Why do people want to have Children

Son Of A Vidic

dynamited wrote: »

Obviously the baby making process is fun

The really wise know how to prolong this process, while avoiding the hassle of the end product.

dynamited

Slicemeister wrote: »

Why belittle the man's honest answer to your question?

Belittle ???? Cop on pal

bennyineire

Ficheall wrote: »

Your first sentence suggests you've had kids just to look after you when you can't do it yourself... Dunno if that's a good reason to be having them..

Wow just wow,

When I'm in my 60's/70's I want to be surrounded by my loved one's, grand kids hopefully too. Not sure if you have kids or not but the sence of pride andytime your kids do something to make you proud is one of the best feelings in the world.

Family is all, friends come an go throughout life but you will always have your family

AnonoBoy

dynamited wrote: »

Why do i get the impression that nobody here shares my view on this?

Some do. But your idea that everyone who has an opposing view to you is a "sheep" isn't winning you many friends dude.

Tordelback

Kids are basically great fun, and sharing their lives so intimately is a brilliant experience that's hard to get any other way.

This was pretty obvious to me from observing the children of friends and relations, and there comes a point in your life where you have to decide whether you want that now, or lose all chance of ever having it. On the other hand, you give up a hell of a lot when you have kids, and it's perfectly possible to have a fulfilling life without kids of your own.

It was a fairly pragmatic decision for me at least, my only regret being that I didn't start a family earlier in life, and didn't/don't have the resources to support more kids. What I didn't realise until our first was born was that in a real way it's like falling madly in love (pros and cons both), except you can have that experience with more than person at the same time, and it tends to last a lifetime. If you like that sort of thing, kids are for you.

OldNotWIse

bennyineire wrote: »

Wow just wow,

When I'm in my 60's/70's I want to be surrounded by my loved one's, grand kids hopefully too. Not sure if you have kids or not but the sence of pride andytime your kids do something to make you proud is one of the best feelings in the world.

Family is all, friends come an go throughout life but you will always have your family

Do you think childless people don't constitute "families"?

The feeling of pride is not exclusively reserved for those who have had children. I am proud of my parents for everything they have achieved in life and I am proud of myself too!

OldNotWIse

suicide_circus wrote: »

Because it is a necessary function of existence of the race? Because society and civilisation would collapse without it? Because we need workers for tomorrow to pay our pensions and to take care of us when we're old? Because not everything is about our own personal gratification? Because we might like to create a life and give it a chance of experiencing the world like our parents did? Our most basic biological imperative? Not all of us have daddy issues, OP.

People who choose not to procreate have Daddy issues? The smugness and condescension of some people beggars belief.

OldNotWIse

OldNotWIse wrote: »

People who choose not to procreate have Daddy issues? The smugness and condescension of some people beggars belief.

no, the OP has daddy issues.

That might be a bit of an assumption but he clearly has issues, and he doesn't know his father - so not a crazy one.

Ave Sodalis

I'm not overly fond of the idea of having children. I've no real plans of having my own. I grew up in a fairly big family and had my share of young kids so I've no real desire to have my own. At the same time, that may change when I'm older, or it may not. Doesn't really make a difference either way. I would probably want kids more if I was male and didn't have to go through the whole pregnancy thing to get genetically similar offspring...

OldNotWIse

Deleted User wrote: »

no, the OP has daddy issues.

That might be a bit of an assumption but he clearly has issues, and he doesn't know his father - so not a crazy one.

So you are judging him because he doesn't know his father? That's not very nice. My godchild also doesn't know his own father. Know why? Because the courts say so, because he was born prematurely when his father kicked his mother in the stomach. Guess being able to physically pro-create does not necessarily make you a good parent...

Playboy

dynamited wrote: »

With a name like Playboy i'm disappointed with your view on this.


I'm not trolling at all just posting a thread which is based on an interesting topic, each to their own


Achieved far more than i ever will?? You have no idea of what i earn , my savings, career qualifications etc, so pipe down little boy

Well consider the span of human history and then consider all the great achievements over that period. Now ask yourself what percentage of people who achieved all of those things were parents and consider that not having kids is a relative modern lifestyle choice. So I think its safe to assume no matter what you earn or have done that you will not have achieved more or even close to what a lot of parents have achieved.

And if you are not trolling then I have real doubts about your intellectual ability which makes me very comfortable in stating that I probably have achieved far more than you in life and will continue to do so. So pipe down yourself and respect your betters... little boy

OldNotWIse

OldNotWIse wrote: »

So you are judging him because he doesn't know his father? That's not very nice. My godchild also doesn't know his own father. Know why? Because the courts say so, because he was born prematurely when his father kicked his mother in the stomach. Guess being able to physically pro-create does not necessarily make you a good parent...

Yeah you're right he's a great guy, it's really obvious.

It's not like he comes across as a borderline sociopath or anything.

Every single response he has received that attempts to sincerely explain why someone might want children has been met with a sarcastic or insulting response.

I really don't give a damn whether someone has children or not, or has a father or not, but it's no huge leap to suggest that his own upbringing might influence his behaviour and attitudes today.

barney 20v

I work with a woman ( mid 30s) who openly professes to HATING all children & animals.
She is the single most horrible Cnut I've ever known in my life.
Coincidence??

I Became at dad @ 21 - best thing that ever happened to me..... Forced me to grow up and become a Man.

Sinister Kid

I will admit, I questioned this myself until my niece was born. She is just gone three & my nephew is four months... When I call in to see them and my niece runs to me with her arms open and a big smile telling me that she missed me soooo much and my nephew is gooing and giggling at me its the best feeling, they are so full of love.
I am by no means broody or have any desire to have any of my own any time soon but it made me understand better why some people happily deal with sleepless nights, being puked on and all the not so nice things.

bennyineire

OldNotWIse wrote:

The feeling of pride is not exclusively reserved for those who have had children. I am proud of my parents for everything they have achieved in life and I am proud of myself too!

OldNotWIse wrote:

Do you think childless people don't constitute "families"?

I never said pride was exclusive to offspring, of course you can have pride for your parents and yourself but pride for something you helped create trumps all. If I was forced to make a choice for happiness and wealth for myself or my kids, I would pick my kids every time.
Also couples break up all the time, your son/daughter will always be as such as will their offspring

OldNotWIse

Deleted User wrote: »

Yeah you're right he's a great guy, it's really obvious.

It's not like he comes across as a borderline sociopath or anything.

Every single response he has received that attempts to sincerely explain why someone might want children has been met with a sarcastic or insulting response.

I really don't give a damn whether someone has children or not, or has a father or not, but it's no huge leap to suggest that his own upbringing might influence his behaviour and attitudes today.

You're kind of backtracking there. You did accuse him of having daddy issues didn't you? And implied that the absence of a father figure in his life is the reason for any issues that you might deduce that he has based on his posts. That's not quite the same as accepting (as I also do) that your upbringing shapes who you are.


I want children, and plan to have them in the next five years, so I am not part of the anti-child brigade, and whereas I don't condone bitter posts aimed at undermining anyone who has chosen to have children, I find the repetitive, smug condescension from many Boards parents to be a little too much. It's fine to make a choice and be respected for it, but telling us that we will understand the meaning of life and realise our own worth when we have kids is a little crass, as is claiming that you will achieve more. I believe there was also a bald assertion that childless people will grow old alone.

By all means challenge someone who has a go at you for your choices...but remember to also look at what you are saying to them!

OldNotWIse

barney 20v wrote: »

I work with a woman ( mid 30s) who openly professes to HATING all children & animals.
She is the single most horrible Cnut I've ever known in my life.
Coincidence??

I Became at dad @ 21 - best thing that ever happened to me..... Forced me to grow up and become a Man.

Either that or you are deducing that all childless people are horrible cúnts...

Grandeeod

Gongoozler wrote: »

Have to say, from a serious point of view, I've never understood why people actively want to have children. What is there to want? I quite like not having to feed a screaming yoke in the middle of the night, or having to constantly think about feeding it or clothing it, and then there's the personal side of it. I don't know how anybody could be arrogant enough to be sure they'd raise a new person well. Though some don't seem to give that much thought.

And to think two people did all that to give you the ability to come on here and bemoan it all.

barney 20v

OldNotWIse wrote: »

Either that or you are deducing that all childless people are horrible cúnts...

Don't be stupid- I've many family members and friends without kids- all lovely people, hatred of children and animals is not a personality trait I'd favour .... Do you think it makes that lady pleasant ?

Playboy

OldNotWIse wrote: »

You're kind of backtracking there. You did accuse him of having daddy issues didn't you? And implied that the absence of a father figure in his life is the reason for any issues that you might deduce that he has based on his posts. That's not quite the same as accepting (as I also do) that your upbringing shapes who you are.


I want children, and plan to have them in the next five years, so I am not part of the anti-child brigade, and whereas I don't condone bitter posts aimed at undermining anyone who has chosen to have children, I find the repetitive, smug condescension from many Boards parents to be a little too much. It's fine to make a choice and be respected for it, but telling us that we will understand the meaning of life and realise our own worth when we have kids is a little crass, as is claiming that you will achieve more. I believe there was also a bald assertion that childles people will grow old alone.

By all means challenge someone who has a go at you for your choices...but remember to also look at what you are saying to them!

ha! Are you fckin serious? Read back over this thread and tell me whose posts were filled with "smug condescension". The parents on here answered honestly only to be responded to with derision. Constantly on boards we here this same mantra about parents, generally from young fckwits who are in a relationship with their own ego.

ALiasEX

Sauve wrote: »

Well.

When a mammy and a daddy love each other very much, they give each other a very special hug. And then the stork comes to visit them and gives them a baby. You can't just go and get one y'know :rolleyes:

Is that not how adoption works?

OldNotWIse

OldNotWIse wrote: »

You're kind of backtracking there. You did accuse him of having daddy issues didn't you? And implied that the absence of a father figure in his life is the reason for any issues that you might deduce that he has based on his posts. That's not quite the same as accepting (as I also do) that your upbringing shapes who you are.


I want children, and plan to have them in the next five years, so I am not part of the anti-child brigade, and whereas I don't condone bitter posts aimed at undermining anyone who has chosen to have children, I find the repetitive, smug condescension from many Boards parents to be a little too much. It's fine to make a choice and be respected for it, but telling us that we will understnad the meaning of life and realise our own worth when we have kids is a little crass, as is claiming that you will achieve more. I believe there was also a bald assertion that childles people will grow old alone.

By all means challenge someone who has a go at you for your choices...but remember to also look at what you are saying to them!

All the abuse on this thread has been one way my friend.

People are asked a question, they will answer it. If you ask a parent "what's the point of having children" then guess what, they'll take about love, and meaning, and emotions and their legacy. It doesn't take a genius to figure that out.

There has been a lot of pretty nasty abuse of people giving that honest answer - some of which you thanked by the way. There has been very little abuse of people who don't want children as far as I can see. Maybe here or there.

Nobody claimed that if you don't have children you will grow old alone, but it's surely a fact that if you do have children you are more likely to have loved ones around you in old age (not that that strikes me as a particularly good reason to have kids by the way, but each to their own)

Too many exclusive cat & dog owners in this thread!

OldNotWIse

SEPT 23 1989 wrote: »

its what you were put on the Earth to do,when you see your child being born that realisation hits you

biko wrote: »

You'll find out in your 30s when your biological clock starts ticking OP

Bio Mech wrote: »

The species depends on it I guess. It the breeders that keep us rolling through the ages not the child fearing types.

One day when you leave school you might find that special girl too, and then who knows?

eviltwin wrote: »

Plenty of people want children. Why they want them is another thing. Who knows. I have two and I always knew I wanted kids, why I want them exactly I can't say. Its just a primal need I guess to replicate yourself. Its hard to explain, the parents here will get it. If you don't have kids its more difficult to understand.

suicide_circus wrote: »

Because it is a necessary function of existence of the race? Because society and civilisation would collapse without it? Because we need workers for tomorrow to pay our pensions and to take care of us when we're old? Because not everything is about our own personal gratification? Because we might like to create a life and give it a chance of experiencing the world like our parents did? Our most basic biological imperative? Not all of us have daddy issues, OP.

bennyineire wrote: »

Wait until your in your 60/70's and you realise you have no immediate family, see how you feel then.
I'm afraid as the saying goes if you don't have kids you can't possible understand.

Playboy wrote: »

I know your trolling but I'd wager there are a lot of parents out there who have achieved far more then you ever will. Really just looking at the statistics, most people who have ever achieved anything of significance in this world have been parents

Deleted User wrote: »

yes we do, you've got 100k savings and you are buying a ****ty house in a crap area of Dublin

Deleted User wrote: »

You earn 26k a year.

No offence big man but you're not exactly pulling up trees there.

Playboy wrote: »

ha! Are you fckin serious? Read back over this thread and tell me whose posts were filled with "smug condescension". The parents on here answered honestly only to be responded to with derision. Constantly on boards we here this same mantra about parents, generally from young fckwits who are in a relationship with their own ego.

And I am awaiting a reply wrt your aserstion that the other poster has daddy issues just because his dad was absent.

edit: post 128 is yet another example

mrolaf

Kids are amazing once you have them all you care about is them and they light up your life every day. yeah they can be annoying but that s short-lived

OldNotWIse

Deleted User wrote: »

All the abuse on this thread has been one way my friend.

People are asked a question, they will answer it. If you ask a parent "what's the point of having children" then guess what, they'll take about love, and meaning, and emotions and their legacy. It doesn't take a genius to figure that out.

There has been a lot of pretty nasty abuse of people giving that honest answer - some of which you thanked by the way. There has been very little abuse of people who don't want children as far as I can see. Maybe here or there.

Nobody claimed that if you don't have children you will grow old alone, but it's surely a fact that if you do have children you are more likely to have loved ones around you in old age (not that that strikes me as a particularly good reason to have kids by the way, but each to their own)

Er...I'm not your friend. You shouldn't need to window dress your post with condescending terms you know.

OldNotWIse

This thread is typically and predictably parents v non-parents. Quelle Surprise.

Out.

barney 20v

OldNotWIse wrote: »

Er...I'm not your friend. You shouldn't need to window dress your post with condescending terms you know.

Gives you the perfect opportunity to disregard any points made by him/ her and deflect any negativity directed at you all the same!

Figure of speech.....
A turn of phrase....
A term of endearment ....

What age are you again OP?

OldNotWIse

OldNotWIse wrote: »

And I am awaiting a reply wrt your aserstion that the other poster has daddy issues just because his dad was absent.

edit: post 128 is yet another example

Well you need to learn to read then.

Playboy

OldNotWIse wrote: »

And I am awaiting a reply wrt your aserstion that the other poster has daddy issues just because his dad was absent.

edit: post 128 is yet another example

Scraping the barrel there aren't we? I don't see much of the "smug condescension" you referred to? The posts about achievement and money were in response Mr. Needy Sheep who has done nothing but slag people off in this thread.

OldNotWIse

OldNotWIse wrote: »

This thread is typically and predictably parents v non-parents. Quelle Surprise.

Out.

see ya!

Playboy

OldNotWIse wrote: »

Er...I'm not your friend. You shouldn't need to window dress your post with condescending terms you know.

Please have a look at your own posting style before you accuse others of being condescending.

suicide_circus

It's quite simple really, if you don't want kids - then please, for the love of god, don't have kids. Then when you're old and demented, someone else's kid will feed you and change your colostomy bag for you.

suicide_circus

Ficheall wrote: »

Addressing the only part of your answer which isn't selfish - how sure are you that experiencing the world is a positive thing overall?

Selfish hmmmm

I choose to work hard because I want to house, feed and clothe myself - pretty selfish.

I stay in a monogamous relationship with my partner because without her I feel awful - again, selfish.

I have a direct debit to the simon community because if I didn't I would feel a little guilty - selfish, you bet

I eat sourdough bread because I prefer it to sliced pan - selfishness personified.

So yeah, I'll go ahead and be selfish and have a kid if I want and then hopefully that kid will grow up and be a productive member of society and will work and pay taxes to pay for your and my pensions.

Skullface McGubbin

Sauve wrote: »

Well.

When a mammy and a daddy love each other very much, they give each other a very special hug. And then the stork comes to visit them and gives them a baby. You can't just go and get one y'know :rolleyes:

SMJSF

yipeeeee wrote:

It kind of is a selfish act when you think about it.

I totally agree, it is selfish.
when you ask someone why they had kids.
answer: I WANTED.
no thought into how much they actually cost. And then you hear the exact people complaining on the radio and on the bus about the cost of Christmas and putting them in school in July/ August/September.
a pack of condoms is a hell of a lot cheaper!

I'm only a few years (2-3) out of secondary school, and already more than 10 girls who done the LC with me have popped them out.

#childfree (:

dynamited

Deleted User wrote: »

yes we do, you've got 100k savings and you are buying a ****ty house in a crap area of Dublin

I've just turned 26 sorry i don't have a Million saved at this stage or help from the Family


It's what iv'e saved over the years , if i can manage to get a 3 bed or 2 bed house in a private (non council estate) area whilst only borrowing 80k ( 344 per month repayment ) i suppose that will have to do for now

Plus it's better than having kids and demanding a free house

bur

suicide_circus wrote: »

It's quite simple really, if you don't want kids - then please, for the love of god, don't have kids. Then when you're old and demented, someone else's kid will feed you and change your colostomy bag for you.

Do people really think their kids are going to be around for that mess?

Ficheall

bennyineire wrote: »

Ficheall wrote: »

bennyineire wrote: »

Wait until your in your 60/70's and you realise you have no immediate family, see how you feel then.

Your first sentence suggests you've had kids just to look after you when you can't do it yourself... Dunno if that's a good reason to be having them..

Wow just wow,

When I'm in my 60's/70's I want to be surrounded by my loved one's, grand kids hopefully too.

What are you "wow-ing" for? The "argument" you presented for having kids was that the OP (or whoever) would feel helpless/crap/lonely/whatever without them when you're older, correct?
Sure, there's "love" and all that too, but my interpretation isn't such a far cry from what you said that it warrants any shock on your behalf unless you're quite blinkered or a little disingenuous. Perhaps there's more to your reasoning - and indeed there are many reasons one might have children - which you just didn't choose to present, electing instead to focus on one somewhat selfish point, which I duly responded to.

suicide_circus wrote: »

Ficheall wrote: »

suicide_circus wrote: »

Because it is a necessary function of existence of the race? Because society and civilisation would collapse without it? Because we need workers for tomorrow to pay our pensions and to take care of us when we're old? Because not everything is about our own personal gratification? Because we might like to create a life and give it a chance of experiencing the world like our parents did? Our most basic biological imperative? Not all of us have daddy issues, OP.

Addressing the only part of your answer which isn't selfish - how sure are you that experiencing the world is a positive thing overall?

Selfish hmmmm

I choose to work hard because I want to house, feed and clothe myself - pretty selfish.

I stay in a monogamous relationship with my partner because without her I feel awful - again, selfish.

I have a direct debit to the simon community because if I didn't I would feel a little guilty - selfish, you bet

I eat sourdough bread because I prefer it to sliced pan - selfishness personified.

So yeah, I'll go ahead and be selfish and have a kid if I want and then hopefully that kid will grow up and be a productive member of society and will work and pay taxes to pay for your and my pensions.

Relevance? I get that you're alluding to the theory that no act is truly selfish, etc, etc, but that wasn't my point. My point was - (though perhaps I should have been clearer in my use of the word "selfish", granted) - that aside from the highlighted and debatable point, none of the reasons you provided for bringing a life into the world are necessarily of benefit to that life.

And that is a valid point, which should surely ought to play a part in a discussion as to why people have children. Is life a positive-sum game?

Ficheall

Ficheall wrote: »

And that is a valid point, which should surely ought to play a part in a discussion as to why people have children. Is life a positive-sum game?

Some people think it is, some people think it isn't. I am not sure there is an 'answer' to that question.

So that means it's an odd argument to use against someone who says "I had kids because I want them to experience all the wonders of life" or whatever. THAT person clearly thinks life is great.

Paddyfield

Becoming a father happened to me on two occasions in the last decade.

It has subsequently defined me and enriched me. I can't put any other words on it. They are 2 amazing little people who rock my world.

They are more than just a reason for updating my Facebook profile picture. I would kill anyone who interfered with them. This lifestyle choice may not float everyone else's boat but don't ridicule me for it.

Ficheall

Deleted User wrote: »

Some people think it is, some people think it isn't. I am not sure there is an 'answer' to that question.

So that means it's an odd argument to use against someone who says "I had kids because I want them to experience all the wonders of life" or whatever. THAT person clearly thinks life is great.

I wasn't using it as an argument - just pointing out something that might be taken into consideration.

I'm not sure on which side of the kids/no kids fence I sit.

Ficheall

Ficheall wrote: »

I wasn't using it as an argument - just pointing out something that might be taken into consideration.

I think someone who says "I want children so they can enjoy life" or whatever it was exactly can be assumed to believe that life is good.

Call Me Jimmy

For people like me who don't want children we can't discount forces that are beyond the intellect. Logically I can do the sums and say 'No this having children doesn't add up' but then a feeling could grow over time that brings a new perspective to it.

Buona Fortuna

I don't.

Once we got the big John Deere there was no need for them. Just needy, expensive little monkeys.

But I just have to make my contribution to the gene pool.

Ficheall

Deleted User wrote: »

I think someone who says "I want children so they can enjoy life" or whatever it was exactly can be assumed to believe that life is good.

That's fair. "Experience the world" was actually the phrase that prompted my point, but you're right - suicide_circus probably does think that life is great, in which case, by all means, he should afford his children the opportunity to eat sourdough, donate to the simon community, and work hard etc.

Quandary

Ive been with my wife for 14 years (married for 2). I never wanted children but i hoped desperately that my mind would change as I got older. Im now 34 and still don't want kids. My wife however has always wanted kids so the choice is simple. Either split up or have kids.

Ideally I never want to have kids but if I want to stay with my wife then I don't really have a choice. its not exactly possible to compromise on it.

Buona Fortuna

Quandary wrote: »

Ive been with my wife for 14 years (married for 2). I never wanted children but i hoped desperately that my mind would change as I got older. Im now 34 and still don't want kids. My wife however has always wanted kids so the choice is simple. Either split up or have kids.

Ideally I never want to have kids but if I want to stay with my wife then I don't really have a choice. its not exactly possible to compromise on it.

I could help you there.

Ficheall

Buona Fortuna wrote: »

Quandary wrote: »

Ive been with my wife for 14 years (married for 2). I never wanted children but i hoped desperately that my mind would change as I got older. Im now 34 and still don't want kids. My wife however has always wanted kids so the choice is simple. Either split up or have kids.

Ideally I never want to have kids but if I want to stay with my wife then I don't really have a choice. its not exactly possible to compromise on it.

I could help you there.

I don't know if a Massey Ferguson is going to solve this one...

Cienciano

SMJSF wrote: »

I totally agree, it is selfish.
when you ask someone why they had kids.
answer: I WANTED.
no thought into how much they actually cost. And then you hear the exact people complaining on the radio and on the bus about the cost of Christmas and putting them in school in July/ August/September.
a pack of condoms is a hell of a lot cheaper!

I'm only a few years (2-3) out of secondary school, and already more than 10 girls who done the LC with me have popped them out.

#childfree (:

Bit of a generalisation there. Everyone I know knew exactly how much it would cost. And a few people moaning on Joe Duffy doesn't equal the entire parenting population in the country.