would you 'go again'

Karmella

I've just had my second and last two boys - one nearly 4 and the new baby is 8 weeks.

I am 38 and it was my cut off for having kids as my mother was 38 having me (I'm the youngest of 4). It's just a personal thing.

To those who say that they would rather have them close because of the nappies & sleepless nights - I am the total opposite!! There is no way I could've coped with 2 'babies'. Especially now as I split up with my OH during this pregnancy! At least my older fella can dress himself and go to the toilet etc.

Realistically the writing was on the wall for our relationship and we should never have tried for baby number 2 - but I really felt strongly that he should have a sibling. (And you always hope that things will get better but alas it was not to be). Anyway i'm glad now that I have 2 beautiful boys and they do have 2 parents who adore them (just not each other).

But that is it now for me - I'm done.

Sligo1

Sorry to hear about your relationship Karmella. That must have been very tough on you especially with a brand new baby! My hat honestly comes off to single parents. I don't know how ye do it. I find parenting difficult at the best of times and I have a partner to help me everyday!

Anyways, as for the talk of babies close together. I have very selfish reasons for wanting mine close together. I have 2 under 2 and I want another hopefully next year! Nothing got to do with so they will be close in age etc... More so that I can get the pregnancies and baby/toddler phase over with so I can have a bit of a life in my mid-30s!! It will mean by 33 (all going well/to plan) I will have 3 under 3. And a few years later myself and OH may finally be able to go away just the 2 of us for the odd weekend away or night out etc. I would love a forth a few years later in my late 30s if we are fortunate enough and if I can bare to be pregnant again .

indigo twist

I always find it a bit strange when people talk about having "one of each" referring to gender.

I mean ... You have one of each CHILD. You could have two boys completely different; you could have two girls completely different; you could have a boy and a girl extremely similar!

I don't really get it.

eviltwin

indigo twist wrote: »

I always find it a bit strange when people talk about having "one of each" referring to gender.

I mean ... You have one of each CHILD. You could have two boys completely different; you could have two girls completely different; you could have a boy and a girl extremely similar!

I don't really get it.

I said one of each because that's what I have, a boy and a girl. Is there something wrong with saying that now?

loubian

I would go again. But only when I financially secure and have a supporting partner. I've wanted lots of kid, but I'd say I will have 3 at the max (if I'm lucky enough to have any more)

Suucee

I always wanted 3. I have a 2.5yr old girl and a 7 month old boy. Number 1 was a dream baby, great sleeper , eater, etc. I got spd very early with no 2 and continued to see a physio until he was 3 months old. (i was seeing a physio over a year). I had issues after the birth and still having medical problems. Plus he's only now starting to sleep the night (afraid to even type this incase i jinx it)

While i was still pregnant i kind of decided then that this was our last. and im still saying that now. My first child was plonked in front of tv alot (and unfortunately still is on bad days).

I am only 28 so do have time to change my mind. But i dont think my body could handle another pregnancy.

Hate to say it but life gets busier as kids grow up. I'm the youngest by quite a few years in my extended family, and also had my first pregnancy later than the average mother so I've seen the reality of it.

Getting your life back doesn't really happen. There's far more going on when kids hit school age than when they're toddlers.
I asked a mum of 3 when the madness tapered off a bit and she said when the youngest was 10. But by then she was dealing with teenage issues too which are no walk in the park!

pwurple

New here! wrote: »

New here, but recent mother to a baby girl - 19 weeks old. Will definitely go again (And maybe again after that!). But it will be soon - while there are still nappies in the house and while we're still sleep deprived. I couldn't think of anything worse than having a toilet-trained, sleeping through the night child and starting all over again.

We didn't plan it that way, but our little girl was toilet trained, etc when our second was born. There are 3 years between them. I thought it was much easier to be honest. Changing nappies at the start of my pregnancy was pure hell. I nearly threw up on her a couple of times, had to keep a puke bucket by the changing table. It was way easier when she was toilet trained! And she is a brilliant helper now with the baby. Brings her toys, helps at bathtime, etc. She doesn't see her as a threat at all, so no fighting or anything.

The sleep thing is luck of the draw. Both mine have always been good sleepers, so we do ok there.

Ms2011

pwurple wrote: »

We didn't plan it that way, but our little girl was toilet trained, etc when our second was born. There are 3 years between them. I thought it was much easier to be honest. Changing nappies at the start of my pregnancy was pure hell. I nearly threw up on her a couple of times, had to keep a puke bucket by the changing table. It was way easier when she was toilet trained! And she is a brilliant helper now with the baby. Brings her toys, helps at bathtime, etc. She doesn't see her as a threat at all, so no fighting or anything.

The sleep thing is luck of the draw. Both mine have always been good sleepers, so we do ok there.

We did plan our 3 year age gap for exactly the reason you've said.
We're toilet training now (new baby due in April) & our son sleeps 11hrs a night with a 1 or so hour nap during the day, no way could I do 2 in nappies & them taking turns waking at night!

Sligo1

My son was 6 months when I got pregnant with my daughter. Tbh I found it very very tough being pregnant with a baby who was turning into a toddler during that 9 months. Our only saving grace was that he was a great sleeper. He was so heavy and I found it so tough lifting him and changing his nappies etc when I was pregnant.

Cunning Stunt

Sligo1 wrote: »

My son was 6 months when I got pregnant with my daughter. Tbh I found it very very tough being pregnant with a baby who was turning into a toddler during that 9 months. Our only saving grace was that he was a great sleeper. He was so heavy and I found it so tough lifting him and changing his nappies etc when I was pregnant.

what about after the birth? How did you find it then?

Sligo1

Cunning Stunt wrote: »

what about after the birth? How did you find it then?

Apart from the instant relief of not being pregnant??? Lol. Well it's extremely busy! But I wouldn't change it! I'm at home with them full time and sometimes count the minutes till daddy comes home so I can have a hot cup of tea. I found it more difficult being pregnant with a baby than after when I had 2 babies! I find if I stick to my routine it's great and runs like clockwork. And it's extremely cute when my guy who's not quite 2 yet "chats"'to my 7 month old and has her in stitches laughing! I wouldn't change it for the world .

But if something happens to impact my routine (for example one doesn't take a nap or is woken, or something else)... I get quite stressed out. I don't think id get pregnant again with a 6 month old! Lol. Going to wait till my daughter is a year and nearly walking till we try again. The nappies ect are fine .

How Strange

I can see why someone would think it's better to have two babies rather than a toilet trained, sleeping all night toddler and a baby but I'm so glad now that I waited until my son was 18 months before trying for no.2

I think having the older toddler who was a little bit independent and self sufficient made it easier to cope with the huge adjustment of having 2 kids.

I know what levels of stress I can cope with and I know I couldn't cope with two babies. It's horses for courses but it's definitely better for my mental health that we've a two year gap.

bobskii

om already getting the 'oh you'll have ta go straight away again'.

Whispered

lazygal wrote: »

I was asked by a family member when we'd go again when our second child was two weeks old.

My mother in law is already in my husbands ear about having baby number two.

Our first is due early December........

bobskii

same here . babies due first week in January and already people are on about company for him/her!

Penny Dreadful

My little girl is 8 weeks old and I'd love to have another baby.
Being pregnant isn't easy and I say that after a text book pregnancy (safe for SPD but no issues with the baby) and my labour and delivery were ok as they go.
I have been very lucky to get an adorable little girl that is very placid and sleeps lots- already she is going down at 11pm and not waking until 6am!

madeinamerica

Yep, I hope to but it will be another few years before we do. We'll probably be moving country in the next couple of years and I feel like I need to recover from this pregnancy before I start another one. It wasn't too bad but it took a lot out of me. I'd like 2 kiddies but hubby says he wants 5. I tell him he'll have to have the extra 3 with other women! I'm 34 so can't wait too long. My guy is 11 weeks today and I'm already starting to miss the tiny newborn stage, dangerous!

newtoboards

The answer is probably not. I had a difficult and risky pregnancy and a pretty traumatic birth and I'm still getting over that. It's only now I'm able to talk about it properly.

Also my son has been sick and in and out of hospital over the last year so I said to myself that until we get either an all clear on him or at least that a care plan is in place for him I would be selfish to add another to take my attention away from him.

Finally, and most importantly, my husband has said no way and refuses to budge when we do discuss it.

73trix

newtoboards wrote: »

The answer is probably not. I had a difficult and risky pregnancy and a pretty traumatic birth and I'm still getting over that. It's only now I'm able to talk about it properly.

Also my son has been sick and in and out of hospital over the last year so I said to myself that until we get either an all clear on him or at least that a care plan is in place for him I would be selfish to add another to take my attention away from him.

Finally, and most importantly, my husband has said no way and refuses to budge when we do discuss it.

Sorry to hear your story. Hope your little person has better health going forward. A sick child must be very stressful.

The One Doctor

pwurple wrote: »

I know too many people where it's gone horribly horribly wrong.

Statistically, it's unlikely to go horribly wrong for you or anyone else. That said, both me and my girlfriend were born with life threatening problems... that were repaired surgically without any drama.

yamiki

My girl is 15 months old and #2 is due in March, so there'll be about a year and a half between them. Yes she'll be still in nappies, but she sleeps through the night (most nights), so that's good. I always wanted them close together. Think 2 is enough though.

rsl1976

After my first I said no because of the morning sickness for the whole 9 months. Time makes you forget that and I went on to have another. Horrible morning sickness again!!! I still didn't learn though and no. 3 came last January. They have all been great babies which I feel is mt reward for horrible sickness. It got worse in each pregnancy so I'm done now. The ages are 19,8 and 10 months.

Never again

pwurple

The One Doctor wrote: »

Statistically, it's unlikely to go horribly wrong for you or anyone else. That said, both me and my girlfriend were born with life threatening problems... that were repaired surgically without any drama.

Honestly, the baby being born with something non-life threatening would be about the least of my worries. We could probably cope with that. I've got a friend who was diagnosed with a stage 3 agressive cancer at the start of her pregnancy. I know people who have known there was a problem with the pregnancy, who have waited for the heatbeat to stop for months, people who's baby has died a few hours or days after the birth. People whose pregnancy has caused or aggrevated a condition to the point that they are now completely dependant on someone for care.

Sure, all unlikely, but I seem to have seen a lot of them.

ShaShaBear

Abigail will be 4 months old next week and we have both said we most certainly want another. At LEAST! Unfortunately where we are financially at the minute, it wouldn't be practical to get pregnant now. I put on quite a bit of weight so I plan to get that off, get my Hons degree next year and then maybe go again :P

fro9etb8j5qsl2

Our little fella will be 1 in February and, all going well, his little sister will be born the week before his birthday It wasn't exactly the way I'd planned it but we're thrilled now to be getting it all out of the way in a short space of time I don't mind pregnancy that much but I probably would have been a bit more reluctant to go through it all again if I had waited longer. As it stands, my hands are so full with my little man that this pregnancy has absolutely flown by, my first pregnancy felt like 9 drawn out months of waiting and worrying but this time I haven't had the chance to stop and think about it and now I can't believe I have only 11 weeks to go :eek:

eviltwin

pwurple wrote: »

Honestly, the baby being born with something non-life threatening would be about the least of my worries. We could probably cope with that. I've got a friend who was diagnosed with a stage 3 agressive cancer at the start of her pregnancy. I know people who have known there was a problem with the pregnancy, who have waited for the heatbeat to stop for months, people who's baby has died a few hours or days after the birth. People whose pregnancy has caused or aggrevated a condition to the point that they are now completely dependant on someone for care.

Sure, all unlikely, but I seem to have seen a lot of them.

I can see your point. I had serious post natal depression to the point I was suicidal and unable to care for my children. I cannot risk another pregnancy for that reason alone.

Sligo1

Aydin Silly Meter wrote: »

Our little fella will be 1 in February and, all going well, his little sister will be born the week before his birthday It wasn't exactly the way I'd planned it but we're thrilled now to be getting it all out of the way in a short space of time I don't mind pregnancy that much but I probably would have been a bit more reluctant to go through it all again if I had waited longer. As it stands, my hands are so full with my little man that this pregnancy has absolutely flown by, my first pregnancy felt like 9 drawn out months of waiting and worrying but this time I haven't had the chance to stop and think about it and now I can't believe I have only 11 weeks to go :eek:

Congratulations Aydin Silly Meter!

livinsane

I have one, 13 months. For a long time I said I would wait at least three years, and my partner was saying never again (why would you want another one when we have the most perfect child in the world!). Now both of us seem to be mentioning another child quite often. I found once he started crawling and could get from A to B on his own, I began thinking about number two. I'm back to work too so the thought of maternity leave to be at home full time is very appealing. He is an atrocious sleeper though, and I'm still breastfeeding so I worry about the strain it would have on me. I adored being pregnant, never felt or looked healthier in my life. It was really one of the happiest times of my life and I doubt the second time could come close.

Saying all that, I've always wanted 3 or 4 children and still do so I'd want to get moving on it! I love the mayhem of lots of children. it's better than being lonely. I grew up in a big family with no money, routine or luxuries so I never worry too much about finances or maintaining a high standard of living because I know it can be done with a lot less than you think.

ShaShaBear

livinsane wrote: »

I have one, 13 months. For a long time I said I would wait at least three years, and my partner was saying never again (why would you want another one when we have the most perfect child in the world!). Now both of us seem to be mentioning another child quite often. I found once he started crawling and could get from A to B on his own, I began thinking about number two. I'm back to work too so the thought of maternity leave to be at home full time is very appealing. He is an atrocious sleeper though, and I'm still breastfeeding so I worry about the strain it would have on me. I adored being pregnant, never felt or looked healthier in my life. It was really one of the happiest times of my life and I doubt the second time could come close.

Saying all that, I've always wanted 3 or 4 children and still do so I'd want to get moving on it! I love the mayhem of lots of children. it's better than being lonely. I grew up in a big family with no money, routine or luxuries so I never worry too much about finances or maintaining a high standard of living because I know it can be done with a lot less than you think.

Agreed, my mother raised three of us on literally next to nothing and she STILL has nothing, but two of us have degrees and my youngest sibling has just started midwifery in college.
I wouldn't be loaded or anything, but I have a much better base than my parents did to start with. I think I'd be the same as you, once Abigail is able to move around and feed herself (ie hold a bottle), I'll probably start planning for when I want the second one. Going back to college next September (hopefully) to get my Hons degree, and by the time I graduate again she will be 1.5 years old! Might be best to squeeze out another before I go back into the workforce :pac: