Gillian Relf (69) wishes she aborted her downs syndrome son (47)

Wabbit Ears

Ive a cousin with downs and she has been like a shackle around her parents ankles for 40 years. Id not wish that life on my worst enemy.

Shakespeare's Sister

It's tough also on this woman that she was only 22 when she gave birth to her disabled son. DS is associated mostly with "geriatric" pregnancies ("geriatric" in pregnancy terms is mid 30s).

eviltwin wrote: »

You can't judge this woman by your own experience. And with all due respect you're talking about your sister. It must be so much easier when its a sibling, you get to grow up and live your life, the parent doesn't. I wonder what help was out there for a Down's parent 47 years ago. I'd imagine it was hard to come by. Wasn't it the norm for Down's children to be put into homes?

I know a family whose DS member was born in south Dublin in 1973 and the doctors spoke to her mother (also young at the time - 25ish) as if it was a given that she'd be going home and leaving her baby at the hospital, to be placed in an institution.

Shiraz 4.99

FactCheck wrote: »

That's utter rubbish.

I said Scandinavia from memory, someone else inserted Sweden.
Turns out it was Denmark I'd read about, still stands.

http://str.typepad.com/weblog/2011/08/denmark-sets-eugenics-goal-for-2030.html

Shiraz 4.99

Originally Posted by Shiraz 4.99

The only thing she needs to feel guilty about is not having the test done.

There were no antenatal scans or blood test to detect abnormalities in those days and although I had a sixth sense, call it mother's intuition, that there was something wrong with my baby, the doctors and midwives insisted I was being hysterical and refused to perform an amniocentesis (where cells are taken from the amniotic fluid and tested). A healthy 22-year-old, with a thriving baby, I was considered very low risk to have a Down's baby.

up for anything wrote: »

Read the article properly before commenting.

I read the article perfectly, perhaps it was you who misinterpreted the words.

Smidge

I think everyone who thinks this woman is coming from a "pity me" pov should have to walk a mile in her shoes.
I have known people with children who have disabilities that have triumphed over adversity and make your soul sing to be in their company. They are the joy in their parents lives even with the tough times they struggled through.

But I have also known parents of children with disabilities who in a private moment will confess that if they had the chance again they would have made a different decision. And having been around in their everyday life, I don't disagree with them.
It's not just the loss of their own lives (one whose son is in his 20's and is severely mentally and physically disabled has been on a night out a handful of times over the years). When " normal" children are born as parents you put your time in. But that doesn't last for your ENTIRE life. For my friend, this is exactly what it is.
She loves him with all of her heart. Of this I have no doubt. If she didn't, she couldn't do what she does for him.
But now that she is in her 40's and only has old age approaching (and the very thought of how she will cope keeps her up many a night)she has every right imo to lament what her life may have been.

Frito

charlietheminxx wrote: »

she has utterly failed he child.

That's really unfair.
Like you, I also have a disabled sister. It is very easy for us, now, to speculate on what Mrs Relf should have done then.