Why do people want to have Children

Buona Fortuna

Ficheall wrote: »

I don't know if a Massey Ferguson is going to solve this one...

I was thinking of a nice weekend away somewhere scenic - job done

dynamited

Deleted User wrote: »

Some people think it is, some people think it isn't. I am not sure there is an 'answer' to that question.

So that means it's an odd argument to use against someone who says "I had kids because I want them to experience all the wonders of life" or whatever. THAT person clearly thinks life is great.

You haven't replied to my post about my current situation , but you were quick to slate me about the fact i only earn 26k per year and have saved up 100k over the last 7 years to invest in property


I thought i was doing ok, albeit not setting the world on fire but never the less could be worse off


So tell me almighty one what am i doing wrong ? At just after turning 26 years of age did you have 100k sitting in your bank ,earned by yourself and no help from anyone else??


Thought so


Get off your high horse you're no Warren Buffet you bitter old man

dartstothesea

OP's life seems really, really bleak. You're showing your cards more than you'd like, man. You're not happy with your lot. Spend some energy on more positive stuff than this.

Lot of other people in the thread caring way too much about other people's choice to have kids. Butthurt/10

No plans to have kids myself, the way things are going, but I get it: If you like life and like people, and your family was happy, you want more of that.

People who feel excluded from a collective of other people inevitably a) feel bitter and b) rationalise up a bunch of **** about why they'd actually rather not be in said collective.
Single people are irritated by couples, People with no kids are irritated by people with kids etc etc

dynamited

dartstothesea wrote: »

OP's life seems really, really bleak. You're showing your cards more than you'd like, man. You're not happy with your lot. Spend some energy on more positive stuff than this.

Lot of other people in the thread caring way too much about other people's choice to have kids. Butthurt/10

No plans to have kids myself, the way things are going, but I get it: If you like life and like people, and your family was happy, you want more of that.

People who feel excluded from a collective of other people inevitably a) feel bitter and b) rationalise up a bunch of **** about why they'd actually rather not be in said collective.
Single people are irritated by couples, People with no kids are irritated by people with kids etc etc

So if someone doesn't want to have children that means their life is bleak???


Wow, somethings wrong with you

wandatowell

dynamited wrote: »

you were quick to slate me about the fact i only earn 26k per year and have saved up 100k over the last 7 years to invest in property

I know exactly how hard it is saving up that kinda money while you're on well below the industrial wage.

I only got half as far as you did but that was all I needed.

Looking forward to 8 years time when my mortgage is paid off 12 years early

Great work, well done.

dartstothesea

dynamited wrote:

So if someone doesn't want to have children that means their life is bleak???


Wow, somethings wrong with you

No I just meant because of the other stuff you said about having no life if you don't drink and no gf and buying some ****ty house etc. You know, all that bleak stuff I see in your posts.
People can totally be happy without wanting kids. I am. I don't think you are.

dynamited

dartstothesea wrote: »

No I just meant because of the other stuff you said about having no life if you don't drink and no gf and buying some ****ty house etc. You know, all that bleak stuff I see in your posts.
People can totally be happy without wanting kids. I am. I don't think you are.

Do you own property ? did you pay for it nearly in cash?

dartstothesea

Lol wat m8

dynamited

dartstothesea wrote: »

Lol wat m8

You're saying i'm about to buy a " sh!tty house "

Even though it's in a private estate and you haven't even seen it


My question is do you own property, how much did you borrow to buy it ???


If you don't you're in no place to judge people if you can't even afford a " sh!tty house " yourself , you bum

barney 20v

Paddyfield wrote: »

Becoming a father happened to me on two occasions in the last decade.

It has subsequently defined me and enriched me. I can't put any other words on it. They are 2 amazing little people who rock my world.

They are more than just a reason for updating my Facebook profile picture. I would kill anyone who interfered with them. This lifestyle choice may not float everyone else's boat but don't ridicule me for it.

Word for word my feelings---!
Best thing about my life is coming home to unconditional love every evening.
I'm not a boastful fella but I'm proud of my kids and my role as their father .

I reckon not becoming fathers in their 20's is a huge factor in sucicide in young men in this country- aimless after the fun on the 18-28 years and no base for their life.

Gongoozler

barney 20v wrote: »

I reckon not becoming fathers in their 20's is a huge factor in sucicide in young men in this country- aimless after the fun on the 18-28 years and no base for their life.

You're not actually serious here right?

dynamited

barney 20v wrote: »

I reckon not becoming fathers in their 20's is a huge factor in sucicide in young men in this country- aimless after the fun on the 18-28 years and no base for their life.

What did i just read??


Moronic to say the least

dartstothesea

dynamited wrote: »

You're saying i'm about to buy a " sh!tty house "

Even though it's in a private estate and you haven't even seen it


My question is do you own property, how much did you borrow to buy it ???


If you don't you're in no place to judge people if you can't even afford a " sh!tty house " yourself , you bum

On the surface, I was slagging your house, yep. And nope, I didn't even bother looking at what the place is like. Not arsed. What I was really doing was illustrating how easily riled you are by throwaway comments. The defensiveness and fixation on financial oneupmanship is a telltale symptom of your deep-seated dissatisfaction, bruh. Be happy (doubt any calibre of house will make a difference) yourself and other people's crap - such as them wanting kids - will roll off your back way more.

dynamited

dartstothesea wrote: »

On the surface, I was slagging your house, yep. And nope, I didn't even bother looking at what the place is like. Not arsed. What I was really doing was illustrating how easily riled you are by throwaway comments. The defensiveness and fixation on financial oneupmanship is a telltale symptom of your deep-seated dissatisfaction, bruh. Be happy (doubt any calibre of house will make a difference) yourself and other people's crap - such as them wanting kids - will roll off your back way more.

Exactly what somebody broke would say


Not riled by throwaway comments, just don't like listening to wasters giving it large when they have nothing to back it up with

barney 20v

Gongoozler wrote: »

You're not actually serious here right?

Yes- deadly serious.
It's something I truly believe is a factor in male suicide in young men in Ireland.

strobe

DNA 'wants' to replicate itself and uses you as the mechanism to do so, mainly. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Also a child's smile is worth a million gallons of pixie dust.

dynamited

barney 20v wrote: »

Yes- deadly serious.
It's something I truly believe is a factor in male suicide in young men in Ireland.

You're Insane

anncoates

After browsing the thread, I'm completely in agreement with the OP not reproducing.

dynamited

anncoates wrote: »

After browsing the thread, I'm completely in agreement with the OP not reproducing.

Don't worry i wouldn't dare try pull an old hag called Ann that has a boards account

barney 20v

dynamited wrote: »

You're Insane

Why?
Because I think that in previous generations young men became fathers at a young age and had a structure in their lives?

Or that I think many young Irish men find themselves alone in their mid/late 20's and are stuck into drinking or drugs?

I think having kids in your early twenties gives a natural structure to life and that we have reproduced this way for thousands of years.


Our generation is abnormal in many respects but especially in the way / ages we start to have kids.

I believe it is a factor.
Disagree with me if you like but leave out with the personal insults .

anncoates

dynamited wrote: »

Don't worry i wouldn't dare try pull an old hag called Ann that has a boards account

I'm devastated.

I confess to being a bit moist about your wad and your silver tongue.

strobe

anncoates wrote: »

After browsing the thread, I'm completely in agreement with the OP not reproducing.

dynamited wrote: »

Don't worry i wouldn't dare try pull an old hag called Ann that has a boards account

anncoates wrote: »

I'm devastated.

I confess to being a bit moist about your wad and your silver tongue.

Oh be nice.

dynamited

strobe wrote: »

Oh be nice.

That slut started it

anncoates

Gushing here. Will ya stop.

Ruu

dynamited banned for a bit.

Mod.

Paramite Pie

I think I've always known I've wanted kids, I just don't want them right now. I'm not in a solid financial position nor in a relationship.

But someday, when the time is right I would like to start a family. As I'm getting older I really appreciate the family that I had and the sacrifices they made for me.:)

billyhead

Having children extends your bloodline, can add a bit of excitement and responsibility to your life and provides you with someone to pass on your wealth/possessions to when you die

strobe

I'm weird I think. In the abstract sense I've always thought about having kids like 'meh, whatever, maybe, will see.'. I've read a few threads about this, and talked to people, about it over the years. I hear a lot of, "I'd be an awful parent", or "I just don't like children" or "I always knew I didn't want kids". And I don't identify with any of that. I think, arrogantly and naively I'm sure, that I'd be quite a good parent. I quite like children, I think they're funny and fascinating and different. Which are three things I'm a fan of. And I've never been dead set against wanting children the way some other people are. I was always dead set against having them 'at this moment in time'. But I think that's a different thing. And I quite like the concept of mushing my genes with my girlfriends and seeing the human that results.

But I dunno, I like kids. I also quite like monkeys though. But I'm not going to voluntarily buy one and dedicate the next 18 years of my life to taking care of it. Maybe if I could have a kid, without my girlfriend being pregnant, and it'd arrive about 2 and a half years old. Then I could have it until it's about 6. Then it'd vanish and reappear when it was 27 or so. I'd be into it. Maybe. But the current system isn't something that appeals to me.

MadDog76

dynamited wrote: »

Obviously the baby making process is fun but seriously who actually wants to have children?

Ask your parents ...........

Buona Fortuna

strobe wrote: »

But I dunno, I like kids. I also quite like monkeys though. But I'm not going to voluntarily buy one and dedicate the next 18 years of my life to taking care of it. Maybe if I could have a kid, without my girlfriend being pregnant, and it'd arrive about 2 and a half years old. Then I could have it until it's about 6. Then it'd vanish and reappear when it was 27 or so. I'd be into it. Maybe. But the current system isn't something that appeals to me.

Get a couple of monkeys. You'll save a fortune and they're great laugh. If you get fed up with them after a couple of years, you could sell them or give them to a zoo.:D

strobe

Buona Fortuna wrote: »

Get a couple of monkeys. You'll save a fortune and they're great laugh. If you get fed up with them after a couple of years, you could sell them or give them to a zoo.:D

A couple of monkeys!? Don't escalate me man. I'm highly suggestible.

Buona Fortuna

strobe wrote: »

A couple of monkeys!? Don't escalate me man. I'm highly suggestible.

You need two, or a loner will turn feral.

Howabout a couple of meercats

BigBrownBear

I think people who make a conscious decision NEVER to have kids are just stingy cnuts

Mr. teddywinkles

yipeeeee wrote: »

It kind of is a selfish act when you think about it.

To bring meaning and happiness into their own lives.

To boast of how proud they are when the kid achieve things because they created it.

But it's obviously a special thing or else people would stop after their first one.

There's a flip side to that. Could view people without kids being selfish with their own lives and time out of their own lives being sacrificed to rare their own kids. People without kids could be viewed as too concerned with their own lives to care for another human being. Yes?

Paramite Pie

strobe wrote: »

But I dunno, I like kids. I also quite like monkeys though. But I'm not going to voluntarily buy one and dedicate the next 18 years of my life to taking care of it.

Some breeds of monkeys such as Cappuchins can live up to 40years. Far worse than any child!

PDCAT

My wife and i always said we'd never have kids. I couldn't take to them, was useless and awkward around them. I had too much going on, with work, recreational, social events, i did'nt feel the need.
I actually told a couple of my mates who had children, that people had kids because they had nothing better to be doing with their time.
I had lots of thing's i enjoyed doing and didn't think i'd make a good father.

Anyway fast forward three years, i have twin girls coming up to two years old. Love the two girls to bits, can't imaging life without them.
Definitely the best thing i've ever done.
We definitely made a decision though to make sure, our own life didn't stop when they arrived. Apart from foreign holidays and weekend irish breaks away being cut, i don't feel i've missed out on anything.

Still have a pint when i want, go running 5 times a week, have been out foreign three times in the last 12 months (shorter than before).
So, children don't have to stop your life and can definitely improve it. I actually found out, im too bad at this fatherhood lark, even though i'm still ****e with other people's kids.

Definitely having kids is a personal choice. There's no right or wrong. I think i would have been very happy also if i'd never had any kids.

Venus In Furs

dynamited wrote: »

Obviously the baby making process is fun but seriously who actually wants to have children?
Everyone else should feel the same way as I do.

...

Venus In Furs

There are positives and negatives to having children. For many, the positives eclipse the negatives; that's why they have them.

Others do the reverse, which is fine too.

Others are on the fence (like me) and don't know what the hell they want!

Tony EH

Um...well logically we shouldn't "want" them. They're a monumental pain in the arse, they make life a million times harder, they're an incredible amount of pressure and they're a constant source of worry.

But our genes are selfish and they want to reproduce themselves.

The One Doctor

dynamited wrote: »

My view of people who have kids young is because they have realized they don't have what it takes to amount to anything so they basically pin all their hopes and dreams on their kids

Well that's bull anyway.

feargale

donkeyoaty0099 wrote: »

Bit sad that the sum total of your life ambition is to create a needy replica of yourself.

Reminds me of the person who said the sun rose in the morning for the want of something better to do.

Venus In Furs

The One Doctor wrote: »

Well that's bull anyway.

Makes them feel better though I suppose.

nicki11

I've always loved kids and playing with my little cousins was always wonderful and I've often thought I wanted kids but like most people I've also thought about what I could offer a child. So for now while I'm not in the financial state you'd want to be to have kids I plan to have them in future and I can offer them a stable home. While that isn't the only consideration-what could I offer a kid- while everyone has moments where they think they're a horrible person, so too do people think they will be horrible parents, I thought I would be because I thought my parents were but now I realise they did their best and practically killed themselves with work to make sure I had everything I needed and I as an angsty teenager just couldn't see that and I believe people can learn from each other as well as their own mistakes and not repeat them. Though some people are horrible and probably shouldn't have kids many people are wonderful and don't have them either so it's not always so simple and even then there's no guarantees their kids will turn out the same it's a pretty safe bet. Ultimately it's a personal decision which shouldn't be taken lightly or mocked by some as the individual as considered the consequences for their life and we have to respect that

numnumcake

I had a horrible childhood plauged with alcohol and mental illness. I was also an only child. I'd do anything to give someone the childhood I never had.

zcorpian88

Ended my relationship with my last girlfriend for this very reason in November, was about 19 months into the relationship, but she said about a year into the relationship that she doesn't ever want kids because she is an academic in a science field and she threw this science mumbo jumbo at me that people that are academics and that are high functioning are prone to having autistic children, then other days she was like "Oh I might be open to adoption"

I would be more free spirited and I think "Take a chance, everyone else does!" I don't want to have kids with anyone anytime soon, but it would be nice to have that door left open for the future if I'm in this for the long haul and she was deadly serious in her comments, I kept putting it to the back of my mind, thinking "Oh she might change her mind sure we're not together very long yet" but this kept pecking at me for months where she kept repeating herself on the subject if we ever seen a kid wherever on the street and all I kept thinking was "What if she doesn't change her mind and I'd have wasted years with someone that doesn't want the same things I want when that time comes" And I know her well, she's incredibly stubborn and once her mind is made up, she sticks to it.

In my mind I always thought, why wouldn't a woman not want to have their own, I thinking it's nature, she should want to have her own. Was very frustrating thinking and thinking about it, until I just sort of burned out and had to end it, just couldn't deal with it anymore. Was really hard on me because at the end of it I've always struggled getting a girlfriend which made it incredibly difficult to call it quits, the whole month of November was hell because I've had to adjust and for December I've still been up and down because of it, probably because of Christmas and new year naturally.

I've always wanted to be a Dad because I've always had a difficult relationship with my Dad stemming back a long time, basically because he went somewhat off the rails when I was a teenager and promoting this "Don't do as I do, do as I say" attitude, where he gets to do whatever he wants when he wants, thinking "Ah sure the children are pretty much reared now, I can do what I want and not give a f**k" and he never really faces the consequences for it, which really is a bad influence even on a teenager but he did some bad s**t when I was a kid too. My mam on the other hand, I'm more like her, we have the same values pretty much.

I've always wanted to be the Dad that is the opposite of my own who looks after every thing, doesn't do anything incredibly selfish/careless/ thoughtless/irresponsible and makes sure the kids never have an unpleasant or bonkers upbringing, the same as other kids his/her age and not have them look at me with disdain/disgust like I do with my own Dad still, even now that I'm well into my 20's.

take everything

Deleted User wrote: »

I don't know if this is a serious question or not, but the short answer is that children bring warmth and love into your life.

Of course you can experience those emotions with a partner but with children it's like multiplying it, even if you didn't think that was possible.

They are also fantastic fun (certainly a lot more fun than most of the adults I know, and I include other people's children in that).

They bring a sense of wonder to your world which is refreshing.

Sorry to be such a drip, but that's the answer to your question. Or at least my personal answer, I can only speak for myself.

I don't have kids but this would be my answer for having them.
Kids are pretty cool.
I like how they don't have the bull**** (prejudices, egos, ingrained ways of thinking and the myriad socially-influenced crap) that adults have.
Quite refreshing tbh.

Also the idea of bringing someone up with good values and without too much of this crap would be a reason to have them.

Dark Artist

While these do sound like good reasons, personally I'm just apprehensive about the financial aspect and the loss of career opportunities and a social life. I'd like to have a kid if it meant all the good parts, but all the bad stuff, no thanks. Right now I don't plan on ever having kids as I want to be as commitment free as possible through my whole life - however if I feel at some point that there's that one thing missing, maybe I will consider it.

somefeen

For me I think having kids, while a serious financial responsibility etc etc must be so much fun.

My own dad tells me that the years I was growing up were the best years of his life. We had SO MUCH FUN, I suppose someday I too want to lead and army of tiny humans that are hybrids between me and the woman I love, against the imaginary goblins or the insane sea god. Nothing better than runnin at some imaginary creature while screaming at the top of your lungs and flailing at it with a stick, or stalking strangers in the woods pretending to be some special ops soldier about to take down the enemy. great craic altogether.

I suppose there is the risk that you will have a child with serious disabilities and you wont get to do any of these things, and your lift wont quite go to plan, but you will always be bringing a little bit more love into this world and actually thats what it boils down to. I want to love another few people as much as I love the woman I'm with.

bodice ripper

You need someone to tell your boring stories.

Heckler

bodice ripper wrote: »

You need someone to tell your boring stories.

This.

Was briefly married and we both agreed we didn't want kids.

No problem per se with the ankle biters but not for me.

Have many friends with kids. Meet them individually and its probably 50% kid talk.

Get fellow parents together and its 100% kid talk ad nauseam and bores me to death. They plan about a week in advance to get out, get a babysitter and have a night out for the first time in possibly months and then spend the night talking about the children.

I know my friends children mean the world to them and I'm delighted they are so happy but I don't need a detailed breakdown of their nappy filling adventures.