No longer attracted to my girlfriend

nails1

Thanks for all the responses which I've read carefully and I earlier made the decision to talk to her about this. She said that she has realised she has gained weight and understands my frustration. She was already planning on joining the gym in the new year and I volunteered to join with her so maybe we can spend extra time together and bond more too as a result!!

Fukuyama

nails1 wrote: »

Thanks for all the responses which I've read carefully and I earlier made the decision to talk to her about this. She said that she has realised she has gained weight and understands my frustration. She was already planning on joining the gym in the new year and I volunteered to join with her so maybe we can spend extra time together and bond more too as a result!!

Good news then!

Make sure to get the diet sorted straight after Xmas. Any work in the gym is useless if her diet isn't in check. I highly recommend a Fitbit (numbers don't lie) and to count calories for the first few weeks.

It's also a great excuse to take up cooking.

Daenarys

Fair play OP, not an easy conversation I bet. Just make sure to keep her encouraged and that no matter how many times a week she kills herself in the gym, it won't come off as fast as it went on. That can be the most disheartening part if you're exercising for weight loss.

Tarzana2

Yes, and OP, you also need to be cognisant of the fact that it will take time. At one to two pounds a week, you could be looking at six months or more depending on how much she has to lose. And there could be a the odd week where there is no weight loss, that happens to everyone. Say, a week with loads of events happening and whatnot. Know that it will take a while and don't heap pressure on if the weight is coming off nice and steadily.

Pwindedd

nails1 wrote: »

Thanks for all the responses which I've read carefully and I earlier made the decision to talk to her about this. She said that she has realised she has gained weight and understands my frustration. She was already planning on joining the gym in the new year and I volunteered to join with her so maybe we can spend extra time together and bond more too as a result!!

Just as I'd written ya off you come back all guns blazing. Good man. And good luck. To both of you.

eternal

Long winded thread about someone putting on weight. There are people being killed on the roads and others homeless and all this geezer has to worry about is a bit of extra flesh. Makes me physically sick to see such superficiality around. Lot of people put on weight and they lose it again. It's not like her face was burnt off with acid or something. The amount of replies then, I would love to see what half the men on this look like, not too handsome I reckon.

strobe

Too many potato waffles, that's her problem I bet.

Penny Tration

eternal wrote: »

Long winded thread about someone putting on weight. There are people being killed on the roads and others homeless and all this geezer has to worry about is a bit of extra flesh. Makes me physically sick to see such superficiality around. Lot of people put on weight and they lose it again. It's not like her face was burnt off with acid or something. The amount of replies then, I would love to see what half the men on this look like, not too handsome I reckon.

Wtf?


Fair play, op. Wasn't expecting that. As somebody said though, it takes time, so don't expect miracles overnight. Both of ye could take up cooking and take turns to make healthy meals.

Sugar Thief

eternal wrote: »

Long winded thread about someone putting on weight. There are people being killed on the roads and others homeless and all this geezer has to worry about is a bit of extra flesh. Makes me physically sick to see such superficiality around. Lot of people put on weight and they lose it again. It's not like her face was burnt off with acid or something. The amount of replies then, I would love to see what half the men on this look like, not too handsome I reckon.

This is just a ridiculous post, so should he just be content with a partner he isn't attracted to?

Saipanne

eternal wrote: »

Long winded thread about someone putting on weight. There are people being killed on the roads and others homeless and all this geezer has to worry about is a bit of extra flesh. Makes me physically sick to see such superficiality around. Lot of people put on weight and they lose it again. It's not like her face was burnt off with acid or something. The amount of replies then, I would love to see what half the men on this look like, not too handsome I reckon.

I'm a ride.

One eyed Jack

eternal wrote: »

Long winded thread about someone putting on weight. There are people being killed on the roads and others homeless and all this geezer has to worry about is a bit of extra flesh. Makes me physically sick to see such superficiality around. Lot of people put on weight and they lose it again. It's not like her face was burnt off with acid or something. The amount of replies then, I would love to see what half the men on this look like, not too handsome I reckon.

Because you're not superficial at all, eh?

IrishCule

eternal wrote: »

Long winded thread about someone putting on weight. There are people being killed on the roads and others homeless and all this geezer has to worry about is a bit of extra flesh. Makes me physically sick to see such superficiality around. Lot of people put on weight and they lose it again. It's not like her face was burnt off with acid or something. The amount of replies then, I would love to see what half the men on this look like, not too handsome I reckon.

The self righteousness leapt from the screen and nearly hit me in the face, just ducked in time.

Tarzana2

One eyed Jack wrote: »

Because you're not superficial at all, eh?

Well, I don't know if that's superficial. It's just kinda saying "If you're demanding a certain standard of physical attractiveness, what do YOU bring to the table?"

Saipanne

Tarzana2 wrote: »

Well, I don't know if that's superficial. It's just kinda saying "If you're demanding a certain standard of physical attractiveness, what do YOU bring to the table?"

But what if the op keeps himself looking well?

Milk_Tray

eternal wrote: »

Long winded thread about someone putting on weight. There are people being killed on the roads and others homeless and all this geezer has to worry about is a bit of extra flesh. Makes me physically sick to see such superficiality around. Lot of people put on weight and they lose it again. It's not like her face was burnt off with acid or something. The amount of replies then, I would love to see what half the men on this look like, not too handsome I reckon.

I say your moths as Rough as a bears arse

Blowfish

eternal wrote: »

Long winded thread about someone putting on weight. There are people being killed on the roads and others homeless and all this geezer has to worry about is a bit of extra flesh.

In Ireland, death rates due to heart disease are about 10,000 per year. The number that died due to car accidents last year 190. 'A bit of extra flesh' hugely underestimates the problem.

Tarzana2

Saipanne wrote: »

But what if the op keeps himself looking well?

Oh, he might well do!

Amalgam

Buy a Tuba..

nails1

nails1 wrote: »

My girlfriend has gained a lot of weight over the past year and I find myself less and less attracted to her. I no longer wish to have sex with her but still love her which I don't think she realises. Am I best to tell her about how I truly feel or does this sound selfish?

Try making love with her rather than just having sex.

Saipanne

Tarzana2 wrote: »

Oh, he might well do!

So, if someone makes the effort to not over eat, and maybe exercise now and again, is it too much to expect your oh to make some effort too?

Tarzana2

Blowfish wrote: »

In Ireland, death rates due to heart disease are about 10,000 per year.

Right... but you know all kinds of things can cause heart disease? Indeed, a slim person with a terrible diet can get it. Obesity is certainly one cause, but it's one of many.

Tarzana2

Saipanne wrote: »

So, if someone makes the effort to not over eat, and maybe exercise now and again, is it too much to expect your oh to make some effort too?

Can you show me where I said otherwise? I said "what do YOU bring to the table" - obviously some people are going to be able to respond "I bring lots!" and mean it. These people are covered.

But I've certainly known "do as I say, not as I do" types who want a high physical standard whilst not displaying it themselves. Pointing this out isn't superficial, if anything it's shining on a light on their hypocritical standards.

Blowfish

Tarzana2 wrote: »

Right... but you know all kinds of things can cause heart disease? Indeed, a slim person with a terrible diet can get it. Obesity is certainly one cause, but it's one of many.

Indeed, but the number killed on the roads is less than 2% of those killed by heart disease. I'd be willing to put a pretty large bet that obesity is a factor in a hell of a lot more than 2% of those 10,000.

One eyed Jack

Tarzana2 wrote: »

Well, I don't know if that's superficial. It's just kinda saying "If you're demanding a certain standard of physical attractiveness, what do YOU bring to the table?"

I know, I know, I just started reading the thread (I read backwards and then I read forwards again, so I'm sure I'll come across the usual criticisms and judgment, etc), but for what it's worth -

I bring milkshakes to the table, the boys in the yard seem to like them

(you can probably tell I'm not taking this thread very seriously given the numerous times threads like this get posted in AH instead of PI).

Tarzana2

Blowfish wrote: »

Indeed, but the number killed on the roads is less than 2% of those killed by heart disease. I'd be willing to put a pretty large bet that obesity is a factor in a hell of a lot more than 2% of those 10,000.

Aye. Do we even know the OP's GF is obese though? Like she could have been size 8 before and could be a 12 or 14 now. A significant gain but not an obese one. She could be just a bit overweight. And though AH won't like this at all, I saw a post in the nutrition forum a while ago featured a peer reviewed paper that suggests it better to be a wee bit overweight health-wise. http://healthland.time.com/2013/01/02/being-overweight-is-linked-to-lower-risk-of-mortality/ Mentions the journal in there.

Anyway, we're all just speculating on the poor girl here.

Best of luck, OP, hope it works out. I suspect ye'll be ggrrraaand.

DublinCJM

OP, I would suggest to her to walk 3 miles every morning, and then 3 more every afternoon, and by the end of a week the fat **** should be about 42 miles away

Corcaigh84

_Whimsical_ wrote: »

You have to grow with a person in a relationship, people get fat and they lose weight again, it's an ongoing cycle for half of the country, male and female. The only thing you can be sure of with a person is that as the years pass they will not look the same. Expect experiences to change people,expect there'll be times when life is tough and your partner will take comfort in food,expect weight gain, expect gravity to take its toll, expect time to leave it's mark on the other persons face, expect to love them regardless and expect to be loved back as the same happens to you. That's the deal. It's not "stay a sexy tight bunny for my titilation".

I'm sorry but that's a classic fatty cop-out. Half the country don't look after themselves? Ah shur it's grand so! *om nom nom*

My parents have been married 30 years at this stage and still look as good as they ever have (obvious aging signs like going a bit grey notwithstanding)

mad turnip

bb1234567

Wibbs wrote: »

Then if that's the case, deal with it and health up I say.

God forbid he has a preference for a slim(more likely healthy and more aesthetically pleasing ) partner. I'd be very surprised to hear that when you have fantasies about ideal men that those ideal men are fat. How does that work then? "Real men" have curves? Eh... no.

Just a bit of a diff, there W, male pattern baldness is genetic and there's feck all that can be done about it, if there was, baldy men would be doing what it took to change it, beyond wigs, dubious unctions and a shaved head. On the other hand fatness is much more a lifestyle choice. Stop eating crap and moving more and miracles of miracles you'll lose weight. Put it another way a fat man or woman can lose weight and do so with well described means, a bald bloke can't grow hair on a shiny pate no matter what he does.

Oh and lest this is construed as aimed at the ladies? Nope. Those men who blame "metabolism" and the passing years on the fact they have a beer gut? Nope lads, you're simply eating more crap and doing less. Indeed IMH men who get porky over the years have even less excuses going on. You don't have the hormonal stuff, the potential pregnancies etc. If you're packing lard, it's because you got lazy. End of.

EDIT if you're into the fuller figured woman(or man), game ball. That's not the issue. It's when there's a rapid change and you're supposed to accept that... Ging the other direction, I know a chap who had a preference for the fuller figured lady, who lost the gra for an ex when she lost shedloads of weight.

There are solutions for balding hair, rogaine works. If you start using it just when the balding is beginning then you wont lose your hair

Penny Tration

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Try making love with her rather than just having sex.

Having sex is more fun

bb1234567

I'm honestly shocked by the attitudes of some people on here towards overweight women, and i say this as a 19 year old guy

secondrowgal

Saipanne wrote: »

Yep, I've had that happen a few times. Its actually really insulting, in a way. She makes the effort for complete strangers, but not the man she loves.

I simply don't understand.


That said, not all women are like this. But a significant proportion are.

Not according to this. It's the other way around actually - more obese men than women in Ireland for instance. I always find it interesting that men are much more vocal about their other (female) halves appearance, weight, etc., when they obviously don't own a mirror themselves.

Anyhow, definitely talk to her about it OP. There might be something else going on and maybe you can help.

I would also echo that if you are not interested in this girl anymore then do the honourable thing and get out now before it gets messy.

Blowfish

Tarzana2 wrote: »

Aye. Do we even know the OP's GF is obese though? Like she could have been size 8 before and could be a 12 or 14 now. A significant gain but not an obese one. She could be just a bit overweight.

That'd still be a huge cause for concern as if she's gone from an 8 to 12 or 14 in a year and yet doesn't change diet/exercise patterns, then in the next year she'll just keep going and hit medically obese levels.

Saipanne

secondrowgal wrote: »

Not according to this. It's the other way around actually - more obese men than women in Ireland for instance. I always find it interesting that men are much more vocal about their other (female) halves appearance, weight, etc., when they obviously don't own a mirror themselves.

Anyhow, definitely talk to her about it OP. There might be something else going on and maybe you can help.

I would also echo that if you are not interested in this girl anymore then do the honourable thing and get out now before it gets messy.

I was talking about my own experience, somehow you managed to miss that. Bizarre.

I keep myself in good shape. I do this, in part, to make the effort for my oh. If she isn't prepared to make an effort, then that's obviously means she feels I'm not worth it.


And don't play the depression/medical issue/pregnant card. I have discussed that AT LENGTH, on this thread.

_Whimsical_

thefloss wrote: »

I'm sorry but that's a classic fatty cop-out. Half the country don't look after themselves? Ah shur it's grand so! *om nom nom*

How ignorant.
Thats not what I said, I said weight wouldn't be a reason to end another wise good relationship. Half the countries weight yoyo's from average to overweight over the course of their lifetimes. If you want proof look around you. If every decent marriage ended over a few pounds civilisation as we know and it's cornerstone ,the societal unit of the family would be doomed.

Saipanne wrote: »

I was talking about my own experience, somehow you managed to miss that. Bizarre.

I keep myself in good shape. I do this, in part, to make the effort for my oh. If she isn't prepared to make an effort, then that's obviously means she feels I'm not worth it.


And don't play the depression/medical issue/pregnant card. I have discussed that AT LENGTH, on this thread.

Again, I cringe for your last sentence there.
If your wife puts on weight it mostly likely will have nothing to do with her feelings for you or how badly she wants you in her life. If you take everything that personally you'll be in for some horribly hurt feelings and will cause a lot of destruction in what otherwise might be a happy relationship.

I'm of average weight myself and I've never been overweight exactly, I'd hate to think I'd end up the likes of any of you though. I've a feeling your odious opinions won't see any lady foolish enough to stick with ye for too long though, and thank God for that.

Saipanne

_Whimsical_ wrote: »

How ignorant.
Thats not what I said, I said weight wouldn't be a reason to end another wise good relationship. Half the countries weight yoyo's from average to overweight over the course of their lifetimes. If you want proof look around you. If every decent marriage ended over a few pounds civilisation as we know and it's cornerstone ,the societal unit of the family would be doomed.




Again, I cringe for your last sentence there.
If your wife puts on weight it mostly likely will have nothing to do with her feelings for you or how badly she wants you in her life. If you take everything that personally you'll be in for some horribly hurt feelings and will cause a lot of destruction in what otherwise might be a happy relationship.

I'm of average weight myself and I've never been overweight exactly, I'd hate to think I'd end up the likes of any of you though. I've a feeling your odious opinions won't see any lady foolish enough to stick with ye for too long though, and thank God for that.

How is the view up there?

_Whimsical_

Saipanne wrote: »

How is the view up there?

I'm nowhere near as high up as you Mr "don't play the depression,ill or pregnant card".
Seriously, get a grip.God help Mrs Saipanne.

Saipanne

_Whimsical_ wrote: »

I'm nowhere near as high up as you Mr "don't play the depression or pregnant card".
Seriously, get a grip.God help Mrs Saipanne.

God help the oh's of people who eat themselves into a shapeless blob.

_Whimsical_

Saipanne wrote: »

God help the oh's of people who eat themselves into a shapeless blob.

Gimme a shapeless blob over a sanctamonious, compassionless,empathy lacking shell any day of the week.

eternal

Milk_Tray wrote: »

I say your moths as Rough as a bears arse

I'm female and a part time model so your point is moot.

osarusan

eternal wrote: »

I'm female and a part time model so your point is moot.

Do you have a moth though?

secondrowgal

Saipanne wrote: »

I was talking about my own experience, somehow you managed to miss that. Bizarre.

I keep myself in good shape. I do this, in part, to make the effort for my oh. If she isn't prepared to make an effort, then that's obviously means she feels I'm not worth it.


And don't play the depression/medical issue/pregnant card. I have discussed that AT LENGTH, on this thread.

I didn't manage to miss anything, I just quoted your post because you were commenting on women letting themselves go (paraphrasing) in a "significant proportion", you said, so I was refuting your post. Interesting that you missed that, or even bizarre, one might say

If your other half isn't prepared to make an effort it absolutely doesn't mean that she feels that you are not worth it! That's your stuff, not hers, but it's interesting that you would think that way.

I wasn't playing any depression/medical issue/pregnant card?? I simply said that there may well be another reason, and one of them may be that she doesn't think he's "worth it", like you might think. We simply don't know. But that's what discussions are all about really.

OldNotWIse

Saipanne wrote: »

God help the oh's of people who eat themselves into a shapeless blob.

_Whimsical_ wrote: »

Gimme a shapeless blob over a sanctamonious, compassionless,empathy lacking shell any day of the week.

:D

eternal

People put on weight for various reasons. Instead of judging and bitching ask them about it. Maybe get some tests done. I mean if she's hogging chips every night tell her to stop, otherwise she might be unwell or in a rut. I find this whole thing to be very shallow and selfish of the poster and if he loved her a bit of weight wouldn't be that big of a deal.

Saipanne

My screen is getting fierce greasy.

OldNotWIse

Saipanne wrote: »

My screen is getting fierce greasy.

Is she frying sausages again?

Saipanne

OldNotWIse wrote: »

Is she frying sausages again?

Who?

DoYouEvenLift

bb1234567 wrote: »

There are solutions for balding hair, rogaine works. If you start using it just when the balding is beginning then you wont lose your hair

Lol, if you believe that then why do you think there are so many bald men around?

Saipanne

DoYouEvenLift wrote: »

Lol, if you believe that then why do you think there are so many bald men around?

Ive heard its more effective on thinning hair, as opposed to proper baldness.


Thank **** that doesn't run in my family...

DoYouEvenLift

Saipanne wrote: »

Ive heard its more effective on thinning hair, as opposed to proper baldness.


Thank **** that doesn't run in my family...

Rogaine only helps the back and top of the head from thinning. There's special shampoo for the front and then medication, in pill form, that helps slow down balding or receding but lots of people report crazy side effects from it.