Avoiding sausage fests

NoMore MrNiceGuy

lanos wrote: »

That makes no sense

lol. Ok. To simplify for you.

Anybody can claim to be hot on the Internet.

bodhrandude

Cathy.C wrote: »

I think when people say 'just be yourself' they don't just mean be you as obviously everyone is being themselves in that regard. What people mean is that you're better off not worrying about how you're coming across, as it will most likely come across as you're just trying to hard to be something that you're not. I like it when a guy approaches me and he's a little nervous or shy about it.

Pretending to be at ease when you're not, or exude confidence when you're anything but, just comes across as fake and as someone who is uncomfortable with themselves and while that's not the end of the world, it's quite difficult to have a conversation with someone who is constantly worried about how they're coming across.

Embrace your imperfections I say and don't worry so much about them being spotted by the person you're trying to chat up, be they physical imperfections or otherwise. If you're self conscious about your looks, then so be it, be self conscious about your looks. Trying to pretend you're not will just come across as someone who has something to hide and as that person doesn't know you, they won't have a clue as to what that is and you will just come across as not being very genuine.

So therefore, I don't think telling someone to be themselves is vanilla advice at all. It's quite good advice, if that person that is, truly gets what it means to truly be yourself.

As for avoiding sausage fests? Hmm, well that's a tough one as places usually become sausage fests in the first place for good reason and so they still might be the best option for meeting someone. Yoga classes and the like are not really good places tbh as in my experience that is where I have gone to unwind and the last thing you would really want is to be chatted up there. I would just end up feeling socially awkward I think but then I would feel like that when I am chatted up anywhere that I can't quickly escape from. Buses are another one. You just feel weird as you know that you have to sit beside this person now for the next hour and it's worse with things like classes as you know that you will have to see this person now every time you come to a class.

Gigs are most likely the most underrated way to meet people. They tend to be a good mix of the sexes (unless you see a band that only appeals to one sex, so avoid 1Direction gigs) and you automatically have an interest as you both like the same music. They tend to be on earlier than clubs and so you could ask them to go for a drink afterwards. Met a few partners that way over the years.

Cathy you explained that really well, there are times I do have a crush on a girl when we are all gathered in a conversation and I can hardly talk when talking to said girl and trying to sound interesting to the group, it must sound desperate. Your right about gigs and festivals too, music is great to crack the ice in a conversation. I do try to be myself, but I don't know if I do that in a contrived kinda way sometimes, I need to work on it.

lanos

NoMore MrNiceGuy wrote: »

lol. Ok. To simplify for you.

Anybody can claim to be hot on the Internet.

oh so you think he is lying ?
I don't think he is lying
and why would he lie
He strikes me as a straight guy.
Oh BTW, about your username
were u ever a nice guy ?
I don't think so
LOL

Sugar Thief

bodhrandude wrote: »

Cathy you explained that really well, there are times I do have a crush on a girl when we are all gathered in a conversation and I can hardly talk when talking to said girl and trying to sound interesting to the group, it must sound desperate. Your right about gigs and festivals too, music is great to crack the ice in a conversation. I do try to be myself, but I don't know if I do that in a contrived kinda way sometimes, I need to work on it.

Sometimes it's just best to be direct, at my Christmas party spent the first couple hours afraid to approach any women, then when queuing at the bar with two friends just tapped a girl on the back, said Hi, who are you, and a bit of chat I can't remember for a minute, then asked for her number, she went back to her table, texted her. Then she appears beside me and ended spending the rest of the night with her. Lovely girl. I think sometimes you feel you need to be more interesting than you need to be. Just walk over and say hello, let the chips fall where they may.

NoMore MrNiceGuy

lanos wrote: »

oh so you think he is lying ?
I don't think he is lying
and why would he lie
He strikes me as a straight guy.
Oh BTW, about your username
were u ever a nice guy ?
I don't think so
LOL

Christ learn to write sentences. I don't believe him because people in Ireland don't approach men to tell them they are good looking. He's also failed on tinder and other dating sites where looks are the primary currency. He doesn't get on with women by his own admission so apparantly he is approached by women who tell him he is good looking and then that's it. From then on they hate him. It doesn't add up.

In real life I sm a pussycat.

lufties

NoMore MrNiceGuy wrote: »

Christ learn to write sentences. I don't believe him because people in Ireland don't approach men to tell them they are good looking. He's also failed on tinder and other dating sites where looks are the primary currency. He doesn't get on with women by his own admission so apparantly he is approached by women who tell him he is good looking and then that's it. From then on they hate him. It doesn't add up.

In real life I sm a pussycat.

Jaysus, tell it how it is anyway

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that shiftwork plays around 50 per cent in my current predicament. As another poster said, If I was happier with my lot I'd have more success imo.

And yes, I've always been told I'm good looking, friends to work colleagues and from random aqaintences to strippers I do nothing to provoke this, as I said, I think I'm average. Some women have said I'm the cutest thing they've ever met. I know it doesn't add up but thats how it is.

Putinovsky

lufties wrote: »

And yes, I've always been told I'm good looking, friends to work colleagues and from random aqaintences to strippers I do nothing to provoke this, as I said, I think I'm average. Some women have said I'm the cutest thing they've ever met. I know it doesn't add up but thats how it is.

I'm sorry but I wouldn't really pay heed to what strippers will tell you. And "the cutest thing they've ever met" doesn't exactly scream 'sexually attractive'. I'm not having a pop I am merely trying to help. If you're not good looking then you'll need to have other positives to work on to improve your overall package. Luckily for men you don't actually have to be good looking to get beautiful women but if you're not you do have to be bringing something to the table be it being a funny person, a respected person, a successful person etc.

If you're relying on looks that simply aren't there while simultaneously displaying the misogynistic attitude that you have done in the past then you're obviously going to do poorly with women.

No one has a right to a beautiful woman, you have to bring something to the table. If that wasn't the case then you'd see every joe walking around with stunning models.

lufties

Putinovsky wrote: »

I'm sorry but I wouldn't really pay heed to what strippers will tell you. And "the cutest thing they've ever met" doesn't exactly scream 'sexually attractive'. I'm not having a pop I am merely trying to help. If you're not good looking then you'll need to have other positives to work on to improve your overall package. Luckily for men you don't actually have to be good looking to get beautiful women but if you're not you do have to be bringing something to the table be it being a funny person, a respected person, a successful person etc.

If you're relying on looks that simply aren't there while simultaneously displaying the misogynistic attitude that you have done in the past then you're obviously going to do poorly with women.

No one has a right to a beautiful woman, you have to bring something to the table. If that wasn't the case then you'd see every joe walking around with stunning models.

Ok, my ex(who is good looking) told me Im really good looking guy and the cutest thing she ever met, her words.

I agree with you though, after years of being told I'm attractive prob made me a bit up my own arse and then when I fail it makes me frustrated.

When we can't see our behaviour for what it is doesn't make us evil or stupid, its always nice to get constructive criticism though.

Mister Vain

lufties wrote: »

Jaysus, tell it how it is anyway

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that shiftwork plays around 50 per cent in my current predicament. As another poster said, If I was happier with my lot I'd have more success imo.

And yes, I've always been told I'm good looking, friends to work colleagues and from random aqaintences to strippers I do nothing to provoke this, as I said, I think I'm average. Some women have said I'm the cutest thing they've ever met. I know it doesn't add up but thats how it is.

I've received various compliments from women like, cute, gorgeous, fit and "you've rock hard pecs" (that was from a woman who pushed me in a queue outside a nightclub only to start feeling me up. ) Anyway the point is that I didn't find any of those women attractive. It's all good and well getting compliments, but what are the women that are giving you the compliments like? And strippers don't count. Neither do high class escorts with posh British accents.

lufties

Mister Vain wrote: »

I've received various compliments from women like, cute, gorgeous, fit and "you've rock hard pecs" (that was from a woman who pushed me in a queue outside a nightclub only to start feeling me up. ) Anyway the point is that I didn't find any of those women attractive. It's all good and well getting compliments, but what are the women that are giving you the compliments like? And strippers don't count. Neither do high class escorts with posh British accents.

Hit and miss, sometimes they wouldn't be my cup of tea. Other times they'd be hot(never supermodel hot), but you get my drift. In fairness the stripper was latvian girl and to be honest she didn't seem the type to give out compliments willy nilly, a very down to earth she was.

Mister Vain

lufties wrote: »

Hit and miss, sometimes they wouldn't be my cup of tea. Other times they'd be hot(never supermodel hot), but you get my drift. In fairness the stripper was latvian girl and to be honest she didn't seem the type to give out compliments willy nilly, a very down to earth she was.

Ahh well she must have been genuine so. It's not like a Latvian would ever lie.

TheBeardedLady

I think most generally have an idea if they're good- looking or not. Some people are dillusional but most are not. Looks aren't enough though.

NoMore MrNiceGuy

TheBeardedLady wrote: »

I think most generally have an idea if they're good- looking or not. Some people are dillusional but most are not. Looks aren't enough though.

Sure. But theres something off about saying "I know because people tell me". You just know.

Mister Vain

I dunno, plenty of people think they're Gods gift when they're anything but.

feargale

syklops wrote: »

Theres one problem with this plan. How do you tell a straight girl from a gay girl in a gay bar. It's not like they have name tags that say "Clarissa - straight"

Once when I was out I stumbled on a hen party. One twenty something had a prominent tag attached to her proclaiming " Outrageous Flirt." Unfortunately I was spoken for at the time.

Mister Vain

feargale wrote: »

Once when I was out I stumbled on a hen party. One twenty something had a prominent tag attached to her proclaiming " Outrageous Flirt." Unfortunately I was spoken for at the time.

Actually there's a good solution for the OP. Go to some hen parties. Women tend to lose their inhibitions at those things. It's like shooting fish in a barrel.

lanos

NoMore MrNiceGuy wrote: »

Christ learn to write sentences. I don't believe him because people in Ireland don't approach men to tell them they are good looking. <blah blah blah> It doesn't add up.

In real life I sm a pussycat.

I'm not sure what you being a pussycat has to do with lufties love-life

NoMore MrNiceGuy wrote: »

Sure. But theres something off about saying "I know because people tell me". You just know.

look, just because you're probably like shrek, doesn't mean that lufties can't be cute
based on your experience of compliments


jeeez, looks like you're the one with real problems

Venus In Furs

Mister Vain wrote: »

Actually there's a good solution for the OP. Go to some hen parties. Women tend to lose their inhibitions at those things. It's like shooting fish in a barrel.

Didn't he say he wants a relationship and kids? Don't think it's just a one-night stand he's looking for.

Mister Vain

Steve_Carella wrote: »

Is Tinder dead?

Don't bother with Tinder. You'll get a sore finger before you even meet your date.