Pregnant, need an abortion. - <Mod Warning Post #1>

grass123

Today me and my partner found out that birth control has failed us (I wasn't even worried when my period was few days late and only did the test to calm him down) and that I'm pregnant. Unfortunately, currently we're in a situation in life very incompatible with pregnancy and I'll have to terminate it.

Does anyone have an advice on the most convenient way to do it, logistically and financially? (We live in Cork.)

In the morning we'll go to Life Pregnancy Care for counselling, but I'd like to get as many informations as possible in the shortest amount of time possible.

Is it true that it's not possible to have a medical abortion in the UK if we only go there for a day and that in that case only the surgical abortion is an option?

Is there a way for me to have a medical abortion at home and then to have a post-abortion check-up in Cork?

Does anyone know how long does it usually take to get an appointment and does anyone have any useful tips on how to handle the waiting emotionally?

We're not religious, we don't want to read that we'll kill our baby and go to hell, and whatnot.
We both want a child and we're both sad and distressed because of this, but at the moment it's just not possible for us to have a baby, so please respect that. Thank you.

Also, please, moderators, if this is in any way against the rules or in the wrong place please don't hold that against me, normally I'd be reading for a while before joining and paid more attention to the rules, but this is really hard time for me.

Mod Warning:
If you cannot offer advice in a civil and constructive manner please don't post. Posts judging the OP or similarly decrying choices they have made will now be harshly dealt with.

Simi

https://www.womenonweb.org
http://www.mariestopes.org.uk/women/abortion/medical-abortion-explained/do-you-provide-travel-advice-overseas-clients

I hope you find the info you need.

<Mod snip: quote removed>

OP, I have experience of friends going through Marie stopes here, and others have directly contacted the clinic in England.
Going by these cases, my advise to you would be to contact a clinic in England directly.
They will accept your Irish address but never contact you there.
It also seems to work out a bit cheaper if you go direct.

I Also had a friend that did it directly with Marie stopes( I think) in Leeds, and because it was so early, she just had to take a tablet.
I reckon, even if you have to stay in a hotel in England for one night, its worth it.

iusedtoknow

English abortion clinics are more than used to dealing with Irish users. Please look at the resources mentioned above, one that a friend of mine used was bpas.

When I was in college , a friend went for an abortion in the UK, and I'll be honest...these are things I took away from it

1. don't go alone - have support
2. plan to stay a couple of days, get a hotel and relax afterwards. It won't be pleasant but you will need it.
3. while it is illegal to have an abortion in ireland, it is not illegal for your doctor to treat you afterwards. When you get home, please make an appointment with them to make sure you are monitored. While it is a standard procedure, as with anything you need healthcare advice afterwards . Also...remember everything between you and your doctor is between the two of you and no one else. They are not there to judge, they are there to help you.

What you are doing is for the best for YOU. Do not let anyone tell you otherwise, it's your decision and as long as you are OK with it - then it is the right one

all the best to you and your partner

eeeee

There used to be abortion referral clinics in Dublin, there was one in Rathmines about 10 years ago. Positive options also provide abortion clinic information face to face.
It's pricey though. 10 years ago it was about €1000 all in, it is about £400 in Belfast but difficult to get an appointment there i think (actually I'm not sure that Marie Stopes clinic is still open).

You poor thing OP. Horrendous situation to be in, you have my fullest sympathy in such a difficult time. Make sure you get proper aftercare.

Taltos

Mod note:
OK, I understand this is an emotive issue and polarised people, however, if posters cannot post inline with our charter or post offering constructive advice in a civil manner then please don't post.
theperson2014, you know why you got infracted here, repeat a post like that again and you will be banned. Do not post in this thread again.
Similarly northknife please report such posts, attacking the poster only further adds fuel to the fire and in extreme cases can derail threads so much we have to close them, I think you know why you got the card here too.

I have removed a number of other posts quoting tp2014, apologies but with that post removed your contributions gave airtime to the deleted post.

As a result of some of these posts I am adding a mod warning note to the OP.

Thanks
Taltos

Rosy Posy

iusedtoknow wrote: »

plan to stay a couple of days, get a hotel and relax afterwards. It won't be pleasant but you will need it.

From the sounds of the op it's still early days and she should be eligible for the abortion pill. I supported a friend through her abortion some years ago and we did the round trip to Liverpool in a day- we were broke students and couldn't afford accommodation. In practice this was fine and my friend was happy to get home and rest up for a few days in her own environment. Do make sure that you have physical, emotional and medical support in the following days wherever you choose to be. All the best, op.

Ann84

A good friend of mine used the Marie stopes website about 6 years ago. She flew to London on the commuter flight at 7ish and flew back that evening around 8
If you let them know your travelling they will book a morning appointment to ensure you are ready to travel home.

Take it easy on yourself, as others mentioned, there are plenty of resources online x

Rubberchikken

just want to say how sorry i am for your situation and wish you all the best in your decision. take care of yourself.

whats_my_name

You can get a medical abortion in the Marie Stopes clinic in Belfast...not sure how it works but you will probably have to stay for a night or two close by so the clinic can make sure everything has worked out...best of luck OP. Make sure & seek out all the help you & your partner can get.

ABajaninCork

No real advice to add to what's already on here, but wanted to wish you and your partner all the very best in whatever you do. Most of all - be kind to yourself. You sound like a strong woman who has taken a difficult decision in a mature and confident way.

grass123

Thank you, all of you.

I've just talked with someone from Marie Snopes, Belfast isn't an option because in Northern Ireland abortion is allowed only in exceptional circumstances.

Also, at the moment I am 5+1 (my ovulations are a bit late) and I need to be 6 weeks pregnant to have a medical abortion.


And we didn't use a backup birth control because my ob-gyn kept telling me for years that I'll have a hard time conceiving. Ironies of life.

Neyite

grass123 wrote: »

Thank you, all of you.

I've just talked with someone from Marie Snopes, Belfast isn't an option because in Northern Ireland abortion is allowed only in exceptional circumstances.

Also, at the moment I am 5+1 (my ovulations are a bit late) and I need to be 6 weeks pregnant to have a medical abortion.


And we didn't use a backup birth control because my ob-gyn kept telling me for years that I'll have a hard time conceiving. Ironies of life.

You have time on your side then at 5+1 to make plans, gather together the funds you need and have a good think about the best method for you. I thought that you could get the abortion pill in Belfast but not a medical procedure. But I'm sure that if you rang a UK clinic they'd be able to tell you what timeframe they need.

Morag

https://www.abortionsupport.org.uk/get-help/

They help people from Ireland who need to access an abortion, with information ranging from best way to book flights, the prices in the different clinics as well as practical personal advice.

If you have a medical abortion with pills in the UK you must stay over night to get the second dosage of pills which you must take in the clinic. Travelling back then is difficult as you will be suffering cramping, bleeding as well as possible vomiting as your body starts to miscarry.

If you have a surgical abortion that is after 9 weeks, you should be able to fly over be assessed that day and then have the procedure under sedation and then fly back that night.

<mod snip: by your own admission, this is currently illegal here>

IF you do go down that route and take the pills as directed, they will work but you will be very ill for the 24 hours it take for the abortion to complete.

I wish you luck with your plans, it is a shame you can't just go to your own dr here in Ireland.

Nymeria

Hi OP,

I second the above post, www.abortionsupport.org.uk are a fantastic organisation who specialise in helping women from Ireland looking to have an abortion in the UK. They will give good advice and guidance, and can also offer financial support if needed.

I wish you all the best x

December2012

Nothing practical to add, but I just wanted to wish you my support at this difficult time.

Do you think, if you are under the care presently of an obgyn that you should make an appointment to see them to make sure that they remain appraised of your medical health?

Mind yourselves, please.

uck51js9zml2yt

Its not advisable to be ordering pills online.

You wont have been medically assessed and advised on the right option for you.

If you're having an abortion please be sensible and see a medical practitioner rather than self medicate.

PucaMama

i thought medical advice was banned on boards?

either way, is abortion really the only thing you can consider?

ABajaninCork

PucaMama wrote: »

i thought medical advice was banned on boards?

either way, is abortion really the only thing you can consider?

Yes. See OP...

PucaMama

ABajaninCork wrote: »

Yes. See OP...

what about adoption?

ABajaninCork

PucaMama wrote: »

what about adoption?

See OP...

Tokyo

PucaMama wrote: »

i thought medical advice was banned on boards?

either way, is abortion really the only thing you can consider?

PucaMama wrote: »

what about adoption?

Mod Note:

Ok, I'm going to nip this line of questioning in the bud before it goes any further. The OP asked for advice on a specific course of action in what was I'm sure a difficult decision. Lets keep advice narrowed down to what the OP actually asked, shall we?

December2012

Hi Again OP,

You could contact TFMR Ireland. They are a group who support people who terminate for medical reasons.

They have a facebook page and a website - www.terminationformedicalreasons.com

JaseBelleVie

I'm so sorry for your troubles and for everything you must be going through. A close friend of mine's girlfriend went through a similar situation when she was 20. They were not together then, but this was a very serious situation at the time.

I hope you find a safe haven and I hope everything works out well for you. You will find a lot of help at those resources listed above.

Be safe and be well.

grass123

December2012 wrote: »

Do you think, if you are under the care presently of an obgyn that you should make an appointment to see them to make sure that they remain appraised of your medical health?

My ob-gyn is not in Ireland (I'm not from Ireland), if I had access to her I could just get referenced to the hospital. Unfortunately, at this time of year airplane ticket would cost me fortune, and on top of that I'd have to pay for the procedure, and I can't afford that at the moment.

After a day of trying to find the most affordable option to go to UK, ordering abortion pills from online, going to Belfast to pick them up, on the way there going to Dublin and having an ultrasound just to make sure it's not ectopic pregnancy, and then going back home and taking the pills, and having an ultrasound after 10 days to for confirmation seems like the best option.

I'm only terribly worried because it would arrive in 2-3 weeks, or 10-14 days (I don't know whether that includes working days only, waiting from an email from them) from another organization. And it's holiday time and that usually mean delayed mail. I've already heard from one of them, express post is not an option.

I've spoken with Marie Snopes and BASP today, they've offered me some possible appointments, some of them pretty soon, which I'd like more than anything, but it's wrong time of the year for flying abroad, it's so terribly expensive. I know that theoretically I could try to find some financial support (thank you, Nymeria), but honestly, I'd feel guilty and like stealing money from someone who needs it more than I do.

I'm also afraid that I'll go to the UK and it'll cost us our last penny and then I'll be in that few percent of failed abortions, and then what. That's another thing in favour of taking the pills at home, I have a backup option.

I understand that for some of you this is highly emotionally and ethically charged issue and I respect that. I only hope that you can try to understand that some people have different perspective (If I gave away my baby, I could probably just buy a pack of razors, but I don't perceive an embryo as a baby). Our life circumstances could more than easily change for worse in the next few months and stay like that for unpredictably long period of time, for reasons we can't do absolutely anything to prevent, and we're grownups and we'd manage, but bringing little person into that would be very wrong. No one happier than me weren't it that way.

Thanks to all of you offering advice and support, it means a lot.

ABajaninCork

Do you have to fly to the UK? You're in Cork - right? Get a bus to Rosslare and cross over to Pembroke on the ferry. You could probably get a cheapish ticket right after Christmas.

Or you could get the bus from Parnell Place direct to London Victoria. There's a Marie Stopes in Camden Town or Chalk Farm (I think, but can check). The bus would be a tad uncomfortable, but you could do it cheap...

EDIT : Here's the timetable. It'll be the 40/890 you want, OP. Fares start from about E51

grass123

I could hug you right now.

eeeee

Bus Eireann do a bus to London, Liverpool, Birmingham and other places. I did a quick search there and it's €50 to go to London on the 29t of December.
It's be more uncomfortable but an option is money is tight. They leave from Busáras in Dublin:
https://eurolines.buseireann.ie
https://eurolines.buseireann.ie/?returnUrl=_Timetable

Would save you having to make loads of different connections with boats and the like, at least if you're on the bus you're with the bus. If you're anything like me you need as little changing as possible when your mind is elsewhere.

PucaMama

It is not lawful to encourage or advocate an abortion in individual cases.

http://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/health/women_s_health/abortion_information_the_law.html

shruikan2553

PucaMama wrote: »

http://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/health/women_s_health/abortion_information_the_law.html

It is lawful to provide information in Ireland about abortions abroad

You missed this sentence before that one.

The OP is asking for information about abortions. She is receiving information about who to contact.

PucaMama

shruikan2553 wrote: »

You missed this sentence before that one.

no.

pretty sure advising about sites that sell abortion pills is illegal here too. if i had a thread open about other illegal activities it would be shut down.