my child being sidelined by jealous friend

Call me Al

My 2nd class lad has had very close friends since he started school. He has one best friend (a), whose other friend (b) seems jealous of my child's relationship with a, and is constantly trying to sideline my son.
It's little things like making my child always be play fighting against a and b, who at b's suggestion are a team, or trying to interrupt them if they're chatting, or trying to leave my lad out of games. It's upsetting my lad who burst into tears when I figured out what has been going on and asked him if things were ok between him and a.

Yesterday he told me that he's afraid of children who.are older than him, which b is by 6 months, so I spoke with my lad about about not being afraid to stand up for himself and being assertive if he is being pressurised into playing in a way he doesn't want to, irrespective of the age of the other child. I did some roleplay with him to give him the tools and words, such as you aren't the boss of me or I don't want to do that, you're making me feel sad when you leave me out of whatever game.
Did I do the right thing? I'm sick to my stomach and I've hardly slept a wink all night thinking about this. This hasn't started overnight. It's been going on since last year when the teacher spotted my son out of sorts with the whole carry on.

But I thought it had been checked.

Taltos

Mod Note: Moved from PI. Please read the local charter before posting as there will be differences.

Thanks
Taltos

Riverireland

What age is your son? Sorry just saw he is in 2nd class. All you can really do is keep the lines of communication open so your son can express his feelings about this. Unfortunately in my opinion this kind of thing goes on all the time including in the workplace so he will have to become used to it. Children make and change friends all the time and it can be heart breaking for the ones who get left out. Children get over things and move on really quickly. This may well be just a little playground glitch. No harm to mention it to the teachers anyway so they can keep an eye out.

Call me Al

It's funny you should mention it. I did say to him that these things happen when you're an adult as well.
He is still best friends with a, but b just wants my lad out of the picture.
I think I will mention it to the teacher when I drop him in to the a school this morning.

How Strange

I think role play was a great way to help him deal with this boy's treatment of him. It's something he's going to come up against a lot in life so I think it's better to give him coping skills rather than getting directly involved.

I'd personally be reluctant to speak to his teacher about it unless you suspect he's being bullied.

sari

Does the child b have any other friends? He seems like a very insecure lad who knows what issues is going on with him. I doubt a child of that age is doing this to be deliberately nasty usually it's down to other underlying issues.
Not easy on your boy either but if it was me I would encourage my child to include and befriend child b. To include him in games, invite for play dates hopefully that will make him more secure and the issues of jealousy will stop

Call me Al

I've tried to organise play dates with child b in the past but timings don't work with him due to different extra-curricular activities they're both involved in.

Funnily enough I deleted some comments in my op I had written relating to what I saw as insecurities I felt child b has, but then I thought that was unfair of me to judge him like that, as he is someone else's child. He's a nice child, a little quiet and intense at times but I'd hate for someone to be judging my kids like this and jumping to conclusions about them.

But that doesn't take away from the fact that he's making my otherwise chatty and very outgoing son feel lousy about himself right now though.
He was at it again today, excluding my lad. I asked my son what he did and he said that he told b that he was hurting his feelings, but b didn't seem to care. Next stop I told him he's to go to the teacher in charge in the yard. B has also been asserting his authority over my son and a, by telling them he's the boss as he's the eldest.

ETA my lad does always include b in games. They were one of four boys at each others birthday parties.