Best way to discipline a hamster?

iDave

Broken Ireland innit.

cloud493

I discipline my rabbits by giving them a stern telling off and no treats for the rest of the day.

The_Valeyard

Ask Freddy Star

Iranoutofideas

Send the hamster to the MacGill Summer School. It's where all the bad hamsters go for re-edumacation

Mickey Dazzler

Smother him in lubricant and then put him inside a pipe and aggressively insert the pipe into your anus.

Hold a naked flame to the other end of the pipe and watch him crawl up inside your anus.

When inside, remove the the pipe and take a seat for 5 minutes. After 5 mins stand up and expel the rodent from your ass cavity.

Whatever it has done to offend you will not be done again I can assure you.

wnolan1992

Last_Minute wrote: »

My hamster actually commited suicide by forcing his head through the small bars on the cage and suffocating himself. Hamsters are alot smarter than you think.

Jesus Christ, that's one of the darkest and most disturbing things I've read in a while...

SoulTrader wrote: »

Make him listen to Enya for thirty minutes.

Jesus Christ, that's one of the darkest and most disturbing things I've read in a while...

PinkLemonade

If a hamster bites you it means YOU'VE done something wrong.
When my hamster attacked his roommate blowing at him was the only way we could stop him so we could separate them. Do it too them often though and you'll have a very unpleasant hamster, training/taming is the only way to treat a misbehaving hamster*

*dwarf hamster

Fat Christy

My little sister used to have a hamster when I was a teenager. Little ****er would be going 90 on the wheel at night time. It used to drive me bonkers so I'd get up and stick her toothbrush into the wheel to stop it from moving. Poor little fcuker put on a sight of weight.

Moral of the story, don't get a hamster unless you are a heavy sleeper/live in a huge house or have sound proof walls.

Last_Minute

Last_Minute wrote: »

My hamster actually commited suicide by forcing his head through the small bars on the cage and suffocating himself. Hamsters are alot smarter than you think.

Obviously they're not. Forcing his head through the bars to escape? That's exactly the kind of stupid behaviour I'd expect from a hamster

jeanrose770

Hahahaha I don't know whether or not to take this post seriously...
....can you even punish a hamster???
I mean I guess you can, but would it even have the intelligence to comprehend the fact that it is being punished for a wrong doing.
You can do a slight squeeze or take away the wheel, but I doubt the hamster will connect any of that to the fact that he was a bad little furry boy. Buttttt lmfao this is funny!!

Gran Hermano

Sixty plus posts in and not one social justice warrior has intervened to tell OP the problem is the human and not the hamster.


Standards are slipping.

whupdedo

Gran Hermano wrote: »

Sixty plus posts in and not one social justice warrior has intervened to tell OP the problem is the human and not the hamster.


Standards are slipping.

Let me refer you to post 33

Sheep Lover

Gran Hermano wrote: »

Sixty plus posts in and not one social justice warrior has intervened to tell OP the problem is the human and not the hamster.


Standards are slipping.

Ram the human into the cage and then ruthlessly take the little wheel off him?

Molester Stallone II

Buy a pool cue...wave it in front of him...when you see the puzzled look on his face... Show him this weekends Love/Hate episode....that'll cure him!!

Titzon Toast

Threaten him with Richard Gere.

Gran Hermano

whupdedo wrote: »

Let me refer you to post 33

Far too factual.
Where's the link to tabloid articles and the journal?
A Facebook campaign?
Calls to Joe Duffy?
A government quango fighting for hamster rights?

boobar

Richard Gere

LoganRice

Tell him he is a naughty hamster

Last_Minute

Do you know whats funny?

Not one human bean i know has ever seen a hamster in the wild.

Where exactly do they come from? I know they come from eggs but where do the eggs come from?

wnolan1992

Last_Minute wrote: »

Do you know whats funny?

Not one human bean i know has ever seen a hamster in the wild.

Where exactly do they come from? I know they come from eggs but where do the eggs come from?

The stork that brings humans moonlights as a hamster delivery man on the weekends.

He had to stop doing both jobs during the week after an unfortunate mix up in 1986.

TheHamster

What did I do to deserve punishment?

Juan More Time

I know this is after hours, but the very mention of inflicting pain on a defenceless animal makes me feel physically sick.. If you are unable or unwilling to give your pet a decent home, then may I suggest getting your animal re-homed...

The_Valeyard

TheHamster wrote: »

What did I do to deserve punishment?

What didn't you do!

DM addict

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1VuMdLm0ccU

Don't know if that counts as hamster punishment, but it is kinda funny.

dashcamdanny

My hamster loves beer. A cap full is like a keg full to a hamster.

He gets drunk as hell, falls over a fair bit and falls asleep soon after .

Not much of a party animal.

changepartners

I run a small academy for hamsters like this one. We stress tough love, daily chores, and the like.

vandriver

Wrap it in cling film.

Mr. CooL ICE

Juan More Time wrote: »

I know this is after hours, but the very mention of inflicting pain on a defenceless animal makes me feel physically sick.. If you are unable or unwilling to give your pet a decent home, then may I suggest getting your animal re-homed...

Well if you don't discipline the hamster, it'll be like boys n the hood. There'll be prostitutes on street corners and the pimps will be using crack to keep the whores under control.