Looking after a baby for a sibling?

Trisha_H

My friend needs some advice and since she has no account here I said I would ask for her.

Her brother is with this girl and she has a baby (not his). She was pregnant when they met and he supported her through the pregnancy and he is going to be a dad to the baby.

My friend is 18 and not going to college but works part time and is looking to start a course sometime in the future. Her brothers girlfriend wants to go back to work and they want her, my friend, to look after the 4 month old baby. My friend asked me what I thought and I told her I didn't want to comment because I honestly didn't know what to say. She has a few concerns about what they want.

They want her to do this Mon-Fri from 8-6 and she would only be paid about €100 a week but they have said they would pay for her to eat while she's there, which her brother seems to think is fair. She's not happy about that at all because she makes more with the part time job she has right now and doesn't really want to give it up.

There's also the fact he's not the biological father, and she's legally a stranger, and she's worried about what would happen if something went wrong while the baby is in her care. She's not used to being around babies and has never looked after them before. There's a lot for her to take on but her brother is putting a lot of pressure on her as are her parents. They feel like this is her just not wanting to accept the baby as part of the family.


So basically if anyone has advise for my friend it would be appreciated.

monflat

She's 18. And young.
Tell her not to bother 100 a week 8-6
No way.
.
She could find better ways of earning.a few euro.

Aeternum

If they want someone to work for that amount maybe they should look into an au pair, from other posts here it seems to be the cheapest option.. Ridiculous amount to offer her for those hours.

ahnowbrowncow

No way would I do that. 8-6, five days a week for 100e a week? Screw that. Tell her to say no and to do a course to better herself and improve her employability and not to be forced into a dead end 'job'.

Jezek

If it was a baby-sitting job for an evening, yeah, sure, grand.

But this full-time carer job needs someone qualified, or at least a fully responsible adult. Okay, some 18 year olds with young siblings etc might be able to care for a child but it sounds like this girl is not up to it. And fair enough most people in her position wouldn't be able to do this. Also wise of her to realise that she's not even a relative.

Finally, the 430 / month for a full time job is just taking the mickey. She should excuse herself, I think if she says she doesn't feel she can do it safely is the best way to pull out without hurting feelings.

m'lady

I'd advise your friend to stay well clear, she's young and should be trying to improve herself, not mind a baby that's not hers. Also 'mixing business' with family is a bad idea, it can end in disagreements etc.

Frog Song

Do they realise if they had to get a Childminder in to their house to mind the child it'd be €100 a DAY for those hours?? Completely taking the piss out of that girl. An AuPair wouldn't be allowed do a 50 hour week and especially for that little money. I'm annoyed at the cheek of them to be honest, tell her to make her excuses and decline.

Plus she's 18 and not used to babies and they want her to mind a 4 month old for 10 hours a day? Insane!

Trisha_H

Trisha_H wrote: »

she makes more with the part time job she has right now and doesn't really want to give it up

Sorry but I can't see why she's even considering this completely one-sided arrangement. Unless it's just to tell the brother that she's thought about it and decided against it ...?

Big Bag of Chips

I'm sure they know exactly how much childcare is and that is why they are putting pressure on her! She should tell her mam that she doesn't have a baby at 18, because she didn't want a baby at 18, because she has a lot she would like to do before she settles down with children. And having a baby 8-6 5 days a week means she would see more of the baby than the parents!

She might need to get her mother on side and then use her as back up with her brother.

Nekarsulm

2 Euro per hour, and the responsibility of looking after a strangers child? And effectively deny herself the chance of furthering her own education or getting a real job?

Steer well away, would be my advice!

Sligo1

That is exploitation... Pure and simple! I would tell them to take care of their own responsibilities or pay somebody an appropriate wage to do same! They are completely taking the piss IMHO.

jopax

Tell her to stay well clear, it depends obviously on the person but i think minding a baby is one of the hardest jobs going.

The fact that she has no experience makes it even worse as she has no idea whay she is getting into.

Also she could end up falling out with her brother if issues arise. She would be better off dealing with strangers as she could just walk away if it didn't work out.

Its just not worth the money or hassle

Moonbeam

That is crazy.
2 euro an hour and she would loose her prsi payments from hr part time job.
100 a day would be a lot fairer.

Arbiter of Good Taste

Disgusting that her parents are pressuring her to do this, why, so the baby's mother feels more comfortable as "part of the family"?

The fact that the baby's mother is happy to leave an infant with an 18 year old for 10 hours a day is shocking.

Anyway, back on topic. OP tell your friend to run a mile. This is exploitation pure and simple. LOL that the brother thinks he is doing her a favour by including her food.

monflat

Arbiter of Good Taste wrote: »

Disgusting that her parents are pressuring her to do this, why, so the baby's mother feels more comfortable as "part of the family"?

The fact that the baby's mother is happy to leave an infant with an 18 year old for 10 hours a day is shocking.

Anyway, back on topic. OP tell your friend to run a mile. This is exploitation pure and simple. LOL that the brother thinks he is doing her a favour by including her food.

Totally
What might she eat 2 slices of bread / toast for lunch.
A few tea bags
A scrape of butter
A bit of cheese

Lord above!!!

seamus

No no no no no no no no no no.

Blatant exploitation aside, the one big thing that's not intentional but that's being overlooked is the expectation. The expectation that you will always be there.

At 18, she is going to want to do things. 6 months in Asia? Nope, no can do, where are your brother and his wife going to find someone to mind the baby? You want to go back to college? Then how is your brother's wife going to cope - she'd have to give up work! How can you be so selfish to think of yourself when you know your brother relies on you to mind their baby?

Can't give a bigger NOPE on this one, I'm shocked that her parents think it's a good idea. She will be trapped for the next five years because she'll feel like she can't leave and let down her brother/family, and then she's in her mid-twenties with no money, no qualifications and practically no useful work experience. And the brother's wife will start having more children and expecting her to keep caring for them, for the same price. And then it'll be, "Would you mind giving the place an aul hoover while you're here. And I might be a bit late, any chance you'll do the dinner for us?" No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no.

Let's also not forget that there are legal issues here. She would be their employee, they would be legally required to pay PRSI, they would be breaking the law at the wages they are paying her, and if/when revenue pop in to take a look they'll discover nobody's paid any tax on anything and start taking it. She might even be bullied by her family into claiming social welfare on top of her wages, which could land her in jail.

When you hear the news talking about modern slavery, this is exactly the kind of thing they're referring to. And family are often the worst for it because they assume it's OK when it's family.

Arbiter of Good Taste

monflat wrote: »

Totally
What might she eat 2 slices of bread / toast for lunch.
A few tea bags
A scrape of butter
A bit of cheese

Lord above!!!

Or maybe he's planning on laying on caviar and champagne, with truffles for dessert!

Nekarsulm

Of course, the girl in question will now get labelled "selfish" for not "helping" with the baby. This really is a throw-back to an earlier age, where the youngest (always a girl) is expected to stay at home and look after the house and aged parents. Basically skivvey until the parents are passed away, and then some brother or cousin (male) will waltz in and take over the home. We have all seen and heard of examples.
The expectation that this girl should give up her job, so that the child's mother can go back to work, is arrogance on a breath taking scale. Where is the child's mother's family? let them sacrifice some time to help her.

And the title of this thread is misleading. She is not looking after a baby for a sibling, she is looking after a baby for a sibling's current girlfriend.

Trisha_H

Thanks for the answers everyone. I will be showing my friend all these tomorrow.

The only reason she hasn't said no is because her family wants her to. I think she doesn't want to have a row with anyone in her family, but at the same time, she knows it's not a good idea to say yes.

deisemum

I'm a childminder and know first hand how demanding it can be minding a baby/small child. There's a big difference in minding someone elses child compared to your own, you feel so much more responsibility and that's with plenty of experience around children such as being the eldest of 9 and having had children myself.

She should steer well clear of this exploitation and that's exactly what it is. Please support her in saying no to her family.

If this is how little they think of her now when they're trying to "entice" her to mind the baby I dread to think what they'll be like if she agrees to it.

If she's getting the equivalent money or more at the moment from a part-time job she'd be mad to give that up for €100 working longer hours and being so blatantly exploited.

FurBabyMomma

Her brother chose to take on the responsibility of someone else's child - let him stay home with the baby. I'm disgusted her family would encourage her to sabotage her future to work for much less than minimum wage. This absolutely comes under the category of 'you made your bed, now lie in it' for both the girlfriend and the brother. I hope your friend sticks with her job, gets her course and goes on to make her own future bright.

uck51js9zml2yt

Im a father of 2 and have to agree with everything above.

Its exploitation and a ruining of any opportunities she might want to take up for herself with regards to paid work, courses etc.
At 18 she deserves a lot better than to be dumped on.

The boyfriend might be doing well in taking on someone elses baby but he wont be the legal guardian of the child and has no legal say in what happens it when the crunch comes....as it will.
If he's taking responsibility for the child then let him do it properly and either they look after it themselves or pay some one with training to do it properly.
Tell her stand her ground.

stargazer 68

I have to agree with everyone else - tell her to stand her ground and say no. Dunnes Stores have taken on staff as well as other places where she will do less hours, less hassle and more money!