Letting your OH sleep about in order to retain your 'relationship'

evo2000

Saipanne wrote: »

I was dating a girl who was into this kind of thing. The benefit for me would have been threesomes with bisexual girls on tap, most men's fantasy. But I couldn't hack it. It was too hot and cold. One minute it was like she loved me, then the next she was distant. It was wrecking my head, because I really liked her, so this led to conflict and it ended. So, this way of life is not for me. I enjoy the intimacy of monogamy.

Thing is, she never struck me as happy with her lifestyle. She seemed to almost hate herself for it.

Never got a threesome out of it though.

Damn it.

You put up with her headwreckingness and didnt get the threesome in the end, you got a raw deal man...

Saipanne

evo2000 wrote: »

You put up with her headwreckingness and didnt get the threesome in the end, you got a raw deal man...

I know. I suppose I could have put up with it a bit longer for the payoff, but it wasn't worth it. If I wanted one that badly, I could just pay for it, but I dont. It obviously isn't that important to me.

Potatoeman

Saipanne wrote: »

I was dating a girl who was into this kind of thing. The benefit for me would have been threesomes with bisexual girls on tap, most men's fantasy. But I couldn't hack it. It was too hot and cold. One minute it was like she loved me, then the next she was distant. It was wrecking my head, because I really liked her, so this led to conflict and it ended. So, this way of life is not for me. I enjoy the intimacy of monogamy.

Thing is, she never struck me as happy with her lifestyle. She seemed to almost hate herself for it.

Never got a threesome out of it though.

Damn it.

I know somwone that had something similar. Their gf was bi but they never got a threesome either she used to hook up with other girls off and on. Seemed like the worst of both worlds tbh.

evo2000

Deleted User wrote: »

Yeah it really does come down to human diversity and what each person wants from a relationship. While - for example - I am big into the idea of "letting" the girls play around a bit - I would not want it to be consistent or constant. I am talking about a couple of experiences here. One offs.

I would not be into an "open" relationship at all. Many people are. But it would not be for me.

But a couple of one offs - just for fun - maybe even let them indulge some of their fantasies which came out in a house party game of dares recently - I would be game for that.

But full on "open" relationship - power to the people who like them - but I would be so put off by the idea.

Even once offs would in the end annoy me and in the end reck the whole thing, i just think relationships should be exclusive,

evo2000

evo2000 wrote: »

Even once offs would in the end annoy me and in the end reck the whole thing, i just think relationships should be exclusive,

Then I hope it never happens for you

I am quite keen on it - actually might bring it up again with them now that this thread has put it back in my head. And discuss some random strangers with them

evo2000

Deleted User wrote: »

Then I hope it never happens for you

I am quite keen on it - actually might bring it up again with them now that this thread has put it back in my head. And discuss some random strangers with them

best of luck with it man! hope it works out for yeah haha

H3llR4iser

Deleted User wrote: »

Thankfully never physically - I was more referring to people who were moved to violence by it. I have some training and can defend myself if I have to - though my victory in such situations likely stems more from me being mostly sober when the attacker is not - rather than my "skills". But I have never had to defend myself from a female attacker outside of training.

Oh I didn't get the "physical violence" thing. I call it "false knight in a shiny armor" syndrome; The guy in question acts all "gentleman" and "chivalrous" but all he is trying to do is to impress (one of) the ladies to get into their pants.

What I meant is the classic friends/mother/sisters bitching about how the girl is being taken "advantage of".

Deleted User wrote: »

As with most parents who react badly to such things - like a child coming out homosexual - quite often their issue is not with the homosexuality but with the fear their child will not be happy.

Or, they think they know better because they're older and "it's the way it's always been". Unfortunately ignorance is still a factor in some cases.

Deleted User wrote: »

Now not only are they all perfectly ok with it - and me - the parents who are not biologically grandparents still act in every way like they really are. They love us - the kids - everything. And I have every expectation when the next two kids come along - the current biological grand parents who will not be so for the next two kids - will be every bit as into the whole thing as they are now.

So I can not complain really. For the most part - with few exceptions of a lost friend or two - it could hardly have panned out better.

That is extremely fascinating. I guess a certain amount of luck (about all the people involved being able to open their views) is also involved in all this.

allibastor

I thought the thread was would you let your partner sleep in to retain your relationship.

D'oh

H3llR4iser

H3llR4iser wrote: »

Oh I didn't get the "physical violence" thing. I call it "false knight in a shiny armor" syndrome

Yea - that is exactly it. I am sure the guys in question really had their heart in the right place when they stood up to me. I do not hold it against them. I simply think they were dangerously misguided really. But as you say - perhaps at least one of them was simply hoping to win the girl - not with the moral high ground.

H3llR4iser wrote: »

What I meant is the classic friends/mother/sisters bitching about how the girl is being taken "advantage of".

There has certainly been some of that but thankfully - in the people who matter - it has passed. Again - I can not really blame them. If my daughter comes home with two guys or some such - I am likely to suspect exploitation at first - and will take time to be convinced it is for real - so I can hardly blame their parents for it either.

All one can do is stay true to yourself - each other - and the relationship. And time will tell those who matter - those who care - that you really are happy.

H3llR4iser wrote: »

That is extremely fascinating. I guess a certain amount of luck (about all the people involved being able to open their views) is also involved in all this.

Yeah perhaps. Or perhaps what I love about the girls is influenced by their parents - so that they are so great - is a selection on their parents to a degree - so there was always hope. So luck - yes - but some level of selection too I would guess.

allibastor wrote: »

I thought the thread was would you let your partner sleep in to retain your relationship.

Yeah there are times when not disturbing in the morning will save the relationship - your life - or both. Something I have learned to my pain given I am such an early riser.

Colser

Deleted User wrote: »

Then I hope it never happens for you

I am quite keen on it - actually might bring it up again with them now that this thread has put it back in my head. And discuss some random strangers with them

taxAHcruel...Is there any jealously between you partners? Thats the bit that I would find most difficult. If I was part of a relationship like yours it would have to be with 2 men because there is no way I could share my partner with another woman in any sence of the word.I have to admire them if they dont feel like they are competing with each other all the time as I feel a lot of women would feel under pressure in that situation.

we'llallhavetea

taxAHcruel needs his own thread, fascinating!

Generic Dreadhead

we'llallhavetea wrote: »

taxAHcruel needs his own thread, fascinating!

Seconded, and Ask Me Anything thread!

foggy_lad

SkyBlueClouds wrote: »

Ladies, or gentlemen, would you ever let this happen in your marriage/relationship?

Could insecurity ever drive you to this point - would you allow the other half to sleep about just to hold onto them?




The above article isn't a representative sample of normal relationships (one hopes). It does beg the question though, we all have the one we never want to get away. Would you put up with such extreme measures?

I'd get him good and tired and arrange to have photos taken of him in a mad orgy with herself and another man and several large sex toys(one labled "the Beast") while he slept and tell him if he ever strayed the photos would be seen all over the world!

Celly Smunt

Not a ****ing hope.I'd break her and his legs if i even got a hint of another man near my girlfriend/wife.

Men who allow this seem to me to be weak minded and broken with a smile. How anybody could say they're completely happy with another guy having a go at their partner is talking out of their arse or is with the wrong person.

lukesmom

Not a hope in hell.

evo2000

Celly Smunt wrote: »

Not a ****ing hope.I'd break her and his legs if i even got a hint of another man near my girlfriend/wife.

Men who allow this seem to me to be weak minded and broken with a smile. How anybody could say they're completely happy with another guy having a go at their partner is talking out of their arse or is with the wrong person.

Men who put hands on a woman are weak minded,

Micky Dolenz

Celly Smunt wrote: »

Not a ****ing hope.I'd break her and his legs if i even got a hint of another man near my girlfriend/wife.

Men who allow this seem to me to be weak minded and broken with a smile. How anybody could say they're completely happy with another guy having a go at their partner is talking out of their arse or is with the wrong person.

Listen to yourself. It's like calling a person a fcuking eejit for not believing the crap you believe.

Horses for courses and all that jazz. If something doesn't work for you don't berate the people that it does work for.

Celly Smunt

evo2000 wrote: »

Men who put hands on a woman are weak minded,

alri sound.

Celly Smunt

Micky Dolenz wrote: »

Listen to yourself. It's like calling a person a fcuking eejit for not believing the crap you believe.

Horses for courses and all that jazz. If something doesn't work for you don't berate the people that it does work for.

Thats my impression,in this context, men saying they want their partner to sleep arounf is absolute ****e.Weak.

Novella

I think 'rules' within a relationship are whatever the people involved make them. If a woman is happy for her husband to sleep with other men or vice versa, I don't see an issue with it. It may even be a turn on for some people and something they enjoy together. If it's done safely, as far as I'm concerned, that's great.

I don't think it's a healthy relationship if one partner feels that he/she must allow the other to sleep around and isn't comfortable with it.

evo2000

Celly Smunt wrote: »

Thats my impression,in this context, men saying they want their partner to sleep arounf is absolute ****e.Weak.

I wouldnt even entertain the idea of it myself, but at the same time i wouldnt insult someone because there ideals dont match up with mine, what other people do is no concern of mine so there is no reason to insult someone for a difference of opinion.

Calibos

I'd imagine the psychology behind it is constant validation from others that your partner is still very sexually desireable, a catch and yet still 'yours'. For others the ring on the finger and exclusivity is enough of a validation.

Mr. Incognito

You are a braver man than I- One missus nagging is more than enough- couldn't imagine two of them at the same time

worded

If you take her from behind, it's not being unfaithful Ive heard.

Micky Dolenz

Celly Smunt wrote: »

Thats my impression,in this context, men saying they want their partner to sleep arounf is absolute ****e.Weak.

No. What you mean is, you'd feel weak if your missus wanted to dô it That's fair enough.

But don't even be so foolish to think that some/ a lot of people know and feel the differance between lust and love. Personally, I wouldn't knock anyones life style that including all consenting adults.

UCDVet

I'm always amazed at people's inability to imagine that there could exist other people who feel differently about things than they do.

Is it really *that* hard to imagine?

ALiasEX

Deleted User wrote: »

I am actually interested in letting my partners explore some sex with other people as it happens. But I do it for a variety of reasons. Personally I am into the idea - I am also keen to have them explore sex a little more than just with me - as I met them relatively young and they had little to no experience.

I read that as

I am actually interested in letting my parents explore some sex with other people as it happens. But I do it for a variety of reasons. Personally I am into the idea - I am also keen to have them explore sex a little more than just with me - as I met them relatively young and they had little to no experience.

YFlyer

bear1 wrote: »

Only if she enjoys the other lads c0ck more than yours then yeah I'd say it's cheating

That reminds me of a friend that I went to college with at CoACT Limerick years ago.

He meet his ex and her new boyfriend on the way to town. She mentioned that she would like a threesome. My friend said yes. She then declined. Bet she thought my friend was going to say no as there be 2 guys

FloatingVoter

YFlyer wrote: »

That reminds me of a friend that I went to college with at CoACT Limerick years ago.

He meet his ex and her new boyfriend on the way to town. She mentioned that she would like a threesome. My friend said yes. She then declined. Bet she thought my friend was going to say no as there be 2 guys

..this wasn't early 90s and her name Janice by any chance ?

YFlyer

FloatingVoter wrote: »

..this wasn't early 90s and her name Janice by any chance ?

Yeah early 90s alright. Can't think of her name. She was in the Art college. His Paul Hennessy.

Was Janice studying construction studies and friend of the girl that entered Miss Ireland?

Cupcake_Crisis

Celly Smunt wrote: »

Not a ****ing hope.I'd break her and his legs if i even got a hint of another man near my girlfriend/wife.

Men who allow this seem to me to be weak minded and broken with a smile. How anybody could say they're completely happy with another guy having a go at their partner is talking out of their arse or is with the wrong person.

Would you really though.....c'mon now!

Ah taxAHcruel has already (very eloquently and interestingly) pointed out, the rules of a relationship can only be defined by those in it, how ever many they my be and as long as everyone is informed and happy then who is anyone to say they're wrong?. What works for me may not work for you and vice versa, and that's grand, it takes all sorts to make a picnic!

YFlyer

I be extremely thrill with six.

Tail Docker

Deleted User wrote: »

Nope - not me.

I am actually interested in letting my partners explore some sex with other people as it happens. But I do it for a variety of reasons. Personally I am into the idea - I am also keen to have them explore sex a little more than just with me - as I met them relatively young and they had little to no experience.

But all the reasons I have are because I want it that way. Though they have not taken up the offer yet - nor have I sought out people to fulfil it or asked around all that much.

But the idea of allowing it - when I do NOT want to do it - simply to maintain a dying relationship - is the complete opposite of that and is not something I am interested in at all. That would not be part of my relationship or conducive to it - but a release of parts of it for the sake of holding onto the illusion of other parts of it. Not for me at all.

How many do you have?

Raminahobbin

Tail Docker wrote: »

How many do you have?

Did you not read the thread?

Tail Docker

Raminahobbin wrote: »

Did you not read the thread?

No. Do people read this stuff?? :eek:

Colser

Colser wrote: »

taxAHcruel...Is there any jealously between you partners? Thats the bit that I would find most difficult.

No there isn't. I guess there are two kinds of relationship like this.

ONE where the two women were "sharing" the guy. People have that relationship type without jealousy but I can see why the jealousy potential would be higher than:

TWO a relationship where those women are romantically and sexually involved with each other _also_. And while this does not negate the potential for jealousy - I have a strong feeling that it reduces it starkly.

I am in the latter type.

Colser wrote: »

I have to admire them if they dont feel like they are competing with each other all the time as I feel a lot of women would feel under pressure in that situation.

I admire them greatly too for a number of reasons - but our relationship environment is not one where competition is there at all. So thankfully they simply do not feel there is anything to compete _about_ so the feelings never arise.

We do capoeira and BJJ and stuff like that together. That is about as competitive as we get. We are constantly trying to outdo each other - but in truth we are usually around the same level. It does keep us on our toes and motivated and constantly improving though

we'llallhavetea wrote: »

taxAHcruel needs his own thread, fascinating!

I rather fear (and apologise to anyone that is bothered by it) that I have somewhat hijacked _this one_ now. I did make one post trying to put it back on topic but it died anyway. So I guess I do not feel _too_ bad about hijacking a thread that ended up going nowhere. Still - apologies to the OP if it does seem like a hijack. Was not intentional

Cormac... wrote: »

Seconded, and Ask Me Anything thread!

We have those? I can think of a few users I would like to see in there Sign me up

Tail Docker wrote: »

How many do you have?

Two.

Celly Smunt wrote: »

Men who allow this seem to me to be weak minded and broken with a smile. How anybody could say they're completely happy with another guy having a go at their partner is talking out of their arse or is with the wrong person.

Not so at all. Many people are turned on by it. Many people do not see fidelity as being the defining attribute of their relationship. While many people see it as an even STRONGER level of control that they are so confident in their partners dedication to the relationship that they can let such activities occur safe in the knowledge the partner will come back.

For me letting the girls try it once or twice - would be everything from a turn on - to me simply not wanting them to have sexual experience 95% from me in their entire life - to an expression of my and their dedication to our relationship and each other. It is everything from a sexual turn on, to a statement. Nothing even remotely like you describe.

You talk of a "weak mind" however and yet your described reaction to it is one of wanton violence. And violence really is the last resort of a weak mind. It may be worth engaging in more introspection on this. Commenting on the state of the house of another while not cleaning your own, as they say.

Celly Smunt wrote: »

Thats my impression,in this context, men saying they want their partner to sleep arounf is absolute ****e.Weak.

Except it is not. As I said a few times I am considering it too. I find the idea a turn on for one - and I have a few other motivations too. Nothing weak about it. I am doing it for me as much as for them.

What would be "weak" is involving yourself in a relationship that compromises who YOU are. Or consenting to live by conditions in a relationship that go against YOU. The woman in the OP sounds like this.

You want 100% fidelity and exclusivity in your relationship. Great. That is you. Others define their relationships differently. That does not make them weak. Or you weak. What would be "weak" would be for you - or them - to allow themselves to be cajoled into conforming to the relationship type of the other merely because you or they called each other names like "weak".