My brother is gone

sparkle_23

Tonight at 24 years of age. I'm in Canada, flyin home in 12 hours. I can't even explain how I feel.

CaraMay

I'm so sorry sparkle. The shock is horrendous and to add traveling to that is very hard. We are here to listen

Oink

sparkle_23 wrote: »

Tonight at 24 years of age. I'm in Canada, flyin home in 12 hours. I can't even explain how I feel.

I'm very sorry to hear that Sparkle. I can't even imagine how you feel. At such a young age. It's awful.

sparkle_23

I feel physically awful and I still don't believe it! I feel like I should sleep but I can't

Mrs Shrek

I'm so sorry sparkle. Its the phonecall no one ever wants to get. So hard on you being away from home.

lamotu

So sorry Sparkle. Cannot imagine what you are going through. Condolences to you and your family.

skirtgirl

Sorry sparkle. x

Layinghen

Oh Sparkle I am so sorry for your shocking loss. There are no words that can be of comfort to you at this particular moment, just know that people are thinking of you and are here for you.

Take very good care of yourself and know that even though it feels like it you are not alone.

Call me Al

Condolences. It's a tough tough phonecall to get, and the journey home is a long one.
Be kind to yourself.

December2012

That's very sad Sparkle. I hope the travelling is smooth and you get to your family soon

Rose35

So so sorry for you, safe journey home and look after yourself.

banie01

My deepest condolences on your loss Sparkle.
Have a safe journey home and I hope you and your family can find some comfort and support in each other over the hard times to come.

Lisha

I'm so sorry for your loss sparkle. I can only hope you have a quick journey home to your family.

Look after yourself I'll be keeping you in my thoughts

tomatofruit

So sorry for you,

sparkle_23

It was suicude... My stomach is in knots thinkin bout it

chickenlittle

So very sorry, safe travelling.

Amazingfun

sparkle_23 wrote: »

It was suicude... My stomach is in knots thinkin bout it

(((((sparkle)))) so very sorry for your loss. I can't imagine it.

Strangely enough I heard of a suicide of a man in his twenties yesterday in my mother's home town in the West. God it's awful

skipper756

Sincere sympathy on your tragic loss Sparkle.
I have been there and can well imagine your sense of loss and distress.
Safe home.

Inspector Dhar

Sparkle, my deepest condolences to you and your family. When your head is in the right place, think about making contact with Living Links. They are a voluntary group set up to help people bereaved by suicide. If you google them you will find their contact details. All the best. M

LynnGrace

So sorry, OP. Safe journey.

Buona Fortuna

Sparkle I'm so sorry. I read your thread yesterday and didn't know what to say then. This morning I still don't

Safe journey hun.

eviltwin

I'm so sorry for your loss, my thoughts are with you and your family and your brother. x

makeandcreate

My heart goes out to you in ways I cannot put into words. Look after yourself first and then to those around you.

sparkle_23

I made it home & he was here in our sitting room. He looked so beautiful and at peace. On his death notice it says "peace at last"

I haven't slept in 3 nights and I just can't I miss him so much xxx

LTM

I am so sorry to hear this sparkle. Such a difficult trip to make home. I will be thinking of you and your family at such a difficult time.

jellybear

Sparkle, I am so, so sorry for your huge loss. My condolences to you and your family. My heart breaks for you. I hope your brother has found perfect peace. X

CaraMay

sparkle_23 wrote: »

I made it home & he was here in our sitting room. He looked so beautiful and at peace. On his death notice it says "peace at last"

I haven't slept in 3 nights and I just can't I miss him so much xxx

All you have to do for the next while is breathe. You don't need to be any thumb to anybody. Just breathe and get yourself through this. Keep talking to us if you need it. Plenty of us know what you are going through unfortunately

sparkle_23

The funeral was yesterday and I don't know how I feel today, dunno what to do with myself. Still doesn't feel real. He was very troubled the last few years and he had no life but it doesnt make IT any easier

Amazingfun

Hugs and prayers with you today and onwards sparkle. Such a terrible loss

ZiabR

Very sorry for your loss.

Michael Weston

Sorry for your troubles sparkle, what an awful loss. You're in my thoughts, I wish you a safe journey back to the comfort of your family x

AppleD

There are no words Sparkle but my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. The shock alone must be awful.

Tombo2001

My own younger brother died 12 years ago, same age as your brother, same cause also. The physical shock of it is unreal; and the whole rigmarole of the funeral is surreal and bewildering.

You'll get through this, you will. Be good to yourself.

Oryx

One day at a time. Let the emotions come, whatever they may be. Don't worry about why you feel a particular way, its all just part of processing your grief. You need time, lots of it. Avoid pressure and stress, and be kind to yourself.

Sciprio

It'll will be hard. I lost my brother at only just 25 years old on october of last year(He took an overdose) I couldn't eat for over three days either and sometimes i think about something that i seen and want to show him but then i remember that he is dead and it all comes back. Just remember that you're not alone and others are with you. Sorry about your loss.

Zanablue

Sparkle, I am so very sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you and your family.

DeltaWhite

I am sincerely sorry for your loss Sparkle, only 9 weeks ago I lost someone very very dear to me and I'm still reeling. One thing I will say is whatever emotions hit you, let them come. The worst thing I've done so far is bottle things in, I have to go to work everyday and act normal and cant let those emotions out which isn't really helping me. If you need to cry, do it. You will feel 1% better after it. It may not be much, but letting things bottle up inside and fester is not how you deal with grief.

I lost half a stone in one week because I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, couldn't string sentences together from the shock. All that is back to normal now thankfully. One thing that helped me was stuffing my face with all my favourite foods, I didn't care about eating healthily just for a few weeks. Then I got back on track and my appetite is fine now.

Look after yourself here, because it's of the utmost importance. I'm so sorry for what you are going through, you are not alone, as cliché as that sounds just know that you can, and will get through this difficult time.

Also lean on boards, it helped me a lot when I suffered the sudden loss of my Mam. The words of strangers can be more helpful than friends and family.

Take care X X X

Diane Selwyn

So sorry for your loss Sparkle. I was also away O/S when I heard that my younger brother had died unexpectedly. I guess all the travel arrangements gave me something to focus on as I remember feeling particularly helpless and hopeless after the funeral when I felt I had to face 'getting on with it'. I would say just take your time. Hopefully you have family or friends you can talk to - counselling is good too. And mind your own health. In the early days I found tai chi very helpful for calming the mind a bit - yoga might work that way too. Try to eat plain food if you can't stomach anything else. As other people have said - be kind to yourself.

Sorry for your troubles, Sparkle.

hairyprincess

Sparkle there are simply no words to express how sorry I am for your terrible loss. Don't put your own grief aside to deal with others, grieve with them. You will get through this, keep talking to people and posting here.
I wish your brother peace in the next world that he couldn't find in this world.

promethius

I have no advice to offer sparkle but am very sorry for your loss, i'll say a prayer for you and all your family tonight.

BrowmThomas

Very sorry to hear that.
Death of a loved one for whatever reason Is so hard to accept, just do what feels right for you and take it hour by hour for now. Everyone grieves in different ways, there is no right or wrong way.
Try to remember through the difficult days ahead to be kind to yourself, it's very easy to forget about you.
Condolences to you and your loved ones.

LegacyUser

Very saddened to see your messages Sparkle, I normally read postings on boards but very rarely post but I can identify with your loss and the very deep sadness you are suffering. You have lost your brother......nothing anyone says can remove the absolute feeling of confusion, grief, helplessness and every other extreme emotions floating around you. You will cry and then sometimes you won't cry. Be prepared for the not crying because that can cause lots of unnecessary guilt. It's normal not to be crying all the time, you will find you are in shock and will remain in shock for weeks to come.
Your flight back to Canada will be horrible, make sure you have an eyemask...at least with that you can have a little cry while pretending to the rest of the plane that you are asleep. You may need counselling...under the circumstances I would recommend you go for at least one session...but give yourself time first, if you go now you won't hear a thing because your wonderful brother will be at the forefront of your mind all the time for the next few weeks.
It is ok to think about yourself. You are not being selfish. Your brother's passing does have a very real impact on you and you are the one dealing with the fallout. Try to keep family close. It's easy to fallout, emotions are raw, the ones who appear the strongest may well be simply digging deep trying to carry the family through this. People can say stupid things but don't mean it. Everyone is in shock at a time like this so it's not a time to take offence.
Sparkle, I hope sharing the above helps you, it won't take away the pain and the enormous gap you will have with himself not being around in your life...don't lose faith. It may take years before you can comfortably talk about your brother with a smile on your face and laughter in your heart, until then you may very well walk a tightrope balancing between conversation and bursting into tears. It's normal, you're not unique and people who have experienced it will understand. It scares people who haven't been through it simply because they don't know what to do.....but I suspect you'll have noticed this already...

You take care of yourself and you have my deepest sympathy and God help you for what you've experienced over the past few days. May your brother sleep in peace. x

sparkle_23

A week on and it is still very very strange. I haven't booked a flight back to Canada yet, Im not sure when to go back. I'm not sure how to feel? What does someone feel like when they lose a sibling? And when it was suicide? I think it hasn't hit me yet that I'm not goin to see my brother again

Taltos

Don't think there's a hard and fast rule on when sparkle.
Just my suggestion would be to surround yourself with good support, chances are when it hits (hours / days / weeks) it will really hit you hard.
Talking to someone when you're ready, can help you prepare yourself and to deal with all of the emotions that are bubbling possibly below your own awareness, figure right now you are just numb, the unreality of it all is in a way helping you do what is needed right now, but chances are at some point that will wear thin, and that's when you'll need help yourself.

shadowcomplex

So sorry for your loss Sparkle

Paramite Pie

I almost cried reading this thread. I'm really sorry for your loss. I don't think anyone knows what to feel when they loose someone like that -- it's odd when you still have to do all the everyday things (eat,shower,sleep etc..) and it feels wrong doing it because you feel like your supposed to be doing something else and no-one can really tell you what that is.
You might feel like there's something wrong with you because your thinking about ordinary things like 'the cat needs to be fed' or 'i'm out of milk' and all that suddenly feels so irrelevant when you remember you just lost someone and here you are thinking about your weekly shop. Then the guilt rushes in... but you can't grieve around the clock.

I imagine your still in shock and that's why your confused about how you feel, your still quite numb. Everything your going through 'normal' for a sudden loss. Again, I'm deeply sorry.

tayto lover

You have my sympathies Sparkle and I will keep you in my thoughts.

December2012

It's a weird time; your world is devastated, but everything else keeps ticking on.....

There's no right path to follow, but you might get some help from www.console.ie

Amazingfun

sparkle_23 wrote: »

A week on and it is still very very strange. I haven't booked a flight back to Canada yet, Im not sure when to go back. I'm not sure how to feel? What does someone feel like when they lose a sibling? And when it was suicide? I think it hasn't hit me yet that I'm not goin to see my brother again

Sounds like you're still in shock Sparkle. It's a devastating loss.
I hope you're able to take a bit more time off work in Canada in order to give yourself time to grieve and come to grips with the enormity of what's happened. But if you must go back soon do be sure to hook into some of the Canadian resources akin to Pieta House here.

You're in all our thoughts and prayers during this terribly sad time. I hope you can find some comfort in all the messages here.....gentle hugs...

kenmccarthy

My sister died suddenly (medical) 25years ago this week, not a week goes by I don't think of her.thinking of you on your very sad & sudden loss / there aren't any words make it easier!