No present - your presence is enough

eviltwin

GalwayGirl26 wrote: »

Just don't mention presents/gifts/cash on the invite!! Don't say you want them, don't say you don't, just don't go anywhere in the direction of presents!!!!

But if you don't mention it people will buy them. We really didn't want our guests going to any trouble or expense. I would have found it embarrassing knowing people bought a gift on top of their flights. Our guests went to the trouble of working their holidays around our wedding. That alone meant more to us than anything tangible ever could. I know our guests appreciated not having to buy a gift either.

meeeeh

We got invitation like that and gave house warming present couple of days before. I would never give nothing but in that couple's case money would be the worst possible present. Anyway I never thought no gifts means give us cash.

If I ever get married we are putting on invites no bride/groom keyrings and if anybody uses word bubbly they will be kicked out.

Gatica

Then why not have "Please Please NO GIFTS of any kind" wherever it is that you give directions/info on the wedding, i.e. website or leaflet or whatever. (maybe phrased a little more eloquently, but not cringily) so there won't be room for different interpretations.

Malari

meeeeh wrote: »

We got invitation like that and gave house warming present couple of days before. I would never give nothing but in that couple's case money would be the worst possible present. Anyway I never thought no gifts means give us cash.

If I ever get married we are putting on invites no bride/groom keyrings and if anybody uses word bubbly they will be kicked out.

LOL!

skallywag

I guess different folk will interpret the exact wording in a different manner.

For me personally 'no presents - your presence is enough' definitely implies that no presents of any nature are expected, while "we have everything we need so just come along and enjoy our day with us" most definitely is saying 'cash gifts please'.

Princess Peach

I would never show up to a wedding without a gift! I wouldn't even show up to a friend's house for lunch without bringing a little something.

If the couple really insisted on no gifts, I'd still have to think of some small token for them.

Maybe a way of getting around it if you are really insistent on not getting anything is to suggest a charity people can donate to in lieu?

Gatica

tbh, if someone wants no gifts, that's their prerogative. Telling people to donate to a charity is kind of also defeating purpose if what you're trying to do is not put people under pressure to come to your wedding. Also I think charitable giving is a personal thing and I wouldn't like someone telling me what I should give to a charity or to which, even if they're not "checking up" on you.

You're not going to please everyone, but I think more people are ok with being told there's no need for presents, than people getting told what to give.

skallywag

There was a time when the principle idea behind a wedding gift was to give the new couple a leg up when it came to moving into their new home and furnishing it, etc, which is clearly not the case for a large number of couples in this day and age who will anyway cohabit beforehand. At the risk of sounding cynical it's a pretty telling sign of the times that many couples these days anticipate that the cash gifts which they receive on the day can be used to offset the actual cost of hosting the wedding in the first instance.

kandr10

Princess Peach wrote: »

I would never show up to a wedding without a gift! I wouldn't even show up to a friend's house for lunch without bringing a little something.

If the couple really insisted on no gifts, I'd still have to think of some small token for them.

Maybe a way of getting around it if you are really insistent on not getting anything is to suggest a charity people can donate to in lieu?

I'd have to agree with this. Saying nothing at all is still the vest suggestion here!

2ndcoming

I haven't heard of anyone bringing a physical gift to a wedding since I was a kid... my brother got married in 1992 and ended up with about 5 of each small kitchen appliance ever conceived and 4 dinner services and cutlery sets.

Seriously, put enough to cover the meal in a card, if you can put a bit extra, if not, no sweat. Standard practice.

kandr10

2ndcoming wrote: »

I haven't heard of anyone bringing a physical gift to a wedding since I was a kid... my brother got married in 1992 and ended up with about 5 of each small kitchen appliance ever conceived and 4 dinner services and cutlery sets.

Seriously, put enough to cover the meal in a card, if you can put a bit extra, if not, no sweat. Standard practice.

What if you can't afford to cover the meal? Wouldn't it look scabby to stick €50 in an envelope?

2ndcoming

kandr10 wrote: »

What if you can't afford to cover the meal? Wouldn't it look scabby to stick €50 in an envelope?

Well it would look less scabby than putting nothing in it!

Obviously if you can't afford to put anything you can't, you've been invited because the couple want you there not because they want your money. If they're close friends make them something like a photo collage or whatever, I'm just saying in general the standard practice from any of the weddings I've been to over the last 10 years or so is cash in a card.

seventeen sheep

I would have taken that phrase at face value - that gifts (physical or financial) were not wanted or expected. It wouldn't occur to me to interpret it any other way!

If I didn't know the couple very well, I'd probably just get them a nice card and leave it at that. If I was close to them, I'd either give them some small sentimental inexpensive personal gift, or else I'd give them a €50 voucher for a nice restaurant, something like that. (I'd also probably avoid giving it to them on the day, in case it creates an awkward situation where some guests are handing over gifts and others aren't!)

Some people genuinely aren't comfortable accepting gifts, especially when they are aware the whole event is probably expensive for guests to attend anyways.

If I wanted cash gifts, I wouldn't mention it (either straight out or subtly) on the invitation, I personally think it's quite crass ... it's also unnecessary, 90% of people will give cash anyways without you saying anything, and the minority who prefer to give physical gifts shouldn't be made feel pressurised to give cash gifts if they prefer not to.

FurBabyMomma

I have to say this thread is the perfect tonic after reading the one where the couple assigned expensive gifts to their guests!

wmpdd3

We have been pretty broke for the last few years, at the same time all our friends got married.

The most we gave to anyone was €50. that was if there was no real cost of going to the wedding ie local, just a babysitter.

If when we added it all up, it came to more than €150, we just didnt go, we couldn't.

feel better with a €20 present if the invite said your presence was enough, it doesnt matter what i written on the invite, its true, with nothing in your hands, you feel bad.

I went to one family wedding with no present, we just couldn't manage it and I always wonder if this contributed to me growing apart from the bride, we used to be closer.

I really prefer to just not go to weddings now.

DM addict

We didn't ask for presents.

People who were involved in the day (bridal party, readings, etc) - these were of course our closest friends and family- we explicity told them that their help and support on the day was all we wanted.

Some friends/family had extra travelling costs, so we were very insistent that they didn't get us anything extra.

We also knew that many of our friends were unemployed/short on cash/etc and wouldn't be able to attend if there was a gift obligation. (the wedding was city centre, so easy enough for most).

That meant that, as I suppose always happens, some people were incredibly generous and gave us cash gifts. There were also a few personalised gifts, which I actually really appreciated.

However I don't begrudge the fact that some people just gave a card and came along and celebrated with us. I would have been happy with just cards from everyone (which are now in a fancy book which I occasionally flick though)

fits

wmpdd3 wrote: »

I really prefer to just not go to weddings now.

Aww

We are having a smallish wedding and honestly just want people to come and enjoy it with us. I would prefer that they came and enjoyed it and didnt feel they had to give us a present.

eviltwin

wmpdd3 wrote: »

We have been pretty broke for the last few years, at the same time all our friends got married.

The most we gave to anyone was €50. that was if there was no real cost of going to the wedding ie local, just a babysitter.

If when we added it all up, it came to more than €150, we just didnt go, we couldn't.

feel better with a €20 present if the invite said your presence was enough, it doesnt matter what i written on the invite, its true, with nothing in your hands, you feel bad.

I went to one family wedding with no present, we just couldn't manage it and I always wonder if this contributed to me growing apart from the bride, we used to be closer.

I really prefer to just not go to weddings now.

Its not worth losing a friendship over

Tiddlypeeps

Gatica wrote: »

Then why not have "Please Please NO GIFTS of any kind" wherever it is that you give directions/info on the wedding, i.e. website or leaflet or whatever. (maybe phrased a little more eloquently, but not cringily) so there won't be room for different interpretations.

How do you phrase that more eloquently?

If I were to get married I would genuinely not want gifts, I hate the idea that people feel so obliged to give such large cash gifts at a wedding but I have no idea how you would state unambiguously on the invites that you genuinely don't want gifts and aren't just trying to hint cash only.

DM addict

Tiddlypeeps wrote: »

How do you phrase that more eloquently?

If I were to get married I would genuinely not want gifts, I hate the idea that people feel so obliged to give such large cash gifts at a wedding but I have no idea how you would state unambiguously on the invites that you genuinely don't want gifts and aren't just trying to hint cash only.

We didn't have anything about gifts on our invite. We did have a wedding website, that contained directions, as well as accommodation details for out of town guests. We put an FAQ in there (with contact details etc) that included a note about gifts.

That way, the invite is still just an invite, but there's something explicit somewhere else.

Red Kev

I've had this before a couple of times, I just donated €50 to the local cats and dogs home in their name. You can sponsor actual animals like a flock of geese in their name as well. Raises a laugh anyway, it's unusual and you've given something.

professore

davidfitz22 wrote: »

My rule usually is if they ask for cash they'll get the largest,most awkward present i can find.

We asked for presence only, cash or something small as we were living abroad and would cost more to ship the stuff out than most of it was worth. So you would be remembered as that a**hole who bought the patio set.

livinsane

Tiddlypeeps wrote: »

How do you phrase that more eloquently?

If I were to get married I would genuinely not want gifts, I hate the idea that people feel so obliged to give such large cash gifts at a wedding but I have no idea how you would state unambiguously on the invites that you genuinely don't want gifts and aren't just trying to hint cash only.

I've been thinking about this too but reading through this thread, I've decided that it's wiser to say absolutely nothing about gifts on the invite, even if to say that I don't want people to spend a penny on us. It only gets people over-thinking. Weddings seem to be an absolute minefield for offending people so the less done to confuse, the better! I think, let people give whatever they want and don't try to control it at all.

kandr10

livinsane wrote: »

I've been thinking about this too but reading through this thread, I've decided that it's wiser to say absolutely nothing about gifts on the invite, even if to say that I don't want people to spend a penny on us. It only gets people over-thinking. Weddings seem to be an absolute minefield for offending people so the less done to confuse, the better! I think, let people give whatever they want and don't try to control it at all.

I think you're right. It's not that it's offensive to ask people not to give gifts it's just a lot of people wouldn't be comfortable showing up with their arms swinging despite being told. Say nothing you can't go wrong!

Milly33

livinsane wrote: »

I've been thinking about this too but reading through this thread, I've decided that it's wiser to say absolutely nothing about gifts on the invite, even if to say that I don't want people to spend a penny on us. It only gets people over-thinking. Weddings seem to be an absolute minefield for offending people so the less done to confuse, the better! I think, let people give whatever they want and don't try to control it at all.

I had typed the same earlier but logged out.. We are getting invites this week and himself mentioned it. I would have been all up for it beforehand but after reading this im like nooo say not a word.

We are planning to have a page with information etc on it so we might just say something like don't be stressing about gifts etc just come as you are and most we will be talking too... but best leave it to the guests

lauradryeye

Milly33 wrote: »

I had typed the same earlier but logged out.. We are getting invites this week and himself mentioned it. I would have been all up for it beforehand but after reading this im like nooo say not a word.

We are planning to have a page with information etc on it so we might just say something like don't be stressing about gifts etc just come as you are and most we will be talking too... but best leave it to the guests

This thread really got me thinking too.But OH and I agreed that "your presence is present enough" is pretty clear and I don't really get how people would think it is rude to have something like that on the invite. We are having a small wedding and we are doing it because we want to, not to get the money back from guests. People spend enough money on travel, outfits and accommodation and I really wanted to have a reminder on the invite that we are not expecting them to give us money on top of it. So we went for "Please remember that your present is present enough!" at the back of the invite. Invites have just gone to the printer so fingers crossed no one will be offended by that and just get that there is no pressure on them to give us a gift!

Milly33

Fingers crossed I am sure they will and sure if anyone has problems with it there is nothing you can do.. Hope the invites turn out loverly

Malari

lauradryeye wrote: »

This thread really got me thinking too.But OH and I agreed that "your presence is present enough" is pretty clear and I don't really get how people would think it is rude to have something like that on the invite. We are having a small wedding and we are doing it because we want to, not to get the money back from guests. People spend enough money on travel, outfits and accommodation and I really wanted to have a reminder on the invite that we are not expecting them to give us money on top of it. So we went for "Please remember that your present is present enough!" at the back of the invite. Invites have just gone to the printer so fingers crossed no one will be offended by that and just get that there is no pressure on them to give us a gift!

Eek! Hope you corrected that to "presence" before it went to the printers!

lauradryeye

Malari wrote: »

Eek! Hope you corrected that to "presence" before it went to the printers!

My heart dropped a little there and I had to double check! We definitely have "presence", phew!!