Sexy street harassment

Shenshen

green_screen wrote: »

Are some women really freaked out by men passing comments, to the point where they won't wear certain clothes?!

I'm female, and tbh, I couldn't give a monkeys.

I wear whatever i feel like wearing. If it attracts comment, whatever. If it doesn't, whatever.

I'd never be careful how I dress so as to avoid comment from men. I don't see the big deal. If they call you beautiful, say thanks. If they're creepy, tell them to fcuk off.

And what do you do if they don't **** off?

I have been in situations where people were following me and I was scared to actually go home so as not to show them where I lived.

It's got little enough to do with what you wear, normally, but I do think that some kinds of clothing can aggravate it.
So if I choose to wear something more revealing (NOT for the benefit of the random perv in the street, but because I want to wear it to a date or a party), I usually cover it up until I get where I'm going. I've got quite a wide selection of scarves at this point.

osarusan

Whatever about it being harassment or not, the idea that the girls in question should actually be happy to receive these comments is so so silly.

FactCheck

Does anybody posting in this thread regularly call out to women like that?

Just wondering if not, why not?

Why do you think the guys that do, do?

I can't imagine wanting to engage every random passer by like that. Especially when 90+% of the time people are just going to put their heads down and try to get away from you as quickly as possible. They must know they make people feel uncomfortable.

caustic 1

Wouldn't consider it harassment at all.

Billy86

eviltwin wrote: »

Funny how I saw a lot of guys walking around topless during the summer and still didn't feel the need to shout comments at them. Let people wear what they want. Its not an invitation to shout at them.

I think a lot of the lopsidedness in this regard comes from the fact that the burden of approaching the other sex has genuinely been the man's. I guess the advantage is that the guy gets go "choose" who he wants to go up to, while the disadvantage is that the woman had to "accept" his offer and he is leaving himself open to rejection. I'm not saying it's necessarily right (and it's changing in recent times too), but typically it gives the guy a feeling like he has to be proactive in making anything happen.

KungPao

Chunners wrote: »

Yeah it does happen a bit but Irish guys aren't that bad, they usually only do it if they are in a group and it's more a "Hey whats the story?" type comment than anything sinister. Nigerian guys are the worst to be honest, to them "No" doesn't mean "No", "No" means "Lets negotiate". These are the ones who will follow you, grab your arm or stand in front of you to try stop you walking away. I find them to be creepy, intimidating ****ers myself because once they start they don't stop and if you aren't close to a shop or somewhere you can duck into to get away it can be pretty scary.

:eek:

Billy86

KungPao wrote: »

:eek:

NAGGERS, they meant NAGGERS!





Actually I reckon f*ckers.

How Soon Is Now

I never understood this and why anyone does it.

The last thing I'd ever do is tell a stranger how I think they look to there face on the street just leave people to get on with their day ffs.

Ya I look obviously but sure me girlfriend does it with me haha.

I think it comes across as very cocky as if you think your some sort of charmer.

Bascially when I'm out on a normal day mostly the only interaction I'd have with someone would be hi or thank you or holding door open basic simple stuff. Nothing else is needed unless a conversation happens to start.

If it was the other way around and woman came up and complimented me ya fair enough I'd probably feel good but at same time I'd feel incredibly awkward as well and would say eh thanks and laugh!

suicide_circus

anncoates wrote: »

We're talking about adult humans here with a supposed modicum of restraint. Not chimps or dogs in heat.

Yes I see, so women can dress in a manner which actively acts on men's primal visual buttons but if a man then passes a casual remark on same there is an issue?

spurious

anncoates wrote: »

We're talking about adult humans here with a supposed modicum of restraint. Not chimps or dogs in heat.

This. Why any adult person thinks it's acceptable is beyond me.

bear1

FactCheck wrote: »

Does anybody posting in this thread regularly call out to women like that?

Just wondering if not, why not?

Why do you think the guys that do, do?

I can't imagine wanting to engage every random passer by like that. Especially when 90+% of the time people are just going to put their heads down and try to get away from you as quickly as possible. They must know they make people feel uncomfortable.

I don't and never have. I've seen guys do it and I honestly believe that they think women will just say "OMG he's using a ****e pick up line and I must now spread my legs for him!".
In Italy it's very common to see it.
If they had any intelligence whatsoever they'd try a different approach.

Chunners

Billy86 wrote: »

NAGGERS, they meant NAGGERS!





Actually I reckon f*ckers.

Yep, blame the filter for how it filters the F word :cool:

Meangadh

I think most women, regardless of what they look like, have probably experienced this. I do think in fairness it happens far less in Ireland or even in the UK, but personally I would have experienced it in the States and even more so in Italy. I'm pale and kinda blonde so maybe it's cos they knew I wasn't Italian so I wouldn't understand them, I dunno.

It's just not nice. Of course you could argue that men who make comments as you pass by are just being friendly and complimentary- but personally I just feel intimidated by it. I don't know these men, so it's hard to know how sincere they are and so it just weirds me out. A simple "Hi, how are you?" is one thing, but "Hey gorgeous" from a complete stranger on the street does border on a bit creepy, at least it does for me anyway.

And don't get me started on "Smile, it might never happen"... F**k off. You've no idea what I'm even thinking about. And if I walked around with a constant smile on my face, I would look insane. I'm a generally happy person, but don't tell me to smile- if I don't look happy, it's generally for a good reason.

I guess the bottom line is though that it's important to feel safe when you're walking around, and I just don't like comments when walking past strangers.

kylith

suicide_circus wrote: »

Yes I see, so women can dress in a manner which actively acts on men's primal visual buttons but if a man then passes a casual remark on same there is an issue?

So a woman can't dress in a certain way because men are incapable of controlling themselves to not make personal comments to strangers in the street?

The Backwards Man

I'm a man that causes people to noticeably cross the street when they see me coming, so I know when someone engages me in conversation out of the blue it's because they are looking for something. I find that pretty uncomfortable in itself, even if it's only a sheister selling insurance or a watch, so I can only imagine it's many many times worse with a more personal undertone.

anncoates

suicide_circus wrote: »

Yes I see, so women can dress in a manner which actively acts on men's primal visual buttons but if a man then passes a casual remark on same there is an issue?

Just go the whole hog and get down on all fours and sniff her arse.

suicide_circus

kylith wrote: »

So, men are incapable of controlling themselves to not make personal comments to strangers in the street?

Is that what I said? What I said was, some women wear clothing specifically designed to target the base visual arousal centres of a man's brain. Then said man is pilloried for checking this woman out and/or commenting.

Chunners

suicide_circus wrote: »

Yes I see, so women can dress in a manner which actively acts on men's primal visual buttons but if a man then passes a casual remark on same there is an issue?

Well yeah women should be allowed dress anyway they like without having to worry about mens primal urges other wise we may as well all be wearing Burkas and totally solve the problem, we don't have a problem with your primal urges as long as you keep them to yourself

suicide_circus

anncoates wrote: »

Just go the whole hog and get down on all fours and sniff her arse.

I suppose you were never transfixed by an ample bussom barely contained in a tight top walking past. It's well trained so you are

kylith

suicide_circus wrote: »

Is that what I said? What I said was, some women wear clothing specifically designed to target the base visual arousal centres of a man's brain. Then said man is pilloried for checking this woman out and/or commenting.

So what if they are wearing something like that? Butler's Chocolate shops are specifically designed to target my base desire for chocolate, but I can still control myself around one.

Your attitude reminds me of one in the Middle East - women should be covered up because men can't control themselves. You're focussing on what you think women are doing rather than how you can change your own behaviour to make people around you more comfortable.

anncoates

suicide_circus wrote: »

I suppose you were never transfixed by an ample bussom barely contained in a tight top walking past. It's well trained so you are

I notice and even look but I don't make creepy statements and then try and blame it on the person I'm creeping out

bear1

The Backwards Man wrote: »

I'm a man that causes people to noticeably cross the street when they see me coming, so I know when someone engages me in conversation out of the blue it's because they are looking for something. I find that pretty uncomfortable in itself, even if it's only a sheister selling insurance or a watch, so I can only imagine it's many many times worse with a more personal undertone.

That's because you keep walking into them

B0jangles

Comfortable Couch wrote: »

I find that women are constantly perming on my crotch, it makes me uncomfortable. Can these women not control themselves?

Shave it so - can't perm what's not there!

How Soon Is Now

Look men and women check each other out women do it to women as well sure it's not a crime there's no harm in admiring how someone looks in your own head!

Whys it so hard to keep it that way?

Unless your in a nightclub and everyone is looking for something just cop on and don't be a fool.

Leave people to get on with there own business male or female.

Idbatterim

the fototage is hardly surprising given it was 10 hours worth in NYC, over there, people will chat on the street far more, but are usually looking for cash or possibly sex in that womans case. Either way, I looked at her and thought meh, shes hardly Duchess from wolf wall street material...

Darkglasses

suicide_circus wrote: »

I suppose you were never transfixed by an ample bussom barely contained in a tight top walking past. It's well trained so you are

You're moving the goalposts, this is about passing comment on people's appearance. Although transfixed is a bit much yeah, that's just impolite. Part of being an adult is controlling yourself.

o1s1n

suicide_circus wrote: »

Yes I see, so women can dress in a manner which actively acts on men's primal visual buttons but if a man then passes a casual remark on same there is an issue?

So we can all go around commenting on people if their appearance happens to press our primal visual buttons?

What about people with foot fetishes? I guess women should stop wearing sandals.

Feck it, the only way to resolve this is if we get women to cover themselves head to toe in a sheet, least us poor souls look at them, get turned on and can't help ourselves :rolleyes:

suicide_circus

Chunners wrote: »

Well yeah women should be allowed dress anyway they like without having to worry about mens primal urges other wise we may as well all be wearing Burkas and totally solve the problem, we don't have a problem with your primal urges as long as you keep them to yourself

So a public display of a (straight) women's primal urges ie: to secure a mate for sex via the wearing of provokative clothing is ok but the natural and calculated consequence of this ie: a man checking her out and perhaps passing comment is not ok.

o1s1n

suicide_circus wrote: »

So a public display of a (straight) women's primal urges ie: to secure a mate for sex via the wearing of provokative clothing is ok but the natural and calculated consequence of this ie: a man checking her out and perhaps passing comment is not ok.

You're putting words in people's mouths now, who said checking someone out wasn't okay?

We're talking about passing comment to their face. That's a huge leap up from checking someone out.

Barely There

Nerdlingr wrote: »

Is winking at someone sexual harrassment now as well?

Winking's ok, but **** is considered rude.

suicide_circus

kylith wrote: »

So what if they are wearing something like that? Butler's Chocolate shops are specifically designed to target my base desire for chocolate, but I can still control myself around one.

Your attitude reminds me of one in the Middle East - women should be covered up because men can't control themselves. You're focussing on what you think women are doing rather than how you can change your own behaviour to make people around you more comfortable.

My attitude is that I won't feel bad for checking out women who dress in a manner designed to get men to check them out. Although I will say that I certainly don't pass comment like the guys in the video. Yiz are probably right, thats a step too far.

strobe

Awful lotta honkeys in here.

Grayson

Darkglasses wrote: »

You're moving the goalposts, this is about passing comment on people's appearance. Although transfixed is a bit much yeah, that's just impolite. Part of being an adult is controlling yourself.

And part of wearing sunglasses is that you get to look. Unless they're transparent, in which case you look like a leering idiot.

GLaDOS

People passing judgement on your looks can be pretty uncomfortable, even if it's 'positive'. I imagine it's can be pretty horrible getting it constantly. Some women might be able to brush it off or even enjoy it, but I totally understand how it would make women feel bad.

Chunners

suicide_circus wrote: »

So a public display of a (straight) women's primal urges ie: to secure a mate for sex via the wearing of provokative clothing is ok but the natural and calculated consequence of this ie: a man checking her out and perhaps passing comment is not ok.

lol you are working under the (false) presumption that all clothes women wear are designed to attract a male, what if the woman is in a relationship? should she no longer dress attractively for her partner because you will assume she is dressing like that to get you into bed?

Potatoeman

Billy86 wrote: »

I think a lot of the lopsidedness in this regard comes from the fact that the burden of approaching the other sex has genuinely been the man's. I guess the advantage is that the guy gets go "choose" who he wants to go up to, while the disadvantage is that the woman had to "accept" his offer and he is leaving himself open to rejection. I'm not saying it's necessarily right (and it's changing in recent times too), but typically it gives the guy a feeling like he has to be proactive in making anything happen.

I have heard phycoligocially woman are more threathened by unwanted attention. That its based around the consequences of pregnancy being a bigger issue for a woman than a man.

I was walking home by Croke park when the one direction gig was going on and had some random teenage girl grope my peck. It was odd but I didnt feel threathened just embarressed.

Dr. Lollington

Let's get real here though, I'm a woman and I know damn well that certain clothes will attract more attention than others.

I have a low-cut lacy black dress that I've actually never worn. I tried it on one night and my bf nearly had a heart attack. He asked me not to wear it out because it would attract too much attention and make him uncomfortable. Now, I could have done the whole 'No way, you can't tell me what to wear, I'm a strong, independent woman' but what's the point. The fact is, that dress would have garnered alot of the wrong kind of attention and our evening would have been ruined by it.

That's just life. If a woman walks past with a nice body wearing a skin tight dress with her tits pushed up to her chin, i can't help but look. You can't expect men not to look either.
What we can ask is that they don't leer or comment. That much anyone should be capable of but I challenge anyone not to do a double take of a Kim Kardashian type walking past in a skimpy dress on a sunny day.

IamtheWalrus

I was talking to a female friend about heckling from passers by to women walking down the street. I was giving her an insight into why I think it's done. For example, a builder getting the attention of a pretty girl. If she turns around, then the builder, for a short period of time, is part of that girl's life. She has acknowledged his existence. I was saying that the builder knows it will come to nothing but does it for the acknowledgement. She then told me she was walking home from work drinks, pissed and was heckled at by a builder. The end of the story was her in the front seat of the builder's car, frantically shagging him.

So maybe the success rate of such heckles is higher than one thinks and worth a shot.

suicide_circus

suicide_circus wrote: »

Much more likely to happen in the US than here

super_furry wrote: »

Does that happen to women in Ireland?

I do not think it happens all that commonly here. But it of course happens.

My girlfriends get comments all the time exactly like this video - usually at night in Dublin when walking from their chosen mode of transport to whatever pub they were going to.

The worst one I can think of is "Hey baby doll - you out here all alone?" which not only has all the ugliness about it that we see in the video - but also some ugly threatening undertones suggestive of "I see you have no one and nothing here protecting you little girl" which she reported feeling not just from his words - but the tone of its delivery.

Thankfully my girlfriends are not as defenceless as they look and are pretty well trained - but I live in hope they never have to use that training beyond the one time one of them actually did get an attempted rape assault in Maynooth one night and had to bring her training to bear. To his detriment thankfully - not hers.

One has to take a video like that with a pinch of salt. There is a lot we do not know. Was it really a straight 10 hours? Or was it spliced together over a much longer time - to bring together many incidents to look like it was happening more often?

What about the areas she was walking - were specific areas picked because they _have_ that kind of person who says these kinds of things? Was her dress and appearance completely incongruous to that area in order to make her stand out even more than normal?

Were other things done to attract attention to spin the video? We simply can not know. For example her clothes looked plain from the front - but it was revealed by one male commenter in the video that the back was anything but plain.

So one wonders what other things were hidden from the viewer that were designed to attract more attention than the viewer was made aware of.

Too many questions for me. So I would be cautious reading TOO much into the video - but it is highlighting something that genuinely does happen and it turns my stomach some of it.

Particularly garish for me was the guy who said she should be grateful and "say thanks more" for having her beauty verbally and loudly acknowledged by strangers. As if they had somehow done her a favour warranting gratitude. Aside from the guy stalkishly following her down the street for 5 minutes - the "say thanks more" was the most sickening guy in the video for me.

Sam Kade

Gone Drinking wrote: »

I saw this video this morning:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p3mWt3cjN0Y

In case you can't watch it, its a montage of a woman walking around New York silently, receiving lots of random attempted chat up lines and some sexist remarks, based purely on how well she looks (In fairness, HOT DAYUM).

The video says at the end there was 100+ instances of verbal harassment during the 10 hour experiment.. I dunno, one of the ones on video was "Hey Beautiful, have a good day", would that fall under harassment? I'd be delighted if a woman said that to me when I was walking down the road :P

In fairness, there's one creepy guy who just follows her around for five minutes, this and a few of the comments are completely not on.

So what's peoples thoughts on this? Have any men or women here ever experienced similar?

What's so great about this woman that she attracts attention? She's plain enough in my view.

kylith

suicide_circus wrote: »

My attitude is that I won't feel bad for checking out women who dress in a manner designed to get men to check them out. Although I will say that I certainly don't pass comment like the guys in the video. Yiz are probably right, thats a step too far.

And is an outfit like the one the lady in the video was wearing "designed to get men to check her out"? In my experience, anything relatively fitted or with a neck lower than your collarbones, or even their perception of how your jeans fit you, can invite comment.

Billy86

IamtheWalrus wrote: »

I was talking to a female friend about heckling from passers by to women walking down the street. I was giving her an insight into why I think it's done. For example, a builder getting the attention of a pretty girl. If she turns around, then the builder, for a short period of time, is part of that girl's life. She has acknowledged his existence. I was saying that the builder knows it will come to nothing but does it for the acknowledgement. She then told me she was walking home from work drinks, pissed and was heckled at by a builder. The end of the story was her in the front seat of the builder's car, frantically shagging him.

So maybe the success rate of such heckles is higher than one thinks and worth a shot.

They must have finished work very early that day if the construction site was still open by the time they had finished drinking.

eviltwin

Comfortable Couch wrote: »

People can wear what they want and it's annoying to have to listen to stupid comments from strangers, but at a certain point you have to question the brain power of someone who hasn't figured out how to prevent the comments.

For example you have every right to make eye contact with chuggers if you want but if you complain that they won't stop asking you to join their charity but continue to make eye contact as you walk past them then the issue is your intelligence.

How do you prevent the comments?

Meangadh

Weird thing is that the whole "sure you're wearing a tight top/short skirt, men are bound to comment" thing is actually kind of null and void considering that regardless of what a woman is wearing, they can get comments. I've been wearing the baggiest mankiest clothes and zero makeup going down the street and still gotten creepy comments.

I just don't understand the mentality of someone who just says random things to random people, regardless of the intention. Besides, do these men think that these women are going to strike up a conversation with them then? Or what is the point of making the comment? Maybe I'm cynical, but something tells me these men aren't doing it just to be friendly and hoping to strike up a conversation.

Pat Mustard

The Backwards Man wrote: »

I'm a man that causes people to noticeably cross the street when they see me coming, so I know when someone engages me in conversation out of the blue it's because they are looking for something. I find that pretty uncomfortable in itself, even if it's only a sheister selling insurance or a watch, so I can only imagine it's many many times worse with a more personal undertone.

Spot the Airtricity rep!

/crosses street

andrew

Comfortable Couch wrote: »

People can wear what they want and it's annoying to have to listen to stupid comments from strangers, but at a certain point you have to question the brain power of someone who hasn't figured out how to prevent the comments.

Women shouldn't be obligated to prevent the comments though; men should be obligated not to make them. People should be able to wear what they like and not have someone pass comment about it.

eviltwin

Comfortable Couch wrote: »

Through trial and error I'm sure it becomes obvious which outfits result in more comments than others.

So if I get comments wearing jeans and a jumper - which has happened - what are my options then? Just accept it?

Comments are not okay. A few years ago I started running, I was very overweight and always got random people yelling at me. I suppose the natural reaction to that was just give up going on your logic.

darced

This post has been deleted.

eviltwin

Comfortable Couch wrote: »

Why should someone be obliged not to make comments to someone else? What comments specifically should be banned. That's a bit too authoritarian for my liking.

If you saw a guy walking down the street and he looked really well, would you pass a comment to him?

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

Dr. Lollington wrote: »

Let's get real here though, I'm a woman and I know damn well that certain clothes will attract more attention than others.

In my experience, it's not even what I've been wearing that's been the strongest determining factor in the type and frequency of comments. It's where I am, how much alcohol the men around me have been consuming, and very importantly whether or not I'm on my own. If I'm with another woman or women the chances of a man on his own feeling the uncontrollable urge to "compliment" us diminishes for some reason; if I'm with a man (particularly my brother or boyfriend, both of whom are fairly big fellahs) the likelihood drops to near zero. Everyone comes down with a fierce dose of self-control/stinginess with compliments when they're going up against somebody their own size, funny that.

I'm generally very covered up when I'm out and about - to the point where I've been mistaken for a Muslim - and I still get comments ranging from "smile" to "howyih gorgeous" to "show us your tits". Obviously there are differences between those comments but they're all on the same spectrum, after year upon year of putting up with them the whole range get pretty ****ing tedious.