who do you talk to?

Gran Hermano

A problem shared..
..is a problem for everyone.

LoganRice

Mirror, mirror on the wall....pay attention to me you feckar!

beks101

paulosam wrote: »

Talked to a psychologist at least once a week for 6 months earlier this year after a friend committed suicide. Was very, very sceptical initially, but it has improved my life massively since.

Was great talking to someone impartial, but was also really helpful learning coping skills for day to day life and anxieties and stuff.

I did the same about ten years ago after a turbulence in my own adolescence and a sort of post-traumatic reaction to it that I couldn't quite escape.

After about five years of keeping everything bottled up and thinking I couldn't afford to burden others with my issues, it was the biggest relief in the world to open my mouth and just talk, yell, scream and cry and cry and cry about all the sh1t I had been holding in with a complete randomer whose job it was to not judge me or walk away in horror. It was the making of me really.

These days I have no qualms talking to my friends, family and boyfriend about the inner stuff that's occupying my mind. I find the more stuff I hold in, the bigger it becomes in my brain and the more of a problem it can become. A problem shared and all that.

It's important not to let that stuff fester.

braddun

bar tender

checkout girl



people on buses

--LOS--

two people mostly, one I pay and my best friend.

But for some stuff nobody but I try to write it out, it helps

I'm usually the one family etc like to dump stuff on though -_-

TheBeardedLady

beks101 wrote: »

I did the same about ten years ago after a turbulence in my own adolescence and a sort of post-traumatic reaction to it that I couldn't quite escape.

After about five years of keeping everything bottled up and thinking I couldn't afford to burden others with my issues, it was the biggest relief in the world to open my mouth and just talk, yell, scream and cry and cry and cry about all the sh1t I had been holding in with a complete randomer whose job it was to not judge me or walk away in horror. It was the making of me really.

These days I have no qualms talking to my friends, family and boyfriend about the inner stuff that's occupying my mind. I find the more stuff I hold in, the bigger it becomes in my brain and the more of a problem it can become. A problem shared and all that.

It's important not to let that stuff fester.

I find for me it's often enough to verbalise something; to say it out loud kind of normalises it for me a bit and I feel less isolated. Someone willing to take in what you're saying without judgement is a precious thing. I don't have many of those kinds of people around me day to day right now but I've enough which I'm grateful for.

beks101

TheBeardedLady wrote: »

I find for me it's often enough to verbalise something; to say it out loud kind of normalises it for me a bit and I feel less isolated. Someone willing to take in what you're saying without judgement is a precious thing. I don't have many of those kinds of people around me day to day right now but I've enough which I'm grateful for.

It is a precious thing. Feeling cared for without someone feeling the need to "fix you" is a precious thing.

And yeah like you, sometimes I just need to say "That really upset me" or "I can't stop worrying about what will happen if.." and that in itself is the release I needed to sort of let go of what was bothering me. A sort of nod to your feelings and permission for them to exist and to just be there, and I can immediately feel better for it.

I spent a long emotional evening with a bunch of old friends tonight, meeting in our Christmas clobber and getting drunk as is tradition, and I'm not ashamed to say I spent much of the night getting very personal, talking and crying my eyes out about the empty void at the table where a recently deceased friend of mine should be.

We're all a bit lost without him. I'm not sure how I'd be standing at this point to be honest, were I not able to talk about the loss and the struggle to cope and the sadness of the holiday season and how the last few months have been a minefield of personal struggle as a result.

It's that affirmation of feelings, the sort of "yeah, you're human, I've been there too" that makes something that has been overwhelming in my own head, that bit more manageable.

FloatingVoter

Nobody. Only one person ever saw through me and I fell in love on the spot.
I think I'll try to bump into her again in the new year. I'm only saying that because if I write it down it might work. And I'm drunk.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

I find the more I talk about my feelings the worse it is. Recognising how horrific something is will make me wallow, or make me sound like I'm looking for pity and I couldn't bear it if people thought I was weak or vulnerable. I tend to try shrug things off, get on with it and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.

Two life mottos I try live by is that line from finding Nemo "Just keep swimming". What doesn't kill you, will make you stronger. Nothing can be bad forever. Keep going and it'll be okay. The other motto is "fu.ck it". Is it really worth having feelings over? Chances are - probably not, so why bother?

In short. **** feelings. **** talking about feelings and **** anything that tries get in the way of being happy.

Soft Falling Rain

LexieOnRale wrote: »

The other motto is "fu.ck it". Is it really worth having feelings over? Chances are - probably not, so why bother?

In short. **** feelings. **** talking about feelings and **** anything that tries get in the way of being happy.

I think a lot of people develop that attitude, it's just how they learn to cope. I haven't quite got it down though, I'm quite an emotional person. I feel other people's pain as much as my own. There's nothing worse than being like me and having to deal with someone who just shuts down.

Anyway, I don't talk to anyone about how I'm feeling. Then I get locked and have a mare. Something I might fix in 2015 who knows.

anncoates

I don't think the Irish are particularly worse than any other nationality about "opening up" despite soundbites about same.

That said, any questioning about the need to discuss your issues with people is a good thing.

lazeedaisy

Everyone always talks to me, but I don't talk to anyone.

I know any issues or fears I have will always pass no matter what I say, I know we were brought up to see opening up as a problem.

My other half suffers from depression and I always make sure family talk when things are going on, which probably makes me a hypocrite.

I opened up once and scared someone, they presumed by knowing me they could catch depression due to association and then pretended I was not going through hell when my other half was hospitalised due to his depression.

I can deal with anything, have been through hell and back and know the importance of sharing if you suffer from any type of mental illness.

megaten

No one.

ancapailldorcha

I've moved about a lot in the last few years so I've had to reset my "friends counter" as it were. I find it difficult to meet new people and get the impression that they're only interested in having me around as a mouthpiece.

The thing about trying to talk to people is that you need someone who actually wants to listen which, as beks101 said earlier is precious.

Alf Veedersane

I don't like to talk to anyone. Partly because I think I can deal with things myself without having to burden people with my nonsense.

But I know that talking to someone makes a difference. In my case, it's my wife. Probably sounds like a cliché and I usually try and do things without having her to listen to it but she usually notices and despite my protestations, I'm the better for telling her.

Tl;dr It's good to talk

ShadowHearth

Well, I don't really have much people who I can talk to. I got only two friends to who I could talk about serious stuff.
My partner ( now ex) was the last person I could talk too about how I really felt. It's funny how I realised that only after break up.
Ironically when I had a very very bad patch in my life this year I just said about it in AH and Motors forums. The amount of good advice and just a few kind words I got was just insane. Even some very helpful pms too. Believe it or not, but sharing something fecked up about my life with a bunch of anonymous people helped me more to get my **** sorted then talking to a few close friends.

I really would love to talk to psychiatrist as my head is still full of **** from all the crap that happened to me, though I don't think I can afford it. Ah well, maybe someday.

lila1

IMO if you have an illness physical or mental most people dont want to know in fact they will avoid you at all costs I dont know if they feel embarressed to talk to to you or maybe they feel you will spring something on them that they can't handle.
I remember when I first mentioned my illness to a neighbour she pretended she didnt know. Thankfully I have no major concerns at present but if I had I would confide in my OH

mrsdewinter

I know this is an unhealthy attitude but there's really only 2 or 3 people I trust. And I veer between thinking, Isn't it great that I can open up like this? and, 'S***, I've said too much...'

cloud493

Well people always say 'you know you can come to me/talk to me etc any time' and you know they don't mean it. If anything that makes it harder.

The Strawman Argument

I'm the person to talk to for about 6 other people. It's a role I seem to find myself in a lot (I'm pretty good at seeing through people when they're pretending to not be upset) and I'm mostly happy to help, really don't like the idea of anyone thinking they have to bottle **** up. I have had issues in the past where people have expected far too much from me but I've kind of worked out the types to keep away from.


I talk fairly openly about my problems to whoever's around and willing to listen when I'm going through them. Don't think I've ever had any specific person or persons I relied on though, I can remember things like not telling my parents that someone stole my kitkat on the first day of school even though I was really upset about it because I knew it would only stress her out and make me feel worse. It used to bother me a lot that I'd give a lot of time to other people's issues and no one'd give any to mine but whether it's either people wanting to return the favour or me realising that was all in my head, I usually seem to have someone or another the last few years.

FanadMan

A friend, a Garda (best friend) and my ex. Only people I can talk to properly. I see a therapist and psrink regularly but can't open up to them like the the first three.

Richard Hillman

I wouldn't appreciate it if any of my friends burdened me with their life issues, so I most certainly wouldn't burden them with my problems.

It's old school but it keeps me happy

braddun

school crossing guards


bin collectors



funeral directors and grave diggers


alzheimer's patents


street sweepers


tow and clamp drivers

Tilly

My friends mainly. I can tell them anything.

As close as I am to my Mam I won't tell her much. She feels super sorry for me as it is and some of the things in life that's happened to me that I couldn't tell her anymore for fear she'd try move in with me to make me happy

Venus In Furs

I think most people are sympathetic to others once they don't go overboard with looking for sympathy and once they take responsibility for themselves to an extent also.
The stuff of "Most people don't want to help you" and "I'd be happier bottling it up" is just the exception I'd say, and I'd hope it wouldn't be taken to heart by those who need to talk to someone.