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Both parents working opposite shifts - stressed out!

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  • 21-11-2014 11:43am
    #1
    khaki
    Registered Users Posts: 23 ✭


    Hi guys I'm so stressed out and need to vent!:( My partner works Monday to Friday and is gone from 5:30am until about 9pm. Our son is 2 and he doesn't see his Daddy all week. That's hard enough, but then I have to work Friday / Saturday / Sunday. So I hardly see my partner at all, my son doesn't see him apart from weekends, and we have no time together as a family at all. We even have to go see Santa twice , seperatly. It's really stressing us all out and I'd love to talk to someone in a similar situation and find out how you coped!


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    #2
    December2012
    Registered Users Posts: 4,695 ✭✭✭December2012


    How long is the situation likely to be this way? We have a similar high time demanding situation and we get through it by thinking "just x more months"


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    #3
    krissovo
    Registered Users Posts: 2,645 ✭✭✭krissovo


    You need a target to aim for, its how we coped for 12 months.....Plan days off together for family days and drop the kids off in the evening for a date night rather than take a block holiday. My situation got so bad that I met my partner in Amsterdam airport for 3 hours after being away 2 weeks as I was flying back to Ireland and my partner was flying out for 2 weeks. I went back and picked up the kids from the childminder. That nightmare 12 months is over thank god.

    Not much better now, I now work in Dublin Monday to Friday so only spend 2 days with the family a week but a step in the right direction as at least we can spend time together.


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    #4
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    The first three years are critical for establishing strong parental role models.

    Cut back, cut back, cut back.

    What job goes from 5:30am to 9pm, five days a week? If that's not supporting a family of three, there is something seriously wrong. You will never get these days back.

    Cut back, cut back, cut back.


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    #5
    CrazyRabbit
    Registered Users Posts: 8,659 ✭✭✭CrazyRabbit


    It can be pretty hard. My sister is in the RAF as is her husband and they have 2 young kids. They are frequently separated for months due to deployment orders. They make the most out of what time they do have together as a family, and Skype daily.

    But in your case, you don't seem to get any time at all together. To be honest, it seems like your husband needs a job with better hours/less traveling.


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    #6
    Moonbeam
    Moderators, Education Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 18,953 Mod ✭✭✭✭Moonbeam


    They are crazy hours,is he working in different time zones?


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    #7
    pwurple
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,449 ✭✭✭✭pwurple


    Sounds like he has a massive commute. Can you move house to cut that out?


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    #8
    khaki
    Registered Users Posts: 23 ✭khaki


    It's mainly the commute, it's an 8-6 job but they have been sent 3 hours away for the last few weeks. That contract is almost over so we're hoping the next one is closer to home. We're trying to secure a mortgage and unfortunately a full time contract is the only way to do that. Hopefully it will be behind us this time next year, it's just tough going at the minute. I can't get upset and talk to my partner about it as it will sound like a guilt trip, he's doing the best he can trying to support his family, as am I.


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    #9
    December2012
    Registered Users Posts: 4,695 ✭✭✭December2012


    Can you bring up the conversation in a way that is reassuring and in no way bring on a guilt trip.

    When you're starting sentences use the phrase "I feel". It sounds less accusing.

    Eg "I feel so annoyed sometimes that we don't get to see each other as much as we both would like. I know we are working hard and it will be worth it when X but I just want you to know that I love you and I miss you. I feel that next year when we X it will be better for us. I think that your commute must be very tough on you too. We are both doing our best but I feel it would be great if we could spend more time together. I've thought about it but I can't think of any way around it right now. What do you feel?"


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    #10
    khaki
    Registered Users Posts: 23 ✭khaki


    December2012 wrote: »
    Can you bring up the conversation in a way that is reassuring and in no way bring on a guilt trip.

    When you're starting sentences use the phrase "I feel". It sounds less accusing.

    Eg "I feel so annoyed sometimes that we don't get to see each other as much as we both would like. I know we are working hard and it will be worth it when X but I just want you to know that I love you and I miss you. I feel that next year when we X it will be better for us. I think that your commute must be very tough on you too. We are both doing our best but I feel it would be great if we could spend more time together. I've thought about it but I can't think of any way around it right now. What do you feel?"

    We've had that conversation regularly, we both find it tough and can empathize with each other. It's just nice to hear from people who've came through this , just needed to rant I'm ok now ;)


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    #11
    December2012
    Registered Users Posts: 4,695 ✭✭✭December2012


    khaki wrote: »
    We've had that conversation regularly, we both find it tough and can empathize with each other. It's just nice to hear from people who've came through this , just needed to rant I'm ok now ;)

    It IS tough, and it's hard. Hopefully it won't be for much longer for you.


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