Stupid things only you can

SureYWouldntYa

Earlier this evening I went to feed the ducks. It started to rain, so I got the last half of the loaf and decided to fling it into the pond. Thing is I forgot to let go of the bread and flung meself in the water

What other stupid stuff can only you do ?

Turtyturd

Never finish my sentences.

solomafioso

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1lRIQGU2RRk

Turtyturd

Turtyturd wrote: »

Never finish my sentences.

Scratch that.

Timberrrrrrrr

SureYWouldntYa wrote: »

Earlier this evening I went to feed the ducks. It started to rain, so I got the last half of the loaf and decided to fling it into the pond. Thing is I forgot to let go of the bread and flung meself in the water

What other stupid stuff can only you do ?

What a duckhead

solomafioso

Timberrrrrrrr wrote: »

What a duckhead

Huehuehue...

jamesbere

PizzamanIRL

Get so excited about creating a thread that I forget to complete the thread title.

kneemos

Must have been one heavy mothetfcuking loaf of brea

Daveysil15

I mixed up the coffee with the gravy for the Sunday roast. I had lovely Maxwell house on my spuds.

--LOS--

I'm pretty sure I managed to give myself a concussion a few weeks ago, whacked the back of my head off the wall sitting up in bed, really felt my head shake, it left the front of my head and face really sore weirdly, didn't feel right after it for a few days, felt really strange in my head.

castletownman

Was in a chipper a few weeks ago and when the chips came out in a bowl I didn't realise the salt and pepper were in their own special canisters and instead proceeded to pour sugar from a sachet I thought was salt. Had to drown it out with extra vinegar and red sauce and it was actually quite tasty.

Credit me with the invention when Heston Blumenthal brings a scientific twist to it soon.

toastedpickles

Changing an oil filter on my friends car once and put a bit too much pressure on the bar to open it, my face was where i was holding it, my hand slipped and i punched myself in the face, full force

I can confirm my punches hurt

I am pie

SureYWouldntYa wrote: »

Earlier this evening I went to feed the ducks. It started to rain, so I got the last half of the loaf and decided to fling it into the pond. Thing is I forgot to let go of the bread and flung meself in the water

What other stupid stuff can only you do ?

Didn't happen.

Not many people have commented, change this to kicked yourself in the eye or something whacky.

This.. well, it's a sh1t story, for a made up story like.

Daveysil15

toastedpickles wrote: »

Changing an oil filter on my friends car once and put a bit too much pressure on the bar to open it, my face was where i was holding it, my hand slipped and i punched myself in the face, full force

I can confirm my punches hurt

You wouldn't be the first person to do that.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wdFP-R_LYSM

rawn

I dropped my phone on my face while texting in bed.

cloud493

I fell out of my bed, straight onto a plug.

Timberrrrrrrr

Daveysil15 wrote: »

I mixed up the coffee with the gravy for the Sunday roast. I had lovely Maxwell house on my spuds.

Of course you did, is your name Albert by any chance?

Joe Duffy..

SureYWouldntYa wrote: »

Earlier this evening I went to feed the ducks. It started to rain, so I got the last half of the loaf and decided to fling it into the pond. Thing is I forgot to let go of the bread and flung meself in the water

What other stupid stuff can only you do ?

Bull****. That didn't happen.

Victor

SureYWouldntYa wrote: »

Earlier this evening I went to feed the ducks. It started to rain, so I got the last half of the loaf

Don't feed bread to ducks. It doesn't match their natural diet and it pollutes the water.

Give them green vegetables or grain.

Roquentin

Daveysil15 wrote: »

You wouldn't be the first person to do that.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wdFP-R_LYSM

thats ****ing hilarious.....its a bit like when vidal kicked himself and wanted a penalty against madrid

Rosie Rant

I once got up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, came back, flopped back down on my bed - and headbutted my bedside locker, giving myself a black eye.

AlanS181824

Stepped on a plug!

Every sane country in Europe, flat plug, Ireland... 3 Pronged spiky bastard!

Still sore....:(

Rosie Rant

rawn wrote: »

I dropped my phone on my face while texting in bed.

We've all done it

Omackeral

This is stupid. And I've only ever heard me doing it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ehCcm8L1TYQ

Green Giant

Had a job interview on the outskirts of Dublin two years ago, researched like hell for it and brought my finest suit with me to change into when I got there, as I didn't want to wear it in the car going up.

Somewhere near the Citywest exit from the M7, I realised I had forgotten to bring a shirt. Also, the interview wasn't near enough to anywhere that I could swing in and buy one, nor did I have time to take a detour to Liffey Valley.

I didn't get the job.

Gannicus

rawn wrote: »

I dropped my phone on my face while texting in bed.

cloud493 wrote: »

I fell out of my bed, straight onto a plug.

Have done both of these. The plug being the most painful.

Couple nights ago I got up about 3am to go the jax. Went back up to bed and decided to jump into the air and sprawl out mid air so I'd land flat on the bed. Little did I know the dog had crept under the duvet . Just as I was landing I felt something under the duvet but it was too late to stop me. I landed full force on the dog. It yelped and squealed and shot out from under me and like a bolt of lightning was gone down the stairs. Woke everyone in the house up and they were none too happy with Gannicus.

eamonnq

Forgot to take off my seat belt when getting out of the car, walked into the house with the car swinging behind me, knocked over a lamp in the hall.

Sinister Kid

Put the shopping away, went to make a cuppa after and couldn't find the milk. Started to doubt if I even bought milk... had to go back to the shop to buy milk...


Two weeks later I find the gone off carton of milk in the press under the sink behind all the cleaning stuff!

Pherekydes

The metal trim is coming away from the glass on the oven door. So I decided to fix it myself. As you do. Anyway I was removing the door and I grabbed each side, but I managed to catch the fleshy part of my hand between the metal trim and the door itself. It took off a nice lump of skin. Cue a trip to the doc and two stitches. And I've still to fix the damn door.

Uh, why could I only have done it? Because I was the only one in the house. :pac:

GerB40

Daveysil15 wrote: »

I mixed up the coffee with the gravy for the Sunday roast. I had lovely Maxwell house on my spuds.

I watch Only Fool's & Horses, especially the episode where uncle Albert mixes the coffee with the gravy for the Sunday roast..

Edit; Looks like Timberrrrrrrr got there first. A bit of advice Daveysil, if you're going to plagiarise use something that isn't well known.

junior_apollo

GerB40 wrote: »

I watch Only Fool's & Horses, especially the episode where uncle Albert mixes the coffee with the gravy for the Sunday roast..

Edit; Looks like Timberrrrrrrr got there first. A bit of advice Daveysil, if you're going to plagiarise use something that isn't well known.

To be fair... I'm sure it has happened to others too...
My mother-in-law did manage to mix up the gravy jug and chocolate sauce jug she had made and poured the gravy all over the ice-cream she was about to serve to people... :rolleyes:
Two people got a gravy-icecream mix... the brother-in-law didn't seem to care and ate both!

GerB40

junior_apollo wrote: »

To be fair... I'm sure it has happened to others too...
My mother-in-law did manage to mix up the gravy jug and chocolate sauce jug she had made and poured the gravy all over the ice-cream she was about to serve to people... :rolleyes:
Two people got a gravy-icecream mix... the brother-in-law didn't seem to care and ate both!

Ah yeah I meant no malice, just actin the bollix a bit

KKkitty

Slipped on a jigsaw piece and broke my wrist.

adocholiday

Was about to take a sip from a cup of tea when my mam called me. I turned my head towards her and poured the tea over my shoulder

Badly Drunk Boy

GerB40 wrote: »

I watch Only Fool's & Horses, especially the episode where uncle Albert mixes the coffee with the gravy for the Sunday roast..

Edit; Looks like Timberrrrrrrr got there first. A bit of advice Daveysil, if you're going to plagiarise use something that isn't well known.

That was a stupid part of the episode anyway. While coffee may look like gravy granules, its very strong, disgusting smell would be noticed be fore you'd pour it over the food.

To summarise: coffee is smelly and disgusting. Coffee is over-rated. Only Fools And Horses is over-rated. (And it's probably smelly and disgusting too.)

kylith

Put my dinner in the oven, set a timer, turned the cooker off at the switch and went and watched telly. I did it consciously too; 'I'd better turn off the cooker as I'm leaving the kitchen', just had a complete brainfart.

Sinister Kid

Bent over to pick something up & poured my coffee over my feet...

Vojera

I once got into the passenger side of a car, put my left hand on the roof, reached across myself with my right hand and closed the door, trapping my left hand between the door and roof.

Complete brain fart, no idea how it happened.

GerB40

Badly Drunk Boy wrote: »

That was a stupid part of the episode anyway. While coffee may look like gravy granules, its very strong, disgusting smell would be noticed be fore you'd pour it over the food.

To summarise: coffee is smelly and disgusting. Coffee is over-rated. Only Fools And Horses is over-rated. (And it's probably smelly and disgusting too.)

It was a stupid part of the episode.
Coffee is disgusting and overrated.
But Only Fool's & Horses overrated?? You're a scumbag for even suggesting such blasphemy.

And I bet you're smelly and disgusting....

Meathlass

When I was 7 I walked into a cigarette machine in a hotel at a family wedding.

The machine was on the wall (perfect head height for a small child) and I was running along the corridor when my mother called me. Turned my head back to see her, kept running, smack into the side of the machine.

Spent the next 4 hours in A&E.

Mr Rubicon Conundrum

I made by brother a cup of gravy once, instead of coffee.

Got bowl, put porridge in, put in microwave for 3 mins - f**K me, biggest mistake ever....












Dont ever forget to put the milk in.

I've done too much of this kind of thing that would be sensible to confess to, including walking into lamposts, trying to walk through plate-glass windows, smacking my head off anything in range, confusing icing sugar with baking soda, closing the car door on my hand, dropping things on my feet and breaking toes, and throwing coffee in my own face when I got a fright. I've apologised to my own reflection when I've walked into mirrors in stores. I smacked my boss' wife in the head with a tennis racquet as we tried to shoo a little bat out my bedroom window. She hit me back though, so we're even.

I've also sprayed hairspray on my underarms and washed my hair (inadvertently) with dog shampoo. In my defence I was very young and it was called 'Woof 'n' Go'. Most recently, last week I put cortisone cream on my toothbrush instead of Colgate (the tubes are the same shade of red). I'm such a klutz my dad calls me Forrest Gump.

GerB40

Years ago I had my voice mail message as "Hello.... HELLO..... wait there a sec I can't hear a thing" The amount of people I caught out with that was gas.

Anyway one night I was out clubbing, completely plastered trying to get off with this young one. She needed to use a phone so I was more than happy to oblige.
Needless to say I lost her in my skuttered state, she still had my phone so I thought if I rang it I'd find both herself and the phone.

I rang and the "conversation" went as follows.

Hello
Me} This is Ger, who is this?.
HELLO
Me} (louder) This is Ge
Wait there a sec, I can't hear a thing.
Me} Who the fúck is this? Why do you have my

It then dawned on me that I fell for my own voice mail trick and the lad I was arguing with was me...