No fear of rejection

MRnotlob606

I was reading a very interesting story about a year ago about psychologist named Albert Ellis. Ellis was a very shy young man and didn't like talking in public. Ellis wanted to change this.When Ellis was 19 years old, he went to the Bronx botanical gardens everyday for a month and would sit on a bench and speak to random women and even ask them out.

Ellis talked to over 100 women over the month and only got 1 date, however Ellis was happy with the result because he had become desensitized to rejection. Ellis began to hone his technique and said that "I got to be one of the best picker-uppers of women in the United States, and finally started making it with them"


Have you ever been in a situation where you didn't care about being rejected and led to a successful outcome ?

SEPT 23 1989

he must have been a right ugly cnut

Sound of Silence

I have a huge fear of rejection.

I always wait for the girl to make the first move.

Pathetic, I know.

Gyrocream

I gave myself drills to purposely try to be rejected, I would forbid myself from talking sometimes or purposefully be incredibly boring for example. The result is that I now find it quite easy to approach women and they can sense that confidence.

MRnotlob606

Ellis is the ultimate wing man nonetheless, although hes dead right now.

newmug

In my experience, Ellis's experience of rejection is bang on the money. In my younger days, I've had everything from pints poured over my head, to being ignored to being slapped in the face.


It kinda makes you just not bother. Go on the lash with the lads (who'll NEVER treat you like that), and if you pull when you're smashed at the end of the night, well and good. If you don't, you don't. Another thing I've experienced, the better looking the girl, the higher you're chances of rejection are.

MRnotlob606

newmug wrote: »

In my experience, Ellis's experience of rejection is bang on the money. In my younger days, I've had everything from pints poured over my head, to being ignored to being slapped in the face.


It kinda makes you just not bother. Go on the lash with the lads (who'll NEVER treat you like that), and if you pull when you're smashed at the end of the night, well and good. If you don't, you don't. Another thing I've experienced, the better looking the girl, the higher you're chances of rejection are.

sounds about right, I think it would be fun to implement this.

groucho marx

Yea job interviews, I love rejection but I love me lovely dole more

braddun

he found out he was gay at 40

Talib Fiasco

Here's my take on rejection: Rejection is a good thing. Let's be real here you're never ever going to be able to pull every woman in the world. No matter how rich, good looking, funny, caring, charming you are there are going to be millions of women who will just not like you. Accept it and see the good side to it. Why would you want every woman in the world? You wouldn't have the time nor the energy for all of them.

Soooo back to rejection being a good thing. It is. The woman is simply telling you "hey I'm not the one for you, but keep trying and you'll eventually find her" even if she communicates that through a slap to the face. But yeah pulling is a numbers game. Every rejection gets you one woman closer to the magic number, the girl who likes you. If this is engrained in your mind rejection will go from ruining your day or week to a "ah well" and a girl closer to your goal.

SEPT 23 1989

newmug wrote: »

In my younger days, I've had everything from pints poured over my head, to being ignored to being slapped in the face.
.

can you explain to me how you approach women to receive these kinds of reactions?

bb1234567

Sound of Silence wrote: »

I have a huge fear of rejection.

I always wait for the girl to make the first move.

Pathetic, I know.

You and me both. Sadly 99% of girls arent much into making first moves.

Cantremember

SEPT 23 1989 wrote: »

can you explain to me how you approach women to receive these kinds of reactions?

Now there's a thread: chat up lines from the receiving end!

bb1234567

newmug wrote: »

In my experience, Ellis's experience of rejection is bang on the money. In my younger days, I've had everything from pints poured over my head, to being ignored to being slapped in the face.


It kinda makes you just not bother. Go on the lash with the lads (who'll NEVER treat you like that), and if you pull when you're smashed at the end of the night, well and good. If you don't, you don't. Another thing I've experienced, the better looking the girl, the higher you're chances of rejection are.

Bit of a no brainer really
good looking girls get most attention and so will obviously reject the most people as they have the most choice

newmug

SEPT 23 1989 wrote: »

can you explain to me how you approach women to receive these kinds of reactions?

I cant quite recall, its been years since I was on that scene. Mostly it would just be trying to initiate a chat in a nightclub or pub. I have to say, that was the extreme end of things, and I probably just met a bad apple on those occasions, but it happened! Most of the time it would just be a smile or two, followed by the "ignore" treatment.

Talib Fiasco

newmug wrote: »

In my experience, Ellis's experience of rejection is bang on the money. In my younger days, I've had everything from pints poured over my head, to being ignored to being slapped in the face.


It kinda makes you just not bother. Go on the lash with the lads (who'll NEVER treat you like that), and if you pull when you're smashed at the end of the night, well and good. If you don't, you don't. Another thing I've experienced, the better looking the girl, the higher you're chances of rejection are.

Not necessarily true. In my drunken haze I could be dancing and chatting with a very confident but hefty young wan and she'll be very aggressive and tell me to go f*ck myself while five minutes later I'll meet a more shy but very cute and attractive woman who loves my humour and energy. That's the beauty of attraction, you never know where it'll be and under what size or appearance it'll be in.

Sound of Silence

bb1234567 wrote: »

You and me both. Sadly 99% of girls arent much into making first moves.

For me, as long as they show a bit of interest (looking in my direction/coming over to dance) I'll take that as my cue to move in.

I just don't like to move in without them showing some sort of interest beforehand.

MRnotlob606

Talib Fiasco wrote: »

Not necessarily true. In my drunken haze I could be dancing and chatting with a very confident but hefty young wan and she'll be very aggressive and tell me to go f*ck myself while five minutes later I'll meet a more shy but very cute and attractive woman who loves my humour and energy. That's the beauty of attraction, you never know where it'll be and under what size or appearance it'll be in.

There's a girl I'm attracted to (I'm 19) she's very attractive and by far the nicest and most courteous woman I've ever met. She's always happy to meet me and her face always lights up and doesn't forget to say hello when she sees me.

I think it's down to perception of yourself when it comes to rejection. I like her but I don't I'd tell her because I don't think I'm good enough for her.I need to get into the right frame of mind.

SEPT 23 1989

MRnotlob606 wrote: »

There's a girl I'm attracted to (I'm 19) she's very attractive and by far the nicest and most courteous woman I've ever met. She's always happy to meet me and her face always lights up and doesn't forget to say hello when she sees me.

I think it's down to perception of yourself when it comes to rejection. I like her but I don't I'd tell her because I don't think I'm good enough for her.I need to get into the right frame of mind.

you think too much man life is too short just go for it

eezipc

Back in my early twenties, me and a few friends used to go out practically every night. One of the guys, an Australian, used to hit on every woman he saw. He would easily get rejected over 20 times a night but it never bothered him. Most of the time he would end up with a girl. To him it was just a numbers game.
Now if that were me, I would probably go home crying after the first rejection. That Australian guy always fascinated me.

Talib Fiasco

MRnotlob606 wrote: »

There's a girl I'm attracted to (I'm 19) she's very attractive and by far the nicest and most courteous woman I've ever met. She's always happy to meet me and her face always lights up and doesn't forget to say hello when she sees me.

I think it's down to perception of yourself when it comes to rejection. I like her but I don't I'd tell her because I don't think I'm good enough for her.I need to get into the right frame of mind.

SEPT 23 1989 wrote: »

you think too much man life is too short just go for it

^This.
Go for it before someone else does and takes her away. Do it NOOOOOOW!

groucho marx

MRnotlob606 wrote: »

There's a girl I'm attracted to (I'm 19) she's very attractive and by far the nicest and most courteous woman I've ever met. She's always happy to meet me and her face always lights up and doesn't forget to say hello when she sees me.

I think it's down to perception of yourself when it comes to rejection. I like her but I don't I'd tell her because I don't think I'm good enough for her.I need to get into the right frame of mind.

Go for it, women really aren't that mysterious, worst that happens she says no move on think of her fondly as a horrible creature

Macavity.

She will probably say no.

groucho marx

Macavity. wrote: »

She will probably say no.

Right ray of sunshine this one is

PizzamanIRL

I once tried to chat up a girl. Once.

Señor Fancy Pants

MRnotlob606 wrote: »

There's a girl I'm attracted to (I'm 19) she's very attractive and by far the nicest and most courteous woman I've ever met. She's always happy to meet me and her face always lights up and doesn't forget to say hello when she sees me.

I think it's down to perception of yourself when it comes to rejection. I like her but I don't I'd tell her because I don't think I'm good enough for her.I need to get into the right frame of mind.

Let her be the judge of that. Take the chance and tell her you like her. If it doesn't go the way you plan, then at least you went for it. But what if it does? ....deadly!

Venus In Furs

Sound of Silence wrote: »

I have a huge fear of rejection.

I always wait for the girl to make the first move.

Pathetic, I know.

No it isn't. Fear of rejection is perfectly well founded. I certainly have it too. I think most people do.

The Diabolical Monocle

Order a Russian 10 online and be done of it.


let them love cats.

Mr_Muffin

I find the best way to go is just be blunt - it works more often than you would think. Just go up to a girl and tell her you find her extremely attractive.

I don't fear rejection unless i actually really do like a girl.

Trebor176

I have a kind of a fear of rejection, which merely comes down to being rejected by anyone I've asked out. Ok, I'll include rejection online, such as being ignored, if I send a message, or if a conversation takes place, it ends abruptly.

I am a friendly 28 year old guy, who gets on with anybody, who I have got to know, or just got talking to randomly. However, I am shy, perhaps a little quiet. The shyness, I guess, sort of prevents me from going up to a girl, if I am interested, and trying to engage in conversation with her. It's also the fear of rejection, as I highlighted. I may not be the best looking guy, which I guess makes me feel like I'll be just turned down, even if I come across nice, etc. The shyness can be easily overcome, and it's certainly something I am working on.

At the moment, I am hoping to meet up with a girl I've been chatting to for a good while on Twitter. She has said yes any time it's been brought up, yet it hasn't really been followed up. I've asked again and am awaiting a response, but she doesn't seem to be on Twitter as much lately. I really want to say how I feel about her because she has been on my mind of late, and on and off previously. I fear if I do say I'm interested in her, she'll be put off meeting me, or worse being that she could simply unfollow and/or block me. I doubt it would happen, but it has happened with a couple of others in the past. I do think she's kind of shy too, and she has said it to me before. But, she's also quite busy and works shifts.

It's stupid, but the last couple of nights, I've let things build up in my mind over her (I have a tendency to overthink things), which I shouldn't let happen, seeing as I haven't actually met her in person yet. I don't think she's with anyone, but it's just a fear I've suddenly developed. I don't want to ask either. I guess I can only wait and see what she replies with and follow it up from there. Maybe even take things further and at least get her number or something like that.

I don't know if I see rejection as a positive thing. To me, it reduces my confidence each time. I do think I come across well, as I say, but I still often wonder how I can improve myself. Ok, I probably appear a little nervous in person, but online, I do think my messages to girls are fine. They may not be the wittiest, but they're at least friendly and honest.

Venus In Furs

Hope it works out Trebor176.

Littlekittylou

MRnotlob606 wrote: »

I was reading a very interesting story about a year ago about psychologist named Albert Ellis. Ellis was a very shy young man and didn't like talking in public. Ellis wanted to change this.When Ellis was 19 years old, he went to the Bronx botanical gardens everyday for a month and would sit on a bench and speak to random women and even ask them out.

Ellis talked to over 100 women over the month and only got 1 date, however Ellis was happy with the result because he had become desensitized to rejection. Ellis began to hone his technique and said that "I got to be one of the best picker-uppers of women in the United States, and finally started making it with them"


Have you ever been in a situation where you didn't care about being rejected and led to a successful outcome ?

Problem with being a sensitive girl is you never become desensitized.

I think it helps to realize that it just wasn't meant to be really. And if they were not into you it was never gonna happen anyway.

irishdude11

I used to only approach women when hammered because I hate rejection. Now I am just not willing to drink like that anymore and I have no interest in being rejected while sober, it would depress me way too much, so I don't approach women at all now. I've had alot of one night stands and three longish relationships but every one of them came about when I was drunk.

I don't see these situations arising again because I could not let someone have that power over me while I'm sober..ie. decide to reject me or not, no way in hell am I putting myself in a position where some stranger gets to basically say I am less than them.

Mickey H

MRnotlob606 wrote: »

I was reading a very interesting story about a year ago about psychologist named Albert Ellis. Ellis was a very shy young man and didn't like talking in public. Ellis wanted to change this.When Ellis was 19 years old, he went to the Bronx botanical gardens everyday for a month and would sit on a bench and speak to random women and even ask them out.

Ellis talked to over 100 women over the month and only got 1 date, however Ellis was happy with the result because he had become desensitized to rejection. Ellis began to hone his technique and said that "I got to be one of the best picker-uppers of women in the United States, and finally started making it with them"


Have you ever been in a situation where you didn't care about being rejected and led to a successful outcome ?

He'd be a ledge in Coppers.

KomradeBishop

Personally, when I meet someone I like, the fear of romantic rejection is far less than the fear that I'd be rejected as a friend as well - so I'm ok with telling someone I like them and being rejected, but if that leads to a possible friendship falling-off as well, the latter is what makes it more difficult/painful.

So, romantic rejection is fine, but losing the opportunity to get to know someone I like (even if not romantically), is the more painful bit.

Joe Doe

Covey also recommended this for 'business/entrepreneurial advancement' i.e. Do a stint in a call center on very high volume cold sales.
Then an early morning's elevator pitch at the Dragoons Den live, would be like a whole fun-filled, day at a summertime funfair.

'Dapper's laughs' repeats might also be worth a watch on itv7...

Oscars Well.

I knew a woman once, but she died soon afterwards.

Gyrocream

irishdude11 wrote: »

I used to only approach women when hammered because I hate rejection. Now I am just not willing to drink like that anymore and I have no interest in being rejected while sober, it would depress me way too much, so I don't approach women at all now. I've had alot of one night stands and three longish relationships but every one of them came about when I was drunk.

I don't see these situations arising again because I could not let someone have that power over me while I'm sober..ie. decide to reject me or not, no way in hell am I putting myself in a position where some stranger gets to basically say I am less than them.

Rejecting someone isn't telling someone that they are less than you. It just means they aren't interested. For a start they don't even know the real you. That's a very unhealthy mindset you have, you are missing out on meeting countless amazing women. Don't let low self esteem control your life.

Mister Vain

MRnotlob606 wrote: »

Have you ever been in a situation where you didn't care about being rejected and led to a successful outcome ?

Yeah but I was way out of her league, hence why I didn't care about being rejected.

Wabbit Ears

I think yer man Ellis was conditioning himself to be a bit sociopathic. Its not anyway healthy to have no negative emotional attachment to rejection and the idea of randomly asking every woman out for no reason other than they are there and they are a woman also is very cold and callous behaviour.

A friend of mine for many years who it turns out is in fact mentally ill was like this. He firmly believed in playing the numbers and would just ask any woman until he scored. Ugliest SOB Ive ever met but had practically 100% success rate when going out to get a ride.

I used to admire it for what it was but I was never able to emulate it. I know I cant handle a small amount of rejection without subjecting myself to literally hundreds of episodes of it a week!!

RossFixxxed

A pretty simple idea is to go and talk to women. Not with any intention of asking anyone out. No techniques, no lines, no desperation, relaxed and at a distance. Women are people, and people like someone friendly who'll have a chat generally.

You will inevitably get shot down, badly. It happens everyone. It helps to see it from the other side. Some of the 'lines' drunk guys use in clubs are seriously embarrassing/blunt/rude and it must get tiring hearing it on a night out. The rise in the 'Pick Up Artist' scene means some guys are trying things they either don't understand or are just completely wrong and it's so blatant when you sit down and watch it for a while.

Years and years ago I abandoned any idea of some kind of plan or approach. I just talk to people and if there are hidden agendas or there is game playing going on I will happily wander off somewhere else, with less drama. Over-thinking this will drive you mad. There's enough things in the world to be scared of, one woman not finding me attractive is not one of them.

Mister Vain

RossFixxxed wrote: »

A pretty simple idea is to go and talk to women. Not with any intention of asking anyone out. No techniques, no lines, no desperation, relaxed and at a distance. Women are people, and people like someone friendly who'll have a chat generally.

You will inevitably get shot down, badly. It happens everyone. It helps to see it from the other side. Some of the 'lines' drunk guys use in clubs are seriously embarrassing/blunt/rude and it must get tiring hearing it on a night out. The rise in the 'Pick Up Artist' scene means some guys are trying things they either don't understand or are just completely wrong and it's so blatant when you sit down and watch it for a while.

Years and years ago I abandoned any idea of some kind of plan or approach. I just talk to people and if there are hidden agendas or there is game playing going on I will happily wander off somewhere else, with less drama. Over-thinking this will drive you mad. There's enough things in the world to be scared of, one woman not finding me attractive is not one of them.

Same here. I was always over thinking and over analysing; it used to drive me mad. It's best to go in with no intentions.