The terrible twos

Pablodreamsofnew

We are going through the terrible twos.. I'm at my wits end. Our little angel has gone from being so good, to flinging himself on the floor. Kicking and screaming and throwing stuff at us. Mostly me! He ignores everything I say but responds better to my husband. I'm beginning to find it hell when my husband isn't around.

What am I doing wrong as a mother? My husband is convinced it's because I'm too 'soft' but I don't want to raise my voice at him. I try and reason but it doesn't work. I don't agree with the naughty step and he only gets a treat day once a week.

Any advice or anyone going through the same thing??

Supercell

Not being funny but if you don't agree with the naughty step and don't raise your voice, how is the child learning right from wrong?
They are not made of marshmallow you know, sometimes you need to realise you are not their best friend, you are their parent, and sometimes that means saying no and meaning it.

endacl

You can't reason with a two year old. He doesn't yet have the cognitive capacity to understand, and it's both unrealistic and unfair of you to expect him to do so.

How Strange

Raising your voice just teaches your child to raise his/her voice when they're frustrated. Also the naughty step is an over rated technique. We don't have one, we've got a wilful 3.5 year old and we've survived so far without one.

First of all, distraction. If you see a situation developing then divert his attention to something else.

Give attention to good behaviour and not bad so if you see him start to hammer on the kitchen presses as him if he'd like to help you with something else and thank him for being helpful (this is a sneaky but effective trick!).

You can't reason with a 2 year old but you can try getting down to his level when he throws something or whatever. Use an empathetic voice and say you understand he's frustrated when he did that but ..... The same if he screams. Tell him you love him but you'll speak to him when he calms down and remove him from the situation. You'll feel pretty stupid at first talking to a 2 year old like this but you've got to start sometime and by the time he's 3 and he understands what you're saying it'll be effective. The main thing is not to punish for the terrible twos. It's not boldness and they aren't in control of their emotions. Give him a big hug once he calms down.

We've survived the terrible twos with only a handful of humdinger tantrums. Some days I feel like a UN peacekeeper but it seems to keep him under control most of the time.

dublinlady

I would say at that age don't have a treat day as such - decide the treats up over the week to reward good behaviour. So that way he gets a balanced understanding of right for wrong and positive responses or no response!

Pablodreamsofnew

Thanks everyone for all the ideas!

When I say a treat day, it's just one small bar!

iguana

This will sound odd but when my nearly 2 year old is upset when he doesn't get his own way I crouch/sit next to him and tell him that he knows I don't say no unless I have good reason and then I explain the reason. If he is still unhappy, I empathise with his feelings but tell him that my reasoning still stands, explain why again and offer him an alternative if possible. For example he has recently started hating the raincover on his buggy and tries to push it up but I tell him it has to stay down if we're out in the rain and ask if he would like to play with his cars/look at a book under the cover. If he is still upset I let him know that I'm sorry he's upset, I still love him but I have to keep walking now and when he can calm down he can ask me for his toy then if he wants it.

The thing that I am learning about little people of that age is that while they may have trouble communicating their wants, they tend to understand almost everything. So as odd as it feels to have that type of one-way conversation, it's not at all as one-way as it feels.

aristotle25

I read in a books about being "firm but fair". I tried that and it doesn't really work but I find distraction does work fairly well.
Its not easy to distract our 2 year old onto something else but it worked most of the time.

When toddlers have a meltdown you cannot reason with them. I read in another book that's its like someone who is temporarily insane, there is not reasoning so just distract or ignore. You do have to discipline but be firm and fair.

I try to go down to his level, hold is arms inn my his side and try to explain what he is doing wrong.

Doesn't always work

Also, what causes the meltdown? Sometimes our fella wanted to do things himself rather than you do things for him e.g. taking milk out of fridge. Of course they cannot always communicate things clearer so be aware of what is causing the meltdown.