Most stupid requests you've ever had at work?

thelad95

Spunge wrote: »

so ehh what happens to the coleslaw ?

It becomes a horrible, yellow, carroty goo.

storker

"The air conditioning is a bit too loud above my desk. Could you turn down the volume?"

bodhrandude

I once went up to the porters box at the Queen Margaret union at Glasgow university and asked the porter, 'Did anyone hand in my head.'

SimonLynch

I worked in place in the 90s where the whole IT thing was a bit of a growing project. Came in one morning and the boss was turning the monitor on the only CPU in the office with internet on and off, complaining the internet wasn't restarting. Fixed it quietly, I'm broke, he's probably worth a million :-(

jrmb

berger89 wrote:

annoys me when customers tell ME the price of times and ask me "is that ok"? for instance, a woman today came in and handed me a bag of sugar and as i was scanning it, said "thats 1euro, is that ok?"

I always wait a second to make sure I've handed over the right amount. And sometimes promotions don't register on the till.

Katgurl

I worked in recruitment a number of years ago and would advertise jobs on various recruitment advertising websites which included irishjobs.ie The adverts had my name and contact number at the bottom. One day some bloke phoned up to tell me how slowly Irishjobs.ie website was running. No matter how much I tried to explain that I had only bought some advertising space on it, it was nothing to do with me he kept giving me examples "I went to make a cup of tea, the page still hadn't loaded" and telling me to just put him on hold and go get the IT support person to come to the phone.

Ging Ging

Kevin McCloud wrote:

How much money have you?

Katgurl wrote:

I worked in recruitment a number of years ago and would advertise jobs on various recruitment advertising websites which included irishjobs.ie The adverts had my name and contact number at the bottom. One day some bloke phoned up to tell me how slowly Irishjobs.ie website was running. No matter how much I tried to explain that I had only bought some advertising space on it, it was nothing to do with me he kept giving me examples "I went to make a cup of tea, the page still hadn't loaded" and telling me to just put him on hold and go get the IT support person to come to the phone.

Katgurl wrote:

I worked in recruitment a number of years ago and would advertise jobs on various recruitment advertising websites which included irishjobs.ie The adverts had my name and contact number at the bottom. One day some bloke phoned up to tell me how slowly Irishjobs.ie website was running. No matter how much I tried to explain that I had only bought some advertising space on it, it was nothing to do with me he kept giving me examples "I went to make a cup of tea, the page still hadn't loaded" and telling me to just put him on hold and go get the IT support person to come to the phone.

Ha, a case of if your not part of the solution then your part of the problem.

Frynge

Spent 30 minutes last night taking abuse from a customer because our wifi was not working, eventually discovered she was connected to her phone. It included such gems from her as "this is the worst hotel I've every stayed in" and the "I hope you don't think I will be paying for this room in the morning" and my all time favourite "I'm not stupid".

I went into IT support mode with lines like "have you turned the device off and on again" and "are you sure you are connected to Frynge's network"

All in all she was a right wagon, and not even an acknowledgment that she was in the wrong.

ocallaghan12

efb wrote: »

Do you have to ask priests to keep their protests down?

Haha not quiet, but when 50 shades came out there was a lady with a rte camera and I taught " o God, here we go, Rural Irish cinemas showing smut" turns out it was following a girl from operation transformation :P

bear1

ocallaghan12 wrote: »

Haha not quiet, but when 50 shades came out there was a lady with a rte camera and I taught " o God, here we go, Rural Irish cinemas showing smut" turns out it was following a girl from operation transformation :P

Took you 8 months to answer that? Must be some lad for punctuality.

ocallaghan12

bear1 wrote: »

Took you 8 months to answer that? Must be some lad for punctuality.

Haha ya I know :P it's my first time logging onto boards since then.

J Mysterio

At least you bumoed the thread. Good thread.

donegaLroad

before playing a gig one night, a couple of guys in our band went out to the pub's beer garden for a joint. Upon returning to the bar, the owner called them over and asked them did they do any 'smokey stuff'.

Thinking that they might have been found out, one guy was reaching for his pocket about to hand the pub owner some weed, when the owner said

'before the end of the night, play 'Living Next Door to Alice'

Osmosis Jones

I work part time in a petrol station and I can't believe how odd some requests can be.

One woman standing at the coffee machine couldn't understand why her espresso wasn't filling up the whole cup.

Had another ask for two 99s that wouldn't melt because she wanted to bring them home and have them later.

Also had a lad return an empty can of gas and say "I think there might be some gas still left in it so can you measure how much is left and give me the money back?"

PTH2009

Osmosis Jones wrote: »

I work part time in a petrol station and I can't believe how odd some requests can be.

One woman standing at the coffee machine couldn't understand why her espresso wasn't filling up the whole cup.

Had another ask for two 99s that wouldn't melt because she wanted to bring them home and have them later.

Also had a lad return an empty can of gas and say "I think there might be some gas still left in it so can you measure how much is left and give me the money back?"

punch into the face for them lol

wud the bull mccabe and his kind take that stupidly lol (bit random sorry)

had a minister of state write in to ask us to consider changing our number as it was similar to one of his constituents and she was mithered with wrong numbers

Vojera

I once had a lady get quite upset over the phone when I told her that we couldn't replace her broken window.

We're a plumbing company

Aisling(",)

When In catering I had someone ask if I could only give them peas that were all the one shade of green.

bmwguy

Not really a request, and I wasn't at work but one of the other posts reminded me of something that happened to me about 2 months ago.

I pulled into a petrol station and was filling with fuel when a nearly new (141 reg I think) VW Golf pulled up to the pump beside me and started to take the green unleaded pump out of its holder and towards her car....I noticed the TDI sign on the back so I said, politely, that I think her car is a diesel (I knew 100% that I was) and she is about to put petrol into it. She said "this is my husbands car and he said I should get petrol on the way because it is low, I really don't think he would say that if it was a diesel". I told her to check with him again anyway as I didn't want a car ruined and I went into the shop to pay. On my way out, she had the black diesel pump and was pumping her fuel. I looked in her direction and she looked back at me and said "I spoke to my husband, it is petrol". Despite the fact that she was obviously pumping diesel on the advice of her husband. Her tone to me was like, if I had listened to you I would have ruined my car, even though I had actually saved her car, or a massive repair bill at the very least.

razorblunt

Worked with a fella, who almost on a weekly basis would stand up and shout across the room "hey <name>, can you send me back that email I just sent you, I need to add more detail". Standard response from every single person; "it's in your sent folder or just reply all and add the detail". He'd then get off, when someone would laugh as it was their first time hearing this debacle.

Dramatik

I was asked a few years ago in work by a randomer if I would like to hear a poem that they had written, I wish I was more a cut throat person and could have replied "No, **** off!" would have spared me the awkward next few minutes listening to her talk about withering flowers ect.

smash

Wasn't a request that I got, but a friend forwarded on a request he got while working for a classified ads website. There was an option to submit photos through mms and someone had used their phone, to take a photo of their computer screen where they had the photos in their email client.

RainyDay

Deleted User wrote: »

had a minister of state write in to ask us to consider changing our number as it was similar to one of his constituents and she was mithered with wrong numbers

The Minister of State knew well that you weren't going to change your number, but just wanted to show the constituent how much he/she cared for their problem.

We used to get phone calls for a taxi firm that had a similar number, and get a bit pi$$ed off if the calls became frequent. Some people (usually late night callers) found it quite hard to accept that they had called a wrong number, so we'd just take their booking, and leave them to it.

Triangla

When working in a butchers in a local super market during college I was asked by a customer for some fillet steak.

I cut a slice, weighed it up. She then asked me to cut the fat off it. I looked at it and said to her there's no fat to cut off. She pointed and the tiniest marbling running through it.

At that point I knew nothing I could say would satisfy her so I told her to point and I would cut. Completely decimated a good steak.

deni20000

PizzamanIRL wrote: »

Does the shop sell fluffy animals?

And how much are they?

starling

Aisling(",) wrote: »

When In catering I had someone ask if I could only give them peas that were all the one shade of green.

Aahahahhaha no fúcking way that's so bizarre!

Used to work at a tiny place, I was the only woman there, I did all the admin/reception. One day the manager says to me "I'm having a meeting with some prospective clients, I really hope to get a lot of business out of them, can you make sure you've taken your break and will look after anything that comes up while I'm with them," you know, usual stuff. Sure thing, says I. Of course I'll do that.

Then there's a pause. Then "I better go and get some nice biscuits in for them, they can have them with their tea or coffee..." Says I "Good idea, boss."

Off he goes and buys "fancy" biscuits (He's not a biscuit person, himself).

Ten minutes before these folk are due to arrive, he's looking around, making sure the place looks decent, and "I suppose I'll bring them a tray, with cups, maybe make a pot of tea, oh wait we've no teapot, I know, I'll just ask them when they get here would they like tea or coffee, and then go out to the break room and make it and bring it back in......." It's clear to me by now that he's hoping I'll just say "I'll do it" but he's afraid to ask me outright in case I tell him not to be so sexist or whatever. So I'm playing dumb.

Finally he looks at me and goes "Er......................how do you make coffee?"

This man was in his 50's.

New Home

So did you put him out of his misery and make the coffees/teas?

starling

New Home wrote: »

So did you put him out of his misery and make the coffees/teas?

Of course not. I told him how to make coffee. He managed quite well. The man ran a fúcking factory, he was well able to put a spoonful of instant sh1te into a cup and add boiling water.

Teach a man to fish, and all that

New Home

Mmmh, instant coffee... the clients must've been impressed

starling

New Home wrote: »

Mmmh, instant coffee... the clients must've been impressed

At least they could be confident he wasn't padding the prices to pay for extravagant luxuries like real coffee!

Manach

Remove references to Master and Slave database connections. It was deemed non-PC.

New Home

starling wrote: »

At least they could be confident he wasn't padding the prices to pay for extravagant luxuries like real coffee!

That's true... but then... what about the fancy biscuits?? :eek: Rich tea, were they? :rolleyes:

Anyway, he learnt something new that day, so that's a productive day right there. :pac:

nikpmup

"Is that photocopier working?"

"That's.... A shredder"

tnegun

Had one of the accounts team ask me to stop removing the date column from the excel reports I was sending him. I was at a loss and resent it but he came back with the same complaint when I called him I was told the date columns was full of gate signs ########

Wanderer78

do you want to do over time or will you do over time?

matchthis

Wanderer78 wrote: »

do you want to do over time or will you do over time?

"Yes".....then walk away

starling

"What size underpants should I buy for a forty year old man?"
"Do you think this tie will suit my dad? Oh, he's not here, he's in hospital."



(Answers: Medium, and yes).

paleoperson

New Home wrote: »

Mmmh, instant coffee... the clients must've been impressed

No waiting around like the regular coffee suckers...

languagenerd

starling wrote: »

"What size underpants should I buy for a forty year old man?"
"Do you think this tie will suit my dad? Oh, he's not here, he's in hospital."



(Answers: Medium, and yes).

Oh I remember those days.

"Will these dresses fit my sisters?"
"Well, what sizes do your sisters take?"
"One is very skinny, the other's a bit fatter than her. These should fit, right?"

starling

languagenerd wrote: »

Oh I remember those days.

"Will these dresses fit my sisters?"
"Well, what sizes do your sisters take?"
"One is very skinny, the other's a bit fatter than her. These should fit, right?"

Whenever I hear about some eejit buying his missus a bra and knicker set I always feel pity for the poor one in the shop trying to guess a bra size for a woman she's never seen. "She's about your size..." Yeah, sure.

evo2000

Customer ordered a big mac a large taco chip 2 chicken breasts.....aaannd a diet coke...

arayess

evo2000 wrote: »

Customer ordered a big mac a large taco chip 2 chicken breasts.....aaannd a diet coke...

but i like diet coke...i find regular coke too sweet....:(

Ray Palmer

I took a low level contract in a company as I thought it would be less stress for a while. I was so wrong, my boss who claimed to be an IT master was in charge of testing a new system, QA was her expertise apparently. She told one of the QA people to print out the entire database and check 6 pieces of data per main customer record against the new system data base and give it out to the team to check. 170,000 records! I was sure the QA person was wrong at which point I was informed she was now the team lead and was telling me what to do. I asked her could I have 5 minutes to show her a better and she reluctantly agreed, I wrote an SQL script confined to compare a sample of the old DB against the new one. 5 records came up and I showed the were missing in the new system. She said she didn't trust it because she didn't know how I had such access when she didn't and accused me of hacking into the system.
After I stopped laughing I tried to explain we all had this access on the test systems and she had sent the e-mail with the details to me for my access when I started. Anyway I told her I was not going to manually check the records as I was sure she was wrong but I'd have the results to her for the entire database in about an hour. She left the papers by my desk, two huge piles.
The QA manager comes over raging that I refused to do as I was told. When I explained what I was asked to do I expected her to laugh say she was sorry and of course that was not what she expected. She did not she asked was I somehow special in the team that I shouldn't do it. Then the query finished and I showed her that I had completed the objective of the team using a different method in a fraction of the time it would have taken.
Then she starts going on about me hacking the system. It was escalated up to senior managers with this accusation of hacking accusation being brought up all the time. When I first started I pointed out the team had a lot of access and we should not have access to the live system but it was ignored. As the IT manager didn't want them to know he had been lax he would only say he was not sure how I had been given such access. There was a vague apology for being asked to do a ridiculous but the QA manager claim the team lead had come up with the method and she would not have printed it out but used two screens instead! The project manager didn't notice this was the same task but applauded her saving paper.

liquoriceall

I had a man ring me up at work and ask me what time his appointment was at. I asked him which consultant he was attending..the name he gave didnt work in our hospital. I explained that he needed to ring the hospital he was going to be attending to find out and he got very irrate that I was being unhelpful and he was going to report me! I hope he does so management can see the nonsense we have to deal with!

Wanderer78

matchthis wrote: »

"Yes".....then walk away

hahaha yea right. 39 hour weeks are enough in fact i think the french are right at 35

J Mysterio

evo2000 wrote: »

Customer ordered a big mac a large taco chip 2 chicken breasts.....aaannd a diet coke...

They have taco chips and chicken breasts in McD's now?

evo2000

J Mysterio wrote: »

They have taco chips and chicken breasts in McD's now?

Mighty mac! my bad

T K

To fax a document including the paperclip, so the pages would stay together on the other side.

starling

T K wrote: »

To fax a document including the paperclip, so the pages would stay together on the other side.

No way, you've got to be making that up!

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

Someone I know works in a charity, so they'd have email addresses like info@charityx.ie, policy@charityx.ie, fundraising@charityx.ie and so on, and within the organisation they'd have laptops that are earmarked for use for different things if people have to do presentations and stuff off site. Someone asked him recently if he could load the education email account onto the education laptop