Most stupid requests you've ever had at work?

connollys

Xios wrote: »

So, in which manner, was the door'eth shown to this individual?

I honestly thought he was joking. I'll telll anyone anything twice, but c'mon, not been able to find My Computer after claiming years experience and a degree in Comp Science.

He left of his own accord after a week or so.

baldshin

Got asked yesterday "what flavour are those sweet potato crisps?"

There's no way to answer that without being completely condescending!

SeaFields

Back in my retail days a customer asked if she could ring her husband on "that phone" and see if he needed anything else. I told her that was the credit card reader and she asked can she try it anyway. She then picked up the reader and started dialing his number. She wasn't that old and was 100% serious.

Say no to drugs kids.

suicide_circus

Regular occurrence:

Customer: I'd like to get a refund for this

Me: no problem I just need your receipt

Customer: I don't have one

Me: ok did you pay cash or card

Customer: card

Me: great, I can take your card statement as proof of purchase if you have it on your phone there

Customer: ok lemme check....here it is

Me: but that payment wasnt made to us

Customer: oh yeah I bought it somewhere else, does that matter?

Me: well yes. I'm afraid I can only offer refunds on items bought from this company

Customer: but you sell this product here...

Me: but you didn't buy it here...

Customer: I'm gonna get on the twitter about this!

Me: (in my head) go ahead you fcuking geebag (out loud) ok

gimmick

I sent an email with an attachment to someone. I got a phone call a few minutes later to tell me could I resend it as it had printed upside down. I shít you not

Neyite

I was told to compile data in an excel sheet, it HAD to automatically total the columns and also show the percentage value. But I was told that the sheet had to contain absolutely NO formulas. Not even basic ones. Because they couldn't understand them and thought they would ignite or something.

fleet_admiral wrote: »

On Sunday night I got an order for a rare steak with no blood

surely a job for the resident vampire chef, no?

Grayson

jordata wrote: »

Worked in IT support in the mid-90's. Got asked by the PA to the MD why her new CD would not play. Seriously hard to keep a straight face when I found it inserted upside down but I did laugh out loud when she asked would it not play on both sides.

I had a question like that years ago in Dell. they said the cd wasn't working. I'm halfway through troubleshooting and the woman says "It is supposed to go in silver side up right?"

She explained afterwards that she owned a record player and she knew the silver side was the side with the info. So she put it in silver side up because in a record player you put the side you want to play facing up.

Cee-Jay-Cee

Boss: will you do up a report for me on xxxx. Put in it... Ah you know yourself, something along the lines of, emmmm...ah ya know Yourself.

Me: I'm not sure what to put in, can you throw out Something to get me started.

Boss: Emmm.... Let me see...Emmmm...sure you know yourself (and walks away)


Idiot.

LenaClaire

Neyite wrote: »

I was told to compile data in an excel sheet, it HAD to automatically total the columns and also show the percentage value. But I was told that the sheet had to contain absolutely NO formulas. Not even basic ones. Because they couldn't understand them and thought they would ignite or something.

Oh, this reminds me of one. I was calculating the close of month numbers and the Director asked me to fix the total amount. I asked if she meant that I had made an error in one of the lines.

"No, I just don't like the numbers"

I guess I did not realize that when you are sending up numbers to corporate, you can just change them if you don't like them :P

petrolcan

Used to work in a tool shop. One day one of our regular PITA customers came in so I avoided him and let my colleague deal with him. My colleague wasn't the sharpest tool (pardon the pun)

Colleague comes over after chatting for a while with the customer:

Colleague: Customer says he's having trouble with his emulsion heater
Me: His what?
Colleague: Emulsion heater
Me: Are you sure that's what he said?
Colleague: Definitely said emulsion heater

I approach the customer and got him sorted.


Another time a (different) customer comes in

Colleague: The customer would like some monkey grease
Me: Some what?
Colleague: Monkey grease
Me: Please ask the customer again what it is he is looking for
Colleague: Goes to customer, comes back and says he's definitely after some monkey grease

I sold the customer a monkey wrench a few minutes later.

yeppydeppy

I've worked in IT for a good number of years so I've had many stupid requests. The most recent was where was the water cooler gone - the guy who asked me is one of those borderline genius types, who isn't very clued in when it comes to everyday stuff so I was polite and told him he'd have to ask the facilities dept.

BBDBB

I once worked at a place where I got an email marked urgent for the attention of the entire company, senior managers the lot, including those not even based at the office where I was based.

On opening it, it was a from a lady asking if anyone had change of a tenner

Later that morning, a second email from her came around to everyone (about 90 employees) saying not worry as she now had it sorted

jimgoose

DamoKen wrote: »

...Had to explain that by improve comms the gob****e meant improve communication between IT Contractors and management.....at least that's what I think they meant

Ladies and gentlemen I give you, the Moment you prove "It's Not The Fcukan Network!!":

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Bzc-c76IIAEABnJ.jpg

gimmick

It was my turn to go to the shop one day. A girl asks me to get her 2 sausage rolls and specifies "I prefer small soft ones to the long hard ones, they are too flakey".

Poor naive little thing never quite understood our laughter, bless'er.

stefanovich

jordata wrote: »

Worked in IT support in the mid-90's. Got asked by the PA to the MD why her new CD would not play. Seriously hard to keep a straight face when I found it inserted upside down but I did laugh out loud when she asked would it not play on both sides.

In fairness they were pretty new back then. I have seen double sided dvds back in the day.

bear1

NotCominBack wrote: »

You do know that you can default the payment terms?

Depends which system you are using. SAP will take a default date if the details in the vendors account hasn't been maintained properly.
If they are then SAP will automatically take those dates.
But if you ask someone to guess the dates she specifically wanted then unfortunately SAP doesn't have a Mystic Meg section... nor do I.

Meathlass

BBDBB wrote: »

I once worked at a place where I got an email marked urgent for the attention of the entire company, senior managers the lot, including those not even based at the office where I was based.

On opening it, it was a from a lady asking if anyone had change of a tenner

Later that morning, a second email from her came around to everyone (about 90 employees) saying not worry as she now had it sorted

We have to get senior mgt permission to send round 'all staff' emails. I'd say I probably get about 10 a year in total - all related to work stuff.

RDM_83 again

baldshin wrote: »

Got asked yesterday "what flavour are those sweet potato crisps?"

There's no way to answer that without being completely condescending!

Isn't that actually a thing? Like with sea salt or sweet with cinnamon

Mick55

I worked in a large main dealer in Dublin years ago. A woman purchased a brand new vehicle from our dealership and returned a few months later complaining that the car we sold her was smaller than other cars of the same model.

She complained and complained and complained and said she parked it beside other models and was adamant we sold her a car that was marginally smaller than the rest of them. We even let park her car beside a display of 10 other cars.. Same make, model and year.. still convinced we ripped her off.

We tried to explain to her how the cars are forged from molds in the construction phase and the astronomical cost to the manufacturer of making a special, slightly smaller mold, just to troll her but she was having none of it. Its hard to debate with logic like that!

bruschi

baldshin wrote: »

Got asked yesterday "what flavour are those sweet potato crisps?"

There's no way to answer that without being completely condescending!

why is that? you would just say plain if there is no flavouring on them. Sweet potato is a type of potato, like any other potato chips that there is flavour on, why would someone assume there is no flavouring added to the sweet potato variety? sweet potato isnt a flavour.

Wobbly_Legs

Neyite wrote: »

I was told to compile data in an excel sheet, it HAD to automatically total the columns and also show the percentage value. But I was told that the sheet had to contain absolutely NO formulas. Not even basic ones. Because they couldn't understand them and thought they would ignite or something.

This is an everyday struggle for me. I just go ahead and use them anyway. :L

sjb25

Worked in a call centre for a mobile phone company had many many stupid request from asking to be put trough to the tax office the police all sorts like I was 11811 or something to one day being asked to change a guys upcoming bill as in remove numbers of his "friend" as his wife believed he was having an affair and wanted to check his phonebill lol

FoxyVixen

Had a customer come in one day picking up a bag of lamb flavoured dog food.

Pointing to the finger nail size picture of the lamb stating the flavour, and ignoring the HUGE dogs head taking up half the bag, she asked was this food for sheep :rolleyes:!!

sashafierce

This post has been deleted.

major bill

Just a couple in recent weeks

C: My second monitor doesn't seem to be working
Me: Ok is there power on it
C: Yes but it's Blank
Me: Ok il remote on to your machine and see if it will show me both screens
Me: Yea that's the background picture

C:The CD Drive is upside down can you fix?
Me: yea the desktop should actually be sitting the other way

C: can you send me on my Linkedin Password (WTF Like)

Felt sorry for this girl (Not an employee but coming for interview with company)
C: I can't seem to open the Presentation on my USB Key
Poor girl was after copying the shortcut of her presentation to her USB key and not the actual file



Also If I hear the following again ''me and computers don't go or Sure I only know how to turn the computer on'' i will snap!!! :mad: if your job includes spending most of your time on a computer you should at least try and learn to use it.

somesoldiers

Neyite wrote: »

I was told to compile data in an excel sheet, it HAD to automatically total the columns and also show the percentage value. But I was told that the sheet had to contain absolutely NO formulas. Not even basic ones. Because they couldn't understand them and thought they would ignite or something.



surely a job for the resident vampire chef, no?

VBA?

bodice ripper

Can we get a discount if you use the same needles and ink on both of us?

Birneybau

baldshin wrote: »

Got asked yesterday "what flavour are those sweet potato crisps?"

There's no way to answer that without being completely condescending!

Salt and vinegar? Cheese and onion?

Irishcrx

I work in Facilities and have to deal with stupid questions on a daily basis, us and IT really do get the bulk of this crap I'm afraid. Last company I worked for the boss was a hell demon , total bitch , control freak but above all else a grade A ****e talker, thats what somehow got her the job. This one hasn't a clue what she was doing and there she is managing the largest contract our company had.

I call her one evening - to tell her that the basement is flooding, spend a good ten minutes on the phone explaining it to her....after a bit of silence she says....'Ok and who are you'....I'd been working for her 3 months..

At another meeting, she likes to use smart sounding terminology but she hasn't a breeze what any of it means. I asked her would she be making any changes to next years PPM's.....'What's a PPM?' she asked...thats ok for most....But not knowing what a PPM is working as head of facilities is like a footballer asking what a football is....twat...

I could go on and on about this one. I finally left as I couldn't take one more second of it without wanting to smash her face in with a brick. Was confirmed for me afterwards by someone who worked for her previous company that her whole CV was bull and she actually worked in a lower position than me before waffling her way into her new highly paid position and bullying everyone else for 'not being up to her standard'

heroics

jimgoose wrote: »

Ladies and gentlemen I give you, the Moment you prove "It's Not The Fcukan Network!!":

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Bzc-c76IIAEABnJ.jpg

I think you meant when its not the F**kin servers but the Sh!tty network :P

Couldn't help it. It is the permanent battle in the job I'm in now between server team in Dublin and Network team in US.

I was on the phone to a customer in last job. customer was based in Kerry. Was unable to connect to a device in the external workshop.
Me: Is the line Driver plugged in and the red light on and the 2 cables connected in the back?
C:Yes light is on and checked the cables are connected.

I drove to back ar$e of nowhere in Kerry from wicklow. No red light on front of line driver. Plugged it in and drove home. Wanted to kill someone.

Neyite

somesoldiers wrote: »

VBA?

Not even that complicated. Just a basic spreadsheet, couple of hundred rows with a total at the end. Like, I wasn't allowed even put in a basic sum function.

Homer

Gigging as a dj in a pretty large club on a saturday night....

Punter "Do you take requests?"

Me "Yeah..."

Punter "Can you turn it down!"

hard not to laugh really :P

Stheno

Had a call come into the service desk that an old biddys pc was talking to her in Chinese on random days and times. We rolled around the place laughing

Had to send a tech down to her, turned out it was true

boobar

I work in IT, these type of conversations happen a lot.

Customer: Will the system be able to do this?
Me: We'll design it to do whatever you want?
Customer: Great
Me: What would you like the system to do?
Customer: No idea, can you let us know when it's ready.


FFS...

BBDBB

I once witnessed a conversation where a new website was being developed for the business. The manager played about with the mouse for a bit and his feedback was that he'd like it to be "a bit more zippy zappy"

jimgoose

BBDBB wrote: »

I once witnessed a conversation where a new website was being developed for the business. The manager played about with the mouse for a bit and his feedback was that he'd like it to be "a bit more zippy zappy"

That'll be <flippity> Over-resistance condition in the main and redundant power feeds. Get him to pull the power lead from the back of the box and dribble into it for a few minutes. That usually sorts that kind of thing out.

MorganIRL

Slightly off but it was at work. Got one of my colleagues to go get diet water from the store and put on the shelf. Got rid of them for a while. ðŸ˜ðŸ˜

smash

boobar wrote: »

I work in IT, these type of conversations happen a lot.

Customer: Will the system be able to do this?
Me: We'll design it to do whatever you want?
Customer: Great
Me: What would you like the system to do?
Customer: No idea, can you let us know when it's ready.

or

Customer: You're the experts, I'm relying on you for advice.

Lu Tze

Neyite wrote: »

Not even that complicated. Just a basic spreadsheet, couple of hundred rows with a total at the end. Like, I wasn't allowed even put in a basic sum function.

could you not use the formula, and copy paste values after?

LenaClaire

smash wrote: »

or

Customer: You're the experts, I'm relying on you for advice.

Anytime I hear that I twitch...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKorP55Aqvg

YFlyer

Saralee4 wrote: »

Asked not to talk to people on the instant communicator via the instant communicator!

Told not to wear casual clothing by manager who was wearing jeans which were considered casual clothing by the company.

Also 'lets have a meeting' about nothing. Millions of meetings that don't really resolve anything or are about anything that take so much time away from doing any actual work. Or arranging a meeting room for a meeting that takes 5 minutes and something they could have just said to you at the desk.

There is a good video on TedTalk about that. Will try to source it later.

smash

LenaClaire wrote: »

Anytime I hear that I twitch...

Love that sketch, it's what I deal with on a daily basis!

Lia_lia

Does pretty much everyone on boards work in IT?

Grayson

petrolcan wrote: »

Another time a (different) customer comes in

Colleague: The customer would like some monkey grease
Me: Some what?
Colleague: Monkey grease
Me: Please ask the customer again what it is he is looking for
Colleague: Goes to customer, comes back and says he's definitely after some monkey grease

I sold the customer a monkey wrench a few minutes later.

I saw a guy in a computer shop ask for a plastic screensaver for his computer.

He meant a plastic screen protector for his ipad.

alroley

suicide_circus wrote: »

Regular occurrence:

Customer: I'd like to get a refund for this

Me: no problem I just need your receipt

.......

That happens so much. It's ridiculous.

A similar one that happened just before Christmas was a lady came in and asked could she return a top "that she bought here yesterday". I asked her did she have her receipt. She handed me a receipt that was for some kind of makeup.
I looked at the top and the tags were not on it. I told her that we unfortunately cannot give a refund/exchange on an item that has no tags/no receipt. She then got very angry and kept saying how she just bought it here yesterday and it didn't have tags when she bought it.
I offered to get a manager to verify that we can't give her a refund. Manager arrived and the lady told her that "that girl" (me) sold her the top yesterday and didn't give her a receipt and that there were no tags on it when she got home. Joke's on her though, I wasn't even working the day before

The brand was one that was sold in other shops, so either she bought it somewhere else or she lost the receipt and decided she wanted to return it after she took the tags off.

major bill

Lia_lia wrote: »

Does pretty much everyone on boards work in IT?

Pretty much only reason how half of After hours posters are on during the day

Full Access Bitches!!!!!!!

Magico Gonzalez

alroley wrote: »

That happens so much. It's ridiculous.

A similar one that happened just before Christmas was a lady came in and asked could she return a top "that she bought here yesterday". I asked her did she have her receipt. She handed me a receipt that was for some kind of makeup.
I looked at the top and the tags were not on it. I told her that we unfortunately cannot give a refund/exchange on an item that has no tags/no receipt. She then got very angry and kept saying how she just bought it here yesterday and it didn't have tags when she bought it.
I offered to get a manager to verify that we can't give her a refund. Manager arrived and the lady told her that "that girl" (me) sold her the top yesterday and didn't give her a receipt and that there were no tags on it when she got home. Joke's on her though, I wasn't even working the day before

The brand she was one that was sold in other shops, so either she bought it somewhere else or she lost the receipt and decided she wanted to return it after she took the tags off.

Probably stolen, get more taking it back looking for a full refund off some easily frightened / disinterested staff than selling it on the black market.

Well done for refusing.

berniepixie

When I worked for chart busters video store many moons ago. A couple used to ring the shop every weekend and ask what new blue movies had we in stock and if we could name them. They both sounded like they were in their 40's.
I was only about 22 at the time (I,m now 38) and they used to turn my stomach but my boss said they were genuinely "inquiring" what x rated videos we had. . . . . . . . . . . uggggghhhhhhhhhh !!

Gone Drinking

Good few years back I was moving a directors PC to his new office, left his monitor on his old desk as I had already put an identical one on his new desk.

"Are you not taking the screen?"

"No, there's one already on your new desk. Same size etc"

"Does that mean I'll lose everything on my desktop?"

No word of a lie

NotCominBack

bear1 wrote: »

Depends which system you are using. SAP will take a default date if the details in the vendors account hasn't been maintained properly.
If they are then SAP will automatically take those dates.
But if you ask someone to guess the dates she specifically wanted then unfortunately SAP doesn't have a Mystic Meg section... nor do I.

SAP is caveman times, switch to Oracle