feelings after death

aoifelou

Myself partner and 2 kids are living with my parents. My mother has had an illness for years and my dad was her carer.
Sadly she died last week. I tried to revive her and had to do everything from ringing ambulance to calling my siblings and funeral home. I went into autopilot. I cried a bit that day and the following day until I saw her in the coffin and then its like I relaxed. The funeral etc is a blur. Like I was at a strangers. I feel I am supporting dad and sisters and its like I cant understand why they are so bad.
I know my mother is dead yet I dont feel sadness I think im expecting her to come back. I loved my mother so much and we spoke everyday. I normally cry at cartoons and songs and yet no matter what I see or hear now it doesn't make me sad. I feel im not reacting how I assumed I would and im worried about it. As I saud I have 2 babies and am very busy so could it be I don't have time to think and I need to act normal for them. Its so surreal. I have a constant headache and feel my face is dropping with sadness. I wonder is this normal? Do I need counselling? Any advise would be great, thanks.

coathanger

Hi There,
I am sorry to hear about your Mum passing away,I don't really have any advice for you, just hang in there,there is no right and wrong way to feel,just be kind to yourself, take Care

It is very, very early days for you yet. It will hit you and when it does, go with it. Don't run from it. Maybe you were more prepared for her passing as she had been ill. Grief is different for everyone. Look after yourself and give yourself time. x x

aoifelou

Thank you both for your replies. While she had been unwell we were not expecting her death so it was an awful shock. She was the heart of the home and family and I realised im trying not to think of her. Could this be my minds way of coping?

Diane Selwyn

Sorry to hear of your loss aoifelou. I would say you are still in shock and that may be why you feel a bit distanced from the reality of it all. You probably need time to process what has happened before you can know how to react. It may actually be too early for professional counselling but talking to friends/family might help and certainly speak to your doctor if you are worried or feeling anxious. It's probably good to be aware of your emotions but I don't think it necessarily helps to try and analyse them as there is no 'correct' way to grieve. As the other posters have said - be kind to yourself.

There are bereavement support groups in almost every large town. You'll get details from your GPs office.

CaraMay

I'm sorry for your loss op. I have found it's true that grief comes to you in waves.

I think it's been good for me not to go looking for it, not to question (on a good day) why I don't feel worse. Don't chase grief. It's important to accept the more peaceful times as it will hit at some stage. We will always be here to listen to you so don't hesitate to come back as often as you need to. Mind yourself

kerry4sam

aoifelou wrote: »

Myself partner and 2 kids are living with my parents. My mother has had an illness for years and my dad was her carer.
Sadly she died last week. I tried to revive her and had to do everything from ringing ambulance to calling my siblings and funeral home. I went into autopilot. I cried a bit that day and the following day until I saw her in the coffin and then its like I relaxed. The funeral etc is a blur. Like I was at a strangers. I feel I am supporting dad and sisters and its like I cant understand why they are so bad.
I know my mother is dead yet I dont feel sadness I think im expecting her to come back. I loved my mother so much and we spoke everyday. I normally cry at cartoons and songs and yet no matter what I see or hear now it doesn't make me sad. I feel im not reacting how I assumed I would and im worried about it. As I saud I have 2 babies and am very busy so could it be I don't have time to think and I need to act normal for them. Its so surreal. I have a constant headache and feel my face is dropping with sadness. I wonder is this normal? Do I need counselling? Any advise would be great, thanks.

Hope you are doing okay

You should be very patient with yourself, trust me. Just do what feels right for you in every moment.
My Dad passed away on December 20th last, and every day but 3 I have visited Dads graveside (missed once due to illness when I couldn't move out of bed; once due to cycling for Dad on Fathers Day; and one other day).
Each time I visit is different. Some days I'm not there long, just ensuring all okay with the flowers planted etc but not in humour for small-talk with anyone; other days I'd chat away to everyone I'd meet, have had some unusual conversations with people in the graveyard; while other days I actually leave in tears and need a few moments in the car before I leave.

Just take each moment and each day on its own.
I remember watching this movie & this one scene that used have Dad in tears of laughter. The first time I curled up to watch it others were chatting away in the kitchen and I just roared laughing. It was just this pure belly-laugh that kicked them off laughing then. I spent that night then wondering how could I laugh like that It didn't seem okay, but at the time it was just the funniest scene to watch for me & thinking of Dad watching it over & over!

You will go through the stages; you will feel everything in time; you will be reminded of this HUGE absence time & time again, but
Trust me when I tell you, time will help you no end.

Just be extra-patient with yourself,
kerry4sam