Avoiding sausage fests

lufties

lufties wrote: »

admittedly, I'm a bit misogynistic..Its not that I think I'm better than women, I don't trust them. Obviously ladies of a certain age, and not grannies and middle aged women. Its more to do with fear and frustration, men feel attracted to women but can't seem to get it reciprocated. In my experience, a lot seem to use their looks/sex appeal to manipulate and get what they want. I also don't understand most female behaviour, and how fussy they can be. Walking around town or my locality, I notice women are just hostile and sour looking and approach at your own peril.

These are my observations and it drives my frustration. I'm starting therapy soon to try sort this out. I guess i can't help how I feel, but am getting it sorted.

Perhaps hanging on for a while until you've started therapy might be a good idea.

If you're feeling that way about women it's very likely that that is being conveyed in your interactions with them.

You would be in a much better position to find women you get along with if you can began to actually like, trust, and respect those women. You will be much happier in yourself also if you aren't trying to get into a relationship with a member of a gender which you admit to having misogynistic views of.

Mister Vain

Leeleather wrote: »

If you want to improve at any skills you need to be proactive and expand your comfort zone. The same applies to success with women,keep practicing and learning from those who are very good at chatting up women.

The first sentence I agree with. It's always good to step outside the comfort zone. However I don't think you can really learn from other people that are successful with women. It's not like learning boxing skills from a successful boxer. The guys that are successful with women could be completely different to you in terms of looks, personality, social status etc.

Leeleather

Mister Vain wrote: »

The first sentence I agree with. It's always good to step outside the comfort zone. However I don't think you can really learn from other people that are successful with women. It's not like learning boxing skills from a successful boxer. The guys that are successful with women could be completely different to you in terms of looks, personality, social status etc.

There are plenty of men who are average looking with nothing particular special about, they just have mindsets and behaviours that attract women, you can learn from them. You'lol notice that men who are good with women are relaxed around women, you can become relaxed by pushing your comfort zone and approaching lots of women.Over time they'll cease being scary monsters.

Mister Vain

Leeleather wrote: »

There are plenty of men who are average looking with nothing particular special about, they just have mindsets and behaviours that attract women, you can learn from them. You'lol notice that men who are good with women are relaxed around women, you can become relaxed by pushing your comfort zone and approaching lots of women.Over time they'll cease being scary monsters.

Yeah fair enough, but you need to work on yourself, not try to emulate the success of others. Trying to "learn" how to approach women from other men sounds more like PUA.

Leeleather

Mister Vain wrote: »

Yeah fair enough, but you need to work on yourself, not try to emulate the success of others. Trying to "learn" how to approach women from other men sounds more like PUA.

I learned myself from practicing, you learn what tends to work for most women, like don't ask too many questions for example, make statevents and forget about trying to impress, your own fun comes first, I find women are drawn to people like that.

Earthhorse

Deleted User wrote: »

You will be much happier in yourself also if you aren't trying to get into a relationship with a member of a gender which you admit to having misogynistic views of.

It's a good thing he didn't admit to having misogynistic views of the male gender or we'd be in real trouble.

Aurum

lufties wrote: »

admittedly, I'm a bit misogynistic..Its not that I think I'm better than women, I don't trust them. Obviously ladies of a certain age, and not grannies and middle aged women. Its more to do with fear and frustration, men feel attracted to women but can't seem to get it reciprocated. In my experience, a lot seem to use their looks/sex appeal to manipulate and get what they want. I also don't understand most female behaviour, and how fussy they can be. Walking around town or my locality, I notice women are just hostile and sour looking and approach at your own peril.

These are my observations and it drives my frustration. I'm starting therapy soon to try sort this out. I guess i can't help how I feel, but am getting it sorted.

I don't think women are particularly hostile. Most people spend the average working day feeling a combination of thoughtful, preoccupied and perhaps stressed, tired and worried. This probably won't result in an expression that radiates happiness and approachability. I think the first positive step you could try is to view women as individual entities and not as one homogenous lump of humanity that thinks and acts the same way. Both genders are guilty of taking this sort of simplistic view of the opposite gender, and it's so irritating. I find that people who have friends and acquaintances of both genders are generally more successful in relationships because they are better able to view people of the opposite gender as three dimensional humans and not as a walking set of stereotypical characteristics associated with their gender.

lufties

Aurum wrote: »

I don't think women are particularly hostile. Most people spend the average working day feeling a combination of thoughtful, preoccupied and perhaps stressed, tired and worried. This probably won't result in an expression that radiates happiness and approachability. I think the first positive step you could try is to view women as individual entities and not as one homogenous lump of humanity that thinks and acts the same way. Both genders are guilty of taking this sort of simplistic view of the opposite gender, and it's so irritating. I find that people who have friends and acquaintances of both genders are generally more successful in relationships because they are better able to view people of the opposite gender as three dimensional humans and not as a walking set of stereotypical characteristics associated with their gender.

Yes, i do have female friends but don't connect with them like I do male ones. Its neediness on my part and I know that. Just hope its not too ingrained in me, and that I'll be able to change my psyche.

Earthhorse

Earthhorse wrote: »

It's a good thing he didn't admit to having misogynistic views of the male gender or we'd be in real trouble.

It's a pity that my lack of eloquence clouded what I thought was the clear sentiment of my post.

Wibbs

Leeleather wrote: »

I find women are drawn to people like that.

I find people are drawn to people like that. Put it another way, its rare enough I've known the bloke who was on the back foot with women, who wasn't equally on the back foot with men outside their social circle too.

whoopsadaisydoodles wrote:

You would be in a much better position to find women you get along with if you can began to actually like, trust, and respect those women. You will be much happier in yourself also if you aren't trying to get into a relationship with a member of a gender which you admit to having misogynistic views of.

+1. I'd also suggest that you're self selecting wagons because of this view. Humans would rather be proven right than happy I have found. We prefer to view the world of our own internal making.

Now how might this view come about? Could be a few culprits in play. First off I'd look at your very first romantic attachment back in the day. Was it reciprocal, or did ye never get it on and you were forever her frieeend? If ye did, did it end badly for you? Again IMHO and IME I've found that men in particular can get locked into a near lifetime pattern because of how that first romantic attachment goes(or the first real serious one went). If it was good, but ended as things tend to with little rancour beyond composing awful love poetry over a pint, then game ball, otherwise... I have found that women seem in general to be much better at reseting the mechanism for someone new. They've crappier emotional memories or something(no way am I saying they're more clued in). Secondly, after that first or second, early romantic engagement(s) look to see if there's a pattern to those who follow? Are you now still trying to "fix" what went wrong in that first period, in yourself or her/them, by preselecting women like her/them to see if this time I'll get it right? Fools errand oul son. It really bloody is. And if by some miracle you do fix someone like that, she will leave you. For the simple reason that you would be a constant reminder of who she used to be and she'll want a clean slate with a guy who gets her new and improved self and wasn't her "shrink". And that's before we get to the relationship with yore ma* and da which may have a bearing too.

Hell Ted, I've worn that tee shirt. My take has generally been; I'm damned good at selecting women mates. People who I know I can trust and will be there for me in the vast majority of cases**. Women lovers? I'd usually trust as far as I could throw them, or at least I'd usually keep one eye open and when I didn't I got fcuked over. Now both groups are women, so it's nada to do with gender, but very different in outcome. I long came to the common denominator that is mise. I'm clearly bad at selecting for the sound ones. And looking back if there was a crazy/narcissist/user in the room I was drawn to them and as these things go, they were drawn to me. Like abusers seek out the more vulnerable and vice versa.

The therapy stuff should hopefully narrow and nail down the mechanisms behind the worldview you have now and get you closer to the neutral point, which would be along the lines of there are cool ladies in this world and there are thundering bitches, but now you can tell the difference and more, you'll be more attracted to the former cool women.


*don't hate me.

** though I would say and obviously as a general thing, women mates need more nurturing and more contact to keep that going. Male mates may not hear from you for years, even decades and if you bump into each other, will usually take up where you left off. I have found that much less likely with women mates. But that was about the only diff.

Wibbs

Earthhorse wrote: »

It's a good thing he didn't admit to having misogynistic views of the male gender or we'd be in real trouble.

That would be misandrist views I would have thought?

lufties wrote: »

Yes, i do have female friends but don't connect with them like I do male ones. Its neediness on my part and I know that.

Because you don't see them as mates out of the gate. You're seeing them as women who are friends. Damned easy trap to fall into. TBH I've been very lucky on that score in that in my teens I bumped into women that for some reason I didn't get the raging horn for(and they didn't get the tingles for me), but I did connect with them. In two cases I could see why other me would be attracted to them, as they were and are good looking women, but I saw them as mates/sisters. That helped in a big way I have to say. Otherwise Id have never had that "control group" and would have assumed, like too many guys that "women be crazy bitches". And yet I still fell into that kinda thinking romantically. No accounting for brains or wisdom I suppose. Lead a horse to water and all that...

Just hope its not too ingrained in me, and that I'll be able to change my psyche

I reckon you can and you're on your way to will. You can see that your worldview may be arseways and that's a big effin step Lufties. Oh it will be difficult, as if you're looking for wagons, you will see them. As an ancient Persian saying goes; "the man who is a pessimist, tends to be a prophet". However if you open your head and look at the underlying reasons for how you feel, then you may see the matrix for what it is; a bunch of people, some really bad, some really good, most trying their best with their own hangups, wearing masks that serve to hide working out who they are. Just like you Ted.

Venus In Furs

lufties wrote: »

admittedly, I'm a bit misogynistic..Its not that I think I'm better than women, I don't trust them. Obviously ladies of a certain age, and not grannies and middle aged women. Its more to do with fear and frustration, men feel attracted to women but can't seem to get it reciprocated. In my experience, a lot seem to use their looks/sex appeal to manipulate and get what they want. I also don't understand most female behaviour, and how fussy they can be. Walking around town or my locality, I notice women are just hostile and sour looking and approach at your own peril.

These are my observations and it drives my frustration. I'm starting therapy soon to try sort this out. I guess i can't help how I feel, but am getting it sorted.

It's worth considering too, that most men don't feel the same way about women as you do - and contrary to what can get said at times: these are NOT just men who are adonises/rich. These are *most* men.
So why is it that you feel that way? I reckon it could be that the women whom you notice the most are the bitchy ones. I know full well the type of women you're talking about - they're not a myth, but there are all the really nice, kind, easygoing, non issue/drama courting ones. There really are - I count many of them as my friends. They wouldn't dream of behaving towards men - or anyone - the way women you encounter do
They are not unattractive either. Are you drawn mostly to really amazing looking women or would you be interested in women who nice-looking but not breathtaking?

I think from reading your last post or two lufties, you're not a misogynist although you may have some misogynist views. You want to love a woman and you want to learn to trust women, I gather that this goes much deeper than we could possibly even touch on (nor should we want to) here on boards.

Start your therapy sooner rather than later, it may help lift a huge huge weight from your shoulders.

Earthhorse

Wibbs wrote: »

That would be misandrist views I would have thought?

Yes, that's what was amusing about it, I thought.

lufties

Wibbs wrote: »

That would be misandrist views I would have thought?

Because you don't see them as mates out of the gate. You're seeing them as women who are friends. Damned easy trap to fall into. TBH I've been very lucky on that score in that in my teens I bumped into women that for some reason I didn't get the raging horn for(and they didn't get the tingles for me), but I did connect with them. In two cases I could see why other me would be attracted to them, as they were and are good looking women, but I saw them as mates/sisters. That helped in a big way I have to say. Otherwise Id have never had that "control group" and would have assumed, like too many guys that "women be crazy bitches". And yet I still fell into that kinda thinking romantically. No accounting for brains or wisdom I suppose. Lead a horse to water and all that...

I reckon you can and you're on your way to will. You can see that your worldview may be arseways and that's a big effin step Lufties. Oh it will be difficult, as if you're looking for wagons, you will see them. As an ancient Persian saying goes; "the man who is a pessimist, tends to be a prophet". However if you open your head and look at the underlying reasons for how you feel, then you may see the matrix for what it is; a bunch of people, some really bad, some really good, most trying their best with their own hangups, wearing masks that serve to hide working out who they are. Just like you Ted.

In fairness, I don't wear a mask, am fairly reflective mostly. I've always been very hit and miss with women with regard to romantic involvement. Females is a part of my life that has always frustrated me the most, and over the years its turned to hatred and bitterness, even to a stage where I couldn't stand seeing women out having fun(I know, its fcuked up). Anyway, hopefully I can overcome this thinking. Yes indeed, I've met a lot of wagons in my time who are disrespectful and entitled.

lufties

Deleted User wrote: »

I think from reading your last post or two lufties, you're not a misogynist although you may have some misogynist views. You want to love a woman and you want to learn to trust women, I gather that this goes much deeper than we could possibly even touch on (nor should we want to) here on boards.

Start your therapy sooner rather than later, it may help lift a huge huge weight from your shoulders.

Well yes, I'm starting it this week. I did a test on a site online with 10 misogynist beliefs/views, I scored (for want of a better word), 8 out of ten. Who knows, it might have been rubbish but it rang alarm bells nonetheless.

Wibbs

OK L and I get where you're coming from, but what about those first forays into romantic attachments? My point, laboured on my part as it is, is that that may be what this started you on this road.

lufties

lufties wrote: »

Well yes, I'm starting it this week. I did a test on a site online with 10 misogynist beliefs/views, I scored (for want of a better word), 8 out of ten. Who knows, it might have been rubbish but it rang alarm bells nonetheless.

Best of luck with it

lufties

Deleted User wrote: »

Best of luck with it

Thanks, hopefully my next thread won't be 'is therapy just a load of bollocks'

Venus In Furs

It's good that you recognise this concern and want to do something about it.

lufties

Venus In Furs wrote: »

It's good that you recognise this concern and want to do something about it.

Thanks, well its more about self interest tbh. Carrying on bitter and angry just means less enjoyment of life, and we only get one of them.

KomradeBishop

lufties wrote: »

admittedly, I'm a bit misogynistic..Its not that I think I'm better than women, I don't trust them. Obviously ladies of a certain age, and not grannies and middle aged women. Its more to do with fear and frustration, men feel attracted to women but can't seem to get it reciprocated. In my experience, a lot seem to use their looks/sex appeal to manipulate and get what they want. I also don't understand most female behaviour, and how fussy they can be. Walking around town or my locality, I notice women are just hostile and sour looking and approach at your own peril.

These are my observations and it drives my frustration. I'm starting therapy soon to try sort this out. I guess i can't help how I feel, but am getting it sorted.

Fair play (genuinely) on being able to openly admit it as a problem, and to get help for it - more than a few who would not be able to - good luck with the therapy.

lufties

KomradeBishop wrote: »

Fair play (genuinely) on being able to openly admit it as a problem, and to get help for it - more than a few who would not be able to - good luck with the therapy.

Yea im off to the far east on hols soon and will be catching up with some russian girls I know, so don't want to be anything less than positive around them.:pac:

lufties

Mister Vain wrote: »

Yeah fair enough, but you need to work on yourself, not try to emulate the success of others. Trying to "learn" how to approach women from other men sounds more like PUA.

Its probably a combination of things but the core stuff needs to be sorted first.
If you believe that women in general are cold, manipulating, stupid, self absorbed, entitled etc. Then there's no way that learning how to stand and deepen your voice around women is gonna improve one's love life.

Iwasfrozen

God I hate pua ****e, op just be yourself and you'll be grand.

lufties

Iwasfrozen wrote: »

God I hate pua ****e, op just be yourself and you'll be grand.

i always be myself...maybe a bit too much though

lufties

Venus In Furs wrote: »

It's worth considering too, that most men don't feel the same way about women as you do - and contrary to what can get said at times: these are NOT just men who are adonises/rich. These are *most* men.
So why is it that you feel that way? I reckon it could be that the women whom you notice the most are the bitchy ones. I know full well the type of women you're talking about - they're not a myth, but there are all the really nice, kind, easygoing, non issue/drama courting ones. There really are - I count many of them as my friends. They wouldn't dream of behaving towards men - or anyone - the way women you encounter do
They are not unattractive either. Are you drawn mostly to really amazing looking women or would you be interested in women who nice-looking but not breathtaking?

I don't know why I have this outlook, but talking about it and getting to the bottom of it will be exciting. Of course I don't limit myself to chasing breathtaking women.

TheBeardedLady

lufties wrote: »

Thanks, hopefully my next thread won't be 'is therapy just a load of bollocks'

I don't think it's a load of bollocks at all and I think everyone could do with a few sessions at some stage in their lives - some more than others, obviously.

Good luck with it anyway and you've done a lot of the groundwork already by identifying your issue and identifying there is an issue.

Gustav_Holst

lufties wrote: »

i always be myself...maybe a bit too much though

Never apologise for your views. Should you go to Counselling because you hate Roma Gypsies? Of course not. Your views are just as valid as a feminist telling you to seek urgent help because you think some Women have disappeared up their own Anal cavity. You just haven't met the right Woman. Try dating foreign Women - they're smarter, prettier, more feminine that your average Irish woman.

banned

Hoop66

lufties wrote: »

It was actually a joke..

Hilarious.

If this is the sort of patter you've got, I'm not surprised women are avoiding you in their droves.

My advice? Stop being an arsehole, it might work.

Leeleather

Hoop66 wrote: »

Hilarious.

If this is the sort of patter you've got, I'm not surprised women are avoiding you in their droves.

My advice? Stop being an arsehole, it might work.

My advice, don't call people areholes when giving advice, the recipient will become defensive and not take the advice.

Hoop66

Well, if I'm 100% honest with myself, and the class, I don't give a monkeys whether OP takes my advice or not.

From the content of his posts he comes across as an unpleasant person.

nxbyveromdwjpg

Iwasfrozen wrote: »

God I hate pua ****e, op just be yourself and you'll be grand.

Vanilla, meaningless default advice.

I'm sure he's been himself his whole life, its clearly not working, something needs to change.

lufties

Gustav_Holst wrote: »

Never apologise for your views. Should you go to Counselling because you hate Roma Gypsies? Of course not. Your views are just as valid as a feminist telling you to seek urgent help because you think some Women have disappeared up their own Anal cavity. You just haven't met the right Woman. Try dating foreign Women - they're smarter, prettier, more feminine that your average Irish woman.

banned

I haven't dated an irish woman in years, simply because I haven't lived in ireland. All I seem to hear from lads is eastern european women are the bees knees. Honestly I think its hogwash. A gf of mine who's Russian tells me that the ratio of women to men in russia is 3 to 1, from that point of view its supply and demand. Men can afford to be pickier. I firmly believe this is a big factor.

When I lived in the far east as an expat for a brief time. My fellow expats had filipina wives and were saying that western women were awful in comparison, always thought there was something pathetic about lads that spouted that kinda stuff. Anyway, to sum up, I have dated foreign women and none of them were perfect or even close.

the_monkey

Originally Posted by lufties
Well yes, I'm starting it this week. I did a test on a site online with 10 misogynist beliefs/views, I scored (for want of a better word), 8 out of ten. Who knows, it might have been rubbish but it rang alarm bells nonetheless.

I'd love to try that test can you link it ?

lufties

the_monkey wrote: »

Originally Posted by lufties
Well yes, I'm starting it this week. I did a test on a site online with 10 misogynist beliefs/views, I scored (for want of a better word), 8 out of ten. Who knows, it might have been rubbish but it rang alarm bells nonetheless.

I'd love to try that test can you link it ?

cant link it

Iwasfrozen

nm wrote: »

Vanilla, meaningless default advice.

I'm sure he's been himself his whole life, its clearly not working, something needs to change.

It's not meaningless advice. Be yourself means to be confident, self assured and don't go chasing a relationship if it's ment to be it will happen.

DoYouEvenLift

Iwasfrozen wrote: »

It's not meaningless advice. Be yourself means to be confident, self assured and don't go chasing a relationship if it's ment to be it will happen.

How do you know if he has those traits?

Iwasfrozen

DoYouEvenLift wrote: »

How do you know if he has those traits?

Everyone has those traits, they just need to be acted upon.

TheBeardedLady

lufties wrote: »

I haven't dated an irish woman in years, simply because I haven't lived in ireland. All I seem to hear from lads is eastern european women are the bees knees. Honestly I think its hogwash. A gf of mine who's Russian tells me that the ratio of women to men in russia is 3 to 1, from that point of view its supply and demand. Men can afford to be pickier. I firmly believe this is a big factor.

When I lived in the far east as an expat for a brief time. My fellow expats had filipina wives and were saying that western women were awful in comparison, always thought there was something pathetic about lads that spouted that kinda stuff. Anyway, to sum up, I have dated foreign women and none of them were perfect or even close.

You're a nicer person when you think before you type. I don't think you're a misogynist tbh, I think you're extremely frustrated with your situation. I can imagine getting burned repeatedly can do that to you and when you explain yourself, you make more sense and I start to see your POV. I genuinely hope you work it out. I think when you're happier with yourself and your lot, many things will fall into place for you.

Wibbs

lufties wrote: »

A gf of mine who's Russian tells me that the ratio of women to men in russia is 3 to 1,

*note to self, book ticket with Aeroflot*

Anyway, to sum up, I have dated foreign women and none of them were perfect or even close.

+1000. You get cool people and gobshítes everywhere. Now some cultures can be different and can exaggerate the gobshítes but there are still more cool folks about.

lufties

TheBeardedLady wrote: »

You're a nicer person when you think before you type. I don't think you're a misogynist tbh, I think you're extremely frustrated with your situation. I can imagine getting burned repeatedly can do that to you and when you explain yourself, you make more sense and I start to see your POV. I genuinely hope you work it out. I think when you're happier with yourself and your lot, many things will fall into place for you.

Thanks, yea my life has been all over the place the last 5-6 years. I'm somewhat settled and wiser now. I enroled in an msc starting jan so hopefully that will take my career in the direction I want it to go. Being unhappy in your job can count for a lot.

lufties

Wibbs wrote: »

*note to self, book ticket with Aeroflot*

+1000. You get cool people and gobshítes everywhere. Now some cultures can be different and can exaggerate the gobshítes but there are still more cool folks about.

I'd love to meer them, most of the time if I meet a cool chick, I can't attract her. Guess I could be called an inbetweener to a degree

H3llR4iser

lufties wrote: »

admittedly, I'm a bit misogynistic..Its not that I think I'm better than women, I don't trust them. Obviously ladies of a certain age, and not grannies and middle aged women. Its more to do with fear and frustration, men feel attracted to women but can't seem to get it reciprocated. In my experience, a lot seem to use their looks/sex appeal to manipulate and get what they want. I also don't understand most female behaviour, and how fussy they can be. Walking around town or my locality, I notice women are just hostile and sour looking and approach at your own peril.

These are my observations and it drives my frustration. I'm starting therapy soon to try sort this out. I guess i can't help how I feel, but am getting it sorted.

I for one, don't think you are really a misogynist; I think that instead of your observation driving your frustration, it's the other way around: you get more and more frustrated, and it kicks in the derogatory views.

Venus In Furs wrote: »

[CUT]
So why is it that you feel that way? I reckon it could be that the women whom you notice the most are the bitchy ones.
[CUT]

Venus nailed it here. I too think this is a big chunk of what is happening. In a nutshell, you might be falling in the same trap women who chase after "cool jocks" or "bad guys" and then complain about all men being pricks fall.

There is indeed a marked possibility that you are attracted the most to a certain type of women, who turn out to be the "less than nice" ones. It doesn't necessarily have everything to do with appearance, with them being breathtaking or head turners; Attraction is a complex phenomena deeply rooted in a series of perceptions, those that some call "vibes".

This might very well be the most difficult thing to change around, as you can't really train yourself about what you like and what you don't. What you can do, however, is to try and be less affected by rudeness and offensive attitudes; In the end, these are probably the women you don't really want to get involved with.

Aurum wrote: »

I don't think women are particularly hostile. Most people spend the average working day feeling a combination of thoughtful, preoccupied and perhaps stressed, tired and worried. This probably won't result in an expression that radiates happiness and approachability.

Different topic here but...I actually often find it's the other way around. In normal, day-to-day, not necessarily social situations good manners and a positive attitude seem to do wonders in my experience. Most of the really rude, offensive, somewhat self-entitled and derogatory behaviours I have actually encountered in bars, pubs and nightclubs - places where one would expect people to be "open to socialize". Mind you, I suspect excessive alcohol consumption has a part in this.

Fizman

lufties wrote: »

I live in london.

You are out of luck on Tinder, while living in London?

I'm afraid your case is more serious than I first thought!



All jokes aside, starting different classes / hobbies would be the way to go probably. Co-ed sports like tag rugby etc are pretty big in London so there's an angle for ya!

lufties

H3llR4iser wrote: »

I for one, don't think you are really a misogynist; I think that instead of your observation driving your frustration, it's the other way around: you get more and more frustrated, and it kicks in the derogatory views.



Venus nailed it here. I too think this is a big chunk of what is happening. In a nutshell, you might be falling in the same trap women who chase after "cool jocks" or "bad guys" and then complain about all men being pricks fall.

There is indeed a marked possibility that you are attracted the most to a certain type of women, who turn out to be the "less than nice" ones. It doesn't necessarily have everything to do with appearance, with them being breathtaking or head turners; Attraction is a complex phenomena deeply rooted in a series of perceptions, those that some call "vibes".

This might very well be the most difficult thing to change around, as you can't really train yourself about what you like and what you don't. What you can do, however, is to try and be less affected by rudeness and offensive attitudes; In the end, these are probably the women you don't really want to get involved with.




Different topic here but...I actually often find it's the other way around. In normal, day-to-day, not necessarily social situations good manners and a positive attitude seem to do wonders in my experience. Most of the really rude, offensive, somewhat self-entitled and derogatory behaviours I have actually encountered in bars, pubs and nightclubs - places where one would expect people to be "open to socialize". Mind you, I suspect excessive alcohol consumption has a part in this.

I'm pretty much done with pubs tbh. Have done a few single nights but they tend to be very male heavy here in london. As a person im quietly confident and good natured, I guess im finding it very difficult to meet soneone who is of similar persona. People in a metropolis like london tend to be gaurded, closed off with big egos and a front of coldness.

lufties

Fizman wrote: »

You are out of luck on Tinder, while living in London?

I'm afraid your case is more serious than I first thought!



All jokes aside, starting different classes / hobbies would be the way to go probably. Co-ed sports like tag rugby etc are pretty big in London so there's an angle for ya!

This is what baffles me, I've always been told that I'm very attractive looking but tinder has been an epic fail.

Tilly

lufties wrote: »

This is what baffles me, I've always been told that I'm very attractive looking but tinder has been an epic fail.

Family dont count, Buddy.

lufties

Tilly wrote: »

Family dont count, Buddy.

Haha, honestly, it seems to be inconsistent though.

Fizman

lufties wrote: »

This is what baffles me, I've always been told that I'm very attractive looking but tinder has been an epic fail.

Really? This strikes me as odd given it's largely based around looks, at least initially.

Maybe you're taking it too seriously. London is arguably the biggest catchment area in terms of cities to be in for an app like that, so you must be doing something wrong if you can't manage at least a few dates out of it.