would you 'go again'

Woshy

I'm pregnant with number 2 - my son is 16 months so there'll be just under 2 years between them. We're excited about number 2 but also freaking out because this time we know what to expect and how tough the first few months are. I'm a SAHM so I didn't want too big a gap so I can go back to work after a shorter career break.

Also I suffer from hyperemesis and it's worse this time (everyone promised me it would be better!) . I forgot just how horrible being pregnant is I keep telling my husband I will be sending him to get fixed. Doing this twice is more than enough for me!

Moonbeam

I had hyperemesis on my 1st but only had really bad morning sickness on my other 2 girls,I think was sick once with my boy:) I knew he was a boy immediately lol

BelleOfTheBall

I've a 5 and 7 and considering 1last go I'm the next 2years.i worked full time on both and took part time after a few years feel I've missed 1 or 2milestones.i would love the 3rd.god b willing in the next 2years.am I mad???

SmokeyEyes

It's really interesting reading everyone's replies. I only had our baby 4 months ago and it's so amazing on one hand that you want 10 more and he lights up our lives every single day but its damn hard work and my body is only starting to get back to normal and I still have lingering issues so the appreciation of not being pregnant is enormous! If I could avoid pregnancy there would be no questionðŸ˜႒ I have to say I really didn't appreciate how amazing women were to manage pregnancy and child birth until it happened to me and mine was pretty plain sailing!

Hello Lady!

I have 10 month old twins and have loved every minute of the last 10 months. Even when they bith had quite severe reflux and would cry for hours and need to be rocked to sleep. Each day that they learn something new I get excited and sad as its one step further away from being my tiny babies. The connection when they are tiny and need you so much is amazing to me. In theory I would love more. I know I will miss this 'baby' phase so much and will look at new babies wistfully. But in reality I may have future fertility problems (although I won't actually know unless I try) and the expense of future fertility treatment is a factor. Also being twins they already share so much of my time with each other. I kind of feel guilty even contemplating them having to share me with a new baby aswell. If I'm really honest I'd love another set of twins, it really is double the love. I may change my mind on having another but in truth by the time I might change my mind I'd probably be too old! I never thought we'd have a family so my ready made family is more than I ever dreamed of.

LegacyUser

Ive three kids,a 3 year old,20month old&5month old,planning on having number 4 sometime next year,apart of me thinks I'm crazy but love the thought of a big family,5 is my number but will see what the future holds

Woshy

Moonbeam wrote: »

I had hyperemesis on my 1st but only had really bad morning sickness on my other 2 girls,I think was sick once with my boy:) I knew he was a boy immediately lol

Yeah, everyone thinks this one is a girl because I'm so much worse than last time. I've already had two hospital stays and I'm only 10 weeks pregnant

ronjo

Bagheera wrote: »

I have two, age 3.5 and almost 10 months. I always thought two would be enough for me, but since my second was born I can't shake the feeling that I'd like another! There are plenty of days when I say 'never again' and I have two happy healthy children so it's not the end of the world if this is it. My partner thinks we would be insane to go again but he might be persuaded

I am a man in a similar situation to your partner.

We have two girls aged 4 and 18 months.
First girl slept the night from maybe 3 months but second only started doing it about 6 weeks ago so its still fresh in the memory how tough it was.

We have two happy healthy girls and I dont want any more but I know my wife would tomorrow if I suggested it. Its a tough choice but I am 42 (she is 32) but I still feel tired so much I am not sure if I could go through with having another baby to look after.

ETA My wife loved being pregnant and had no problems with either so I cant point out and say "remember how bad it was"

Lisha

I have a 7yr old boy and a 4year old girl.
I always thought I'd have three but no I really feel we are done. Was so sick with the pregnancies , constant puking and migraines. I was useless to my first child while pregnant, I remember puking into bowls while changing him. He watched do much tv while I lay on couch and I was also working 12hr shifts. First child was a shocking bad sleeper until age 3. I remember being dangerously tired while driving to work. It was such a battle to keep it together. I remember crying on couch waiting for husband to come home so he could take over. He was shattered too from tiredness.
I adore both my kids but at the ages they are at now I'd hate to be so sick again. It's great being able to take them to activities while not being sick.

For some reason the migraines that plaged Me for yrs are now gone . I am now job sharing and I could not afford Cost of childcare if we had a 3rd. Seems silly to go back full time to have 3rd child.

I love now that we can go more places with the kids and we might even start getting sitters now and emerging to the world as a couple again.

So physically, mentally and financially I am happy that our family is complete.

jasonb

jasonb wrote: »

This isn't in any way an attack on anyone's personal feelings on the issue, but I've never understood the 'guilt' you're supposed to feel if you only have one child. I've already had friends and colleagues joke that my Daughter is looking 'lonely', it's like the next step after getting engaged ('When's the big day?'), and after getting married ('What about kids then?').

I know people with no siblings who have never expressed a wish that they'd had one, and I know people with siblings who don't get on with them at all. When it comes down to it, your life as you grow up is what's 'normal' for you, and I believe it's hard to miss something you've never experienced.

Of course, if a parent wants to have a second (or more) child, that's completely their choice! But I've never heard of parents being told they should feel guilty for having more than one, so why feel guilty for only having one?

Rant over, sorry!

J.

It's human nature to want others to validate our own choices.
I get it from parents too, never from child free people.

We're really happy as a family of three. Really happy. Life is good. Another baby would push us financially, mean I'd have to give up working and add stress neither of us want or need.

Best lesson in parenting is to drop this perceived guilt we're supposed to feel. I don't feel a shred of guilt!

Rosy Posy

We have 4, aged 7, 6, 3 and 8months. I found going from 3-4 really challenging physically and mentally. For the first time I know in my head that it would be impractical to have any more, as well as being unfair to the kids we have already, and to my OH, who would have been happy with 2. We live far far away from our family, who, in any case, are increasingly incapable of managing our brood. I know all these things but still my heart (womb?) longs for another baby- I don't know if it's hormonal or instinctive or what. I do know that these desires should not be acted upon. I'm 33 so I suppose I do still have a number of fertile years ahead but I think we're done now. I am looking forward to moving on with my life- I went straight from college to being a SAHM- I would like to have a career beyond waiting tables at some point. If we were to have another it'd have to be in the near future.

Bagheera

ronjo wrote: »

I am a man in a similar situation to your partner.

We have two girls aged 4 and 18 months.
First girl slept the night from maybe 3 months but second only started doing it about 6 weeks ago so its still fresh in the memory how tough it was.

We have two happy healthy girls and I dont want any more but I know my wife would tomorrow if I suggested it. Its a tough choice but I am 42 (she is 32) but I still feel tired so much I am not sure if I could go through with having another baby to look after.

ETA My wife loved being pregnant and had no problems with either so I cant point out and say "remember how bad it was"

To be honest I totally see where you're coming from as my second child is a terrible sleeper and I don't know if I'd be able to go through it all again. My head is saying definitely no more but my heart feels differently though! Whatever will be will be.

Cunning Stunt

Rose35 wrote: »

I'm battling with this one at the moment, it is mainly the guilt of him being an only child that is worrying me.
I found him very hard work he still doesn't sleep a full night but don't get me wrong I love him to bits and
wouldn't change a thing about it all, oh but what to do is killing me and I'm 38 so feel time is ticking away.
He is two since august.

I could have written this post myself. My little man is a great baby and yet I find it very hard work. Maybe its an age thing - I will be 36 soon...
But we do hope to have two kids, and time is not on our side either so will have to be soon!

Rose35

Rose35 wrote: »

I'm battling with this one at the moment, it is mainly the guilt of him being an only child that is worrying me.
I found him very hard work he still doesn't sleep a full night but don't get me wrong I love him to bits and
wouldn't change a thing about it all, oh but what to do is killing me and I'm 38 so feel time is ticking away.
He is two since august.

What do you feel guilty about? Because if you go down that road, there's a lifetime of 'things' you are told to feel guilty about!

Small age gap - guilt that the eldest is treated like an older child before their time to make room for the baby.
Big age gap - Guilt that they won't ever play together.
Lots of kids - Guilt that you don't have enough hours in the day to give them all the attention they need.
One kid - Guilt that you didn't have another one.
Working mum - Guilt that you're not at home all day and attending every single school performance.
SAHM - Guilt that your OH is taking on all the financial responsibility for your family.

The stock image of the shiny happy parents with two kids is not reality but we've been brainwashed into thinking that's how life "should" be by advertisers, who basically rule the world!

Rosy Posy

Amen to ditching the rucksack of guilt- it's so draining! IMO it's guilt that fuels the judgemental bs that a lot of people come out with around parenting (or choosing not to become a parent)- in order to justify choices it becomes necessary to put down the choices of others. Fcuk that, own your parenting decisions and accept the decisions of others!

elly123

In the last week or so we have been discussing a second. My hubby would be happy enough with just the one but we've settled on 2. I don't want my son to be an only child. My little fella is 2 in march we both work full time so rely on grandparents. We were planning on trying after Xmas but I'm undecided. I'm thinking if we hold out until at least July/aug nxt year that our son will be at least 3 possibly 4 before a new baby arrives, I'm thinking it might be a little easier on the grandparents as no.1 will be in pre-school or at least won't be too far off it by time I'm back to work. It's hard to know what to do but considering we rely on grandparents I think it's only fair that we consider them in the timing of no.2.

Kaylami

I have 3 girls 5,2&3 months. My husband stays at home and minds them I work full time and have a good job but irregular hours.

Already I would love another one. All of mine have slept through the night from 6weeks old. My pregnancies have been horrendous - sickness,hospital stays 2 threatened premature labours - all of which I conveniently forgot when my gorgeous baby is handed to me.

My husband is adamant we're not having. anymore. For at least 10 years. That's fine I'm only 25 I really don't think he's thought this through lol.

Barley

I have 3. My oldest was 2 when the third was born and there's less than a year between my youngest two. My youngest is 18 months now and we are definitely done.

xXxkorixXx

I have a 3 year old who means the absoulate world to me. But if I'm honest, 1 is enough it's difficult enough getting him to sleep at night and it may or may not sound selfish - but I don't want to have to give up 'my' time again and if I have more kids I'll pretty much have to do that so its a deffenate NO for me. 1 is certainly a handful at times and I'm sure others can vouch for me on that one! And I've just gotten back in touch with my closest friend and I dont want to miss out on nights out again. So there ya go... 1 it is and 1 only!

I'm only young and want to enjoy life I dont want to be stuck down with loads of kids

Cunning Stunt

^^ That's also part of the reason we would like to have our second one soon. We don't want to get too used to not having to deal with nappies/night feeds etc. and then be thrown back into the thick of it. We want to get all of that over with in one go.

Woshy

Cunning Stunt wrote: »

^^ That's also part of the reason we would like to have our second one soon. We don't want to get too used to not having to deal with nappies/night feeds etc. and then be thrown back into the thick of it. We want to get all of that over with in one go.

That's why we're having our second now. I wanted to get pregnancy and the horrible newborn first few months (our son had reflux and was a difficult baby but he is a pleasant toddler!) over and done with before we got too used to having our lives back and then that's us done!

Merkin

Had our little boy in July and we both wanted to maybe wait six months and then try again but because I had a C Section the consultants and midwives said 12 months is the optimum time to wait before trying again. I'm in my late 30s so would like to get on with it. I'd like about four bubbas but given my age I'll feel blessed if we have two. I had a relatively easy pregnancy and I'd love a little sibling for our gorgeous bubs. There's only 17months between my older brother and I and I think that's a lovely gap. Awwww, babies are great and parenthood a blessing

73trix

Merkin wrote: »

Had our little boy in July and we both wanted to maybe wait six months and then try again but because I had a C Section the consultants and midwives said 12 months is the optimum time to wait before trying again. I'm in my late 30s so would like to get on with it. I'd like about four bubbas but given my age I'll feel blessed if we have two. I had a relatively easy pregnancy and I'd love a little sibling for our gorgeous bubs. There's only 17months between my older brother and I and I think that's a lovely gap. Awwww, babies are great and parenthood a blessing

I have a newborn. Normally a bit soon to even consider 2nd only for my age. I'm 41 so blessed to have a perfect healthy baby but we would love a sibling for him. My pregnancy was easy and straightforward and I know people who had more than one in their 40s but I also wonder should we quit while ahead. My doc didn't bat an eye about another pregnancy but we would need to try soon, as soon as body ready of course. Anyone go again in their 40s?

Hannibal Smith

We are coming under enormous pressure to have another. Any time people ask how old mine are...they always say ...time for another. The worst thing is that they say we need to go again 'for the girl'. It's amazing the amount of people who think we should be disappointed or something with two of a kind! .

I would love to be pregnant again, id love thr surprise of the positive test, breaking the news, feeling the kicks. But both births left me in hospital for too long, first was 3 weeks second was 2 weeks and I couldn't do that again. Plus our second never slept a full night and was a bit cranky. ..the thoughts of going through that again makes me panic lol

lazygal

Merkin wrote: »

Had our little boy in July and we both wanted to maybe wait six months and then try again but because I had a C Section the consultants and midwives said 12 months is the optimum time to wait before trying again. I'm in my late 30s so would like to get on with it. I'd like about four bubbas but given my age I'll feel blessed if we have two. I had a relatively easy pregnancy and I'd love a little sibling for our gorgeous bubs. There's only 17months between my older brother and I and I think that's a lovely gap. Awwww, babies are great and parenthood a blessing

I had two sections within 15 months with no trouble. We wanted a small gap and were very lucky to conceive quickly, and the doctor said there were no problems with me having them so close in age. If time wasn't on my side I wouldn't let the c section put me off TTC because who knows how long it might take.

LegacyUser

New here, but recent mother to a baby girl - 19 weeks old. Will definitely go again (And maybe again after that!). But it will be soon - while there are still nappies in the house and while we're still sleep deprived. I couldn't think of anything worse than having a toilet-trained, sleeping through the night child and starting all over again. I know it's going to be tremendously hard - but when I think of the enjoyment (hopefully) of watching our kids play and grow up together, it outweighs any doubts or worries I have.For the sake of a few years I'll put up with it, because it will be worth it for me and them in the (very) long run. My husband - who is an only child - is taking my word on this one, his doubts are bigger than mine because he's never experienced siblings.

Rua1

Not sure about another one at all. I always thought 2, but now I'm not so sure. I think we'll enjoy being a family of 3 for a while and see how things go.

I've already been asked about a second several times. He's only 14 weeks FFS, someone asked me at 6 or 7 weeks too!!!!!

lazygal

Rua1 wrote: »

Not sure about another one at all. I always thought 2, but now I'm not so sure. I think we'll enjoy being a family of 3 for a while and see how things go.

I've already been asked about a second several times. He's only 14 weeks FFS, someone asked me at 6 or 7 weeks too!!!!!

I was asked by a family member when we'd go again when our second child was two weeks old.

eviltwin

I have two and my youngest is almost five and I'm done. We have one of each so it feels like our family is complete. People still keep asking if we want a third though, or ask me I should say. It drives me mad!!

orchidsrpretty

I have 4 week old twins and I'm already thinking if going again. I loved being pregnant up until 1 week before they were born. I also wanted to breastfeed them but that didn't go to plan as I got very ill after the birth and couldn't start trying until 1 week after they were born so didn't get a good supply up.

I'd like to experience a 'normal' pregnancy with a 'normal' birth without having 10 people in the room with me.