Is this some kind of sexual assault? <Mod Warning: Posts #1, #106, #153>

Tokyo

Considering the multiple moderator warnings that are seemingly being ignored, thread closed pending mod review.

Tokyo

GalwayGuitar and seventeen sheep - yellow carded for ignoring the previous mod warnings. Considering the sheer number of moderator warnings in thread already, any further breaches will incur a red card or ban.




The thread has been reopened, but please consider this our last and final warning in this thread:

The OP has stated categorically that there is nothing going on between her partner and the housemate. Continually questioning that, or questioning the sexuality of the OP's partner isn't going to change that, so please don't.

It seems to be an emotive thread for some, and the nature of PI is that there are always going to be conflicting points of view. While you are welcome to disagree with other posters, calling out other posters in-thread is not constructive - it's inflammatory and drags the thread off topic. OP, that includes you too. You're not going to agree with all advice given, but you can choose to ignore it. Any posts that members think require the attention of a moderator, report them and allow us to deal with them accordingly.

And finally, keep your posts constructive to the OPs issue.
Posts derailing the issue by questioning the veracity or the impact to the OP will NOT be tolerated. Posters who insist on "scoring points" will be treated in the harshest manner this forum allows. This is a serious issue to the OP and must be treated as such.

pharmaton

I'm frustrated just reading this. I don't know about sexual assault op but if it's as clear cut as you say it definitely amounts to sexual harrassment. Perhaps this will be the impetus your partner needs to consider moving someplace more secure. I can't fathom how anybody would tolerate that type of behaviour, or excuse it, or justify it. No man would be as quick to allow it if it were his girlfriend who was on the receiving end, in fact I imagine two men would probably size up over it, a fact that appears lost on your gf s room mate by the sounds of things. If I were in that situation I'd be quick to have a male friend come over and help remind him.

Genegirl83

pharmaton wrote: »

I'm frustrated just reading this. I don't know about sexual assault op but if it's as clear cut as you say it definitely amounts to sexual harrassment. Perhaps this will be the impetus your partner needs to consider moving someplace more secure. I can't fathom how anybody would tolerate that type of behaviour, or excuse it, or justify it. No man would be as quick to allow it if it were his girlfriend who was on the receiving end, in fact I imagine two men would probably size up over it, a fact your gf s room mate is probably not threatened by with the sounds of things. If it were me I'd be quick to have a male friend come over and help remind him.

Hey, well without getting in to it I DO agree with this. Essentially, I'm quite feminine but a powerlifter and whatnot, he's not exactly physically dominating (read: skinny) but the thing is I'm not at all physically or mentally intimidated by him. I'm also a whole lot smarter so you'd think in tandem these things would offer some leverage, right? Wrong... I think an aspect is that he's genuinely somewhat baffled that a) she isn't dying for a piece of his knob and b) she is just way too hot to be gay.

I've never actually said a word to him in a negative regard and it really isn't because I'm not furious or I don't care it's because I realise that it's not me living with him and I can't be there all the time. I can't take the chance that I'd say something to him and he'd take it out on/hurt her.

Do you know what I mean? Even if I took a friend over, I doubt it'd do much. The facts remain she has to live there. Alone. I honestly want to scream at him all the insults and home truths under the sun (among other things) but I couldn't live with myself if by neutralising my bubbling venom I put her at risk.

I feel like if I was a lad he might never have started this either.

Stench Blossoms

seventeen sheep wrote: »

What the actual f*ck.

More money doesn't appear from trees the more you care about someone.

No it doesn't but if this was someone I cared about I'd be borrowing money off my parents, her parents, the pope etc if it helped.

pharmaton

Genegirl83 wrote: »

Hey, well without getting in to it I DO agree with this. Essentially, I'm quite feminine but a powerlifter and whatnot, he's not exactly physically dominating (read: skinny) but the thing is I'm not at all physically or mentally intimidated by him. I'm also a whole lot smarter so you'd think in tandem these things would offer some leverage, right? Wrong... I think an aspect is that he's genuinely somewhat baffled that a) she isn't dying for a piece of his knob and b) she is just way too hot to be gay.

I've never actually said a word to him in a negative regard and it really isn't because I'm not furious or I don't care it's because I realise that it's not me living with him and I can't be there all the time. I can't take the chance that I'd say something to him and he'd take it out on/hurt her.

Do you know what I mean? Even if I took a friend over, I doubt it'd do much. The facts remain she has to live there. Alone. I honestly want to scream at him all the insults and home truths under the sun (among other things) but I couldn't live with myself if by neutralising my bubbling venom I put her at risk.

I feel like if I was a lad he might never have started this either.

Have you explained to your partner how this has made you feel? She may not feel as outraged as you are by his actions (although I would be too) and perhaps if she realised how much this has affected you she might be quicker to act, especially if she is as you describe, more likely to intervene on another's behalf rather than for her own sake. While I get that you appreciate physical strength, you might glimpse a sample of your partners strength once she sees how hurt you are. Instead of focusing on trying to protect her, maybe you could allow her to comfort and protect you.

pharmaton

edit - failing that the next time he decides to enter her bedroom uninvited inform him in no uncertain terms and quite loudly so that he is not confused, that this is harassment, that what he is doing right now is harassing you and if he doesn't appear to understand or refuses to acknowledge the gravity of the situation, don't hesitate to contact the authorities and have them explain it to him.

trixychic

pharmaton wrote: »

edit - failing that the next time he decides to enter her bedroom uninvited inform him in no uncertain terms and quite loudly so that he is not confused, that this is harassment, that what he is doing right now is harassing you and if he doesn't appear to understand or refuses to acknowledge the gravity of the situation, don't hesitate to contact the authorities and have them explain it to him.

I don't know if i would be waiting for the next time but this isn't a bad idea. I would still be inclined to go to the gardai myself but i have very little trust in men now. Although i do trust my fiance more than i have ever trusted... Apart from my Granddad. All other men i can't help but feel nervous about. Ha annoys to bejesus out of oh though. Ha ha

power pants

I IMMEDIATELY noticed that his left hand was down the front of his trousers and he looked to have it on his genitals

immediately noticed but then say he looked to have it on his genitals

half way through this thread you then claim he was 100% masturbating

which one is it?

Also, think the actions of your flatmate is very odd indeed.

You clearly have a bigger issue against this man than your flatmate who actually lives there.

Maybe you are 100% right, maybe you have been mistaken and its an innocent mistake

Either way your flatmate wants to do nothing and carry on living there

Hopefully everything will work out

Genegirl83

power pants wrote: »

I IMMEDIATELY noticed that his left hand was down the front of his trousers and he looked to have it on his genitals

immediately noticed but then say he looked to have it on his genitals

half way through this thread you then claim he was 100% masturbating

which one is it?

Also, think the actions of your flatmate is very odd indeed.

You clearly have a bigger issue against this man than your flatmate who actually lives there.

Maybe you are 100% right, maybe you have been mistaken and its an innocent mistake

Either way your flatmate wants to do nothing and carry on living there

Hopefully everything will work out

You know what... Do everyone who's given a reply to the actual situation/what I saw, the legalities involved; cheers. Also to the mods, you tried, thanks!!

To all you morons who basically want to essentially catch me or my partner out when this was a horrible event; screw you.

Peace out.

Tokyo

This has gone quite far enough, on both sides. Thread closed.