Requesting guest specific gift.

wuffly

These people are deranged.....

Oryx

Single and ready to mingle sounds so cheery, but the reality is they are too tight to pay for your +1

allym

Lau2976 wrote: »

They had boxes on the back of the invite with

Couple

Couple + _ child/ren

Single and ready to mingle! (No +1)

Mine was already pre-ticked the 3rd one.

I am crying laughing at this. What is wrong with these people!!!

sunshine and showers

Oryx wrote: »

Single and ready to mingle sounds so cheery, but the reality is they are too tight to pay for your +1

I don't think it sounds cheery at all. The only way they could have made it worse is if they'd put "single pringle ready to mingle".

I'm almost certain they just hadn't thought of that rhyme when writing the invites.

Also ticking your acceptance FOR you is just so rude!

Uno my Uno.

Meangadh wrote: »

I agree that allowing people to choose is better than this particular situation on this thread- but I'm sorry, I'll never be ok with a mention of gifts on an invite. It's tacky, crass, needy and completely missing the point of a wedding. [B} Yes, gifts are traditional- but it should be completely up to the guest. Feck the list. Feck what the Bride and Groom want. That's not why they're getting married, and personally I couldn't care less whether they get stuff they "want" or not. What they "want" is to get married. Anything extra on top of that is a bonus that they should accept with gratitude, even if it's a crappy tenth set of knives.

(Sorry I realise I'm an awful grump when it comes to this, but it's one of my biggest bug bears in the world!!)

Guests expect to get information with an invitation, if they are going to ask about a registry anyway it makes sense to tell people on the invitation that there is one if people want to look at it, that doesn't mean a couple are demanding those items be bought. There isn't anything rude about it and it certainly doesn't miss the point of a wedding. I'm getting married this year and I'm moving house, we don't need (or want) crystal champagne flutes but we do need pots and pans, if someone wants to give us a gift I want them to know what we need. A registry is the easiest and most polite way of doing that both for us and our guests.

Just as a gift should be received with gratitude (whether you wanted it or not), a gift should be given freely and without conditions, the attitude of "you will get what I give you and you'll like it whether it is any good to you or not" is no way to give a gift. Better off not giving anything at all if that is the case.

Tiger Mcilroy

This thread is great, we got married 2 years ago and got a mix of cash and gifts as we didnt care what people gave us and of course some of the stuff wasnt our taste but its the effort people go to that counted for us.

To put a value of 250 on people and dictate gifts for their kid is not normal and im deilghted the cake guy has basically told them to get stuffed.

HiGlo

Uno my Uno. wrote: »

Just as a gift should be received with gratitude (whether you wanted it or not), a gift should be given freely and without conditions, the attitude of "you will get what I give you and you'll like it whether it is any good to you or not" is no way to give a gift. Better off not giving anything at all if that is the case.

I don't think anyone really gives a gift with a "like it or lump it" attitude. Perhaps I'm wrong. It's certainly not a nice way to be.
When I buy a gift for a wedding couple I usually try and put thought into it and get something suited to the couple.


I think its more that some people don't like the idea of being told what to buy. I get the function of a registry, and if people choose to have one that's their prerogative, but it's not to my personal taste.

Uno my Uno.

HiGlo wrote: »

I don't think anyone really gives a gift with a "like it or lump it" attitude. Perhaps I'm wrong. It's certainly not a nice way to be.
When I buy a gift for a wedding couple I usually try and put thought into it and get something suited to the couple.


I think its more that some people don't like the idea of being told what to buy. I get the function of a registry, and if people choose to have one that's their prerogative, but it's not to my personal taste.

Totally agree, and hey no one "has" to buy something from a registry, ultimately everyone is free to give (or not) whatever gift they wish. My main point was that having a registry and letting people about it isn't rude, demanding or anything like it.

polydactyl

Our list that I previously mentioned was fab, esp as when we went to collect the gifts they gave us the list of presents purchased and we could choose if we still wanted them ( two gifts had been bought off list so we didnt need the ones from the list) and if not we could get a voucher to their value....and we collected them during the christmas sales so they gave us them all at the sale price and gave us the differnce in vouchers

So we have all the gifts from people to show them if they ever call over but got lots of extra bits too

liz lemoncello

Flippyfloppy wrote: »

Seriously? What would be the point in that?

To tell the invitee/OP, "Don't even think about asking for a plus one".

Meangadh

Lau2976 wrote: »

They had boxes on the back of the invite with

Couple

Couple + _ child/ren

Single and ready to mingle! (No +1)

Mine was already pre-ticked the 3rd one.

:eek::eek::eek:

Holy God. These two just get worse! I've no problem with people not putting "and guest" or "plus one" on an invite really, especially if they do know you're not currently with anyone and you know other people at the wedding so you won't be on your own. But "single and ready to mingle" is so cringe! Makes it sound like you're going to hop on the the nearest fellow single person at the wedding... You'd have to laugh or you'd cry

Uno my Uno. wrote: »

Guests expect to get information with an invitation, if they are going to ask about a registry anyway it makes sense to tell people on the invitation that there is one if people want to look at it, that doesn't mean a couple are demanding those items be bought. There isn't anything rude about it and it certainly doesn't miss the point of a wedding. I'm getting married this year and I'm moving house, we don't need (or want) crystal champagne flutes but we do need pots and pans, if someone wants to give us a gift I want them to know what we need. A registry is the easiest and most polite way of doing that both for us and our guests.

Just as a gift should be received with gratitude (whether you wanted it or not), a gift should be given freely and without conditions, the attitude of "you will get what I give you and you'll like it whether it is any good to you or not" is no way to give a gift. Better off not giving anything at all if that is the case.

I do see where you're coming from, honestly, but I just feel if there's something a couple needs, that's up to them to buy themselves. It shouldn't be up to the guests to provide these things. I would imagine most gifts *are* bought freely and without conditions- and in fact it is the couple who specify what gifts they want are the ones who are applying the conditions. I know I always buy things I feel the couple would like and would use. But I would really be annoyed if they requested something specific (even off a list)- unless I asked them of course.

Uno my Uno. wrote: »

Totally agree, and hey no one "has" to buy something from a registry, ultimately everyone is free to give (or not) whatever gift they wish. My main point was that having a registry and letting people about it isn't rude, demanding or anything like it.

We'll have to agree to disagree on this I'm afraid I'll just never ever think it's ok to ask your guests for anything. They'll almost all get you something anyway, and with thought put into it, (or even usually cash really so you can get what you like then). And if there's anything you don't like, then so what. You'll have had a lovely day with friends and family.

Arbiter of Good Taste

Meangadh wrote: »

:eek::eek::eek:

Holy God. These two just get worse! I've no problem with people not putting "and guest" or "plus one" on an invite really, especially if they do know you're not currently with anyone and you know other people at the wedding so you won't be on your own. But "single and ready to mingle" is so cringe! Makes it sound like you're going to hop on the the nearest fellow single person at the wedding... You'd have to laugh or you'd cry



I do see where you're coming from, honestly, but I just feel if there's something a couple needs, that's up to them to buy themselves. It shouldn't be up to the guests to provide these things. I would imagine most gifts *are* bought freely and without conditions- and in fact it is the couple who specify what gifts they want are the ones who are applying the conditions. I know I always buy things I feel the couple would like and would use. But I would really be annoyed if they requested something specific (even off a list)- unless I asked them of course.



We'll have to agree to disagree on this I'm afraid I'll just never ever think it's ok to ask your guests for anything. They'll almost all get you something anyway, and with thought put into it, (or even usually cash really so you can get what you like then). And if there's anything you don't like, then so what. You'll have had a lovely day with friends and family.

To be honest, I really don't get this. People are generally very generous with wedding gifts. Why would you want to fork out a lot of money for something that the couple aren't really fussed about? People have different tastes, so one person's "thoughtful" might be another's "dust collector".

Personally I think cash or vouchers are the best. But if the couple give you the option of choosing from a gift register, who cares? Of course I have seen gift registers populated only with really expensive gifts. That's not right.

Uno my Uno.

Meangadh wrote: »

:eek::eek::eek:

I do see where you're coming from, honestly, but I just feel if there's something a couple needs, that's up to them to buy themselves. It shouldn't be up to the guests to provide these things. I would imagine most gifts *are* bought freely and without conditions- and in fact it is the couple who specify what gifts they want are the ones who are applying the conditions. I know I always buy things I feel the couple would like and would use. But I would really be annoyed if they requested something specific (even off a list)- unless I asked them of course.

We'll have to agree to disagree on this I'm afraid I'll just never ever think it's ok to ask your guests for anything. They'll almost all get you something anyway, and with thought put into it, (or even usually cash really so you can get what you like then). And if there's anything you don't like, then so what. You'll have had a lovely day with friends and family.

I don't think you understand my posts or what a registry is really about. I never suggested it is up to guests to provide anything for a couple and having a registry isn't asking your guests to buy you a gift or insisting that you buy them anything at all. Your guests don't have to buy anything off it but if they want to know what you want or need (and people generally do) the registry is just a list for them to look at and help them choose.

It amazes me that people get offended so easily over these things. A person is totally happy to spend money on a gift but when the couple says "hey if you're going to get us a gift can you make it one of these items?" all of a sudden its greedy and crass and instead they should just be glad they got another set of steak knives which they can't sell online because that too would be crass/greedy/etc. To me its just sensible planning, the couple gets something they want/need and the guest knows they are giving something that will be truly appreciated and not in the attic or on ebay in two weeks time :o:o

Meangadh

It's not that though- it's the assumption of getting a gift. And I know most people buy gifts anyway, and I know people mostly buy gifts with the best of intentions, but I just think any mention at all of gifts on an invitation is tacky. I mean you wouldn't mention gifts on a birthday party invitation, so what makes a wedding different?

As I said, I get that even with a registry no one is forced to buy from it, or even buy anything at all, or give anything- but I would never ever invite someone to a party that I am throwing and mention gifts. It just wouldn't even enter my head for a second to bring gifts into the equation.

solerina

When is this wedding ? I will really miss this thread when its all over !!

kissmequick

Get her a bottle of Cordial. That'll learn her. :pac: And throw in the strongest Bottle of Floor-Polish Furniture-Polish rank Alcohol in Lidl/Aldi that you can find.

Scarinae

As someone who is not married but has attended weddings - I LOVE wedding lists/gift registries because I can get them a gift that I know they actually want and will use. I wouldn't stick it on the invitation though if I was getting married.

Arbiter of Good Taste

Scarinae wrote: »

As someone who is not married but has attended weddings - I LOVE wedding lists/gift registries because I can get them a gift that I know they actually want and will use. I wouldn't stick it on the invitation though if I was getting married.

I think there are a lot of people who have registers but don't mention it on the invite. Then if someone asks then the couple can point them in the direction of the list. But apparently this is still too offensive for some people. I can't understand it.

Here Comes The Trio

solerina wrote: »

When is this wedding ? I will really miss this thread when its all over !!

I think she said March! I don't know whether I can handle another month of this, I am so looking forward to hear how the day goes but will also be left feeling very empty after this has passed!

Uno my Uno.

Meangadh wrote: »

It's not that though- it's the assumption of getting a gift. And I know most people buy gifts anyway, and I know people mostly buy gifts with the best of intentions, but I just think any mention at all of gifts on an invitation is tacky. I mean you wouldn't mention gifts on a birthday party invitation, so what makes a wedding different?

As I said, I get that even with a registry no one is forced to buy from it, or even buy anything at all, or give anything- but I would never ever invite someone to a party that I am throwing and mention gifts. It just wouldn't even enter my head for a second to bring gifts into the equation.

I don't think there is any assumption at all, you're reading too much into a couple's intentions there. And a wedding is different because the tradition is to by much more bigger gifts that a couple will have for many years, that isn't usually the case with birthday presents.

We're going to have a registry and we will be letting our guests know about it, it probably won't be extensive or expensive and will be almost entirely homewares with maybe a couple of fun items. If some of our guests would like to give us a gift it's there for them. Many of our guests will be traveling so we will be letting them know that for all our guests their presence is our present. I don't think anyone could be offended by any of that I know I never have been when I've seen it.

Tarzana2

Oryx wrote: »

Single and ready to mingle sounds so cheery, but the reality is they are too tight to pay for your +1

In fairness, I don't really consider it tight to not offer every guest a +1. Sometimes it's just not possible to. I got invitations to weddings just for me by myself when I was single and it never bothered me.

Flippyfloppy

Tarzana2 wrote: »

In fairness, I don't really consider it tight to not offer every guest a +1. Sometimes it's just not possible to. I got invitations to weddings just for me by myself when I was single and it never bothered me.

A recent trend seems to be inviting people with significant others and giving them no plus ones! Anyone else had this happen?

MistyCheese

solerina wrote: »

When is this wedding ? I will really miss this thread when its all over !!

OP isn't going to the wedding though.

ShazGV

MistyCheese wrote: »

OP isn't going to the wedding though.

OP's parents are, I think! I'm sure we'll get the goss from somewhere.

Uno my Uno.

Flippyfloppy wrote: »

A recent trend seems to be inviting people with significant others and giving them no plus ones! Anyone else had this happen?

Never had it happen, would never do it either. It would be very awkward for everyone, would anyone accept an invite if their spouse/partner wasn't invited also?

angryInch

Having read a lot of this thread, very surprised at how many people give physical gifts rather than cash at weddings.
Been to about 25 weddings over the last 10 years and always gave cash (as did everyone else I knew). At my own wedding, with 220 guests, only 3 guests gave a gift (rather than cash).
Maybe cash gifts are just a country/Munster thing, but I thought buying an actual gift (rather than cash) was something that stopped about 20 or 30 years ago.

polydactyl

Country wedding here. Gifts were 30% actual and 70% cash. All the actual gifts came from OH side.

Meangadh

angryInch wrote: »

Having read a lot of this thread, very surprised at how many people give physical gifts rather than cash at weddings.
Been to about 25 weddings over the last 10 years and always gave cash (as did everyone else I knew). At my own wedding, with 220 guests, only 3 guests gave a gift (rather than cash).
Maybe cash gifts are just a country/Munster thing, but I thought buying an actual gift (rather than cash) was something that stopped about 20 or 30 years ago.

I think it's something that has come back an awful lot more in the last two or the years but I reckon cash is still the usual gift.

Just to say as well re. my previous posts- it's not that I'd be offended by a registry list on an invite, I'd just find it tacky, and yeah, probably a bit rude. Wouldn't stop me getting the couple something, and I would go along with the list- but I would cringe at their invite that they mentioned gifts on it at all. As I said, it just wouldn't be my style to mention gifts for an event that I have invited people to attend. Everyone has their own way of doing things, especially when it comes to weddings I think! That's just my take on invitations anyway.

OP, tell your parents to take plenty of pictures when they go to the wedding- not for us to see but just so you can describe it in detail!!!

MistyCheese

Meangadh wrote: »

it's not that I'd be offended by a registry list on an invite, I'd just find it tacky, and yeah, probably a bit rude.

Yeah, there's nothing wrong with a registry list, it's just putting the info in with the invite smacks of 'Hi, come to my thing, btw here's some presents I'd like.'

Registry info should be given out if and.when someone asks for it.

Dubl07

I know our rationale for giving a physical gift rather than cash is because cash is just money that is swallowed up by everyday expenses: Not forgotten per se, but there's no tangible reminder of the day, the occasion or of the guest.

A well-chosen gift might still be in regular use 60 or more years later. It's lovely sometimes to use things in my relatives' houses or even just admire an object and be told about its provenance. That doesn't happen with cash.

InTheTrees

Lau2976 wrote: »

They valued the portrait at 35 because that's what they said the materials were worth.

Eugh.

That sums up this whole debacle.

You're well of that one at least.

Gatica

MistyCheese wrote: »

Registry info should be given out if and.when someone asks for it.

and for the most part it is, I believe.

We've given cash, cash/gift combo and just gifts as well. It's nice to see the gift you got someone being used, even if it's from the registry. We got nice serving plates, among other things at the last wedding from their registry. Now, just because we didn't pick them ourselves, doesn't mean that it doesn't feel like it's from us, and if I see them being used, I'd be delighted to think that was our gift.

DrPhilG

Am I the only one that can't wait until March for a full report?

This thread has become the stuff of legends, I was linked here from the pet forum!

orubiru

MistyCheese wrote: »

Yeah, there's nothing wrong with a registry list, it's just putting the info in with the invite smacks of 'Hi, come to my thing, btw here's some presents I'd like.'

Registry info should be given out if and.when someone asks for it.

That is exactly what it is. People saying "oh but we don't want to receive 10 toasters" are just making excuses for their rude and entitled behavior.

I can confidently predict that if a couple do not mention gifts AT ALL on their wedding invitation then they will get cash from the majority of their guests.

Of those guests who do bring a non cash gift, most will either ask the couple if they have a list of things they want/need or will buy something that they feel is personal and unique.

The actual percentage of unrequested gifts that would be "unwanted", is going to be small and probably, not all that high in value. Even then, how many of those would the giver say something like "I have the receipt if you want to exchange it"?

If you are thinking "well, we know we will get gifts so lets make sure we get gifts that we actually want or need" then you really need to take a look at yourself. Or maybe society needs to take a look at itself. I dunno.

Let's be honest here, there is never a need to mention gifts at all on a wedding invitation.

Arbiter of Good Taste

orubiru wrote: »

That is exactly what it is. People saying "oh but we don't want to receive 10 toasters" are just making excuses for their rude and entitled behavior.

I can confidently predict that if a couple do not mention gifts AT ALL on their wedding invitation then they will get cash from the majority of their guests.

Of those guests who do bring a non cash gift, most will either ask the couple if they have a list of things they want/need or will buy something that they feel is personal and unique.

The actual percentage of unrequested gifts that would be "unwanted", is going to be small and probably, not all that high in value. Even then, how many of those would the giver say something like "I have the receipt if you want to exchange it"?

If you are thinking "well, we know we will get gifts so lets make sure we get gifts that we actually want or need" then you really need to take a look at yourself. Or maybe society needs to take a look at itself. I dunno.

Let's be honest here, there is never a need to mention gifts at all on a wedding invitation.

As someone who did not have a wedding list and primarily received cash gifts I would have to question people's idea of "personal and unique" We now have enough candlesticks in our house to rival any church, and enough picture frames to open an art gallery.

DrPhilG

orubiru wrote: »

Let's be honest here, there is never a need to mention gifts at all on a wedding invitation.

Like it or not, it's pretty much the done thing.

I can't remember the last time I had an invitation that didn't either include details of a list, or a polite request for cash gifts.

Always dressed up by having a little poem or something saying that they have everything they need but if you still wish to give a gift, money would be appreciated.

Simple fact is that the vast majority of couples getting married these days are already living together and have everything they need in their home so cash is the most sensible present.

We always give cash as a gift even if there is a wedding gift list.

Oryx

Arbiter of Good Taste wrote: »

As someone who did not have a wedding list and primarily received cash gifts I would have to question people's idea of "personal and unique" We now have enough candlesticks in our house to rival any church, and enough picture frames to open an art gallery.

Wanna do a deal on some steak knives?

Sligo1

orubiru wrote: »

I can confidently predict that if a couple do not mention gifts AT ALL on their wedding invitation then they will get cash from the majority of their guests.

Of those guests who do bring a non cash gift, most will either ask the couple if they have a list of things they want/need or will buy something that they feel is personal and unique.

The actual percentage of unrequested gifts that would be "unwanted", is going to be small and probably, not all that high in value. Even then, how many of those would the giver say something like "I have the receipt if you want to exchange it"?
.

This part of your post I disagree with. For our wedding all OHs side of family gave gifts. Most of my side gave cash. He has a lot more family than us. So it was majority gifts. There were a couple of lovely thoughtful ones. But for the most part we got frames and candlesticks and wine glasses to add to the ones we already received when we got engaged. No gift receipts.

Still have the majority of them up in the attic as I actually have no place for them in our by no means small house. I've managed to regift some to other people who have gotten engaged in the meantime but for the most part the are just gathering dust in the attic.

I'm not complaining here.. People were very tjoughtful to give us anything. And we certainly didn't expect it all. But fact is... Nobody could possibly have use for 20 candlesticks or 50 wine glasses...

Arbiter of Good Taste

DrPhilG wrote: »

Like it or not, it's pretty much the done thing.

I can't remember the last time I had an invitation that didn't either include details of a list, or a polite request for cash gifts.

Always dressed up by having a little poem or something saying that they have everything they need but if you still wish to give a gift, money would be appreciated.

Simple fact is that the vast majority of couples getting married these days are already living together and have everything they need in their home so cash is the most sensible present.

We always give cash as a gift even if there is a wedding gift list.

What really perplexed me were people who specifically asked what we wanted (we didn't have a list) and then ignored what we said.

I had three friends who asked what we wanted. I felt really uncomfortable because I didn't want to tell anyone what to get - indeed I did not want people to think we were even expecting gifts. So I (being a coward) tried to avoid the discussion until the people in question demanded (in the nicest way possible) an answer.

So, cue a difficult conversation along the lines of we really didn't expect anything from them (even more so as these were travelling from abroad) , but if they insisted on a gift, then a token cash amount or gift token would be most appreciated.

In each case they ended up buying us a gift. I'm not complaining about getting a gift, I just don't get forcing what is an uncomfortable conversation, and then going a different way.

Arbiter of Good Taste

Oryx wrote: »

Wanna do a deal on some steak knives?

Trade you for a few cake cutters?

Sligo1

Oryx wrote: »

Wanna do a deal on some steak knives?

That's actually an awesome idea. There should be a sticky put up on unwanted wedding gifts and set up a swap or trade system! Lol.

God that makes me sound like an ungrateful cow. I'm actually not... .

orubiru

Sligo1 wrote: »

This part of your post I disagree with. For our wedding all OHs side of family gave gifts. Most of my side gave cash. He has a lot more family than us. So it was majority gifts. There were a couple of lovely thoughtful ones. But for the most part we got frames and candlesticks and wine glasses to add to the ones we already received when we got engaged. No gift receipts.

Still have the majority of them up in the attic as I actually have no place for them in our by no means small house. I've managed to regift some to other people who have gotten engaged in the meantime but for the most part the are just gathering dust in the attic.

I'm not complaining here.. People were very tjoughtful to give us anything. And we certainly didn't expect it all. But fact is... Nobody could possibly have use for 20 candlesticks or 50 wine glasses...

As much as I understand the frustration with this I do not feel that it is appropriate to invite someone to your wedding and then say "Listen, we know you are going to get us a gift so instead of doing that we have a list of preselected gifts you could get for us".

Is it really in the spirit of gift giving to say "well, yes, give me a gift If you must but I don't want a bunch of useless crap lying around so here is a list of gifts I would like, choose one from that list"?

Asking for gifts, and asking for specific gifts, is rude. It does not matter how you try to frame it.

OK, maybe it is OK with close friends and close relatives but in those situations people with normally "drop hints" at what they might like or the gift giver will just outright ask "what do you want for Event X".

If you find yourself inviting 100+ people to your wedding then I am gonna guess that you won't be all THAT close with a lot of your guests. To ask them for a specific gift or for cash or to tell them if they must get a gift then get one from a list... that's a bit off.

Toots

I know toasters are a much maligned wedding gift, but I didn't get a single one when I got married! I was secretly hoping for one because my toaster was crap, but because it still technically worked, the hubby didn't think it was necessary to buy a new one.

A friend of mine got married, and all the guys from his rugby club got him an argos value range toaster each, literally the cheapest one on the site. Himself and the wife were opening presents the morning after, and it was just toaster after toaster. They both thought it was hilarious, and figured they'd just give all the toasters to SVP or something. Then they bumped into one of the guys in the lobby later on and they were laughing about how they'd be living on toast for the next year, and the guy said something like "Make sure there's nothing in the toaster before you turn it on the first time!" So when they went back to the room, they opened one of the toasters, and there was an envelope with a few bob inside each one! If they hadn't bumped into the guy in the lobby they'd have been none the wiser, and just packed the toasters off to charity! :pac:

Neyite

DrPhilG wrote: »

Am I the only one that can't wait until March for a full report?

This thread has become the stuff of legends, I was linked here from the pet forum!

For the love of god, nobody link this to FB or twitter, otherwise we'll have another thread that has to get deleted before the big shakedown showdown!!!

LLewellen Farquarson

Wow, just wow!

OP, I have a few questions
1. The invite said that it was joining families from two countries (continents?). Where is the groom from (I assume the bride(zilla) is Irish as she is/was a friend)?

2. Do you have any feedback from the groom in all this? Is he part instigator/going along with it/know what he is getting himself in for/completely oblivious?

3. Any update on the number of refusals?

I am so glad my wife wasn't a bridezilla - I don't appreaciate that woman enough.

HiGlo

Dubl07 wrote: »

I know our rationale for giving a physical gift rather than cash is because cash is just money that is swallowed up by everyday expenses: Not forgotten per se, but there's no tangible reminder of the day, the occasion or of the guest.

A well-chosen gift might still be in regular use 60 or more years later. It's lovely sometimes to use things in my relatives' houses or even just admire an object and be told about its provenance. That doesn't happen with cash.

Yeah, I completely agree with this. I think cash can result in no physical sentimental items. I guess I look at it more from my parents side (rather than friends), as when we take out the champagne glasses for celebrations or Christmas its nice to know that they are a wedding gift my parents received. Or the canteen of cutlery we use at Christmas.
I know people scoff at Champagne glasses cause they're sooooo cliche but it's nice to have them over the years. Some people can think short term in regards to wedding gifts but with a longer term view there are some lovely gifts.

DrPhilG

We were given direct instructions by a family member about what to get them for a wedding present. Not too expensive, think it was about €160.

Imagine my amusement when our turn came around and they gave us diddly squat...

Sligo1

orubiru wrote: »

As much as I understand the frustration with this I do not feel that it is appropriate to invite someone to your wedding and then say "Listen, we know you are going to get us a gift so instead of doing that we have a list of preselected gifts you could get for us".

Is it really in the spirit of gift giving to say "well, yes, give me a gift If you must but I don't want a bunch of useless crap lying around so here is a list of gifts I would like, choose one from that list"?

Asking for gifts, and asking for specific gifts, is rude. It does not matter how you try to frame it.

OK, maybe it is OK with close friends and close relatives but in those situations people with normally "drop hints" at what they might like or the gift giver will just outright ask "what do you want for Event X".

If you find yourself inviting 100+ people to your wedding then I am gonna guess that you won't be all THAT close with a lot of your guests. To ask them for a specific gift or for cash or to tell them if they must get a gift then get one from a list... that's a bit off.

I'm not disagreeing with you here. I'm kinda on the fence. Was only disagreeing about the presumption gifts will be mostly cash.

We never specified anything or expected anything. But it was pretty frustrating seeing all the glasses and candle Sticks we got. Just frustrating in the sense that I know people paid good money for it all yet it's all sitting up in our attic unused. That's where I can see why having a registry might possibly come in handy. Not sure about advertising it in the invite tho...

Arbiter of Good Taste

orubiru wrote: »

As much as I understand the frustration with this I do not feel that it is appropriate to invite someone to your wedding and then say "Listen, we know you are going to get us a gift so instead of doing that we have a list of preselected gifts you could get for us".

Is it really in the spirit of gift giving to say "well, yes, give me a gift If you must but I don't want a bunch of useless crap lying around so here is a list of gifts I would like, choose one from that list"?

Asking for gifts, and asking for specific gifts, is rude. It does not matter how you try to frame it.

OK, maybe it is OK with close friends and close relatives but in those situations people with normally "drop hints" at what they might like or the gift giver will just outright ask "what do you want for Event X".

If you find yourself inviting 100+ people to your wedding then I am gonna guess that you won't be all THAT close with a lot of your guests. To ask them for a specific gift or for cash or to tell them if they must get a gift then get one from a list... that's a bit off.

But the flip side is, that there seems to be an attitude with some people of "Fvck them, they can't tell me what to do. I'll show them now and get a toaster". Surely if we are bringing the "spirit" of gift giving to the table, if people are as nice and caring as they like to pretend they are, then surely they want their gift to bring happiness, not make the couple feel guilty because they are not over the moon to receive 50 wine glasses.

Arbiter of Good Taste

DrPhilG wrote: »

We were given direct instructions by a family member about what to get them for a wedding present. Not too expensive, think it was about €160.

Imagine my amusement when our turn came around and they gave us diddly squat...

Ouch.

Both my brother and brother in law were very generous to us when we got married. We're hoping neither get married in the near future! :p:p