on experience though. If I like someone, I wouldn't care if he was inexperienced. It's good to be able to communicate and let your partner know what you like anyway.

EdenHazard

lol I have 700 matches in a month on tinder, if I wanted women I could have them, but I'm not a hook up kinda guy Yes I know I'm hot, looking for an actual connection on a personality basis.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

EdenHazard wrote: »

lol I have 700 matches in a month on tinder, if I wanted women I could have them, but I'm not a hook up kinda guy Yes I know I'm hot, looking for an actual connection on a personality basis.

Eden, I hate to burst your bubble but you look like a rejected member of one direction. You're not gods gift to women. Far from it. I'd laugh in your face if you came near me on a night out. And FYI, personality > looks. There'll be a time those chinos won't fit you and you start losing your hair.


(Ps, why on tinder if you're such a hit with the ladies?)

EdenHazard

We all have different tastes, some girls dig me, last girl I was seeing was a strong 8/10 french girl soooo mightn't be to your taste but that's what makes the world go round. But nice to know you would 'laugh' I'm sure you are a really nice person :rolleyes:

I don't dress like I'm in One Direction btw, I look after myself, got dem youthful genetics so I'm very confident I'll be stylin' well into my 50's. feelsgood

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

EdenHazard wrote: »

We all have different tastes, some girls dig me, last girl I was seeing was a strong 8/10 french girl soooo mightn't be to your taste but I have a niche.

Is that because she couldn't understand English?

RDM_83 again

Shakespeare's Sister wrote: »

Well I was someone who agreed on that thread that the situation in question was a very very extreme one and it would put me off.

I was using it as an example of how to these type of threads there is always a predictable 'correct' opinion and it doesn't matter how extreme the behavior is (I'd be curious how a mental health professional would evaluate the behavior describe by the OP's ex-partner), that opinion is always right and even if out in the real world I would guess most of the people who thanked the first couple of posts would run a mile from that relationship themselves.
Adding to that we get a glimpse of the mindset of those who are so quick to condemn someone else's intolerance.

I've gotten used to it but its just so fcuking predicable and it doesn't mesh at all with the messy grey area that is the real world, add to that the kneejerk defensiveness and social cache that some posters seem intent on building up and a completely false unrealistic dialogue is built up (this is the Gentlemans Club forum after all, do you realistically expect a conversation between a group of men in the pub to have anything like these responses*)

Shakespeare's Sister wrote: »

20 sex partners by age 27 is very far off that though. It's not hardly any experience either, but it's really not extreme.

I'd agree with you on that (though I am not sure where the 27 age is coming from I was presuming 24 or younger) at a guess I would hazard that its actually above average though, its a notoriously inaccurate thing to survey but the figures are generally surprisingly low around 8-12 (people forget a lot of people are in relationships, a lot of the time, a lot of them for very long periods).

Shakespeare's Sister wrote: »

I don't get the emphasis on experience though. If I like someone, I wouldn't care if he was inexperienced. It's good to be able to communicate and let your partner know what you like anyway.

Thats why I said it may be a neutral, I don't think I have ever read online or heard in real life a woman say that a man being a virgin is a positive, conversely I've heard the opposite a lot in terms of experience being an attractive quality.

Also to stray slightly lack of experience is definitely used as a put down for men by both men and woman (I am fairly certain MagicMarker is female?)

MagicMarker wrote: »

So someone with the same experience as yourself then?

Understandable.

Have you ever heard a man put down a woman by implying lack of sexual experience?

* Not dismissing female input here i have posted in tLL on occasion but I would hazard there is a lot of self censorship going on in threads like these

EdenHazard

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Is that because she couldn't understand English?

Good looks are a universal language

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

EdenHazard wrote: »

Good looks are a universal language

And yet, here you are. Single, and judging those who do get laid.

EdenHazard

LexieOnRale wrote: »

And yet, here you are. Single, and judging those who do get laid.

They get laid by 3/10's in copper face jacks, I'm hardly jealous. 700 matches in a MONTH on tinder, I don't swipe on just anyone(high standards crew) I could clean up if I wanted to. Think about it. I'm just stating facts btw, I'm not even being full of myself.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

EdenHazard wrote: »

They get laid by 3/10's, I'm hardly jealous.

How old are you?

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Forget it, you're trolling me.

EdenHazard

LexieOnRale wrote: »

How old are you?

Says the person who said they would laugh in the face of somebody on a night out, hypocrisy is strong.

Macavity.

I'm embarrassed for both of you tbh.

paddy1990

LexieOnRale wrote: »

And FYI, personality > looks.

You need to be physically attracted to someone in order for personality to matter. A balding 50 year old 20 stone man might have the greatest personality in the world, would you date him?

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

EdenHazard wrote: »

They get laid by 3/10's in copper face jacks, I'm hardly jealous. 700 matches in a MONTH on tinder, I don't swipe on just anyone(high standards crew) I could clean up if I wanted to. Think about it. I'm just stating facts btw, I'm not even being full of myself.

700 matches, and still, not one ride. And that's before they even interact with you. God bless ya.

EdenHazard

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Is that because she couldn't understand English?

LMAO she's a French University Student, not a Thai order bride lol

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Macavity. wrote: »

I'm embarrassed for both of you tbh.

You know what, you're right. That poster is just infuriating though, and was worth the ban. Peace kids!

DoYouEvenLift

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Eden, I hate to burst your bubble but you look like a rejected member of one direction. You're not gods gift to women. Far from it. I'd laugh in your face if you came near me on a night out. And FYI, personality > looks. There'll be a time those chinos won't fit you and you start losing your hair.


(Ps, why on tinder if you're such a hit with the ladies?)

Ah, so that's how some guys pull a lot easier and more often in clubs than most men when the music is so loud you can't even hear the other person.

And how do you know he won't fit in his chinos and will start losing his hair? Do you assume every man doesn't practice a healthy lifestyle and exercise? And are you a dermatologist that has given his scalp a close up?

Sauve

Mod

Cut out the off-topic bickering.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

paddy1990 wrote: »

You need to be physically attracted to someone in order for personality to matter. A balding 50 year old 20 stone man might have the greatest personality in the world, would you date him?

I'd personally date an okay looking guy who was sound, funny, smart, deadly craic, than a guy who's hardest graft was doing his hair, and had a personality of a wet dishcloth. So definately personality over looks, for me anyway.

EdenHazard

DoYouEvenLift wrote: »

Ah, so that's how some guys pull a lot easier and more often in clubs than most men when the music is so loud you can't even hear the other person.

And how do you know he won't fit in his chinos and will start losing his hair? Do you assume every man doesn't practice a healthy lifestyle and exercise? And are you a dermatologist that has given his scalp a close up?

Sorry brah for derailing your thread. Completely agree with you on everything.

Shakespeare's Sister

When people say "Looks don't matter" they mean a person doesn't have to be stunningly gorgeous for them to be attractive. It's not true that looks don't matter (for either gender) so it's not a great phrase, but "Personality is ultimately more important" is true.
It doesn't mean someone is saying they'd therefore go out with someone whom they don't find physically attractive, it just means the person doesn't have to be amazing looking.

paddy1990

EdenHazard wrote: »

LMAO I just get messages saying 'omg zac efron' (solid main picture, i wished I looked like the GOAT Zac) and then I just say thanks lol. I'm not bothered with hook ups like I said.

On a serious note, Why are you not interested in hookups?

EdenHazard

LexieOnRale wrote: »

I'd personally date an okay looking guy who was sound, funny, smart, deadly craic, than a guy who's hardest graft was doing his hair, and had a personality of a wet dishcloth. So definately personality over looks, for me anyway.

But on the previous page suggested that she would would laugh in someones face for approaching her....women logic not even once

DoYouEvenLift

Can I ask also: If a woman has a high number and the man doesn't ask then that's fine. If the man asks and the woman explains that she simply doesn't want to talk about it then that's also fine (the man can take from that what he wants and he can end/continue the relationship if he feels he should for not receiving a straight answer or other reasons and she can also end/continue the relationship if she feels she doesn't wish to be with someone who finds her past important). But if the man asks and the woman disregards both of the previous points I've made and decides to answer with a lie, how is that justifiable as the past isn't any of his business and it's just all history? Should she not be totally honest and either accept that the man finds the topic important and if he feels her number is too high then he's obviously entitled to end the relationship and she is now free to try to find another man who will, but if he doesn't she will know that he is okay with her true number and she has found a partner who she can now be totally secure in at least one more part of her relationship with him knowing at least he hasn't/won't leave her based on her past?


This can be applied with the genders reversed also, for anyone that feels I may be holding double standards. Wouldn't following a system similar to this make everybody happy?

beks101

This is the most "what the fcuk?" thread I've read on boards in a long time.

I couldn't tell you the last time someone in the real world asked me my 'number', be it a boyfriend or a friend or even a random idiot on a night out. I wasn't aware I had to keep a live tally. Should I also have a list with names, places, marks out of ten etc?

I've had sex with people I've simply been attracted to and/or I've had strong feelings for over the years. All of those experiences, even the totally crap ones, have thought me things about myself, my preferences, my sexuality, what makes me comfortable and what is personally sexually fulfilling.

Doubt I could have learned those things or come to a place of openness and absolute self-confidence in my sexuality by sitting at home with my 'will power' or my 'master lock' (it's called a fcuking vagina, lads, and is designed for sexual intercourse just like your penis is, among other functions),

I don't have a pig's notion how many women my boyfriend has slept with, nor would it occur to me to ask. All I know is he has a healthy sexual appetite, is open and adventurous, has a keen interest in my orgasm but values sex as an intimate means to get closer to me and not just a sport - a value I've also developed over the years.

To try to summarize all of that which defines a human being's sexuality, attitude and appetite for sex, the morality of their character and their relationship 'value' using a number is more than a little autistic.