Sexy street harassment

Tzardine

She is not even that good looking to be honest.

J Mysterio

1. Thread name is amusing.

2. Woman is not hot. Not particularly good looking, kinda stumpy.

3. Just looking over/ making eye contact should let you know if you should even bother. So many women look really annoyed if people so much as look at them.

Grayson

Ficheall wrote: »

I've had a couple of positive comments on my hair from drunk girls - even had one come up uninvited and stick her unwelcome fingers in my hair, have had a drunk girl block my way by walking backwards in front of me and propositioning me, have had a girl in a group of other girls shout "I'd like to do him" at me across the road (I was, if it matters, on my own, and wearing very non-revealing clothing), and have had a pair of drunk girls follow me and ask me if they could come home with me (I should possibly have taken them up on that, in hindsight...) .

As a non-drinking male, who am I supposed to blame for this appalling behaviour? Women or drunken people?

I shave my head with a wet blade. I'm as bald as you can get. I have women rubbing my head all the time when i drink. Guys are worse. I've had guys slap my head and even lick it.

How Soon Is Now

Tzardine wrote: »

She is not even that good looking to be honest.

It's been said enough times in here already. Each and every time it just adds to more that can be said about us.

Lollipops23

TomJerryPoochy wrote: »

That's clearly harassment, saying hello is not.

You can see why, if you put up with sh*t like this on a reasonably regular basis, your guard would be up though?
Also, in my experience, a random man who just says "hello" out of nowhere on the street is most likely going to be a creep. Unless he's asking for directions or something

Pat Mustard

When I was out in Australia, I'd take the subway home after work. There used to be a young blonde lady handing out flyers. Every evening, she used to say 'hi gorgeous', in a bored tone of voice. I'd always say hi back.

One day, after her daily salutation, I was going off on my way, when I heard her saying the same thing to somebody else. I didn't look around. I couldn't. She had moved on, without even telling me. Our relationship was over. I was crushed.

No-one calls me gorgeous anymore.

Dr. Lollington

smurgen wrote: »

I'm a 6 2 man and weigh 16 st. I lived in streathem hill and used to get the bus in brixton. Only lived there for about 6 months and was jumped and almost got my phone taken twice by guys way smaller than me. Also had plenty of other weird people call me and try to talk to me there. Had a guy pop out of a dark alley right into my face one night and it ended in fisticuffs. Brixton is just an extremely busy place and I think all of these extremely busy places bring out some right nut jobs from the woodwork. I know it must be terrifying for a woman in these situations but as a bigger male you normally assume a guy who's gonna tackle you is gonna be packing a weapon of some sort so that adds to the fear.

Yeah, it's a pretty scary place alright, especially on the hill towards Streathem. I moved to Camberwell after that which is just an extension of Brixton really and had the exact same kind of hassle.

The weirdos in Camberwell didn't bother me as much because they seemed genuinely nuts whereas the ones in Brixton were more sinister and sleazy. There are alot of men hanging around in front of doorways looking shifty with other men coming up to them and people coming and going. It's hard to tell if they're pimps or drug dealers or both!

They are proper scary and I'd take 'howrya gorgeous, giz a smile' over those men any day!!

TomJerryPoochy

Lollipops23 wrote: »

You can see why, if you put up with sh*t like this on a reasonably regular basis, your guard would be up though?
Also, in my experience, a random man who just says "hello" out of nowhere on the street is most likely going to be a creep. Unless he's asking for directions or something

Maybe he is or maybe he wants to try and chat you up.

MissKittenfire

The Mustard wrote: »

When I was out in Australia, I'd take the subway home after work. There used to be a young blonde lady handing out flyers. Every evening, she used to say 'hi gorgeous', in a bored tone of voice. I'd always say hi back.

One day, after her daily salutation, I was going off on my way, when I heard her saying the same thing to somebody else. I didn't look around. I couldn't. She had moved on, without even telling me. Our relationship was over. I was crushed.

No-one calls me gorgeous anymore.

You ARE gorgeous mustard.

MissKittenfire

By the way women do not have to be attractive to be harassed.

Pat Mustard

MissKittenfire wrote: »

You ARE gorgeous mustard.

*Ahem* :pac:

Chunners

Tzardine wrote: »

She is not even that good looking to be honest.

All that goes to prove then is that maybe men, or at least some men, don't do it because they think the woman is attractive, maybe they do it because making women feel nervous gives them a feeling of power and dominance so what does that tell you about those men?

Tzardine

How Soon Is Now wrote: »

It's been said enough times in here already. Each and every time it just adds to more that can be said about us.

Thread is 14 pages long. Did not read it all.

I think it just says that the woman is not generally seen as overly attractive.

I wonder if that's why she got so much attention, because she is average looking and the guys might have fancied their chances ?

An extremely attractive woman might get less attention because guys would consider her out of their league.

How Soon Is Now

Tzardine wrote: »

Thread is 14 pages long. Did not read it all.

I think it just days that the woman is not generally seen as overly attractive.

I wonder if that's why she got so much attention, because she is average looking and the guys might have fancied their chances ?

An extremely attractive woman might get less attention because guys would consider her out of their league.

No its more along the lines of some fellas are thick and just make us all look bad in the long run.

They would more then likely say same ****e to any woman no matter what she's likr because for whatever reason they feel they need to.

J Mysterio

How Soon Is Now wrote: »

It's been said enough times in here already. Each and every time it just adds to more that can be said about us.

Pffft.

How Soon Is Now

J Mysterio wrote: »

Pffft.

Whatever that means.

CdeC

eviltwin wrote: »

Funny how I saw a lot of guys walking around topless during the summer and still didn't feel the need to shout comments at them. Let people wear what they want. Its not an invitation to shout at them.

I rememer being at QOTSA last year. I was walking back to get the luas and there was a young lad standing waiting for friends. About 22-23 years old and no top on as he'd been moshing. He was very goodlooking and had a very muscly body. He was getting a lot of attention mostly just eyes until a woman went up to him and without a word started feeling his chest and abs. He just looked at her and shuffled away to the side. Was very funny.
I find that woman on a night out, especially in groups will have no problem pinching arses and grabbing guys.

J Mysterio

Chunners wrote: »

All that goes to prove then is that maybe men, or at least some men, don't do it because they think the woman is attractive, maybe they do it because making women feel nervous gives them a feeling of power and dominance so what does that tell you about those men?

Oh lord

Warper

Those guys have probably been hearing about all this "seize the day" stuff and thought they would actually speak to a pretty girl. Should talking to strangers be banned, i dont know the solution

Recondite49

- Wanders around for ten hours past no doubt hundreds of men.
- Records around five minutes of footage of a small handful guys talking to her.
- Almost all comments are harmless e.g "smile", "have a good day".
- Calls it harassment.

The mind boggles.

Lollipops23

TomJerryPoochy wrote: »

Maybe he is or maybe he wants to try and chat you up.

Maybe I'm just used to Irish lads-much as I love you guys, it's rare that they'd be so forward in chatting a girl up!

My point though, is that an average woman will have experienced harassment at some level for her entire adult life, so our guards will be up even when a guy is being completely innocent.

With that in mind-lads, do us a solid and reign in those creepy guys-they're making it harder for all of you to hit on us

Recondite49

Warper wrote: »

Those guys have probably been hearing about all this "seize the day" stuff and thought they would actually speak to a pretty girl. Should talking to strangers be banned, i dont know the solution

Probably we shouldn't speak to someone we don't already know, maybe that will please the Feminist cabal once and for all... :-D

J Mysterio

How Soon Is Now wrote: »

Whatever that means.

It means I have so much contempt for.your statement that Pffft is all I could bother to formulate in response.

How Soon Is Now

J Mysterio wrote: »

It means I have so much contempt for.your statement that Pffft is all I could bother to formulate in response.

Come on tell me could be fun!

Recondite49

CdeC wrote: »

I rememer being at QOTSA last year. I was walking back to get the luas and there was a young lad standing waiting for friends. About 22-23 years old and no top on as he'd been moshing. He was very goodlooking and had a very muscly body. He was getting a lot of attention mostly just eyes until a woman went up to him and without a word started feeling his chest and abs. He just looked at her and shuffled away to the side. Was very funny.
I find that woman on a night out, especially in groups will have no problem pinching arses and grabbing guys.

You said it chief, my backside has been groped several times.

Not that I blame the women in question, they're only flesh and blood. Clearly the sight of my buns simply proved too tempting for some... :-D

Recondite49

Tzardine wrote: »

Thread is 14 pages long. Did not read it all.

I think it just says that the woman is not generally seen as overly attractive.

I wonder if that's why she got so much attention, because she is average looking and the guys might have fancied their chances ?

An extremely attractive woman might get less attention because guys would consider her out of their league.

Think she's Jewish - maybe they thought ethnic minorities would be an easy lay... Have to say I wouldn't approach a strange woman this way but might start chatting to someone in a queue or while waiting for a train - anywhere they'd be free to walk away if not interested.

I actually met one of my girlfriends in this way, we were in Waterstones in UK and got chatting as we were both looking at the same type of book* - life is full of these kind of random encounters and yes, she got the impression that I was interested in more than discussing her reading interests but actually she was a strong and confident girl and if not interested could have walked away.

It's the men that follow the girl that worry me - what exactly are they hoping for after being totally blanked?



*To my shame I wasn't in the Philosophy section, it was graphic novels. I wanted to buy V for Vendetta.

Ficheall

Lollipops23 wrote: »

With that in mind-lads, do us a solid and reign in those creepy guys-they're making it harder for all of you to hit on us

Just to clarify - you're suggesting men in general ought to be responsible for the actions of these select few?

Recondite49

Lollipops23 wrote: »

I generally consider myself pretty easygoing when it comes to guys attempting to chat me up- if I'm not interested I'll let them know in a polite and non-insulting manner (hey, respect works both ways), and expect them to back off. A few months ago I was in a situation whereby the guy wouldn't leave me be an d I was getting annoyed and a tiny bit scared at how aggressive he was being- he seemed to thrive on my discomfort tbh. In the end I told him (edit, screamed at him) that if he touched my leg again I would "f**king end him". I could have been more eloquent, but over half an hour of his clearly unwelcome attention had worn me down.

I, and no woman, should have to put up with that nonsense. My story isn't all that unusual, it happens every night of the week in cities around the world. Something is very wrong when men feel that it's acceptable to treat someone like that.

I'm really sorry to hear about your experience Lollipops.

With respect though I've seen a few threads like these before where someone describes a harmless activity e.g people saying hello on the street like in the video which is not harassment, and then someone shares a story which clearly IS harassment.

Surely we can apply a little common sense to situations like these?

Also what about the thousands of men who walk past women every single day and don't harass them? Surely we can see this is not a particularly serious issue?

MissKittenfire

Chunners wrote: »

All that goes to prove then is that maybe men, or at least some men, don't do it because they think the woman is attractive, maybe they do it because making women feel nervous gives them a feeling of power and dominance so what does that tell you about those men?

They do it to mock you. To tell you that you are never the type of person they would respect or go for.

That's why. It's to make you cry.

We know why they do it.

To make you feel sexually repulsive about yourself. To make you hate and fear men. That's why they do it.

They don't like women or even like sex.

We all know what it's like to feel harassed. It's not pleasant. It's scary. It ruins a night or a day out etc. That is why they do it. They like hurting people.


They possible target men on another way. These are not nice people.

Street harassment is very low level stuff.

I have on one occasion been in a bar and had my bum groped. The guy as he walked away sneered at me. As if you say there yeah you are scum girl. I can tell you he wasn't the exactly being nice to everyone else there.

It's not sexual ...it's mockery and used to put you through emotional distress.

It can happen to guys too. I think it tends to happen to younger guys. They get intimidated by group of women. It's horrible.

I always try and stand up for girls and guys.

A weird one was once my boyfriend in college had really really long red hair. And from the back when he had it down I guess he looked like a girl. And we were on the bus and some guy pinched his bum. And when my bf turned around the guy got a terrible shock. It was kinda funny.



Today you can find an outlet for any sexual desire. It's quite fascinating you can be submissive dominant etc. Find a dominatrix. You could ask your girlfriend to walk around town while you follow her and try and grope her. All of these are perfectly healthy expressions of sexuality.

These guys don't want my number. They don't represent most men. 99% of men would never dream of it. There is a difference in seeking an interesting sex life and making people feel ****.

Celly Smunt

Ficheall wrote: »

Just to clarify - you're suggesting men in general ought to be responsible for the actions of these select few?

Not to mention we should feel somewhat privileged to share any time with a woman since she calls the shots on whether you are worthy enough or not.

kylith

Ficheall wrote: »

Just to clarify - you're suggesting men in general ought to be responsible for the actions of these select few?

Well, if you see one of your friends doing it you could tell him to stop.

Recondite49

Ficheall wrote: »

Just to clarify - you're suggesting men in general ought to be responsible for the actions of these select few?

I also think doing something like this would be quite patronising towards women - the last time someone said something rude to my better half she tore him to shreds (metaphorically speaking!).

I would intervene if I ever saw a man lay his hands on a woman but this video seems to be a lot of fuss over nothing. Even the men who walk alongside her bugger off after a few minutes.

SVJKarate

Chunners wrote: »

All that goes to prove then is that maybe men, or at least some men, don't do it because they think the woman is attractive, maybe they do it because making women feel nervous gives them a feeling of power and dominance so what does that tell you about those men?

+1

These were never intended as compliments, merely a form of power play.

Well, okay - maybe one or two of the men were simply misguided or simple.

Recondite49

kylith wrote: »

Well, if you see one of your friends doing it you could tell him to stop.

Doing what exactly?

Saying hi to a woman? Asking her to smile?

I think I can live with my male friends doing that believe it or not. :-D

the evasion_kid

Ficheall wrote: »

Just to clarify - you're suggesting men in general ought to be responsible for the actions of these select few?

And that the onus is still on the man to be the one to approach and chat up in this age of equality!

MissKittenfire

Celly Smunt wrote: »

Personal experience?

Wow. Ok thanks. that really did sting...thanks already having a crap day

Same old mysognists on here...don't know why I bother..

I try thinking the best of people ..then this again.
**** you

Chunners

J Mysterio wrote: »

Oh lord

You do realize that I am not a mind reader right? I just ask because when you quote me and say something random like that I just want to make sure you know I have no idea what you are trying to say.

Recondite49

Celly Smunt wrote: »

Not to mention we should feel somewhat privileged to share any time with a woman since she calls the shots on whether you are worthy enough or not.

For the record I am thoroughly unworthy... :-D

Celly Smunt

Actually,Where the **** are my flowers on a first date?

RGDATA!

Last_Minute wrote: »

Yeah, having a giant American Eagle on your backside doesn't draw attention to it,

"she was asking for it, look what she was wearing"

Celly Smunt

MissKittenfire wrote: »

Wow. Ok thanks. that really did sting...thanks already having a crap day

Same old mysognists on here...don't know why I bother..

I try thinking the best of people ..then this again.
**** you

Soz babes.

Recondite49

MissKittenfire wrote: »

Wow. Ok thanks. that really did sting...thanks already having a crap day

Same old mysognists on here...don't know why I bother..

I try thinking the best of people ..then this again.
**** you

I think it's a legit question, although I do wonder whether the fact a woman isn't attractive in the conventional sense would actually put off someone determined to harass women.

I don't agree with your assessment though that this is a form of mockery. It's entirely possible that a person may be friendly or interested in you for reasons other than your cup size - I have already mentioned how I got chatting to a strange girl in a book store as we bonded over a mutual love of graphic novels, I asked her to join me for a beverage at a local cafe and the rest as they say was history.

We're looking at this from a very narrow perspective because I think in Anglo-Saxon culture, talking to a complete stranger is very unusual. I remember sitting on a bus in places like South Africa and the locals would think nothing of striking up a conversation with you, and often they'd begin by asking how your day was.

Of course if a person doesn't want to engage, the other person should respect that but I really don't see much in this video which is very objectionable, aside from following that girl around.

OldNotWIse

Recondite49 wrote: »

Doing what exactly?

Saying hi to a woman? Asking her to smile?

I think I can live with my male friends doing that believe it or not. :-D

I dont mind being briefly objectified as someone walks past me. In fact I like it, and there'll probably come a time when it won't happen any more. Sorry if that písses the feminists off. However, being told to smile really fúcking annoys me to the point that my hands curl into fists - and not because it might be a guy saying it. Even in the workplace, the one who shouts "ah cheer up!" or "why the long face" - just...die.

Frigga_92

I read about this video on a few different websites earlier and figured there would be a thread on here about it.

Like others have said, when you are just going about your day to day business, getting stuff done, walking from A to B, getting harassed like this stands out even more.

When I was a lot younger than I am now I had 2 really horrible experiences on buses. The first was when I was only 14. I was on my mid-term break and visiting my sister in Dublin, at the time she was living in Ongar, it was a good few years ago now, at least 15, so that was quite a long bus journey from the city centre back then. I had bought a magazine and a packet of crisps for the bus journey and sat downstairs down the back with my earphones in. It was during the day so the bus wasn't that busy.
A guy got on as the bus was leaving the city centre and sat down beside me. He looked to be at least in his 30s. I thought this was a bit weird considering the bus was empty but continued reading my magazine and listening to my music. I could sense him trying to get my attention so I ignored him and eventually he tapped me on the arm. I looked at him and took out one earphone and he asked me if I had the newspaper, I said no, he then asked if I had the time, I checked my watch and gave him the time, he then tried to engage me in talk about where I was going and I said I wasn't from the area and put my earphone back in. Over my music I could hear him talking to himself and thought I heard him say something about me but chose to ignore it.
I was aware of him for the whole bus journey, he kept bumping off my arm, or dropping things on the floor. I didn't want to get off the bus early as I wasn't familiar with the area and I was afraid he would follow me.
The bus eventually got to the last stop and I got up to get off. I had my hand on the railing and he put his hand over my hand. I was 14 and genuinely terrified at this point. I pulled my hand away and walked down the bus. I'm sure anyone familiar with Dublin will know that most buses basically end their routes just on the side of the road usually at the quiet end of a housing development so there would be very little traffic. I got off the bus and stood around for a few minutes, I was hoping that there might be other people waiting around for lifts. I always walked home from the bus but I was ringing my sister to see if she'd meet me but there was no answer. The guy was still hanging around watching me. As the last few people started to walk off up the road in different directions I started walking behind a mum and her 2 kids, they were a little bit up the road from me but my plan was to keep them in my sight. Next thing the guy started following me, he started talking to me from behind but I kept walking. He kept asking me questions trying to get my attention and eventually ran up behind me and put his hand on my bag. I turned around and shouted at him to leave me alone. His response was well fook you then, I was only trying to be friendly. He walked past me then and continued up the road. I was so relieved. He then turned around and shouted that I should stop eating those crisps because I was so fat.
When I got home I cried my eyes out, not because of what he had said but because I was just so afraid.
This guy was at least 15 years older than me and when I was 14 I actually looked a lot younger and was very tomboyish, nothing remotely sexually attractive about me.

Another time I was followed home from the bus stop, I was maybe 15 or 16 at this stage. I got off the bus and started walking up the road towards my sister's house (different house this time). The bus was just about to pull away when a guy jumped off it and started walking after me. I thought nothing of it but then I thought he was trying to keep in step with me so I slowed down and so did he, then I walked faster and so did he. I began to get a bit panicky at this stage as I was still about 10 minutes away from my house. Next thing he ran up beside me, he had his hands in his pockets and he nudged me in the arm and said where are you going?, I didn't answer at first and he said are you deaf?, I said I'm going home, then he asked me where I lived, and I just turned into the next driveway. He ran up to the door and rang the doorbell multiple times and stood at the bottom of the driveway waiting for the door to be answered. A woman answered the door and I said hi, sorry I'm late. She took one look at my face and said come in, we've been waiting ages. I turned around and the guy was gone. I explained to the woman what had happened and thanked her for her help and her and her husband walked me home.

Aside from those 2 very frightening experiences, I've also experienced the usual of being called names. I've had things thrown at me. I've been groped.
I've left a pub or a club numerous times because I've been insulted or groped by a man.
I was out one night with my sister and a guy grabbed her by the arse and squeezed it really really hard (she actually cried out because it was so sore) and whispered into her ear while licking her ear lobe "I'm going to have that fat arse". I told him to get away from her and he wouldn't so I pushed him and he still wouldn't budge so I gave him a full force kick into the shin which floored him. He then lay on the floor grabbed his crotch saying "Oh a threesome".
Another night I was out with a friend. We were sitting at a table opposite the bar and there was a group of fellas at the bar. A couple of times during the night I had caught one of the guys looking in my direction but I wasn't interested so I tried to ignore it. Eventually he came over to me and asked if I wanted a drink, I politely declined and told him I had a boyfriend and he then said "It was the skinny one I was interested in, not you fat bitch".
Another night I was out in a big group and we all got chatting to a big group of guys. One fella kept trying to engage me in a conversation and we were chatting away, eventually he offered to buy me a drink and in the interests of full disclosure I told him I had a boyfriend, he said that was cool, it was just a drink so we had a right laugh about it and then he came back with the drinks. About a half an hour later I was still chatting to him and a few of his friends and another group of girls came into the bar, he turned to me and said "Ah look I'm not really interested in being friends with a girl", I laughed, thinking he was joking and he said "I have a cock, if I can't put it in you then **** off and you shouldn't really be out in a bar anyway if you have a boyfriend at home".

When I lived in Dublin I walked my dog every evening and it was the same thing every night, wolf whistles, men shouting stuff from cars, cars pulling up alongside me as I walked, groups of young fellas in the park harassing me.

J Mysterio

Chunners wrote: »

You do realize that I am not a mind reader right? I just ask because when you quote me and say something random like that I just want to make sure you know I have no idea what you are trying to say.

That's not really a big to surprise to me and, frankly, i'll just maintain the status quo.

SVJKarate

Recondite49 wrote: »

It's the men that follow the girl that worry me - what exactly are they hoping for after being totally blanked?

An opportunity for 'revenge' perhaps? To see if they could end up somewhere alone with her where they could act in a way where she would have to react to them?

Or, if they are just lonely, desperate men, a prolonged opportunity to stare at a woman they found attractive.

Either way, unpleasant behaviour.

Recondite49

OldNotWIse wrote: »

I dont mind being briefly objectified as someone walks past me. In fact I like it, and there'll probably come a time when it won't happen any more. Sorry if that písses the feminists off. However, being told to smile really fúcking annoys me to the point that my hands curl into fists - and not because it might be a guy saying it. Even in the workplace, the one who shouts "ah cheer up!" or "why the long face" - just...die.

I know what you mean OldNotWise, but then again it's not really a gender issue, I've been asked at work, "WHy the long face?" and usually when the reason is obvious you have to bite your tongue.

I think it's probably because your average feminist usually comes across as very angry and miserable, so perhaps some women think guys are making fun.

Recondite49

SVJKarate wrote: »

An opportunity for 'revenge' perhaps? To see if they could end up somewhere alone with her where they could act in a way where she would have to react to them?

Or, if they are just lonely, desperate men, a prolonged opportunity to stare at a woman they found attractive.

Either way, unpleasant behaviour.

Unpleasant, possibly tantamount to harassment but when you consider she walked around the city for ten hours and that's the worst that happens, hardly campaign worthy.

Ficheall

kylith wrote: »

Well, if you see one of your friends doing it you could tell him to stop.

If you were walking through town with a friend and she said "hi", or even "hi gorgeous", to a passing guy, would you reprimand her?

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

Celly Smunt wrote: »

Not to mention we should feel somewhat privileged to share any time with a woman since she calls the shots on whether you are worthy enough or not.

Where was that said?

Recondite49 wrote: »

With respect though I've seen a few threads like these before where someone describes a harmless activity e.g people saying hello on the street like in the video which is not harassment, and then someone shares a story which clearly IS harassment.

There are differences (big ones) between "hello" and "how much you charging you hoor". But when you get enough of the latter your tolerance for the former goes way down. Your guard is up to a certain extent (depending on the details of the situation and a basic judgement call) any time you get unsolicited male attention in public. I was eleven years old the first time I got groped by a stranger, it's happened countless times since and every single time it's a humiliating, upsetting experience, on several occasions the groper led with a "hello". The hurt feelings of a harmless stranger who was only trying to talk to me when I ignored him are not the first thing on my list of priorities regarding how I deal with strangers' attention.

Surely we can apply a little common sense to situations like these?

Also what about the thousands of men who walk past women every single day and don't harass them? Surely we can see this is not a particularly serious issue?

You would think one could apply common sense. The jury is pretty much in on this, every woman responding here has said that she has experienced street harassment, usually more than once. But go ahead and mansplain how it's not a problem if that's your version of common sense.



:-D :-D