Requesting guest specific gift.

ABajaninCork

Well - nothing wrong with 'crowd funding' (begging). You have to admire their chutzpah. They can only ask. Most people would tell them to Foxtrot Oscar. More fool anyone who goes along with the charade.

marialouise

ABajaninCork wrote: »

to Foxtrot Oscar

I LOVE this! :P

Tarzana2

ABajaninCork wrote: »

Well - nothing wrong with 'crowd funding' (begging).

Oh indeed. But at least many crowdfunding efforts are to raise money for artistic endeavours or very good causes. I can't understand what their unique angle is that they think will make people part with their cash.

MistyCheese

Tarzana2 wrote: »

Would be interesting to see how they get on, I guess.

So far they have 1 bid of $350 on Ticket One. No bids on any of the other five tickets as yet.

Arbiter of Good Taste

MistyCheese wrote: »

So far they have 1 bid of $350 on Ticket One. No bids on any of the other five tickets as yet.

The person who bid is a moron who doesn't deserve to have money.

Beaner1

Arbiter of Good Taste wrote: »

The person who bid is a moron who doesn't deserve to have money.

I'd say that was their own bid to take the bare look off it and get the ball rolling. It won't roll any further.

Arbiter of Good Taste

Beaner1 wrote: »

I'd they that was their own bid to take the bare look off it and get the ball rolling. It won't roll any further.

Actually, come to think of it, You're probably right. It's probably a friend of theirs

Gatica

Lau2976 wrote: »

She said that she hadn't invited me for the gift but didn't see any issue asking for it as she "knew" I was doing well at the moment. I'm not going to lie and say I'm broke or anything but...

Let me stop you right there.... Who the hell is she to be deciding on 1) how someone is doing financially, well or otherwise, and 2) what that should mean in terms of the gifts they would/should be giving?

Words fail how stupid and self-absorbed this "person" is... I don't know anyone who would ever presume on getting anything off any friend they may consider to be well off, whether it be a round of pints, dinner, presents, or anything else. Just imagine telling a friend, "I don't see any issue with you paying for tonight's dinner because I know you're doing well at the moment." Whaaaa?!!

honey79

Deleted User wrote: »

Have a read of this!
http://www.independent.ie/style/weddings/irish-couple-invite-strangers-to-bid-on-seats-to-their-vegas-wedding-to-fund-big-day-30928346.html

:eek:

CaliforniaDream

I love the part in the article that says 'if we like you at the wedding we'll invite you to Fremont St'.
Why couldn't the person just go there themselves?! It's an open street, you don't need an invite to get there.
I live in Vegas, I might try and gate crash a wedding on the 16th...

Meangadh

cactusgal wrote: »

Someone I know (friend of a friend) set up a Kickstarter campaign to be able to raise the money to have one of the dudes from the Barenaked Ladies play at her wedding.

I don't think she raised much money either.

Bahaha! What a random person to want to play at your wedding! No wonder no one wanted to fund it, it's rather niche I would have thought!

Tarzana2

cactusgal wrote: »

Someone I know (friend of a friend) set up a Kickstarter campaign to be able to raise the money to have one of the dudes from the Barenaked Ladies play at her wedding.

I don't think she raised much money either.

Just imagine how much shíte is put up on that site, loads of people chancing their arms.

Toots

Locked temporarily for housekeeping.

Toots

I've deleted the downright bitchy/nasty comments at the end of this thread.

macyard infracted for trolling. Any more comments like that, and you'll be getting a forum ban.

I don't mind people discussing that news article, because it ties in with the idea behind this thread, however making personal comments about the couples' appearance/weight/etc is absolutely not on.

Any further discussion of that nature will earn the poster a red card or 24 hour ban.

westernlass

I am so shocked OP that the bride could ask your directly to your face for a present. I'm sending out save the dates a year ahead to relations in UK to help them figure out if can afford to come. I expect nothing from them or anyone but feel a bit guilty about the cost if they do travel. How can she be so selfish ?

neris

westernlass wrote: »

I am so shocked OP that the bride could ask your directly to your face for a present. I'm sending out save the dates a year ahead to relations in UK to help them figure out if can afford to come. I expect nothing from them or anyone but feel a bit guilty about the cost if they do travel. How can she be so selfish ?

Now thats organised. Relations of mine have just received an invitation on Friday to wedding in Australia in March this year (2015, 6 weekish from now)

Esterhase

Well holy god.

I really hope that this couple don't receive a single cent from the decliners and that they don't meet minimum numbers for the hotel. That sounds really vindictive... but they need a good kick up the arse. Maybe once they have lost a chunk of their estimated profits and end up with no friends they'll learn about the value of people's time and money.

OP I wonder if your mothers ticket price honeymoon contribution request will increase by the price of the stand mixer, now that the bride knows you're such a crap friend that you will not provide her with the appliances she so desperately needs?

Sittingpretty

I am totally over Irish weddings.

I don't know what becomes of couples/brides once they set a date for their wedding, the gremlins take over.

A very close friend of mine who is getting wed next year was heard to say of her brother, wife and two children who live in Australia and I have been home this year for first time in 5 years - Why wouldn't they all come again next year? Aren't I giving them a year to save?!

It's the total entitlement of it that bugs me. I think most couples forget that while their wedding may be THEIR priority, most likely it's not on the top of anyone else's agenda. Let's face it most weddings apart from your own are very forgettable.

Neyite

neris wrote: »

Now thats organised. Relations of mine have just received an invitation on Friday to wedding in Australia in March this year (2015, 6 weekish from now)

Ah, the old 'not-really-invited invite. If they really wanted the Aussies to attend, they'd have told them they were invited when they booked the venue. But now you see, they can say that they invited them, and feign disappointment when they gracefully decline, but have banked on them not coming.

I know someone in Ireland who was asked to the afters of a wedding in the UK. That someone is known for sending a generous cash gift even when they cant attend so the cynic in me is thinking that's why.

Its getting to the stage where people are literally just inviting peoples wallets, bypassing the guest altogether.

Milly33

I hate this, even the mention of well sure we will make this much in gifts. Im like noooooooo don't think that way think of a fun day.. we must not be doing so bad then. When we picked the venue and date early last year we had the safe the dates out to all who were abroad, Oz, Taz and UK they were the first people besides family to tell

LynnGrace

Sittingpretty wrote: »

I am totally over Irish weddings.

I don't know what becomes of couples/brides once they set a date for their wedding, the gremlins take over.

It's the total entitlement of it that bugs me. I think most couples forget that while their wedding may be THEIR priority, most likely it's not on the top of anyone else's agenda. Let's face it most weddings apart from your own are very forgettable.

I'm currently reading a thread on an English website where the bridesmaids, six of them, have so far lashed out fifteen hundred quid, yes fifteen hundred apiece, for the privilege :pac: of being bridesmaids.
So I don't think it's confined to Irish weddings, at all.

LynnGrace

Neyite wrote: »

Its getting to the stage where people are literally just inviting peoples wallets, bypassing the guest altogether.

I love this .

Sittingpretty

LynnGrace wrote: »

I'm currently reading a thread on an English website where the bridesmaids, six of them, have so far lashed out fifteen hundred quid, yes fifteen hundred apiece, for the privilege :pac: of being bridesmaids.
So I don't think it's confined to Irish weddings, at all.

Probably not, the madness is universal it seems!

Vojera

Milly33 wrote: »

I hate this, even the mention of well sure we will make this much in gifts. Im like noooooooo don't think that way think of a fun day..

One of my closest friends is getting married later this year. I can't tell you how disappointed I was when she blatantly asked our mutual friend who got married before Christmas, "Did you make money on your wedding?" In front of a gang of people as well. It really made me decide that I'll give her a present rather than a cash gift. Is that petty?

Rob Thomas

Vojera wrote: »

One of my closest friends is getting married later this year. I can't tell you how disappointed I was when she blatantly asked our mutual friend who got married before Christmas, "Did you make money on your wedding?" In front of a gang of people as well. It really made me decide that I'll give her a present rather than a cash gift. Is that petty?

A kitchen aid mixer sounds like an appropriate gift to me.

unreg999

I'm in total shock over all of this...
My best friend got married a few years ago... I was the bridesmaid (there were two of us but the other was foreign & only arrived the day before!)
I organised the hen night & held it in my own house. Was more a party than anything really but I bought everything for it.
I had to buy all my own gear- dress etc- there was no dress code or anything, it was a very casual, low key affair!
I hosted the whole wedding, made all the announcements, speeches etc
I wrote them a special poem, read it on the day (there wasn't a dry eye in the place) as well as reading another poem during the reception that I had written especially for the bride... I am a published poet!
I got it framed for them and I gave them a another gift too.
I also drove different friends & family to the venue as it was in a stunning hotel around 1.5 hours away from where we live.
We had to stay over night & as I am a single parent & wasn't working at the time I had to ask them to include me in the wedding party ie pay for my b&b... i was mortified to have to do it but otherwise I wouldn't have been able to go...
I did all this with a good heart & was happy to do it for a really good friend I love to bits... but what really got me was that I was never thanked. .. lots of people were thanked just for turning up! I know it sounds trivial but I wasn't included at the wedding table & my name never came up when they were doing their speeches etc
It blatantly stood out & a good few ppl said it to me afterwards that they were surprised by it & that my involvement was a great part of the wedding & defo helped the day go much smoother!
It did hurt at the time but I got over it & they have been such good friends in so many ways.
I guess my point is that people go a bit strange & lose the plot a bit when it comes to their wedding day!

K_P

Lau2976 wrote: »

They invited around 160 I think. As of yesterday about half had declined.

This has made my day.

Nua

@LynnGrace - can you post the link to other UK bridesmaid saga?

fits

Nua wrote: »

@LynnGrace - can you post the link to other UK bridesmaid saga?

For me too! It sounds awesome.

Uno my Uno.

Whilst the Couple in the OP do sound hideous I think more than a few posters here have a somewhat unrealistic view on presents. I am getting married next year and whilst we certainly don't expect to make money on the wedding (if you actually do the maths its not really possible unless all your guests are insanely generous.) we have thought about it and are hoping that we will receive some gifts, both in cash and from a registry.

Having a wedding is expensive and it comes at a time in a couples life when actually they need all the help they can get. As you start a new chapter in your life and typically set up a new home things like homewares and cash are really really helpful.

It is traditional to give gifts and cash to Couples when they marry and most people do, it isn't greedy or rude to consider that fact and anticipate it when planning. In fact I would think a couple that doesn't at least consider what gifts they might get is being a little foolish or naive.

Of course to actually decide what gift you want from each guest, based on your own calculation of their net worth is so greedy and disgusting that I don't think I could accept such an invitation.

IvyTheTerrible

Uno my Uno. wrote: »

Whilst the Couple in the OP do sound hideous I think more than a few posters here have a somewhat unrealistic view on presents. I am getting married next year and whilst we certainly don't expect to make money on the wedding (if you actually do the maths its not really possible unless all your guests are insanely generous.) we have thought about it and are hoping that we will receive some gifts, both in cash and from a registry.

Having a wedding is expensive and it comes at a time in a couples life when actually they need all the help they can get. As you start a new chapter in your life and typically set up a new home things like homewares and cash are really really helpful.

It is traditional to give gifts and cash to Couples when they marry and most people do, it isn't greedy or rude to consider that fact and anticipate it when planning. In fact I would think a couple that doesn't at least consider what gifts they might get is being a little foolish or naive.

Of course to actually decide what gift you want from each guest, based on your own calculation of their net worth is so greedy and disgusting that I don't think I could accept such an invitation.

Weddings can be expensive but to expect people to give expensive gifts just because you want an expensive knees up is quite mean, IMO. They are guests, not paying customers.

Lau2976

Uno my Uno. wrote: »

Whilst the Couple in the OP do sound hideous I think more than a few posters here have a somewhat unrealistic view on presents. I am getting married next year and whilst we certainly don't expect to make money on the wedding (if you actually do the maths its not really possible unless all your guests are insanely generous.) we have thought about it and are hoping that we will receive some gifts, both in cash and from a registry.

Having a wedding is expensive and it comes at a time in a couples life when actually they need all the help they can get. As you start a new chapter in your life and typically set up a new home things like homewares and cash are really really helpful.

It is traditional to give gifts and cash to Couples when they marry and most people do, it isn't greedy or rude to consider that fact and anticipate it when planning. In fact I would think a couple that doesn't at least consider what gifts they might get is being a little foolish or naive.

Of course to actually decide what gift you want from each guest, based on your own calculation of their net worth is so greedy and disgusting that I don't think I could accept such an invitation.

I'm sorry but I really disagree. I don't think anybody should expect gifts from wedding guests. Especially not with the economic situation at present. I do think it's normal to get gifts for those getting married but I really don't think anybody should be planning for it.

Uno my Uno.

IvyTheTerrible wrote: »

Weddings can be expensive but to expect people to give expensive gifts just because you want an expensive knees up is quite mean, IMO. They are guests, not paying customers.

I'm not suggesting that they be treated as paying customers, quite the opposite. All I've said is that giving gifts is something that happens and that a couple are entitled to anticipate that people will want to give them gifts and consider it.

Having an expensive Wedding is actually the worst way to try to make a profit as most people don't consider the perceived cost of the wedding when deciding what gift to give but rather base it on their relationship to the couple.

Much better to try and do it all on the cheap alá bridesmaidgate and hope that all the guests will stump up a decent present regardless!

Uno my Uno.

Lau2976 wrote: »

I'm sorry but I really disagree. I don't think anybody should expect gifts from wedding guests. Especially not with the economic situation at present. I do think it's normal to get gifts for those getting married but I really don't think anybody should be planning for it.

Fair enough but I think its silly to pretend that no one is going to give you a gift on your wedding day. It is much better to recognise that fact and have a gift registry so that people's generosity is put to best effect and you don't end up with 4 toasters and a hideous set of plates you'll never use.

Of course telling someone you want them to buy you a particular and expensive gift is way out of line.

Sittingpretty

Uno my Uno. wrote: »

Much better to try and do it all on the cheap alá bridesmaidgate and hope that all the guests will stump up a decent present regardless!

This wouldn't even enter my head, hoping that your guests will "stump up" a "decent" present. That's just a vulgar way to view the people you intend on inviting to your "cheap bridesmaid gate" wedding.

MistyCheese

If you can't throw a wedding without relying on expected presents to help fund it then you shouldn't be having that kind of wedding. Throw a wedding that you can afford, if that means no chocolate fountain, no photobooth, no candy cart, no keeping up with whatever Mr. and Mrs. Jones did at their wedding then so be it.

Borrowing thousands, expecting guests to half fund the event or even crippling yourselves for years to save money in order to throw a fancy-ass party that a handful of people will care a toss about or even remember seems wrong to me. Lots of people do it and it's their choice of course but I definitely opt out. If I had won €10,000 in any of the six months before my husband and I married we would've put it aside to one day spend on a family holiday to DisneyWorld.

MistyCheese

MistyCheese wrote: »

If you can't throw a wedding without relying on expected presents to help fund it then you shouldn't be having that kind of wedding. Throw a wedding that you can afford, if that means no chocolate fountain, no photobooth, no candy cart, no keeping up with whatever Mr. and Mrs. Jones did at their wedding then so be it.

NOOOOOOOOOOO. They are a MUST HAVE. No Wedding is complete without them!

LynnGrace

The thread I mentioned earlier is on

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable

('To have another rant about friend's wedding').

tinkerbell

Wow, not just €1500 but it's actually £1500 STERLING :eek:

ABajaninCork

Which thread is it? Just got the 'home page'...

Oryx

I get a 404 error!

Arbiter of Good Taste

LynnGrace wrote: »

The thread I mentioned earlier is on

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable

('To have another rant about friend's wedding').

Oh. My. God.

But what's a marryoke?

seventeen sheep

ABajaninCork wrote: »

Which thread is it? Just got the 'home page'...

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2291570-To-have-another-rant-about-friends-wedding?

LynnGrace

I thought the link was working ok.

A marryoke, ah gals, did ye not have one??

Calahonda52

Uno my Uno. wrote: »

Having a wedding is expensive .

Only if you decide to make it so.
All this whinnying about gifts and the biggest waste of money EVER is shelling out several k's on a wedding dress.

op: stand mixers in Lidl, 69 euro!

Stheno

That other thread is mental

HeidiHeidi

What the feck is YADNBU

First post in that thread and I was lost.

Lau2976

HeidiHeidi wrote: »

What the feck is YADNBU

First post in that thread and I was lost.

You are not being unreasonable?

LynnGrace

Sorry OP, I probably derailed your thread a bit by bringing up that thread on Mumsnet

evolving_doors

Uno my Uno. wrote: »

Fair enough but I think its silly to pretend that no one is going to give you a gift on your wedding day. It is much better to recognise that fact and have a gift registry so that people's generosity is put to best effect and you don't end up with 4 toasters and a hideous set of plates you'll never use.

Of course telling someone you want them to buy you a particular and expensive gift is way out of line.

What is this, the 1970's or something with all the talk of gift registries and toasters! The old 'contribute towards our honeymoon' is just as bad.

cash is king... then second 'best is a store gift voucher.
Failing that I wouldnt expect nothing from no-one, come as you are. Once yer married you'll be seeing less of the guests in the future anyway so might as well enjoy their company while it lasts.