School issue?

Mrs Shrek

Hi all. This is long so bear with me.

My eldest is a first yr secondary student. He is generally a good natured fella and is settling in well. Recently there was a readathon for a charity in his school. Sponsorship cards handed out etc. At no stage where they told it was compulsory. He was initially all on for it and had picked out books to read. He wouldn't be a big reader at all so I was delighted. Roll on a couple of weeks and he's home from school in foul humour as today was final day for cards to be handed in and turns out he didn't do it. He decided he didn't want to in the end. Teacher was very unimpressed with him and gave out to him and told him that wasn't a good enough excuse and that he had to send in a note from mum or dad explaining why he didn't want to do it.

So my initial reaction was to get the sponsorship card and drop it into school and that would be the end of it. Ds is adamant that I do not do this as he doesn't see why he should have to have done it if he didn't want to. He is smarting from the telling off in class as another student didn't participate and was not given out to. He has told me previously that this teacher did not like him. Ds is/was a bit chatty in class and since then the teacher has been on his case. This is fair enough. I have told him that he has to respect the teacher and to keep his mouth closed in class so as not to give the teacher any excuse to reprimand him.

Ds has a habit of dropping out of things like extra curricular activites. Its like he can't be bothered after a while so I imagine it was the same with the readathon. Great idea at the time but when it came down to it he didn't want to have to read the books.

I am torn between supporting my son up and sending in a note saying that it was not and should not be compulsory to participate in the readathon but fear this will go against him in class as be another reason to dislike my son, or taking what I consider to be the easy was out and just filling in the card and dropping it in tomorrow. Ds sees this as the teacher winning and why should he force him to do the readathon when he doesn't want to. I have explained to him that sometimes to make life easier for us in the long run we have to back down and do things that we don't want to.
I have also spoke to him about seeing things through but in true teenage style its his life and he shouldn'thave to do something unimportant if he doesn't want to. He is so headstrong and is quite black and white about things.

Any opinions on what the right thing to do is?

CrazyRabbit

The teacher should not be giving out to your son like that. Not their place. The teacher could have contacted you directly rather than having a go at your son. I hope it wasn't in front of the entire class. That would be way out of line.

As for your son, you should make him do this readathon. He signed up for it and should follow through. He'll never achieve much if he gives up so easily on everything. He needs more self-discipline and encouragement to see things through. A charity shouldn't lose out just because he can no longer be bothered to read a few books.

evolving_doors

ok hands up im a teacher!

First off...
Fair play for him standing up for what he believes in (in 1st year too!). He's right, charity work is voluntary.

But.... if I gave out sponsorship cards I'd emphasise that id want them back and I dont care if you didn't get any money even. The teacher could have been trying to be carefull that students dont keep the money , so 11th the card might be just a checks and balances thing.

The 'fact' that she didn't give out to other student will be hard to pin down unless you specifically ask the teacher (do you want to go that route though!, maybe ask for a chat about your sons general behaviour in class as he seemed a bit crotchety about the subject).

Maybe the other student said they will being it in later, while your son might have been 'a bit forward' by declaring that they didn't want to do it (which could be a way of upping their caché amongst peers! being the rebel etc!).

Its hard to infer exactly what was said (which I think you accept) but on the whole maybe the youngfella is still finding his place. I wouldnt admonish him too much about giving up too easily or itll become a self fulfilling prophecy. As long as he keeps trying things...

And get him a book for christmas, as he appears to be a good reader!

thesimpsons

my fella came home one year with sponsor card for a walk the class were doing as part of their bronze gaisce in TY class. my son wasn't comfortable giving me the card as we have a policy of not asking anyone for sponsorship and instead put in the money ourselves. but that year he had already done a number of charity events with scouts which had cost him and us a fair deal of money. I wrote polite note to the teacher, explained the circumstances where my fella wouldn't be getting sponsorship and returned the card. There was absolutely no hassle with it at all. the teacher fully accepted the letter, my son still did the gasice walk, and we had done our bit for charity in another way. sometimes all is needed is a bit of open communication - teachers aren't mind readers and possibly he needed to account for the all sponsorship cards. You don't know what the other student may have said to the teacher which explains why that student wasn't given out to.