No longer attracted to my girlfriend

strobe

Yeah, 40 year old men get ALL the hot women... You see it all the time don't you? These middle aged lads fighting off gorgeous girls. It's so common. Jesus have you people went a little too hard on the Christmas sherry or something? That's outright delusion.

One eyed Jack

Shabra wrote: »

Even without money and status the personality of a 40 year old would help too, in terms of looks I'd say women would find 40 year old better looking.

Jose Mourinho is an example of a man who hasn't had plastic surgery and looks much sexier at 40 compared to 20.

Then there'a David Beckham, maybe teenage girls would prefer him at 20 but most women would prefer him at 40.

But surely the same could then be said for any man, as 40 year old women wouldn't usually find 20 year old men attractive anyway?

Or just what age do you mean when you say "women"?

Tarzana2

Shabra wrote: »

Even without money and status the personality of a 40 year old would help too, in terms of looks I'd say women would find 40 year old better looking.

Jose Mourinho is an example of a man who hasn't had plastic surgery and looks much sexier at 40 compared to 20.

Then there'a David Beckham, maybe teenage girls would prefer him at 20 but most women would prefer him at 40.

You'd help your point more if

a) you stopped using multi-millionaires as examples

b) you stopped using men who are way above averagely good-looking as examples

Shabra

Shabra wrote: »

Even without money and status the personality of a 40 year old would help too, in terms of looks I'd say women would find 40 year old better looking.

Jose Mourinho is an example of a man who hasn't had plastic surgery and looks much sexier at 40 compared to 20.

Then there'a David Beckham, maybe teenage girls would prefer him at 20 but most women would prefer him at 40.

In another forum you claim to identify as a woman, but even so you don't get to declare who all women prefer.

Singing the same old delusional tune there Andrea.

Older guys are not all George Clooney lookalikes, dripping in charisma and ageing like fine wines while women decay like zombies, but if it makes you feel at an advantage to pretend that's the way it is, then go for it.

Tarzana2

strobe wrote: »

Yeah, 40 year old men get ALL the hot women... You see it all the time don't you? These middle aged lads fighting off gorgeous girls. It's so common. Jesus have you people went a little too hard on the Christmas sherry or something? That's outright delusion.

Yep. I've been an early-to-mid 20s woman and during that time, most of my female friends were early-to-mid 20s. I can't even think of one of my friends from that time period that went for a man over 30. Not even one. We were all checking out 20 somethings. In fact I distinctly remember us talking to a 35 year old guy in a smoking area once, and afterwards us all commenting on how old he looked. Not in a complimentary way either!

Of course it happens, of course some women go for older men, but is it common? Not in my experience.

I'm 27 and have zero interest in men of 40. Ten years would be the absolute maximum age gap I'd consider, and I've yet to meet the man who looks 'better' in middle age than youth.

Patrick Stewart still looks like a pensioner, George Clooney looks like a good looking young man who became a good looking middle aged man but he still looks middle aged.

TheBeardedLady

Shabra wrote: »

Even without money and status the personality of a 40 year old would help too, in terms of looks I'd say women would find 40 year old better looking.

Jose Mourinho is an example of a man who hasn't had plastic surgery and looks much sexier at 40 compared to 20.

Then there'a David Beckham, maybe teenage girls would prefer him at 20 but most women would prefer him at 40.

As a woman with a "thing" for Latin-looking men, I'd be interested in seeing a photo of Jose Morinho when he was 20, please.

Edit: is he considered a good-looking man anyway? Can't see it myself.

TheBeardedLady

Found one. Here's Jose Mourinho in his younger days. He's a grand-looking man now but when he was younger....hubba!

http://luckyladder.files.wordpress.com/2011/06/youngmourinhobb8.jpg


Btw, I find well-preserved, handsome older fellas attractive (my current boyfriend is 10 years older than me) but mainly because he's mature and doesn't sweat the small stuff like a younger man might and is also extremely fit and healthy. I'd generally have a preference for fellas my own age though. An older, well-preserved man OR woman is attractive but I wouldn't delude myself and believe I'm getting more physically attractive as I age. My boyfriend is gorgeous now but he was gorgeous when he was younger too. Gorgeous people age well if they look after themselves but that applies to both genders.

TheBeardedLady

TheBeardedLady wrote: »

Found one. Here's Jose Mourinho in his younger days. He's a grand-looking man now but when he was younger....hubba!

http://luckyladder.files.wordpress.com/2011/06/youngmourinhobb8.jpg

Those saggy chops just add character don'tyano?

Who wouldn't prefer him with his wrinkles, jowls, grey hair and baggage?

Shabra

strobe wrote: »

Yeah, 40 year old men get ALL the hot women... You see it all the time don't you? These middle aged lads fighting off gorgeous girls. It's so common. Jesus have you people went a little too hard on the Christmas sherry or something? That's outright delusion.

Most don't because most abuse their bodies.

Shabra

Shabra wrote: »

Most don't because most abuse their bodies.

None of the examples you've given hold up to the claims you're making.

So just so we're clear on where you're coming from, do you currently identify as a woman, a man, or a 17 year old girl?

Just so we can get a handle on your perspective.

Shabra

Candie wrote: »

In another forum you claim to identify as a woman, but even so you don't get to declare who all women prefer.

Singing the same old delusional tune there Andrea.

Older guys are not all George Clooney lookalikes, dripping in charisma and ageing like fine wines while women decay like zombies, but if it makes you feel at an advantage to pretend that's the way it is, then go for it.

Jumping to conclusions there about how I feel about myself.

The average individual abuses their bodies. If a man takes good care of his health and provided his hair doesn't fall out he'll usually be more attractive in terms of looks at 40 than at 20. That's before you factor in the added confidence a 40 year old gains and improvements to his personality in general.

Tarzana2

Shabra wrote: »

If a man takes good care of his health and provided his hair doesn't fall out he'll usually be more attractive in terms of looks at 40 than at 30.

:pac:

Now where is that J Law gif gone?

Shabra

Candie wrote: »

None of the examples you've given hold up to the claims you're making.

So just so we're clear on where you're coming from, do you currently identify as a woman, a man, or a 17 year old girl?

Just so we can get a handle on your perspective.

Can you clarify which examples and why?

I'm a transsexual.

Shabra

Shabra wrote: »

Jumping to conclusions there abouthow I feel about myself.

The average individual abuses their bodies. If a man takes good care of his health and provided his hair doesn't fall out he'll usually be more attractive.

No, just going by your posting.

No man is more attractive when he's middle aged. He might still look ok, he might even look good, but only if the raw material was there to begin with. A man who's very good looking in middle age is a man who would have been utterly gorgeous in his youth. This is not the case with the vast majority of people, male or female.

Shabra

Candie wrote: »

No, just going by your posting.

No man is more attractive when he's middle aged. He might still look ok, he might even look good, but only if the raw material was there to begin with. A man who's very good looking in middle age is a man who would have been utterly gorgeous in his youth. This is not the case with the vast majority of people, male or female.

When did I post about how I feel about myself?

Your jumping to conclusions. After 40 men'seeking looks erode in my opinion but they improve usually until late 30's provided health is maintained and the hair doesn't fall out.


My example is 20 versus 40. Is it your position that most men at 20 are more physically attractive at than at 40 if they look after their health and their hair doesn't fall out?

Shabra

Shabra wrote: »

Can you clarify which examples and why?.

Jose Mourinho is an example of a man who hasn't had plastic surgery and looks much sexier at 40 compared to 20

TBL's photos say otherwise, quite emphatically.

Yes, young men are more physically attractive than middle aged men. Why anyone needs that spelt out is a mystery. Men without baggage kend to be more appealing too, and few make it to middle age without baggage.

Halloween Jack

Candie wrote: »

No, just going by your posting.

No man is more attractive when he's middle aged. He might still look ok, he might even look good, but only if the raw material was there to begin with. A man who's very good looking in middle age is a man who would have been utterly gorgeous in his youth. This is not the case with the vast majority of people, male or female.

That's absolute bollocks.... People are attracted to all sorts, it's a personal thing... And people can absolutely look better as they age...

Duck's hoop

Candie wrote: »

Those saggy chops just add character don'tyano?

Who wouldn't prefer him with his wrinkles, jowls, grey hair and baggage?

I've a friend in his 40s. Looks it but good looking chap. Balding too. Not loaded, not powerful, average job, average joe.

But he has no problem 'pulling' women 20 years younger than him.

I know quite a few men around the same age, most of these are either married or in LTR with women 8-12 years younger.

Not sur what my point is. Maybe the jowls etc aren't as off putting for all women as they are for you?

Susandublin

Simple formula for ageing men - keep hair on and weight off. I know easier said than done but it's good for both men and women to take pride in their bodies - not just for their partners, but for themselves. Physical appearance is very important in modern society - like it or not.

Shabra

Candie wrote: »

TBL's photos say otherwise, quite emphatically.

Yes, young men are more physically attractive than middle aged men. Why anyone needs that spelt out is a mystery. Men without baggage kend to be more appealing too, and few make it to middle age without baggage.

Again you compare young and middle aged, I'm not contending that. It's 20 versus 40 that I contend.

Duck's hoop

Duck's hoop wrote: »

I've a friend in his 40s. Looks it but good looking chap. Balding too. Not loaded, not powerful, average job, average joe.

But he has no problem 'pulling' women 20 years younger than him.

I know quite a few men around the same age, most of these are either married or in LTR with women 8-12 years younger.

Not sur what my point is. Maybe the jowls etc aren't as off putting for all women as they are for you?

My point is that even though he's good looking now, he's almost certain to have been better looking as a younger man. Thats just life.


I don't mind jowls etc, and I don't mind people looking their age. I just think it's a no brainer that good looking older people were usually better looking
when they were younger.

Shabra

Shabra wrote: »

Again you compare young and middle aged, I'm not contending that. It's 20 versus 40 that I contend.

40 is middle aged.

Shabra

Candie wrote: »

My point is that even though he's good looking now, he's almost certain to have been better looking as a younger man. Thats just life.


I don't mind jowls etc, and I don't mind people looking their age. I just think it's a no brainer that good looking older people were usually better looking
when they were younger.

It depends what ages you are talking about.

A 60 year old man is not as good looking at 60 than at 20, a 30 year old man is usually better looking than a 20 year old man.

Shabra

Candie wrote: »

40 is middle aged.

Yes and so is 50, just because a logical statement is true for 50 does not make it true for 40 because both are middle aged. It's a generalisation that does not hold.

Shabra

Shabra wrote: »

Yes and so is 50, just because a logical statement is true for 50 does not make it true for 40 because both are middle aged. It's a generalisation that does not hold.

Average life expectancy for an Irish man is 79.2 years. 40 is smack bang in the middle of that ageing process, hence middle aged. Nothing wrong with being middle aged, but that's what it is.

Saipanne

34 next year. Early middle aged.

Shabra

Candie wrote: »

Average life expectancy for an Irish man is 79.2 years. 40 is smack bang in the middle of that ageing process, hence middle aged. Nothing wrong with being middle aged, but that's what it is.

When did I say 40 wasn't middle aged?

You made a sweeping generalisation which doesn't hold. You said middle aged men are better looking than young men, it depends what ages you are talking about. A 50 year old is usually not better looking than a 28 year old but a 40 year old who looks after their health is usually better looking than a 16 year old.

One eyed Jack

Shabra wrote: »

Jumping to conclusions there about how I feel about myself.

The average individual abuses their bodies. If a man takes good care of his health and provided his hair doesn't fall out he'll usually be more attractive in terms of looks at 40 than at 20. That's before you factor in the added confidence a 40 year old gains and improvements to his personality in general.

Attractive to WHOM though?

Other people his own age? Possibly.

Other people younger than him? Plausible.

Other people who are much younger than him? Unlikely.

And it really doesn't matter how well he takes care of himself or doesn't. Attraction isn't reflected merely in terms of looks, so there's every chance your hypothetical 40 year old man could be the spit of George Clooney, but the personality of a wet fish, and being ridiculously good looking doesn't bridge that gap.

osarusan

Shabra wrote: »

You made a sweeping generalisation which doesn't hold.

You have done nothing else on this thread yourself, ffs.

Shabra

Shabra wrote: »

When did I say 40 wasn't middle aged?

Again you compare young and middle aged, I'm not contending that. It's 20 versus 40 that I contend

If you think 40 year olds look better than 20 year olds, that's fine and your opinion. It's not the universal truth you're trying to portray though, in fact it's a rarity.

There's only one George Clooney, and I wouldn't be interested in him anyway. The overwhelming majority of men haven't his looks, or his charisma, or his voice, or his fame or all the other things that add to that package.

Although why this is so important to you as a woman is puzzling.

Shabra

One eyed Jack wrote: »

Attractive to WHOM though?

Other people his own age? Possibly.

Other people younger than him? Plausible.

Other people who are much younger than him? Unlikely.

And it really doesn't matter how well he takes care of himself or doesn't. Attraction isn't reflected merely in terms of looks, so there's every chance your hypothetical 40 year old man could be the spit of George Clooney, but the personality of a wet fish, and being ridiculously good looking doesn't bridge that gap.

I've already addressed that attraction is more than looks, a 38 year old who looks after himself will usually find it easier to get laid than a 20 year old due primarily to confidence and a more attractive personality.

The general female population is what I refer to.

Shabra

Shabra wrote: »

When did I say 40 wasn't middle aged?

You made a sweeping generalisation which doesn't hold. You said middle aged men are better looking than young men, it depends what ages you are talking about. A 50 year old is usually not better looking than a 28 year old but a 40 year old who looks after their health is usually better looking than a 16 year old.

Nope, thats your position.

Tarzana2

Duck's hoop wrote: »

But he has no problem 'pulling' women 20 years younger than him.

How many women 20 years younger has he actually got with? Be honest.

Shabra

Candie wrote: »

Nope, thats your position.

Nope that's not my position.

You said younger men are are better looking than middle aged men.

I stated my position numerous times.

Shabra

Shabra wrote: »

Nope that's not my position.

You said younger men are are better looking than middle aged men.

Read the bit I bolded again.

I don't think middle aged men are better looking than younger men, that's an idea you're doing your best to convince us of.

One eyed Jack

Shabra wrote: »

I've already addressed that attraction is more than looks, a 38 year old who looks after himself will usually find it easier to get laid than a 20 year old due primarily to confidence and a more attractive personality.

Shabra wrote: »

You made a sweeping generalisation which doesn't hold.

The general female population is what I refer to.

And again -

Shabra wrote: »

You made a sweeping generalisation which doesn't hold.

Shabra

Candie wrote: »

Read the bit I bolded again.

I don't think middle aged men are better looking than younger men, that's an idea you're doing your best to convince us of.

No it's not. The position I argued was that 40 year old who look after their health and whose hair doesn't fall out are usually better looking than when they were 20. I never said middle aged men were better looking than young men.

Shabra

One eyed Jack wrote: »

And again -

When referring to what better looking is I refer to what the majority of women find better looking.

Duck's hoop

Tarzana2 wrote: »

How many women 20 years younger has he actually got with? Be honest.

He's definitely 'been with' 3 women under 25 only this year. It's generally under 30 à la Jack Nicholson in that film.

It's not something I'm going to invent on a wet afternoon for japes.

Duck's hoop

Shabra wrote: »

No it's not. The position I argued was that 40 year old who look after their health and whose hair doesn't fall out are usually better looking than when they were 20.

Are you confusing 'better looking' with 'more attractive' (to you)?

osarusan

Shabra wrote: »

When referring to what better looking is I refer to what the majority of women find better looking.

On this thread it would seem there are at least a few who disagree with you about what is 'good-looking.'

Shabra

Shabra wrote: »

No it's not. The position I argued was that 40 year old who look after their health and whose hair doesn't fall out are usually better looking than when they were 20. I never said middle aged men were better looking than young men.

And that's a pretty out there opinion, to say the same guy looks better at 40 than at 20 if he hangs onto his hair and health. Like I said, a good looking middle aged man is usually what happens to a gorgeous 20 year old who gets older.

And how do you feel about yourself as a 30 year old woman?

Do you feel you're going to deteriorate terribly or will you be able to hold back time if you look after yourself?

strobe

Shabra wrote: »

When referring to what better looking is I refer to what the majority of women find better looking.

The majority of which women? If you're talking about middle aged women and older it's possibly the case. 18-30? Not a chance in hell.

Shabra

strobe wrote: »

The majority of which women? If you're talking about middle aged women and older it's possibly the case. 18-30? Not a chance in hell.

The majority of Women 18 to menopause. Again , most men destroy their bodies by 40 so you don'the see it that often that 40 year old have looked after their health.

Shabra

Shabra wrote: »

When referring to what better looking is I refer to what the majority of women find better looking.

You can only really speak for your own preferences. In my experience, the majority of women think men look better in their youth than in middle age. Hardly revolutionary stuff.

If you're attracted to older men, that's fine and I hope you find a man you're very happy with.

strobe

Shabra wrote: »

The majority of Women 18 to menopause. Again , most men destroy their bodies by 40 so you don'the see it that often that 40 year old have looked after their health.

I'm curious as to what you're basing this assumption on? Have you conducted some kind of detailed field research I'm unaware of that flies in the face of reality? You genuinely believe most 25 year old women would find a man more attractive in middle age than youth? Honestly? Why on earth do you think that?
Do you think most 25 year old men would find a woman more attractive in middle age too btw?
This is weirdly fascinating.

I dunno, maybe I'm wrong and you're right, I'd just find that hard to believe. Let's conduct a quick straw poll.

Could any women reading here let us know if they found 40 year old men more attractive than young guys roughly their own age when they were pre 30's? Just to get a rough read on the thing.

Shabra

Candie wrote: »

You can only really speak for your own preferences. In my experience, the majority of women think men look better in their youth than in middle age. Hardly revolutionary stuff.

If you're attracted to older men, that's fine and I hope you find a man you're very happy with.

I'm not arguing against that women find men better looking in their youth than middle age, I don'tknow why you keep bring that argument up.

To lump the question 35 vs 18 with 55 versus 30 is strange, there are different answers for each age comparison, you can't lump them together.

TheBeardedLady

Duck's hoop wrote: »

I've a friend in his 40s. Looks it but good looking chap. Balding too. Not loaded, not powerful, average job, average joe.

But he has no problem 'pulling' women 20 years younger than him.

I know quite a few men around the same age, most of these are either married or in LTR with women 8-12 years younger.

Not sur what my point is. Maybe the jowls etc aren't as off putting for all women as they are for you?

Is she saying all women though? I thought she said "most" and as a woman who wouldn't be turned off by jowls, grey hair or wrinkles within reason (as long as the man was in shape), I know I've always been exceptional amongst my female friends.

osarusan

Shabra wrote: »

To lump the question 35 vs 18 with 55 versus 30 is strange,

It's funny how they keep getting younger.

40 goes down to 35.

The 'youth' has gone as low as 16.



I'd definitely say that a middle-aged 28 year-old is more attractive than a 12 year-old.