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cheated on my bf..

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Comments

  • #52
    Dellnum
    Registered Users Posts: 262 ✭✭Dellnum


    It is easy for people on this forum saying "tell him now", they don't have to endure all of this but just imagine you are looking forward to Christmas planning parties, buying presents, making arrangements and then BANG ......your other half tells you they want to break up with you........very bad timing and for the people who say it is better to know the truth, all of this can be revealed after Christmas, but not before, if you have any heart at all.


  • #53
    Tasden
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,166 ✭✭✭Tasden


    Dellnum wrote: »
    It is easy for people on this forum saying "tell him now", they don't have to endure all of this but just imagine you are looking forward to Christmas planning parties, buying presents, making arrangements and then BANG ......your other half tells you they want to break up with you........very bad timing and for the people who say it is better to know the truth, all of this can be revealed after Christmas, but not before, if you have any heart at all.

    Now imagine having done all those things, having spent a tonne on gifts, having turned down invites over the holidays with single friends in order to spend time with your OH, then BANG- it was all lies and now Christmas is over, nothing to look forward to, broke from buying gifts for someone who has been lying to you.

    If they end it now he has weeks to make new arrangements and can spend the holidays with people who love and care about him and he can get peace from that. And he saves himself a few bob in the process. I'd prefer to know now rather than after Christmas.


  • #54
    Stavro Mueller
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,673 ✭✭✭Stavro Mueller


    This is all assuming the OP tells him at all. I think she's going to stay put because sorting the house and the pets is going to be messy. Not to mention her still caring for her boyfriend and not wanting to go there.

    I also think she's living with this in her head for so long she has justified it all for herself. She seems to think her boyfriend will just accept the cheating as a symptom of a relationship gone stale and see where things go from there. She doesn't seem to realize that telling him she cheated could make him see her in a completely different light. Someone capable of cheating. It could well destroy any trust he had and it'll destroy everything sooner or later. Some relationships survive cheating but most don't.


  • #55
    heretochat
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 533 ✭✭✭heretochat


    I would definitely want to know before Christmas if it was me as well.

    Putting aside the expense involved, I think that there will be far more resentment towards the OP if she acts as if everything is hunky dory and then dumps him in the New Year. He will have been made a fool of in front of his family, her family, his friends, her friends.

    I don't know what measure of resilience the lad has but that would devastate many people.

    So my advice would be tell him now and tell him the whole truth. At least as others have said he can then spend Christmas with those who are genuinely caring towards him.


  • #56
    Matteroffact
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 457 ✭✭Matteroffact


    Don't make any hasty decisions, you need time to think about this. You are not sure how you feel at the moment, so I would not do this before Christmas. You need to be sure before you say anything.


  • #57
    tinz18
    Registered Users Posts: 329 ✭✭tinz18


    OP you're the one who knows him best so its up to you- it's all well and good us giving you advise but we don't know your relationships dynamic. Do you think he'll walk if you tell him? Do you think you can live with the guilt of not telling him?

    I'd be in the camp of telling him after Christmas. But my opinion is solely on the basis that I dated a guy who didn't tell me and his guilt dragged the relationship down until finally we broke up. And even though I only found out about the cheating once I'd moved on with my lovely current boyfriend, it still hurt and tbh I was raging because I could've been spared the off behavior, the wondering, worrying and self-doubt about what was going on that occurred for the months that we stayed together after he did the nasty. But that's me- I prefer to know what's happening. My boyfriend would be in the same camp even though his past relationships ended with cheating.

    It all depends on your boyfriend. Only you know which option would hurt him more. You can't be selfish in this, you have to take the action that is best for him. Some people prefer omission of things/lying, others value honesty even if it hurts. Figure out which one he is.


  • #58
    Starokan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 746 ✭✭✭Starokan


    Just let the chap go and do it as soon as you can, yes he will in all likelihood be devastated but like most people he will plough through and get over it eventually. I see no point in prolonging the agony for either of you. Based on what you have posted it's likely you will cheat again. Therefore it is extremely unfair and deceitful to stay with your current partner.

    Let him off to find someone who wants to be committed to him and likewise for you there is zero point in staying in a relationship that does not make you happy. Life is simply to short.


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