separated dad....persistent access issues

helpfulpartner

Hi all

Hoping you can help provide your thoughts or share a little advice from your own experience.

My partner is legally separated from is ex wife. Marriage broke down due to her having an affair and it finally coming to light.

This was horrific they have a young child together, he never thought he would be in this position.... I suppose most of us don't expect it when your married and starting a family.

Roll on two and a half years later they are now legally separated assets split etc. He has also moved on with his life and is happy despite her best efforts.

Unfortunately access to their child remains an issue. It is the only way she can hurt him. She hasn't moved on with her life and is extremely bitter that he has.

For the last few months she changes days, doesn't turn up or refuses access to suit herself and usually when she doesn't get her own way I.e using her child to get what she wants.

He will hopefully be taking her to.court in the new year but he's extremely depressed all of this has gotten to him, his solicitor is useless and it's like he's given up. Can't see any of it making a difference as she'll still do what she wants.
Latest he has had no access last three weeks and now saying he can't see her unless he signs an asset to her (asset was not dealt with in court) he's refusing but she is withholding access.

Is there such a thing as emergency access? How long does it take to get a court dare for child access.

Also on the days child is with the child minder as he is a legal guardian has he no right to take the child for a few hours. Sorry about this just trying to find him some help.

Have been trying to find groups that support separated dad's but all seem to be for unmarried father's.... Understand this has they have less rights but would be great to point him in the direction of helpful sites or groups.

Thanks

lifeandtimes

First off he immediately needs to get himself to his local district family court and have her served with a courts summons for an access arrangement

Unfortunately if there is no court order currently in place the ball is effectively in her court,however in doing what you have said she has done a judge won't look favorably on her

Make sure he takes down times and dates he has been refused access for court

Maintenance isn't usually taken into account in relation to access as they are separate issues to courts but no harm having his payment records in case a judge requests this

I wish him all the best

Also just an edit,they will try and push mediation on him with her but if she's not playing fair it will be fruitless but no harm in asking as he may get a bit more if what he would like for his child than what a judge will give him

helpfulpartner

lifeandtimes wrote: »

First off he immediately needs to get himself to his local district family court and have her served with a courts summons for an access arrangement

Unfortunately if there is no court order currently in place the ball is effectively in her court,however in doing what you have said she has done a judge won't look favorably on her

Make sure he takes down times and dates he has been refused access for court

Maintenance isn't usually taken into account in relation to access as they are separate issues to courts but no harm having his payment records in case a judge requests this

I wish him all the best

Also just an edit,they will try and push mediation on him with her but if she's not playing fair it will be fruitless but no harm in asking as he may get a bit more if what he would like for his child than what a judge will give him

Thanks for the above. Maintenance was agreed in court and he's happy to pay it and provide doe his child.

I got him to take screen shots of all of the texts. Thankfully he kept and keeps everything. Don't understand why the access wasn't agreed in the court at the time but they agreed the terms of access before going in front of the judge and he was happy with it. He just had no idea
She had no intention of actually following through.

How long does it take to get a court date and summons etc so he can see his daughter. Does it take weeks, months?

Klingon Hamlet

helpfulpartner wrote: »

Thanks for the above. Maintenance was agreed in court and he's happy to pay it and provide doe his child.

I got him to take screen shots of all of the texts. Thankfully he kept and keeps everything. Don't understand why the access wasn't agreed in the court at the time but they agreed the terms of access before going in front of the judge and he was happy with it. He just had no idea
She had no intention of actually following through.

How long does it take to get a court date and summons etc so he can see his daughter. Does it take weeks, months?

It's a very busy time of year so he would be looking at least January. What if he were to put a letter to her proposing an access arrangement and giving her a set period of time to come back with an answer? Include the possibility of mediation? That way she might see sense and if she doesnt then at least he could show the judge he's trying his very best.

Sorry to hear what you're going through. Hope it all works out.

lifeandtimes

helpfulpartner wrote: »

Thanks for the above. Maintenance was agreed in court and he's happy to pay it and provide doe his child.

I got him to take screen shots of all of the texts. Thankfully he kept and keeps everything. Don't understand why the access wasn't agreed in the court at the time but they agreed the terms of access before going in front of the judge and he was happy with it. He just had no idea
She had no intention of actually following through.

How long does it take to get a court date and summons etc so he can see his daughter. Does it take weeks, months?

Months unfortunately,a recent request made in November has a date for the end of February

helpfulpartner

lifeandtimes wrote: »

Months unfortunately,a recent request made in November has a date for the end of February

3 months that's so long long time to be separated from your child and visa versa.

helpfulpartner

Klingon Hamlet wrote: »

It's a very busy time of year so he would be looking at least January. What if he were to put a letter to her proposing an access arrangement and giving her a set period of time to come back with an answer? Include the possibility of mediation? That way she might see sense and if she doesnt then at least he could show the judge he's trying his very best.

Sorry to hear what you're going through. Hope it all works out.

That's not a bad idea I'll suggest same. He has suggested as much via text. Perhaps getting is solicitor to issue a letter outline all of this will help. I suppose having as much documented as possible.

He's reaching breaking point even consider withholding maintenace as her pocket seems to be the only thing she cares about.

I've talked him out of it, it gets him nowhere and it's bad enough what she's doing but the maintenance is for his daughter regardless of what the mother spends it on. Hes just desperate to see his daughter.

Hate what this is doing to him. He's so great with her too

Klingon Hamlet

helpfulpartner wrote: »

That's not a bad idea I'll suggest same. He has suggested as much via text. Perhaps getting is solicitor to issue a letter outline all of this will help. I suppose having as much documented as possible.

He's reaching breaking point even consider withholding maintenace as her pocket seems to be the only thing she cares about.

I've talked him out of it, it gets him nowhere and it's bad enough what she's doing but the maintenance is for his daughter regardless of what the mother spends it on. Hes just desperate to see his daughter.

Hate what this is doing to him. He's so great with her too

I've been through something similar. It wouldn't be a good idea to hold onto maintenance because like you said it is for his child. The judge would view that as a breach of a court order and bad parenting, even under the circumstances.

Your partner should explore legal aid.

He should also know that it is possible to represent himself. Having a set plan on paper really helps. Could save him a lot of money that could then be used towards his daughter's needs. Just a thought.

Also on a personal level I would recommend he go to counselling. Being forced to go months on end without seeing his child must be heartbreaking. From the sounds of it you keep him strong so remember to take good care of yourself too.

Pawwed Rig

Klingon Hamlet wrote: »

Also on a personal level I would recommend he go to counselling. Being forced to go months on end without seeing his child must be heartbreaking. From the sounds of it you keep him strong so remember to take good care of yourself too.

Equally the poor child must be suffering too. Very irresponsible parenting to use your child as a pawn in a relationship breakup.

I cannot really add any more advice to what has already been given just to not stoop to her level by bad mouthing Mammy to the child when he does see it.