Would you retaliate if hit by a woman?

baalad

walshb wrote: »

That's what you are admitting to on a public forum. Something tells me that it wasn't just 3 slaps, whatever slaps are meant to mean. Maybe define what the slaps were exactly, and really, what happened? Either way you committed assault on someone and you deserve to be punished for that. Your provocation claim doesn't cut it.

Wow...so now we are assuming im a liar that hit her more times then 3 lol You guys are very judgmental As i said. Cheating warrants a slap far more then getting a slap off a woman! I find it ironic that you guys are happy to slap a woman if she lays a finger on you but if she cheats she doesnt deserve it lol

walshb

baalad wrote: »

Wow...so now we are assuming im a liar that hit her more times then 3 lol You guys are very judgmental As i said. Cheating warrants a slap far more then getting a slap off a woman! I find it ironic that you guys are happy to slap a woman if she lays a finger on you but if she cheats she doesnt deserve it lol

Ok, 3 slaps. How hard and what effect had they? Did they damage her, mark her, stun her, knock her out?

baalad

walshb wrote: »

Ok, 3 slaps. How hard and what effect had they? Did they damage her, mark her, stun her, knock her out?

Im not sure how this would make it ok or not ok but if you must know. I would say i hit her hard (although im not a strong guy) hard enough to bruise her but she wasnt knocked out or hurt badly (no broken bones or anything other then bruises)

walshb

baalad wrote: »

Im not sure how this would make it ok or not ok but if you must know. I would say i hit her hard (although im not a strong guy) hard enough to bruise her but she wasnt knocked out or hurt badly (no broken bones or anything other then bruises)

Well, IMO hitting her was wrong, but there are levels of assault. So, may go from wrong to really nasty. I mean, a few mild slaps (not very heavy/forceful) that don't cause injury is not the same as 3 heavy slaps or punches that could well cause serious injury. Bottom line is that you physically assaulted her and to me you were wrong.

baalad

baalad wrote: »

That was a seperate incident! Thats not the incident i was initially referring to.

I know. That is why I gave it a separate reply. Clever huh?

baalad wrote: »

I regret that it was me that hit her but i don't regret that she was hit (if that makes sense).

What you are saying makes perfect sense in English yes. But that is about all. Your justifications for it remain unconvincing to me - and the event remains illegal and it is a shame prosecutions were not pursued.

baalad wrote: »

If you do someone wrong then expect that person to do you wrong .

Alas that is the archaic mentality many have yes. I do not think every wrong needs to be met with a wrong. This animalistic tendency towards retribution is not one I share it seems. The reaction to infidelity - to me - is to turn heel and leave the relationship and never look back. Not to go into a blind fury and start resorting to violence.

Even when I do feel a wrong deserves punishment - I believe the punishment should be proportional and fitting to the crime. Violence is rarely the answer - and rarely a justifiable punishment for any crime let alone something as petty as infidelity. The punishment for infidelity - which is NOT a crime - is shame - loss of the relationship you were in - and the embarrassment of everyone hearing about it. It is not receiving a beating.

The punishment for your crime however - which is what it was - is well documented in our law books and it is a sorry case of affairs it was not enacted on you. Perhaps - if she comes to her senses some day - it is not yet too late. I am not sure what the statute of limitations is on physical assault. Hopefully someone better versed in law than me will advise her.

the evasion_kid

baalad wrote: »

Ok i saw someone stating that if a woman bit you that your obliged to beat the **** out of them and you liked that ?

Let me get this right. If she hit me or bit me it would have been ok for me to beat the **** out of her but if she cheated on me in my home then how dare i lay a finger on her, shame on me?? But yet your ok with hitting a woman back because if she gives you a feeble little punch?

Ya know if you were a woman posting here saying you hit your fella a few slaps after catching him in bed with another women you wouldn't be getting half the grief(if any),there would probably be a cry of "you go girl!" And I will survive on full volume

baalad

walshb wrote: »

Well, IMO hitting her was wrong, but there are levels of assault. So, may go from wrong to really nasty. I mean, a few mild slaps (not very heavy/forceful) that don't cause injury is not the same as 3 heavy slaps or punches that could well cause serious injury. Bottom line is that you physically assaulted her and to me you were wrong.

Everyone is entitles to they're opinion. To be fair, maybe i should of went into detail (although who's gonna believe me anyway) but if i had of properly battered her, knocker her out etc then i would understand peoples reactions! However, i personally believe she deserved what she got .

The level of beating someone gets does need to be taken into account to be fair. Im not happy with what happened but i do not feel sorry for her. If i beat her to a pulp to the extent she needed hospital treatment etc then i would feel i went too far!

Ultimately i think a woman deserves a slap for cheating far more then she deserves one for hitting you unless the hit she gave you caused damage!

baalad

the evasion_kid wrote: »

Ya know if you were a woman posting here saying you hit your fella a few slaps after catching him in bed with another women you wouldn't be getting half the grief(if any),there would probably be a cry of "you go girl!" And I will survive on full volume

100% If i was a women here id probably be getting private mails about how brave i was and how i deserve so much better lol

Drexel

I have never raised my hand to someone in my life but If a woman was hitting me you can be guaranteed I would hit back. Just like I would do with a man. Maybe I would try to restrain the person if I could but some women(particularly the type who would hit a guy) are fairly strong and if it was a choice between getting a few more kicks and punches while trying to restrain her or fighting back I know which one I would do.

If someone strikes someone, man or woman they should expect retaliation.

Some one equated it to hitting a child but I gotta say that's way way wide of the mark for me. A child is a child. But a fully grown woman has made the decision to be physical. It a weird kinda way I actually think saying it's like hitting a child is quite disrespectful to women.

RDM_83 again

the evasion_kid wrote: »

Ya know if you were a woman posting here saying you hit your fella a few slaps after catching him in bed with another women you wouldn't be getting half the grief(if any),there would probably be a cry of "you go girl!" And I will survive on full volume

I don't condone what the poster did in the slightest but thats a fair point, if violence is NEVER EVER an appropriate response to a non-violent situation it doesn't really matter that the blows are more or less painful or serious.
Tiger Woods wife is a good example of how it is deemed as much more socially acceptable and she was chasing him with a weapon (Golf Club) AFAIK

the evasion_kid

RDM_83 again wrote: »

I don't condone what the poster did in the slightest but thats a fair point, if violence is NEVER EVER an appropriate response to a non-violent situation it doesn't really matter that the blows are more or less painful or serious.
Tiger Woods wife is a good example of how it is deemed as much more socially acceptable and she was chasing him with a weapon (Golf Club) AFAIK

I don't condone it either just making a very obvious point

PucaMama

baalad wrote: »

100% If i was a women here id probably be getting private mails about how brave i was and how i deserve so much better lol

not from me you wouldnt

RDM_83 again

There's an interesting but rather dark discussion that could be had about this, many people can relate to a victim of psychological abuse or a non-violent but deeply harmful or hurtful crime lashing out physically, could catching your partner in the act of cheating be considered this?

Going to have to add a new sig though : these views are all devils advocate and I do not condone beating people

DoYouEvenLift

Timberrrrrrrr wrote: »

You ever been bitten? I have, that's assault and therefore i have the right to defend myself. You beat up your ex in a jealous rage. Apples and oranges.

If someone was to bite a person near the neck as well then I'd honestly consider that an attempt to actually kill them as even a small puncture in one of the many veins could possibly result in bleeding out. Can't imagine how I'd react in a situation like that but it definitely wouldn't be pretty and the last thing on my mind would be the gender of the assaulter.

Whatsisname

Absolutely. If she thinks its okay to hit me, she better expect me to think its fine to hit her one back.

It happened me one night out about 2 years ago, I was in getting food after 2 with my girlfriend, we were both fairly sober. Some woman about 40 came in, skipped ahead of my girlfriend and half the queue, so I stood infront of her. She then proceeded to get in my face, call me xyz, try tell me I was too young to be out (bear in mind this was a student night) and how she was gonna "break my legs" outside for no reason. So I was all like "yeah yeah alright whatever", I looked away for a split second and she tried to sucker punch me. So I grabbed her by the shoulders, yelled a few verbals at her and threw her down onto the floor infront of me as she had to crawl out of the chipper. Everyone took my side too, including the staff who apologised to me. Wouldn't mind but this was all infront of her husband/bf who just stood there mindless. Idiots.

OnTheCouch

baalad wrote: »

100% I caught my ex in bed with someone about 4 years ago and i hit her two or 3 times. Some people may react by saying "oh but i bet you didn't hit the guy you coward" and my reply is "too damn right i did not" She did me wrong NOT the guy! Now i'am genuinely not the type of guy that gets into fights/hits people and if i had not of had drink in me that night then i may not have exploded into the rage i went in to. I'am not using drink as an excuse but having alcohol in your system in large amounts certainly doesn't help you to stay calm and controlled in such a situation.

However. She went and told people i beat her up and typical guys gave her the "no man should do that to you" treatment. I had to watch my back for a long time and still have worries over it because my name was ruined as a result while she was portrayed as a victim! In that sense i regret my actions BUT if your asking do i think she deserved what she got then my answer to this day is ....... absolutely!

Now although I certainly wouldn't condone the action taken by baalad in the above, I wouldn't at the same time be as harsh on him as others have been here. Most of us know that hitting someone is wrong, whether it be man or woman. But there are so many shades of grey involved.

So if you imagine yourself in his situation. He comes back after drinking, which as he admits himself is not an excuse, but it's also not an ideal state to be in when it comes to maintaining self-control. And he then sees this woman whom he presumably loved and cared for deeply, doing the dirty with another man. Now I have never been cheated on (as far as I know), but it is always a huge insecurity of mine, that a girlfriend would do that. Especially if you happen to be going out with an attractive girl, you can be certain she'll be getting attention and temptation from all angles and at times it must be hard to resist for her.

But getting back on track, this is a situation where no one wants to find themselves in. It's precisely in an occurrence like this where the phrase 'seeing red' comes from. Because that is exactly what happens, the adrenaline and rage flood your brain and for a couple of moments you are not yourself and you do things that you would ordinarily not dream of doing. Plus the alcohol exasperates the problem. You find someone you had cherished doing such a scumbag thing and your whole world is turned upside down, no one really knows how they would react. Would they hit the other man (is this genuinely any better?), would they walk out crying, would they be methodical and gain revenge over a longer period of time? It's so hard to tell in such a situation.

Now I hope baalad does regret the unacceptable (if understandable) action he took. Of course the third example above is clearly the best way to go, if you have no shared assets there are a multitude of ways to get her back. I "think" if I were in a similar situation - although it's so hard to say, I could see myself destroying a lot of her stuff - not that this is particularly productive either, but it's better than physically assaulting her, which is against the law and will have the adverse effect of her gaining everyone's sympathy, when she was the one who clearly lacked morals initially. I don't think he should be saying she deserved to get hit mind you, but she did do something extremely provocative.

Anyway, back to the thread. It's very tough to answer. Every woman is different. Every situation is different. My friend's girlfriend recently punched me. It started a sort of chain reaction where I nearly got physical with him and another randomer, even if I did nothing to her myself.

I think essentially like in any conflict situation, the brain processes a load of information in super quick time: does the girl look like a psycho? Does she have a lot of people with her? Is she armed or is she wearing heels or is holding a glass which could easily be used as a dangerous weapon or equaliser? Are you in a familiar environment where onlookers may take your side through knowing you, or a neutral venue, in which case you'll sadly get white knights getting involved should you decide to get physical? Are you alone, or if you start something will your friends/family then potentially be in danger? Is attacking her necessary to neutralise a threat or dangerous situation involving someone you know? Can you quickly escape from the situation or restrain her? Do you know said girl? Do you perhaps have a glass of liquid that you could throw at her to humiliate but not cause physical injury? Can you push her away? etc etc.

I think there are so many variables that it depends entirely on the situation. As a general rule I would try to avoid hitting anyone except in emergencies, but if I'm honest would probably hit a man before a woman. Just have to hope that such a situation does not arise very frequently.

LegacyUser

baalad wrote: »

Im not sure how this would make it ok or not ok but if you must know. I would say i hit her hard (although im not a strong guy) hard enough to bruise her but she wasnt knocked out or hurt badly (no broken bones or anything other then bruises)

You just proved you cared. You don't have the right to hit others we don't have sharia law here. Adultery is not a crime nor do we have capital punishment. A country where there is a punishment of thirty lashes or three even for adultery is not one i want to live.

You further punished yourself it was a very self destructive act. You could have been prosecuted. And you can see that it makes you a bit of a social pariah whether or not you think that is fair is another issue.

It was not an act that had your best interests at heart it was self destructive behavior carried out in pain. Like most violence. It's not the way to bring happiness into life.

The question was would you RETALIATE IF HIT BY A WOMAN. Well she was hit by a man. I presume she did not strike you first. Should she have hit you back? What should she have
done?

baalad wrote: »

However. She went and told people i beat her up and typical guys gave her the "no man should do that to you" treatment. I had to watch my back for a long time and still have worries over it because my name was ruined as a result while she was portrayed as a victim! In that sense i regret my actions BUT if your asking do i think she deserved what she got then my answer to this day is ....... absolutely!

You feared having done to you what you did to her basically? Your name was ruined as a consequence of what you did. You were a victim of cheating and she was a victim of violence. But the law does not punish cheating it does punish violence.

I have no idea what type of person you are. She doesn't sound like an angel. But people don't equate cheating or adultery with physical violence. It's not against the law to cheat on your wife it is against the law to hit your husband and vice verse. I prefer it that way.

Next time try doing something positive. Or sleep with her sister!

MRedd

not punching a person back because she s a woman is sexist!

ComfortKid

The missus often boxed me in the face,I just catch her hands and shout although iv been very close to busting her with a headbutt!

tritium

If a woman (or a man) hits me the approach is simple. If I'm in no immediate danger they can expect to be talking to the gardai fairly soon about an assault charge. If there is immediate danger then there's an appropriate level of force to be applied to address that danger and no more than that.

todders

No, of course not

Pawwed Rig

ComfortKid wrote: »

The missus often boxed me in the face,I just catch her hands and shout although iv been very close to busting her with a headbutt!

Hi Comfortkid. I am sorry to hear about this.
Please see our resource directory where you can get assistance http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056299528
In particular there is a group called Amen who help men that are in abusive relationships.

DavidRamsay99

JaseBelleVie wrote: »

Echoing Wibbs' post, unless I'm in mortal danger, I wouldn't. Again, call it sexism or old fashioned or whatever. I was raised with a strong belief in that you should never raise your hands to a woman. Ever. Obviously, if she was coming at me with a knife or something, I might use some kind of force, but largely of the restraining nature.

I practice a martial art and have done for years. I know how to fight. Thankfully, I've never had to. I'm in good physical shape, so I'd fancy my chances in most situations. And as another poster mentioned, your average man has double the upper-body strength of your average woman.

I've been slapped and punched a few times by a woman, and it never hurt much. Actually, an open handed slap to the face from a woman hurts way more than a punch! The sting can be incredible.

If a woman was having a go at me and hitting at me, the most retaliation I would use would be to restrain her and stop her from hitting me. I don't think I'd have it in me to respond in kind with physical force.

You would have to worry about white knights leaping in to her rescue.

A girl could hit you and when you restrain her start screaming and complete strangers might jump in and give you a few digs because "You can't hit a woman!"

ComfortKid

Pawwed Rig wrote:

In particular there is a group called Amen who help men that are in abusive relationships.

If I was in an abusive relationship id just leave. In fairness I probably deserved it most of the time. Thanks anyway.

D'Agger

ComfortKid wrote: »

If I was in an abusive relationship id just leave. In fairness I probably deserved it most of the time. Thanks anyway.

So you don't think you're in an abusive relationship, having just explained that you've been punched by your partner on occasion? Saying you probably deserved it doesn't cut it because it's inexcusable tbqh

Does getting a dig off your partner not resonate with you as being wrong? Make you think wtf?

I'm not trying to put pressure on you here or shine a spotlight on you - I'm just trying to see what your mentality is because I'd consider myself of sound mind and if a partner hit me a punch/dig there'd be a serious conversation had about it and if it happened again I'd be out the gap. I think we live in a time where people, both men and women put love before self respect.

gozunda

DavidRamsay99 wrote: »

You would have to worry about white knights leaping in to her rescue.

A girl could hit you and when you restrain her start screaming and complete strangers might jump in and give you a few digs because "You can't hit a woman!"

At the same time a large man eating tiger 'might' also emerge from the Jungle ...

DoYouEvenLift

D'Agger wrote: »

So you don't think you're in an abusive relationship, having just explained that you've been punched by your partner on occasion? Saying you probably deserved it doesn't cut it because it's inexcusable tbqh

Does getting a dig off your partner not resonate with you as being wrong? Make you think wtf?

I'm not trying to put pressure on you here or shine a spotlight on you - I'm just trying to see what your mentality is because I'd consider myself of sound mind and if a partner hit me a punch/dig there'd be a serious conversation had about it and if it happened again I'd be out the gap. I think we live in a time where people, both men and women put love before self respect.

This. Can't understand that mindset to be honest, especially in direct response to a post bringing awareness to how to help himself.


This isn't in response to his situation because we don't know much, but I would say a good amount of the men and women in abusive relationships develop low self esteem which adds to the reluctance of leaving the relationship. Sometimes probably to the point where they'd feel like they'd have trouble getting in another one so they kind of accept it and deal with it. At the end of the day though I suppose it's up to them themselves to speak out about it either to their friends and family and go from there. All that can be done is raise more awareness about it so nobody allows themselves to enter a mindset where it's not a big deal or a normal issue that can just be put up with. As soon as any partner hit me maliciously I'd just walk out, without saying anything, and never talk to them again. Even if they approached me somewhere I'd carry on as if they didn't exist and I wouldn't feel bad about it.

ComfortKid

Ah lads I think ye are going a bit overboard. In 10 year's it's probably happened 3 or 4 times. And like I said, I probably deserved it. Sometimes people lose their temper and lose control, she apologies and we get on with it, no big deal. It's not worth losing my missus and children over the odd belt. Shes not a violent person, the complete opposite actually. Thanks anyway for yer concern.

DavidRamsay99

The first and only time I have been struck by a woman was in Coppers one Saturday last year when a drunken woman punched me in the face for not reason whatsoever. I was furious so I went over to the nearest bouncer who had already seen what had happened and the girl was thrown out along with her poxy friend and my evening resumed uninterrupted. The bouncers grabbed the women by the arm and dragged them out. They were strong men and it was like picking up a pair of ten year old boys for them. I am tall strong and able bodied and apart from a trained fighter like Katie Taylor or Aisling Daly I'm pretty sure no woman can hurt me so I have no need to hit back in the extremely rare event that a woman is stupid enough to hit me.

walshb

MRedd wrote: »

not punching a person back because she s a woman is sexist!

It may be, but it's also not a reason to punch her back. If you choose to use a less forceful method of defence/restraint due to you knowing that a female stands before you then I would call that quite a normal male reaction. Normal for many males. Call me a sexist all you want. I'd rather not lash out with the same force as I would if a man stood before me. That is not to say that I won't need to.

tritium

walshb wrote: »

It may be, but it's also not a reason to punch her back. If you choose to use a less forceful method of defence/restraint due to you knowing that a female stands before you then I would call that quite a normal male reaction. Normal for many males. Call me a sexist all you want. I'd rather not lash out with the same force as I would if a man stood before me. That is not to say that I won't need to.

Tbh I'd rather not lash out at all, man or woman before me, unless I had no other choice to protect myself or others. An awful lot of people have died from a single punch.

walshb

tritium wrote: »

Tbh I'd rather not lash out at all, man or woman before me, unless I had no other choice to protect myself or others. An awful lot of people have died from a single punch.

I agree. That would be the best scenario, but if having to use force, as in striking, I think disregarding the gender, or other issues is a bit odd IMO, and wrong. Gender is an important factor, as generally a woman will be smaller and less strong than the equivalent man. To think of this IMO is normal and decent, not sexist or wrong.

ALiasEX

Men generally being stronger than women tells you nothing about the current man/woman standing before you, though.

You'd expect my smaller sister to be weaker than me but you would be wrong (arm strength at least).

Pat Mustard

ALiasEX wrote: »

Men generally being stronger than women tells you nothing about the current man/woman standing before you, though.

You'd expect my smaller sister to be weaker than me but you would be wrong (arm strength at least).

This was discussed earlier. On average, men are so much stronger that this scenario is very unlikely, with regard to upper body strength. See this study:

The women were approximately 52% and 66% as strong as the men in the upper and lower body respectively.

walshb

ALiasEX wrote: »

Men generally being stronger than women tells you nothing about the current man/woman standing before you, though.

You'd expect my smaller sister to be weaker than me but you would be wrong (arm strength at least).

Of course you could get it wrong. Nothing is certain in a lot of individual cases, but generally speaking it is a certainty that males are stronger, and clearly stronger than females.

Standman

I'm sure it's all been said already, but I think the real issue is; why would you retaliate if anyone hit you, regardless of gender?

The only valid reason to hit someone back is if you have no other choice/you've ran out of all other options in defending yourself or someone else IMO. It's not as simple as "you hit me so I have to hit you".

walshb

Standman wrote: »

I'm sure it's all been said already, but I think the real issue is; why would you retaliate if anyone hit you, regardless of gender?

The only valid reason to hit someone back is if you have no other choice/you've ran out of all other options in defending yourself or someone else IMO. It's not as simple as "you hit me so I have to hit you".

But you (as a male) are probably more likely to hit back against a male. Human nature, hence the debate. Less likely to strike against a woamn.

DavidRamsay99

I saw a video on youtube from a reality TV show testing people's reaction to seeing (1) a man attacking a woman (2) a woman attacking a man.

When the man "attacked" the woman (they were actors) angry bystanders immediately intervened.

When the woman "attacked" the man, bystanders starting laughing and enjoying the free public entertainment.

I've seen other videos where a woman attacks a guy and he punches her and even though she is clearly in the wrong the other guys rush to beat him up.

Standman

walshb wrote: »

But you (as a male) are probably more likely to hit back against a male. Human nature, hence the debate. Less likely to strike against a woamn.

Well I wouldn't be more likely to hit a male because as I said I would only hit back if there were no other options. Gender doesn't come into it, it's about the specific situation.

It's true that many guys seem to think that it's OK to beat the shit out each other, but control themselves more when it comes to women. I think they should attempt to have that kind of self-control during altercations with men also.

Reventon93

Ive always wondered about how other guys in general think about this. Im guessing most guys are fairly big. So what would ye do if you were shorter and lighter, so nearly evenly matched with the girl?

Id have no problem retaliating. Hit me, expect to get hit back. Im not small, but im not big either and ive known plenty of girls that are bigger and tougher than me. So im not going to give someone the edge over me be they a man or a woman.

Its nice, all the chivalry and stuff, but im pretty sure if someone was in the process of seriously hurting you, i doubt youre gonna just stand there and try to reason with them.

Then again, i dunno. Ive luckily never been in such a situation, so i dont really have experience in this kind of thing. Just an opinion.

Mesrine65

Yes