24 year old son getting pocket money

dede12

OP I think you're being completely reasonable wanting your husband to reign in the spending. At 21 he shouldn't be expecting pocket money of 50e a week (unless most of that is rent which this doesnt sound like). I'm only 24, so within your sons age group, and I know I felt terrible about taking any extra money from my parents while I was job hunting for the first 9 months or so after I graduated. & that was while actively looking, I can't imagine taking that much off them without even trying to find a job.

One thing, if he really seems as unmotivated as you describe, perhaps he should be checked for depression? It can often seem like laziness to people who haven't gone through it but if it is, it could be he just feels too overwhelmed and/or has such low self esteem that it literally seems impossible to him that he'll ever get hired or graduate. & I'd imagine failing a course 2x would be more than enough to send most people into a depression spiral. and if that is the issue, fixing the underlying depression will do a whole lot more good than the 'tough love' approach; with meds and or therapy he might well start to seem like a very different person.

If its not that, then you should prob have a talk with your husband, explaining very calmly that you will not be bailing him out if he's run out of money by the end of the month. maybe also make it a priority that your shared household bills get paid first & he can give his sons however much 'pocket money' he wants out of the remainder. & then if he runs out of money, its tough, he'll just have to deal w/ it until the next paycheck. a couple months of that at the most & he'll quickly cave.

A appointment with a financial planner for the both of you as a couple might also help, if he hears it from somebody else that he is living beyond his means he might be more inclined to listen. A financial planner might also have some good tips for how parents can help their kids become financially independent. He might be more likely to listen to an professional who deals with this sort of thing all the time.

finally, whatever you do; dont make it an ultimatium where you say it comes down to you or the kids. you aren't likely to win somethig like that & it will just lead to more bad blood. but it would be a good idea to mention that this is becoming such a point of contention that you are starting to question how compatible you are in your relationship. also try not to say anything that might be construed as negative towards the son, as that will put him on the defensive. but a calm, rational discussion between you two definitely needs to happen

BrowmThomas

rockatansky wrote: »

Extremely helpful post there, well done.

If you continue to read what I wrote, I sympathise with the op re her post. Am entitled to share my thoughts like everybody else.

Clockwork Owl

As has been said before: the issue doesn't seem to be the kids - or, I should say, the grown adults. They're just the easiest personification of the problem. The issue is that the father is throwing around money that he doesn't have, and then expects to be a kept man for the last week of the month. The OP is essentially being asked to subsidise her OH's children and in that case, should absolutely have a say in how that money is spent. It doesn't sound like this is a once-off.

Set up a joint account for bills, and pay any money necessary into that at the start of the month. After that, his budget is his own to sort out - or not.

reetz

BrowmThomas wrote:

Op, I understand where you are coming from and at 24, he sounds very immature. I hope he sorts himself out and the pressure on you eases.

BrowmThomas wrote:

One of the reasons I could never date a guy with kids - they always have to come first, regardless.

Well don't you sound a treat. I'm kinda like you in that I wouldn't date a woman like you who's all me me me now now now


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BrowmThomas

reetz wrote: »

Well don't you sound a treat. I'm kinda like you in that I wouldn't date a woman like you who's all me me me now now now

His kids must come first. WHAT is wrong with me saying that???

Moonbeam

rockatansky wrote: »

Extremely helpful post there, well done.

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