Pathetic attempts to trick yourself.

TheBeardedLady

If I buy a packet of biscuits (which I did today), I eat them by breaking a half off then returning to eat the other half 5 minutes later. They're 80% less fattening if you eat them that way. Same goes for cake if you eat a slice in thin slivers.

Fact.

When I smoked, I used to smoke from the side of my mouth because you inhale 78% less toxic fumes than smoking them through the centre of your mouth (more direct to the lungs, you see).

Fact.

What stupid/naughty/bad for you/whatever things do you do (or did you do) that you know are stupid/naughty/bad for you/whatevs but convince yourself are not stupid by doing something nonsensical to "trick" yourself?

solomafioso

TheBeardedLady wrote: »

What stupid/naughty/bad for you/whatever things do you do (or did you do) that you know are stupid/naughty/bad for you/whatevs but convince yourself are not stupid by doing something nonsensical to "trick" yourself?

Wut.

TheBeardedLady

solomafioso wrote: »

Wut.

Yeah I'm hoping Bluewolf or someone can come in and give me a hand with that sentence.

Birneybau

Smoking heroin instead of injecting it, can't get addicted that way.

KungPao

People eating "diet" chocolate bars and cakes, or eating rice cakes.

You'll be unsatisfied and starving in no time, just have a banana instead.

keith16

If I go asleep now, I'll have X amount of hours sleep.

:pac: I'm not gonna sleep now

TheBeardedLady

KungPao wrote: »

People eating "diet" chocolate bars and cakes, or eating rice cakes.

You'll be unsatisfied and starving in no time, just have a banana instead.

Or eat cake (a whole one) in slivers. Completely calorie-free that way.

Sam Kade

TheBeardedLady wrote: »

If I buy a packet of biscuits (which I did today), I eat them by breaking a half off then returning to eat the other half 5 minutes later. They're 80% less fattening if you eat them that way. Same goes for cake if you eat a slice in thin slivers.

Fact.

When I smoked, I used to smoke from the side of my mouth because you inhale 78% less toxic fumes than smoking them through the centre of your mouth (more direct to the lungs, you see).

Fact.

What stupid/naughty/bad for you/whatever things do you do (or did you do) that you know are stupid/naughty/bad for you/whatevs but convince yourself are not stupid by doing something nonsensical to "trick" yourself?

Fact.

If you cover your arse with your hand when farting it won't smell

KungPao

Sam Kade wrote: »

Fact.

If you cover your arse with your hand when farting it won't smell

Or if you fart, you can turn up the radio to hide the smell.

TheBeardedLady

Sam Kade wrote: »

Fact.

If you cover your arse with your hand when farting it won't smell

Or if you clench your bum cheeks, you can force fart back into, eh, the place where farts are kept.


Fact.

solomafioso

KungPao wrote: »

...just have a banana instead.

Yup....and sorta nope.

Roquentin

i convinced myself i was happy in my "ideal" professional job, when i was actually not

namloc1980

TheBeardedLady wrote: »

If I buy a packet of biscuits (which I did today), I eat them by breaking a half off then returning to eat the other half 5 minutes later. They're 80% less fattening if you eat them that way. Same goes for cake if you eat a slice in thin slivers.

Fact.

When I smoked, I used to smoke from the side of my mouth because you inhale 78% less toxic fumes than smoking them through the centre of your mouth (more direct to the lungs, you see).

Fact.

What stupid/naughty/bad for you/whatever things do you do (or did you do) that you know are stupid/naughty/bad for you/whatevs but convince yourself are not stupid by doing something nonsensical to "trick" yourself?

Pfft. Everyone knows that 73% of statistics are made up.

Mech1

you cant get preggers if i jam it up your ass

Oh wait.....

namloc1980

Mech1 wrote: »

you cant get preggers if i jam it up your ass

Oh wait.....

No seriously you can't.

TheBeardedLady

Roquentin wrote: »

i convinced myself i was happy in my "ideal" professional job, when i was actually not

What was that?

Intensive Care Bear

I take my favourite cakes, bars ect and break them in half, because it's broken in half it's half the calories and because it's half the calories i can eat twice as much.

Mech1

namloc1980 wrote: »

No seriously you can't.

yeah thats it, was getting mixed up there.

Roquentin

TheBeardedLady wrote: »

What was that?

killing people.........

accounting

TheBeardedLady

TheBeardedLady wrote: »

Yeah I'm hoping Bluewolf or someone can come in and give me a hand with that sentence.

you're on your own, lady

the evasion_kid

Only for one pint........

Flippyfloppy

1210m5g wrote: »

I take my favourite cakes, bars ect and break them in half, because it's broken in half it's half the calories and because it's half the calories i can eat twice as much.

I like your attitude. How about a promotion?

Banjo String

** puts willy between legs ala silence of the lambs pose**

Talib Fiasco

In order that I'd come home to my own house so that I'd get up early for college the following morning, I'd make sure I'd go out without a condom in my wallet...always a plan doomed to fail.

KungPao

the evasion_kid wrote: »

Only for one pint........

Sure, I'll have one more and watch the end of the match, then off home to me bed...

Lenin Skynard

My mother sets her clocks five minutes fast so that she's never late for anything. When I lived there I would just leave five minutes late for everything. It still confuses me to this day, especially since phones and other technology set the right time automatically.

the evasion_kid

KungPao wrote: »

Sure, I'll have one more and watch the end of the match, then off home to me bed...

Cue walking home when the suns coming up....with the birds singing your theme tune in the backround as you strut/stagger homewards

Lalealynn

Just 15 more mins on the internet then bed. The computer doesn't know!

TheBeardedLady

Lenin Skynard wrote: »

My mother sets her clocks five minutes fast so that she's never late for anything. When I lived there I would just leave five minutes late for everything. It still confuses me to this day, especially since phones and other technology set the right time automatically.

That's another thing I do: the time on my mp3 player is 10 minutes fast but I simply deduct the 10 minutes from the time to figure out what the real time it is (this takes about 10 minutes) then carry on with my day.

The Strawman Argument

"I forgot to take my prescription the last two days ...I'll just take three times as much today and it'll be the same!"

Richard Hillman

Something along the lines of

"Jeez, I'd love a cheese sandwich right now"
"Im getting pretty fat though. Maybe I should hold out an hour or so"
"If I put ham on the sandwich it would be less calories than cheese"
"If I toast the sandwich it would burn off some of the calories before they hit my mouth"
"I may as well wack a bit of cheese on it too"
"Feck it, I'll just eat it now since I got rid of those toasted calories"

30 Mins later

"Id love another one of those toasted cheese sandwiches"

KungPao

Lalealynn wrote: »

Just 15 more mins on the internet then bed. The computer doesn't know!

For me, almost every night, it's "I'll read one more Cracked article, then lights out". Then of course I see a link to "10 Ways In Which Hitler Was Even Crazier Than You Thought" or something. "Sure, I'll just take a look at this one, then lights out...

Sam Kade

TheBeardedLady wrote: »

Or if you clench your bum cheeks, you can force fart back into, eh, the place where farts are kept.


Fact.

Where does a fart come from?
A fart is a nart that comes from the heart and goes to the belly with ease when it reaches the britches it loosens some stitches and blows in the air like a breeze

Lalealynn

Ugh the vegan situation.....just the vegan situation....ugh.....or trying to trick myself that's fun or easy ..being veggie is easy...

I was with a friend and she's like come over to the dark side .....come sample my delights ....i'm like no must be strong ....wait what are my hands doing ...Yes that's me stealing a spoonful of her dessert. Spoonfuls don't count. She was getting it anyway. OMG i'm such a bad person. I'm getting there ..it's a process..

Yeah that.