feeling a little down

lulu1985

Im feeling a little upset tonight... firstly my 1 yr old girl simply wont go to sleep and I know why its cos she over tired. All thats going around in my head is my mams voice... I think I may as well be her mother.bit of background I never wanted kids and some way the pill didn't work. Had no idea about kids at all never even changed a nappy. So had lil girl last year... then my boyfriend went into hospital for 3months wi severe depression n anxiety. He came home anyway obviously still not 100% and mam cpuldnt understand why he wasnt better. (When he was in hospital she practically lived with me) so now im back to work and to keep ourselves afloat I have to work as many hours as possible and I have lil girl in creche in the mornings. Her da has her then in the afternoon n my mam then take her for an hour or two in the eve. I feel like shes constantly either on my back or my partners have ye done this? Have ye done that? Ur house is so disorganised. Ur sister who has 2small kids and works part time does a great job nothing ever a bother for her. Shes just great. I dont think I have ever been told that ur a good mother... your doing a great job. She constantly saying I think ill adopt her (my lo) and I think she thinks im her mother... its very hurtful ive said it to her before shes more or less told me stop being so sensitive... I think I only needed a bit of a rant. Sorry guys...

ahappychappy

No one should say things like this to anyone least of all your mother. Your little one knows who her mum is she is having a normal one year old night. Your partners illness is challenge and to add your personal circumstances on top of it is a lot for anyone to have on their shoulders.

Rant away it is important. Have you identified any support for yourself. Aware has support meeting for the partners and family affected by mental health.

Take care of yourself try as best you can to ignore the comments if you feel able to then do repond calmly to them and

NIMAN

Feel for you, you expect to get support from your own family, not criticism. Also your partners health issues are adding to your problems.

Your lo needs you to be at your best too, so if you are feeling down yourself don't be afraid to talk to a GP immediately as you may need some medication too.

All the best and take care of yourself. I'm sure you're a great mum. She will start sleeping some day, each child's different. Had some bad experiences with my kids too. My little girl didn't sleep til she was 18 months, I mean really bad. Would fight sleep day and night. Left us so exhausted. Then when she hit 18 months started getting up at 7:30pm herself and saying goodnight, walking down to her bed.

Hang in there, I'm sure you're doing fine.

pwurple

Gosh your mum is so unsupportive! Mine has never said that to me and of course the house is disorganised.

You clearly have to work full time, I know (because I do it myself too) that it is extremely difficult to also run a house. I have a husband who does loads of household stuff too, and a cleaner once a week... And the place is still up in a heap most of the time.

You have another dependant too it sounds like.. Your boyfriend.

Your sister has time to do stuff.

Have a chat with your mum about those digs. That would get to me too. You are doing the best you can under pressure.

Moonbeam

She sounds like she is bullying you .
Are you OK ? Have you spoken to your GP ?
Not everyone takes to mother hood easily and it does not help that she is actively making your adjustment worse .

madeinamerica

You poor thing that is rough. Sounds like she has no idea what ye are going through or any cop on. Sorry to say this about your mother but she's being a bit of a bitch to you. You have a lot on your plate but you are holding it together, well done for that. Who cares if the house is in a heap, you are doing so much already by caring for your baby, boyfriend and working. And that's more important than a spotless house.

I worry that my baby won't know me as he's minded by his dad all day while I work, but honestly they always know their mums.

Rant away here and do try to talk to someone, you deserve looking after too

Day Lewin

Crikey God love you, you do have an awful lot on your plate. Its no wonder if you feel a bit down.

You Mam by the way is being very INsensitive: cannot she put herself in your place and imagine how it feels to be under constant pressure and always geting criticised? She should know better than to compare, having reared a family. Can you find a way to simply TELL her, that the comparing and remarks are really undermining you?

Of COURSE your little girl knows you are her mam! Toddlers are incredibly tiring, no matter what your job. And I bet your sisters life is not so shiny and perfect when you look up close.

You are doing a brilliant job: supporting your partner through a difficult illness, working long hours, minding your little child. What a work-load...Just dont forget to take some care of yourself as well!
Because you are cool :-)

I hope you manage to get some rest over the holiday season and reconnect with your wee girly and try to clear the air a bit with your family.

So take a deep breath, and Merry Christmas!

lulu1985

Thanks everyone for all the nice messages... I think I painted my mam in a bad kinda light. She helps me financially and she does things for me its jus she can be very hurtful in her wprds she doesnt understand that I feel so much under pressure she reckons I shoudnt be, that my oh should be helping me etc... im now up in my bedroom my oh is downstairs not a care in the world out having his fags watchin a film amd im here listening to my lo crying her heart out and I was meant to be treating myself going into the next sale real early in the morn with my sister. Doubt it will happen now I just feel like hoping into my car and just driving away....

Day Lewin

Cuddle your child and be glad you have her. Things will look better in the morning. There will be other sales. Stay cool!

December2012

Helping you financially does not entitle her to belittle the bond you have with your child by saying your daughter thinks that she is her mother.

However, I amgoing to try and suggest why your mother might be saying such things.

Firstly, it seems she does not understand depression. And because she is seeing you pick up the slack and is picking up the slack with you she may feel affected by your boyfriends depression. Therefore she may feel she has the right to speak bluntly about it.

Secondly, she may be actually concerned that you are not bonding with your daughter. She has seen one daughter bond with their children and manage finances and family. She wants you to do that too.

Thirdly, is your boyfriend getting treatment for his depression? Is he entitled to any assistance or payments?

Fourthly, why does she have to help out in the afternoon? Why does your mam have to mind your daughter? Is it so your partner can do something constructive and if so, is he doing it?

Fifthly (and finally!) sometimes Christmas or events don't go smoothly when you've got a young child. Naps, hunger, sickness, general kidiness takes over your life. And that's very hard, particularly on your first. Your life is drastically different when you're responsible for another person.

There will be better Christmases, there will be sales, there will be better finances, your boyfriend if he gets treatment will get better.

Be kind to yourself and take it easy over the break.

Moonbeam

katemarch wrote: »

Cuddle your child and be glad you have her. Things will look better in the morning. There will be other sales. Stay cool!

I doubt it is about the actual sale but more that it is an adult outing with her sister.

madeinamerica

December2012 wrote: »

Helping you financially does not entitle her to belittle the bond you have with your child by saying your daughter thinks that she is her mother.

However, I amgoing to try and suggest why your mother might be saying such things.

Firstly, it seems she does not understand depression. And because she is seeing you pick up the slack and is picking up the slack with you she may feel affected by your boyfriends depression. Therefore she may feel she has the right to speak bluntly about it.

Secondly, she may be actually concerned that you are not bonding with your daughter. She has seen one daughter bond with their children and manage finances and family. She wants you to do that too.

Thirdly, is your boyfriend getting treatment for his depression? Is he entitled to any assistance or payments?

Fourthly, why does she have to help out in the afternoon? Why does your mam have to mind your daughter? Is it so your partner can do something constructive and if so, is he doing it?

Fifthly (and finally!) sometimes Christmas or events don't go smoothly when you've got a young child. Naps, hunger, sickness, general kidiness takes over your life. And that's very hard, particularly on your first. Your life is drastically different when you're responsible for another person.

There will be better Christmases, there will be sales, there will be better finances, your boyfriend if he gets treatment will get better.

Be kind to yourself and take it easy over the break.

I second this good analysis.