Sexy street harassment

Recondite49

26sdrawkcab wrote: »

I read about this video on a few different websites earlier and figured there would be a thread on here about it.

Like others have said, when you are just going about your day to day business, getting stuff done, walking from A to B, getting harassed like this stands out even more.

When I was a lot younger than I am now I had 2 really horrible experiences on buses. The first was when I was only 14. I was on my mid-term break and visiting my sister in Dublin, at the time she was living in Ongar, it was a good few years ago now, at least 15, so that was quite a long bus journey from the city centre back then. I had bought a magazine and a packet of crisps for the bus journey and sat downstairs down the back with my earphones in. It was during the day so the bus wasn't that busy.
A guy got on as the bus was leaving the city centre and sat down beside me. He looked to be at least in his 30s. I thought this was a bit weird considering the bus was empty but continued reading my magazine and listening to my music. I could sense him trying to get my attention so I ignored him and eventually he tapped me on the arm. I looked at him and took out one earphone and he asked me if I had the newspaper, I said no, he then asked if I had the time, I checked my watch and gave him the time, he then tried to engage me in talk about where I was going and I said I wasn't from the area and put my earphone back in. Over my music I could hear him talking to himself and thought I heard him say something about me but chose to ignore it.
I was aware of him for the whole bus journey, he kept bumping off my arm, or dropping things on the floor. I didn't want to get off the bus early as I wasn't familiar with the area and I was afraid he would follow me.
The bus eventually got to the last stop and I got up to get off. I had my hand on the railing and he put his hand over my hand. I was 14 and genuinely terrified at this point. I pulled my hand away and walked down the bus. I'm sure anyone familiar with Dublin will know that most buses basically end their routes just on the side of the road usually at the quiet end of a housing development so there would be very little traffic. I got off the bus and stood around for a few minutes, I was hoping that there might be other people waiting around for lifts. I always walked home from the bus but I was ringing my sister to see if she'd meet me but there was no answer. The guy was still hanging around watching me. As the last few people started to walk off up the road in different directions I started walking behind a mum and her 2 kids, they were a little bit up the road from me but my plan was to keep them in my sight. Next thing the guy started following me, he started talking to me from behind but I kept walking. He kept asking me questions trying to get my attention and eventually ran up behind me and put his hand on my bag. I turned around and shouted at him to leave me alone. His response was well fook you then, I was only trying to be friendly. He walked past me then and continued up the road. I was so relieved. He then turned around and shouted that I should stop eating those crisps because I was so fat.
When I got home I cried my eyes out, not because of what he had said but because I was just so afraid.
This guy was at least 15 years older than me and when I was 14 I actually looked a lot younger and was very tomboyish, nothing remotely sexually attractive about me.

Another time I was followed home from the bus stop, I was maybe 15 or 16 at this stage. I got off the bus and started walking up the road towards my sister's house (different house this time). The bus was just about to pull away when a guy jumped off it and started walking after me. I thought nothing of it but then I thought he was trying to keep in step with me so I slowed down and so did he, then I walked faster and so did he. I began to get a bit panicky at this stage as I was still about 10 minutes away from my house. Next thing he ran up beside me, he had his hands in his pockets and he nudged me in the arm and said where are you going?, I didn't answer at first and he said are you deaf?, I said I'm going home, then he asked me where I lived, and I just turned into the next driveway. He ran up to the door and rang the doorbell multiple times and stood at the bottom of the driveway waiting for the door to be answered. A woman answered the door and I said hi, sorry I'm late. She took one look at my face and said come in, we've been waiting ages. I turned around and the guy was gone. I explained to the woman what had happened and thanked her for her help and her and her husband walked me home.

Aside from those 2 very frightening experiences, I've also experienced the usual of being called names. I've had things thrown at me. I've been groped.
I've left a pub or a club numerous times because I've been insulted or groped by a man.
I was out one night with my sister and a guy grabbed her by the arse and squeezed it really really hard (she actually cried out because it was so sore) and whispered into her ear while licking her ear lobe "I'm going to have that fat arse". I told him to get away from her and he wouldn't so I pushed him and he still wouldn't budge so I gave him a full force kick into the shin which floored him. He then lay on the floor grabbed his crotch saying "Oh a threesome".
Another night I was out with a friend. We were sitting at a table opposite the bar and there was a group of fellas at the bar. A couple of times during the night I had caught one of the guys looking in my direction but I wasn't interested so I tried to ignore it. Eventually he came over to me and asked if I wanted a drink, I politely declined and told him I had a boyfriend and he then said "It was the skinny one I was interested in, not you fat bitch".
Another night I was out in a big group and we all got chatting to a big group of guys. One fella kept trying to engage me in a conversation and we were chatting away, eventually he offered to buy me a drink and in the interests of full disclosure I told him I had a boyfriend, he said that was cool, it was just a drink so we had a right laugh about it and then he came back with the drinks. About a half an hour later I was still chatting to him and a few of his friends and another group of girls came into the bar, he turned to me and said "Ah look I'm not really interested in being friends with a girl", I laughed, thinking he was joking and he said "I have a cock, if I can't put it in you then **** off and you shouldn't really be out in a bar anyway if you have a boyfriend at home".

When I lived in Dublin I walked my dog every evening and it was the same thing every night, wolf whistles, men shouting stuff from cars, cars pulling up alongside me as I walked, groups of young fellas in the park harassing me.

I'm sorry to hear about your experiences, it's awful. But once again I don't see any direct comparison between what you went through and what happened in this video.

Ruu

Celly Smunt won't be joining us for a bit.

Mod

kylith

Recondite49 wrote: »

Doing what exactly?

Saying hi to a woman? Asking her to smile?

I think I can live with my male friends doing that believe it or not. :-D

If they are, perhaps unconsciously, hassling a woman that you can see looks uncomfortable. Or if they're yelling "Hey baby!" or lewd comments you could tell them to cop themselves on.

No-one is saying that you can't say hello to a woman, just to be aware of how you do so, and that she may have had very negative experiences of being approached by strange men in the past.

Recondite49

Paige Brave Poker wrote: »

Where was that said?



There are differences (big ones) between "hello" and "how much you charging you hoor". But when you get enough of the latter your tolerance for the former goes way down. Your guard is up to a certain extent (depending on the details of the situation and a basic judgement call) any time you get unsolicited male attention in public. I was eleven years old the first time I got groped by a stranger, it's happened countless times since and every single time it's a humiliating, upsetting experience, on several occasions the groper led with a "hello". The hurt feelings of a harmless stranger who was only trying to talk to me when I ignored him are not the first thing on my list of priorities regarding how I deal with strangers' attention.




You would think one could apply common sense. The jury is pretty much in on this, every woman responding here has said that she has experienced street harassment, usually more than once. But go ahead and mansplain how it's not a problem if that's your version of common sense.



:-D :-D

Every woman has described experiences of harassment, that doesn't mean it's some kind of epidemic or that what takes place in the video is harassment.

Still go ahead and sign a petition if it makes you feel happy sweetheart.

p.s Mansplaining = telling a woman she's wrong even when she actually is. :-D

OldNotWIse

Recondite49 wrote: »

I know what you mean OldNotWise, but then again it's not really a gender issue, I've been asked at work, "WHy the long face?" and usually when the reason is obvious you have to bite your tongue.

I think it's probably because your average feminist usually comes across as very angry and miserable, so perhaps some women think guys are making fun.

Yeah it just makes no sense to me. If I am sad about something (and hence have a long face), then some ársehole barking "cheer up" at me is not going to make me feel better, and if I am actually in a good mood but my default expression just seems aloof, then the same ársehole barking "cheer up" at me will put me in a bad mood.

And on the objectification issue, I have caught myself on more than one occasion sneaking a rapid peek below the belt* and wandering off on a little daydream without even consciously realising it so it would be hypocritical to expect to be treated as some kind of chaste goddess in return :P

* to clarify, not actually peeking under it! That would be unacceptable!

TomJerryPoochy

SVJKarate wrote: »

An opportunity for 'revenge' perhaps? To see if they could end up somewhere alone with her where they could act in a way where she would have to react to them?

Or, if they are just lonely, desperate men, a prolonged opportunity to stare at a woman they found attractive.

Either way, unpleasant behaviour.

Seems like mental illness to do that.

How Soon Is Now

Just getting stupid in here now :pac:.

From what i can see here when it comes to these issues women are a lot more sensitive to them in most cases and obviously it affects them more. I dunno how often it happens because its been actually a long time since ive seen it but i guess it obviously does.

Now a lot of men dont see the issue or they dont see what the fuss is so they take offense when a group of women start to complain about it like whats happening in here now.

The whole what we say as a sex towards each other you have to be careful number one what you say number two how you say it and number three how you treat people.

Because there are so many idiots out there making fools of them self and giving people hassle its easy for the rest of us to be labeled if were seen as the same or even boarding on it.

I said something on here the other day that as soon as i said it i knew i should of worded it better and a lot of people reacted badly to it. i was warned and i accept that grand weather i think its fair or not thats just the way it is. I went and said sorry i explained myself and it was ignored so basically what im saying is weather we all agree with each other on things or weather we think where right or not some people react and take things a lot differently then we might.

TomJerryPoochy

OldNotWIse wrote: »

Yeah it just makes no sense to me. If I am sad about something (and hence have a long face), then some ársehole barking "cheer up" at me is not going to make me feel better, and if I am actually in a good mood but my default expression just seems aloof, then the same ársehole barking "cheer up" at me will put me in a bad mood.

Tell them you were just told your Mother died.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

Recondite49 wrote: »

Every woman has described experiences of harassment, that doesn't mean it's some kind of epidemic or that what takes place in the video is harassment.

Still go ahead and sign a petition if it makes you feel happy sweetheart.

p.s Mansplaining = telling a woman she's wrong even when she actually is. :-D

Didn't mention the petition, sugartits, I've no intention of signing it either. I presumed it was understood that the video had provided a springboard for a wider discussion of street harassment, if that went over your head I'm sorry.

Zulu

Lollipops23 wrote: »

With that in mind-lads, do us a solid and reign in those creepy guys-they're making it harder for all of you to hit on us

I really don't have the time; I'm up to my tonsils stopping my male friends from raping and telling them to "man up" to domestic violence.

Lollipops23

Ficheall wrote: »

Just to clarify - you're suggesting men in general ought to be responsible for the actions of these select few?

Oh god no! Sorry, never meant it to come across like that!

I know that the VAST majority of men are great-and polite to women.

I just meant it as an explanation as to why ladies can be seemingly frosty to advances sometimes (sometimes they're just impolite themselves).

Recondite49

Any men have experiences like mine where you struck up a conversation with a strange woman and made a new friend or got a date?

My point is these kind of encounters aren't uncommon or immoral, it's when the attention is unwanted that we need to worry.

I may be a chauvinistic mansplainer but I really think everyone must agree it would be a sad state of affairs if a man can't wish a woman a good morning, or even ask for a smile without being labeled as some kind of sexual deviant or stalker.

Lollipops23

Zulu wrote: »

I really don't have the time; I'm up to my tonsils stopping my male friends from raping and telling them to "man up" to domestic violence.

Did I say that all men should be take responsibility for these? No. Stop putting words in my mouth.

Grayson

Recondite49 wrote: »

I'm sorry to hear about your experiences, it's awful. But once again I don't see any direct comparison between what you went through and what happened in this video.

It's harassment. It might not be a precise copy but it's still harassment.

Recondite49

Paige Brave Poker wrote: »

Didn't mention the petition, sugartits, I've no intention of signing it either. I presumed it was understood that the video had provided a springboard for a wider discussion of street harassment, if that went over your head I'm sorry.

Sweetheart, if you'd taken the time to read through the thread you'll have noticed I did touch on a few of the wider issues, although admittedly my posts do go over the character limit you may encounter on Twitter when screaming at the internet.

Please feel free to complain all you want, it's still going to be OK for people to talk to strangers, we're not children love. :-D

TomJerryPoochy

Recondite49 wrote: »

Any men have experiences like mine where you struck up a conversation with a strange woman and made a new friend or got a date?

My point is these kind of encounters aren't uncommon or immoral, it's when the attention is unwanted that we need to worry.

I may be a chauvinistic mansplainer but I really think everyone must agree it would be a sad state of affairs if a man can't wish a woman a good morning, or even ask for a smile without being labeled as some kind of sexual deviant or stalker.

Ask for a smile???

Recondite49

Grayson wrote: »

It's harassment. It might not be a precise copy but it's still harassment.

No it isn't.

Recondite49

TomJerryPoochy wrote: »

Ask for a smile???

That's right because as a man, I've never been asked by a woman to cheer up... I feel sooo violated. :-D

DoYouEvenLift

I wish I could leave my house and be told to have a nice day and that I look good

Recondite49

Lollipops23 wrote: »

Did I say that all men should be take responsibility for these? No. Stop putting words in my mouth.

I keep telling my friends that pornography is the theory, rape is the practice but will they listen? :-D

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

Recondite49 wrote: »

Sweetheart, if you'd taken the time to read through the thread you'll have noticed I did touch on a few of the wider issues, although admittedly my posts do go over the character limit you may encounter on Twitter when screaming at the internet.

Please feel free to complain all you want, it's still going to be OK for people to talk to strangers, we're not children love. :-D

I rather think we can just park our little chat here babes if that kind of post is all you can come out with.

TomJerryPoochy

Paige Brave Poker wrote: »

I rather think we can just park our little chat here babes if that kind of post is all you can come out with.

You two need to get a room.

Rymfy

I'd say the difference between complimenting and harassing is going out of your way to do it. Whistling at a woman as you walk by isn't harassment imo, but stopping to stare while doing so is, because it's unnatural. But I guess some women would take even whistling as harassment if they don't want anyone's opinion on how they look...

Trying to strike up a conversation with a total stranger is also unnatural, which makes it creepy. But if you two happen to make eye connection, it would be natural to say hi. And then the comments should be something you could say to anyone, no matter who it was. You wouldn't ask a random guy for a smile, so don't ask a random girl for one either. You could say good morning to a random guy, so no shame in greeting a woman either!

Zulu

Lollipops23 wrote: »

Did I say that all men should be take responsibility for these? No. Stop putting words in my mouth.

I didn't say you did. I was just pointing out how your flippant (safe enough to call it that?) comment is a common one faced by "men" today. (And frankly I'm sick of it)

As you later corrected, the vast majority of men are great, yet we are singled out to "stop rape" and "put an end to domestic violence". Your comment compounded that and I reacted to it. In fairness you then clarified, so kudos for the correction/acknowledgment.

Lollipops23

Recondite49 wrote: »

I may be a chauvinistic mansplainer but I really think everyone must agree it would be a sad state of affairs if a man can't wish a woman a good morning, or even ask for a smile without being labeled as some kind of sexual deviant or stalker.

No. No no no no.

It's really not ok to tell a perfect stranger to "smile" or "cheer up". You have NO idea what they're going through. It's not your place to ask them to smile.

Ficheall

Lollipops23 wrote: »

Oh god no! Sorry, never meant it to come across like that!

I know that the VAST majority of men are great-and polite to women.

I just meant it as an explanation as to why ladies can be seemingly frosty to advances sometimes (sometimes they're just impolite themselves).

Sorry, maybe I was being unclear or a bit thick.
I was referring to this quote:

Lollipops23 wrote: »

With that in mind-lads, do us a solid and reign in those creepy guys

Perhaps you could explain how this is an explanation as to why ladies can be seemingly frosty to advances sometimes?

SVJKarate

Recondite49 wrote: »

No it isn't.

Following that logic, it's not harassment to ask for a cigarette, but if you're standing alone on the street at night and two men approach you asking for one, you know you're being harassed, right? You know that they don't really want a cigarette, and even if you gave them one, they'd want more.

Harassment is not just about the words. It's all about context. Saying "that jacket is really nice on you" to somebody you know is hugely different from saying "hi gorgeous" to a stranger.

Recondite49

Paige Brave Poker wrote: »

I rather think we can just park our little chat here babes if that kind of post is all you can come out with.

Oh believe me I've plenty more sweetheart...! Why not actually try to address some of the points I've raised rather than try to score cheap points about chauvinists?

No?
Thought not.

kylith

Ficheall wrote: »

If you were walking through town with a friend and she said "hi", or even "hi gorgeous", to a passing guy, would you reprimand her?

If she said 'hi gorgeous' and it was someone she didn't know I'd probably say something. If she was ignoring 'go away' signals from a guy, or yelling at him to get his kit off then I'd give her a piece of my mind.

Recondite49 wrote: »

I may be a chauvinistic mansplainer but I really think everyone must agree it would be a sad state of affairs if a man can't wish a woman a good morning, or even ask for a smile without being labeled as some kind of sexual deviant or stalker.

Why the fck would you ask a complete stranger to smile for you though? If that's just what their face normally looks like then you're being insulting. For all you know she has a valid reason for not smiling, having just received bad news. Telling someone to smile may not be sexually deviant but it's certainly rude.

Recondite49

SVJKarate wrote: »

Following that logic, it's not harassment to ask for a cigarette, but if you're standing alone on the street at night and two men approach you asking for one, you know you're being harassed, right? You know that they don't really want a cigarette, and even if you gave them one, they'd want more.

Harassment is not just about the words. It's all about context. Saying "that jacket is really nice on you" to somebody you know is hugely different from saying "hi gorgeous" to a stranger.

I wouldn't think anyone asking me for a spare fag would be harassment under any circumstances.

I'd just say, No, I don't smoke...

Erm... what is your point exactly? Forgive my addled brain, am at work right now.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

Recondite49 wrote: »

Oh believe me I've plenty more sweetheart...! Why not actually try to address some of the points I've raised rather than try to score cheap points about chauvinists?

No?
Thought not.

Jesus, what points? Besides the ad nauseum repetition of "that's not harassment" I can't see much to address? Is there some secret meaning to :-D that's going over my pretty little head or something?

Recondite49

kylith wrote: »

If she said 'hi gorgeous' and it was someone she didn't know I'd probably say something. If she was ignoring 'go away' signals from a guy, or yelling at him to get his kit off then I'd give her a piece of my mind.

Why the fck would you ask a complete stranger to smile for you though? If that's just what their face normally looks like then you're being insulting. For all you know she has a valid reason for not smiling, having just received bad news. Telling someone to smile may not be sexually deviant but it's certainly rude.

My point is that I don't think it construes harassment, I've had female colleagues, teachers and even strangers tell me to cheer up as I usually look quite serious when thinking (getting the old brain cells running)... why would this be at all sinister?

Recondite49

Paige Brave Poker wrote: »

Jesus, what points? Besides the ad nauseum repetition of "that's not harassment" I can't see much to address? Is there some secret meaning to :-D that's going over my pretty little head or something?

I can't speak as to whether your head is pretty sweetheart but why not use it to do a little reading through the thread?

For instance those parts where men have recounted the time they've spoken to a stranger harmlessly myself included?

If you have a point to make babes, now's the time.

Recondite49

Lollipops23 wrote: »

No. No no no no.

It's really not ok to tell a perfect stranger to "smile" or "cheer up". You have NO idea what they're going through. It's not your place to ask them to smile.

So have I been sexually harassed by every woman who's asked me to do that down the years? I doubt it.

It's saying things like this that draws attention away from real harassment.

People can say I'm some chauvinist pig but why then make it easy for people like me to trivialise harassment if you're going to make a fuss out of things like this?

Your own experiences were terrible, surely you're not saying someone laying hands on you and following you is the same thing as someone making an attempt at conversation, however unwelcome?

The mind boggles...

Penny Tration

Lollipops23 wrote: »

No. No no no no.

It's really not ok to tell a perfect stranger to "smile" or "cheer up". You have NO idea what they're going through. It's not your place to ask them to smile.

Absolutely agree.

I had a man come up to me in work one morning and say 'cheer up, nobody's died.'

My response (which was truthful, and is exactly why I was standing there with tears in my eyes) - 'actually, my grandad died about two hours ago, thanks.'

A lot of awkwardness ensued.


Edit to add: i wouldn't even think to call telling someone to cheer up, harassment. It's an absolute pain in the hole, though.

Lollipops23

Ficheall wrote: »

Sorry, maybe I was being unclear or a bit thick.
I was referring to this quote:

Perhaps you could explain how this is an explanation as to why ladies can be seemingly frosty to advances sometimes?

The part about how women can sometimes be overly frosty to perfectly innocent banter/conversation initiated by guys? Honestly I think it's a defence mechanism caused by so much harassment. It'll happen most women on a night out at some point, so years of this will lead to exasperation on our parts.

By the other comment- I honestly believe it'll take men in general getting onboard with us in combating the inappropriate behaviours of those lads who carry out street harassment. Look at the UN's HeForShe campaign.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

Recondite49 wrote: »

I can't speak as to whether your head is pretty sweetheart but why not use it to do a little reading through the thread?

For instance those parts where men have recounted the time they've spoken to a stranger harmlessly myself included?

If you have a point to make babes, now's the time.

What about those parts? How am I supposed to respond to "this one time I talked to someone"? And what has it got to do with anything?

How Soon Is Now

Recondite49 wrote: »

My point is that I don't think it construes harassment, I've had female colleagues, teachers and even strangers tell me to cheer up as I usually look quite serious when thinking (getting the old brain cells running)... why would this be at all sinister?

Its actually annoying more then anything. When someone walks up to you and calls you out about your facial expression the last thing your gonna do is smile :pac:

Ive had it done to me once or twice i wouldnt mind but i wasnt even annoyed it was just my normal everyday face ha. The fact someone decided to point out to me that i should be smiling when i didnt need to be i felt well **** off and mind your own business.

You also dont know what is going on inside a persons head at that very moment imagine walking up to someone whos just after finding out a friend or relative died for example and telling them would you ever smile!.

Shenshen

Recondite49 wrote: »

I'm sorry to hear about your experiences, it's awful. But once again I don't see any direct comparison between what you went through and what happened in this video.

You really can't, can you?

All these incidents started with "someone just saying hello".
Yes, out of the 100 times someone "just says hello", 95 times that might be all they're doing.
But after you have been through the 5 times that ended similar to the post you quoted, most women when out on their own will feel scared the next time a guy comes up and just says hello.

And most female posters in this thread have had those 5 times and then some.
On a crowded street in broad daylight it migh be just a nuisance.

But you might have to turn away from the crowded street down a side street to get where you're going, and who's guaranteeing the "friendly greeter" isn't following you?

I realise you won't ever understand the concept, but seeing as so many women on here admit that such behaviour scares them, is it so much to ask to just accept that it is frightening?

Lollipops23

Recondite49 wrote: »

Your own experiences were terrible, surely you're not saying someone laying hands on you and following you is the same thing as someone making an attempt at conversation, however unwelcome?

The mind boggles...

It's still harassment. Someone shouting down the street that my tits look great is sexual harassment. Doesn't matter how you see it.

And yes, if a woman yells something similar at you, it's also sexual harassment.

o1s1n

Recondite49 wrote: »

My point is that I don't think it construes harassment, I've had female colleagues, teachers and even strangers tell me to cheer up as I usually look quite serious when thinking (getting the old brain cells running)... why would this be at all sinister?

What gives anyone the right to tell someone they don't know to 'cheer up' or 'smile, it might never happen'?

Maybe it did 'already happen' and that's why they're scowling?

That one seriously annoys the hell out of me. Maybe I'm having a bad day, mind your own bloody business.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

Shenshen wrote: »

I realise you won't ever understand the concept, but seeing as so many women on here admit that such behaviour scares them, is it so much to ask to just accept that it is frightening?

Sure what would we know. He talked to a women loads of times and it was grand and now he's going out with her. We're probably all getting our periods or something.

kylith

Recondite49 wrote: »

My point is that I don't think it construes harassment, I've had female colleagues, teachers and even strangers tell me to cheer up as I usually look quite serious when thinking (getting the old brain cells running)... why would this be at all sinister?

And did them telling you to cheer up cheer you up at all? Or did it make you think 'FFS, this is just what my face looks like.'

There can be an unsettling aspect to it because, more than once (and I'm sure I'm not the only one), I've been told to smile because he's sure I'm very pretty when I smile. Because, as we know, it's a woman's job to look pretty and attractive for any man who happens to walk past, and to be always available when they want a chat in a cafe, because it's a man's prerogative to force his company on, and demand attention from, any woman that takes his fancy [/sarcasm]

Chunners

J Mysterio wrote: »

That's not really a big to surprise to me and, frankly, i'll just maintain the status quo.

Again I'm not a mind reader, I genuinely don't know what you are on about

26sdrawkcab wrote: »

I read about this video on a few different websites earlier and figured there would be a thread on here about it.

Like others have said, when you are just going about your day to day business, getting stuff done, walking from A to B, getting harassed like this stands out even more.

When I was a lot younger ...

Jeez that sucks but girls get a lot of that, if they turn down a guy all of a sudden they are fat or ugly or frigid or (the old reliable) a lesbian. Transsexuals get it too, when we turn down a guy his attitude will change really quickly where a few minutes ago he was telling you you are hot now all of a sudden you are a fag or a trannie or a freak or "look like a bloke in a dress" , it's why I avoid trans bars like the plague, the people who would be there looking for a trans person really don't take rejection very well, it's like they think they are doing you a favor by paying attention to you so you should get down on your knees and thank whatever god you pray to that they came along.

Penny Tration

Recondite49 wrote: »

I can't speak as to whether your head is pretty sweetheart but why not use it to do a little reading through the thread?

For instance those parts where men have recounted the time they've spoken to a stranger harmlessly myself included?

If you have a point to make babes, now's the time.

Repeatedly calling female posters 'sweetheart' and 'babes,' and you wonder why some women are uncomfortable with strange men approaching them....

SVJKarate

Recondite49 wrote: »

I wouldn't think anyone asking me for a spare fag would be harassment under any circumstances.

I'd just say, No, I don't smoke...

Most male-on-male social attacks begin with a question: "Have you a light?", "Can you give me directions?", "what are you looking at?". Potentially harmless but the intent is simply to engage you and get closer to you before the physical attack. Recognising those prompts is key to staying safe.

For assaults on women, a similar approach is often used as precursor to either a verbal assault or physical attack, but the opening line is less likely to be a question, and more likely to be something over-familiar as a means of establishing discomfort in the female.

So asking a woman to smile is not harmless. Nobody genuinely expects the request will be met with a smile, do they?

Irish Guitarist

"If you want to help please donate to Hollaback!". How exactly would donating money to a 'charity' stop people saying "hello beautiful"? It sounds like a scam.

I was 'harassed' while on holiday in Cyprus years ago. I'm a man and at the time had long hair. I heard a car beeping and a load of young lads shouting something at me. They had seen my long hair from behind and thought I was a woman. When I turned around and they saw my face they were briefly disappointed but quickly got over it and instead beeped at the girl who was walking a few yards in front of me.

Their standards must not have been too high and they must have been driving around all day beeping at women.

Dr. Lollington

MissKittenfire wrote: »

They do it to mock you. To tell you that you are never the type of person they would respect or go for.

That's why. It's to make you cry.

We know why they do it.

To make you feel sexually repulsive about yourself. To make you hate and fear men. That's why they do it.


Yikes!!! Your post is scarier than any 'street harassment' I've ever encountered!

Recondite49

SVJKarate wrote: »

Most male-on-male social attacks begin with a question: "Have you a light?", "Can you give me directions?", "what are you looking at?". Potentially harmless but the intent is simply to engage you and get closer to you before the physical attack. Recognising those prompts is key to staying safe.

For assaults on women, a similar approach is often used as precursor to either a verbal assault or physical attack, but the opening line is less likely to be a question, and more likely to be something over-familiar as a means of establishing discomfort in the female.

So asking a woman to smile is not harmless. Nobody genuinely expects the request will be met with a smile, do they?

I'm sorry what are social attacks?

I'm not being obtuse - what exactly do you think happens when a man asks another man for a cigarette?

It's happened to me a few times, so I can tell you.

Me : I don't smoke.
Them : OK (walks off).

Recondite49

Paige Brave Poker wrote: »

What about those parts? How am I supposed to respond to "this one time I talked to someone"? And what has it got to do with anything?

Well since anecdotal evidence is our theme for the evening... :-D

If you have anything meaningful to contribute rather than trying (laughably) to bait me, I'm all ears!