Advice - bully housemate

Lantus

who is responsible here? The OP suggests that no one has signed a lease but she has invited the new tenant in. Was this with the LLs permission? Does he pay rent to the LL or her? Please elaborate?

I'd be onto the landlord ASAP every day cataloguing every crazy thing this guy does and emphasising that you feel threatened and that calling the gards is the next step and raising the issue with the PRTB as your safety is being compromised.

If he is happy for you to deal with it then advise him that he will be moved out with x hours notice, the locks changed immediately and a new copy issued to the LL. Have a bevvy of friends and support around while you do this. Just fling his dirt out on the street. No contract, no problem.

anonyanony

Lantus wrote: »

who is responsible here? The OP suggests that no one has signed a lease but she has invited the new tenant in. Was this with the LLs permission? Does he pay rent to the LL or her? Please elaborate?

I'd be onto the landlord ASAP every day cataloguing every crazy thing this guy does and emphasising that you feel threatened and that calling the gards is the next step and raising the issue with the PRTB as your safety is being compromised.

If he is happy for you to deal with it then advise him that he will be moved out with x hours notice, the locks changed immediately and a new copy issued to the LL. Have a bevvy of friends and support around while you do this. Just fling his dirt out on the street. No contract, no problem.

Then he come back in a month if crazy like op says when she thinks it all over, I cannot understand if you are this worried OP why don't you move somewhere he won't know where you are

Worthy of all love

anonyanony wrote: »

Then he come back in a month if crazy like op says when she thinks it all over, I cannot understand if you are this worried



OP why don't you move somewhere he won't know where you are

Ireland ain't that big. He more than likely knows where she works anyway, so moving house, won't fully solve the problem you're highlighting - I don't think.

anonyanony

Worthy of all love wrote: »

Ireland ain't that big. He more than likely knows where she works anyway, so moving house, won't fully solve the problem you're highlighting - I don't think.

It would be way harder to hassle someone at work then at her home, there is always the fear in the back of you mind the house is never safe, also he would be less angry I she moved

Arcto

DaDerv wrote: »

Why don't you do some passive aggressive stuff yourself to drive him insane. You could go extreme and change the Wifi password, but a more sinister method would be to log into your modem, use your IP, (google this if you are unsure) and slowly block websites you know he uses. Start with porn. Theres several porn sites ofc but blocking them would be time well spent. Think of any websites you know he uses regularly that wouldnt effect you. Make sure to change the login and password to the modem, its generally generic, eg. Vodafone is Vodafone and Vodafone UPC is UPC and UPC etc. so he cant investigate the issue.

Whoa whoa whoa whoa.......there is more than one porn site!?


But seriously, if you wanted to do something filing a harassment complaint with guards might ve worth while?

Mrs OBumble

Worthy of all love wrote: »

I do agree, her safety is paramount. But isn't it sad that in our society today, this is what is going on- Decent people being treated unfairly and having to suffer in silence, walk away, while thugs are running the show??

There are at least two sides to every story.

From what we've heard, I'd say it's likely that the "thug" is just a person living with a mental illness. Either that or they're sociopathic.

All we can really tell is that the current domestic situation isn't meeting the OPs needs, so realistically she needs to either move our, or get the housemate to move out.

Worthy of all love

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

There are at least two sides to every story.

From what we've heard, I'd say it's likely that the "thug" is just a person living with a mental illness. Either that or they're sociopathic.

All we can really tell is that the current domestic situation isn't meeting the OPs needs, so realistically she needs to either move our, or get the housemate to move out.

I love when someone makes me see things from a completely different perspective. Thank you. mental illness can be so easily overlooked...... but is not an excuse for intimidating behaviour - I don't think?

sioux1977

I really sympathise with you - he sounds like an absolutely awful person, with serious behavioural problems! I haven't read all of the replies on here, so I apologise if I'm echoing something that some-one else has said, but my advice would be to try one or all of the following: 1 - Definitely speak to the landlord. It doesn't matter if you have a lease or not, you still have rights, and you certainly have the right not to be harrassed in your own home by an aggressive man. If the landlord says something like "you guys really need to sort this out amongst yourselves, I don't want to get involved in personal disagreements", don't be fobbed off! He cannot ignore your complaints, and it might be worth reminding him that he could be held responsible if this aggressive tenant was to turn violent, because he turned a blind eye to your initial complaint, etc. When you pay rent to a landlord, he is responsible for ensuring that the property is a safe and secure place for you to live; he obviously can't foresee the erratic behaviour of ass-holes like that other tenant, but he is obliged to act on it, once he has received a complaint from you. 2 - Don't be put off by the idea of a brother or male friend having a chat with him...he can construe this whatever way he wants, but unless they literally threatened him, then he can't say that they behaved threateningly to him. Personally, I would get my brother to say something like "We wouldn't like to see this whole thing turn nasty, cos that would be really unpleasant for EVERYONE concerned"...this gets the message across (the message being don't **** with you) without explicitly threatening violence etc. 3 - Payback! I know it may sound juvenile, but it's just my personal opinion. It sounds like this guy is getting pleasure from hurting you and putting you in fear, so why not play him at his own game, until he moves out? Even though I'm sure you're a nice person, and that payback may not come naturally to you, it's just as easy for you to make his life a living hell as it is for him to make yours hell. All it needs is a bit of imagination! My personal advice would be that you should NOT have to look for somewhere else to live. It's all very well and good to say that it's not worth the hassle, etc. But if you let this guy win, he will have power over you, and I'm sure he would love that. It's not fair that you should have to leave your home just because of some sadistic dick-wad with a cat fetish. Anyways, this is just my advice! I really hope it works out in your favour, and that you beat this nasty bully. Best of luck!

trixychic

I have to say the best idea i have heard is to chuck his stuff out and have locks changed while he is not there. Have your brother and his mates over if you would feel more safe and let the LL and gardai know whats going on so that if there are incidents in future they know its not the first time.

I totally get your feeling of being unsafe as i had a similar situation with a roommate in the past. I did end up moving out and regretted it. The place was lovely as was the other tenant. But seeing as she wasn't there 90% of time i was left dealing with it. Lookin back i should have said something.

Trust your gut. He does sound like he could be dangerous. I do think you need to get him out!

Mrs OBumble

Worthy of all love wrote: »

I love when someone makes me see things from a completely different perspective. Thank you. mental illness can be so easily overlooked...... but is not an excuse for intimidating behaviour - I don't think?

Like most illness related stuff, the illness explains but does not excuse the behaviour.

Sometimes it can be interesting to imagine what the other person would post if they came on here and explained the situation eg "I moved in with this control freak a few weeks back, told her at the interview that my cat would be coming back to live with me soon, but she forgot that and then flipped when it arrived. Now she's neurotic about lining up the pots and pans in precise places" - etc.

From what the OP has posted, I would be worried about the consequences if she tried to move the housemate out. This is one situation when being a tenant is a million times easier than owning.

Shy Ted

This might sound daft but maybe he's doin his absolute best to get her out so he can bring the cat back.
If he's a little unstable, this might seem like a genuine plan to him.

Paco Rodriguez

How did you get him to be rid of the cat? If he is so difficult I'm wondering why he didn't just keep the cat in his room or refuse to get rid of it.

Cuddlesworth

Does he pay his rent direct to the landlord?

QuiteInterestin

Does your housemate pay rent directly to the landlord or to yourself? If he pays directly to the landlord, he is a tenant and it would be up to the landlord to terminate his tenancy. If he pays it to you, I think it would be considered as your tenancy and he is your licencee (open to correction here). As a licencee he would have very little rights and could be asked to leave with 'reasonable notice'. As a tenant, the landlord would have to evict him giving him 28 days notice. Once he is living in the house more than 6 months he would have part 4 tenancy and could only have his tenancy terminated under specific circumstances e.g. landlord wants to sell the house or move in himself, not paying rent etc, so if this is the path you need to follow you should follow up with the landlord as soon as possible as 6 months won't be long coming around and then it will be almost impossible to get rid of him.

marykitty47

Hi all thanks for all the advice. Sometimes I give the rent to the landlord. .sometimes he picks it up from the apt. I had a chat with yhe landlord yesterday and basically told him what was going on and said I couldn't put up with it aby longer. his reply was - let me no what u decide so it looks like he is not going to do anything about it. I might contact threshold and see whatmy rrights are

BarneyThomas

Watch "Gone Girl". Enough said.

Kristopherus

marykitty47 wrote: »

Hi all thanks for all the advice. Sometimes I give the rent to the landlord. .sometimes he picks it up from the apt. I had a chat with yhe landlord yesterday and basically told him what was going on and said I couldn't put up with it aby longer. his reply was - let me no what u decide so it looks like he is not going to do anything about it. I might contact threshold and see whatmy rrights are

Threshold are absolutely no use in your situation. If your LL wont do anything, you are on your own and the only way to get your problem fixed is if he threatens you or is in any way rough with you. In that case you can call the Gardai and LL & get your problem physically removed.

trixychic

Kristopherus wrote: »

Threshold are absolutely no use in your situation. If your LL wont do anything, you are on your own and the only way to get your problem fixed is if he threatens you or is in any way rough with you. In that case you can call the Gardai and LL & get your problem physically removed.

Absolutely agree

Mrs OBumble

Kristopherus wrote: »

In that case you can call the Gardai and LL & get your problem physically removed.

... for somewhere between a few hours and a few days.

Unless the violence is extreme, it's hard to see the housemate being remanded in custody, and even if he is, then the OP has a problem of having a room full of the housemate's stuff, as well as the consequences of the assault.

The problem with many suggestions in this thread (call the guards, put his stuff on the street and change the locks, etc) is --- what happens after that? The housemate is not going to just magically disappear.

ShaShaBear

Look, if I lived in a house-share with no contract and a scary, threatening and even passively abusive housemate, I wouldn't be hanging around tempting fate. I would consider it safer for me to move without him knowing to new accommodation that he is not aware of rather than aggravate him, turf him out and have a scorned and possibly dangerous man wandering around with a vendetta for me AND knowing where I live.

Sclosages

Hi OP. It sounds to me that you just let off steam to the landlord, but didn't specifically request him to do anything. You need to ring him again and tell him what you would like him to do (presumably you want him to issue notice to yer man - maybe ask him to state that he needs the room for a relative or something, rather than stating the actual reason?).
If he is not prepared to act at all, then you need to move.
But, remember, the landlord is a man. He can not read your mind. He doesn't know what you want or expect. You need to spell it out. Based on his action or lack of action then, you can make a better decision. To have to disrupt your life by a move is not your preferred outcome, so you need to try to safely achieve your more preferred outcome.

Gits_bone

What age is he?

The Spider

Ah house shares, again another familiar issue, been in this situation on both sides. The problem with any house share is that everyone wants the run of the place to themselves without paying the full rent for the house/apartment etc. You say he hogs the tv and yes that's ridiculously annoying, but the question has to be asked how many nights a week do you spend in the house, and how many does he?

In my experience, no one and I mean no one likes a housemate that's there seven nights a week, no matter how well you get on with them, everyone wants their own space, human nature. None of you guys have a lease and you have an old school landlord who collects cash, and doesn't want a trail to his account, so that tells you what you need to know there, and there's no way he's going to interfere.

You're other housemate sounds ideal, probably to him and you, so now you have a war of attrition from both sides trying to get the other to move out, and make no mistake he wants you out as you do him. Someone will eventually capitulate and move out, and then the remaining tenant can try find a similar housemate to the girl that spends most of her time at her boyfriends. This is the holy grail of house shares, the house to yourself most times and housemates that aren't there seven nights a week.

All you can do really is be prepared to go to war, make it as uncomfortable for him as he is for you, bring mates around and hog the living room, have dinner with friends in the house a couple of times a week, generally make it so that you have your friends in the house more times than is comfortable for him, that way he'll realise it's not his house and he'll move on.

At the moment he's probably thinking he can get you out handy enough, you have to make sure that doesn't happen.

Lantus

sounds like you are all occupants and not tenants being effectively licensees. You have no contract and there are multiple occupants of the property
to which you do not have exclusive rights. The landlord can come and go as he pleases and move people in and out as he pleases.

You don't really have any rights unless you can confirm otherwise and there is no one to contact about your situation. PRTB wont be interested and neither will threshold.

You are either going to have to engage in 'battle' to win this or walk away and concede defeat.

Maybe if you agree to find someone else and he will turf this guy out? Maybe if you take on the role of collecting rent then the other guests are licensees and you can turf them out. a lot of maybe's and by the sounds the landlord will be highly unwilling. Maybe he feels like he can get more rent once you leave and this is a desirable situation for him?

marykitty47

*

Call me Al

How did this work out in the end marykitty?

Paddy Dreadful

Thargor wrote: »

Op you've been asked about 6 times, is the cat still there?

She answered after the first time she was asked

Seanachai

Paddy Dreadful wrote: »

She answered after the first time she was asked

'*' , that's the answer?

ejabrod

C'mon... I read 6 pages from a year ago for '*'?

And what about the cat?