Most stupid requests you've ever had at work?

LenaClaire

somesoldiers wrote: »

I have noticed the word "ping" creeping into work conversations in my office. "I'll ping him an email", "I will ping that over to you". I must confess I cringe and feel a little bit of vomit build up every time someone uses it.

Can any IT types confirm whether "ping" should now replace send, ring, call, forward, etc and other verbs used in offices settings?

No, it should not. IT has spoken.

jimgoose

LenaClaire wrote: »

No, it should not. IT has spoken.

I'll just add that these days we recommend such terms as "Funt", "Larrup", "Kick For Touch" and "Trebuchet".

somesoldiers

Great I can tell them to Ping off next time I hear it, thanks

anncoates

somesoldiers wrote: »

Can any IT types confirm whether "ping" should now replace send, ring, call, forward, etc and other verbs used in offices settings?

Don't start the neckbeards off again.

They're already hit agitation level 5 (Programming Language Put-Down). :pac:

somesoldiers

anncoates wrote: »

Don't start the neckbeards off again.

They're already hit agitation level 5 (Programming Language Put-Down). :pac:

when do they hit "Halt and Catch Fire"? ok I don't really know what that means but watched the tv show recently

gman127

anncoates wrote: »

So, what's the collective noun for a group of outraged IT workers? :pac:

A SCRUM I believe

JapaneseLove

Got asked by my boss one time how to change the colour of his screen. I went in and changed it to blue, as he asked. When he came back he shouted at me for 10 minutes for not doing what he asked. I told him and showed him that i had done it. He said i hadent and that it was still black and he wanted me to change it now. I was confused somewhat but done it again. He shouted "no you idiot the outside of the screen". The idiot wanted me to change the colour of the plastic casing around the screen.

Needless to say i laughed all day at him.

mariaalice

bucketybuck wrote: »

This thread was a lot more interesting when it was about stupid requests at work rather than a parade of people responding to an obvious wind up.

The thing is she/he/it is getting better at the wind ups pulling themselves in a bit, it was only when they mentioned the BMW that they stared to lose it.

Jon_459

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

I can't get over this rage all the IT drones here are expressing at the fact that the "higher-ups" of their company don't know the ins and outs of their software systems.

Of course they don't! If they did then they wouldn't bother paying you to sort out that stuff.

Just to pre-empt the shrill cries of "You think they'd at least learn the basics!!". It's a complete waste of time. If I have a problem printing off a document, or connecting to the internet, then its a complete waste for my firm to have me crawling around on all fours pulling wires in and out of a computer. I get paid to do a job that very few other people can do and thus am remunerated accordingly. It would cost the company a fortune to have me sorting out trivial IT problems. It's much more efficient to call one of the scruffy lads from 'the dungeon' to come up and sort it out whilst I get on with more pressing issues.

I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you stop slagging off IT, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will format your hard drive.

paulbok

jimgoose wrote: »

Absolutely not. "Ping" refers to an ICMP Echo-Request, and is used to verify that whatever/whoever is supposed to be at the other end is indeed at the other end and able to respond. It has its uses between people, but none of the above are them. Unless the purpose is to make sure the other person is present and alive.

Useful in submarines as well I believe, put to a similiar use

crybaby

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

Just to pre-empt the shrill cries of "You think they'd at least learn the basics!!". It's a complete waste of time. If I have a problem printing off a document, or connecting to the internet, then its a complete waste for my firm to have me crawling around on all fours pulling wires in and out of a computer. I get paid to do a job that very few other people can do and thus am remunerated accordingly. It would cost the company a fortune to have me sorting out trivial IT problems. It's much more efficient to call one of the scruffy lads from 'the dungeon' to come up and sort it out whilst I get on with more pressing issues.

You get paid to do a job that very few people can do yet you can't show a bit of respect to other people.

Weird how the dickheads always do well in life isn't it?

jimgoose

crybaby wrote: »

...Weird how the dickheads always do well in life isn't it?

These days we prefer the term High-End Tool.

Your Superior

jimgoose wrote: »

These days we prefer the term High-End Tool.

We call them Power Tools. They quickly get found out and don't last long.

Menas

crybaby wrote: »

You get paid to do a job that very few people can do yet you can't show a bit of respect to other people.

Weird how the dickheads always do well in life isn't it?

I have noticed that the dickheads always seem to have more workplace issues than normal folks.
Be that stupidity on their part, or sabotage by disgruntled IT 'drones' has never been clarified.

draiochtanois

This post has been deleted.

Your Superior

Trigger Happy wrote: »

I have noticed that the dickheads always seem to have more workplace issues than normal folks.
Be that stupidity on their part, or sabotage by disgruntled IT 'drones' has never been clarified.

That's why I'd always encourage staff to inform HR of any issue they are having with a colleague or manager. Many people(and in some cases correctly) believe the HR dept. is just there to watch the company's back, when in reality good communication with HR enables the company to see who the problematic workers are.

Then we manufacture a way to let them go....

dove2011

As the only female in the office, my male GM asked me to lift 2 empty cardboard boxes out to his car- this man has 2 hands also!!!

jimgoose

somesoldiers wrote: »

when do they hit "Halt and Catch Fire"? ok I don't really know what that means but watched the tv show recently

Not every machine supports the HCF instruction directly, but in these cases it's effect may be adequately simulated using multiple sequential calls to AFVC (Add Finagle's Variable Constant) followed by CEMU (Close Eyes, Monkey with Userspace).

gman127

dove2011 wrote: »

As the only female in the office, my male GM asked me to lift 2 empty cardboard boxes out to his car- this man has 2 hands also!!!

Lodge a complaint immediately!

In this day and age of gender equality he should be making you lift the full boxes too, not just empty ones! :rolleyes:

Aongus Von Bismarck

Jon_459 wrote: »

I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you stop slagging off IT, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will format your hard drive.

This trope is lost on me I'm afraid. Is it geek humour? The reason I ask is that it isn't very amusing. Rather like Family Guy - a show loved by IT workers it would seem.

mrolaf

to photocopy ****

jimgoose

OSI wrote: »

Don't have Taken in the Czech Republic, no?...

He's in Germany, the sense of humour is different there. They like physical, slapstick comedy like Harold Lloyd, The Three Stooges, Genghis Khan, and so forth. :pac:

dove2011

gman127 wrote: »

Lodge a complaint immediately!

In this day and age of gender equality he should be making you lift the full boxes too, not just empty ones! :rolleyes:

ah seriously he is a lazy Fxxcker

green_rim

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

And well done to whoever wrote them. I'm sure they are very good at what they do. Same as the engineers who designed my new BMW 5 Series. But I don't need to know the intricate details of how they work.

Well don't I feel silly having to drive to the data centre to change out a RAID card in my clapped out 2013 Porsche. If only I had a diesel BMW on lease, I could feel so much happier about my life.

gman127

dove2011 wrote: »

ah seriously he is a lazy Fxxcker

I agree 100%.

Just think the point was lost when you felt you had to point out you were the only woman in the office?? Would it have been OK for one of the lads to lift them out?

bear1

Well, I really didn't expect the thread to turn out like this
Before a Mod intervenes or shuts the thread down I'll try to go back on topic with this gem (to me anyway) from today.
As you have gathered already I work a lot with SAP - SAP Specialist lets say.
Aaaanyway we deal a lot with clients in Italy and local entities there (I'm waiting for someone to take the tities part, stick in bold and say "hihihi" :P).
For the past few days we've been getting snippy complaints of not knowing delivery dates for certain items - dates that they themselves should provide to us as I mentioned before.
So this morning after a few meetings and strongly worded emails between managers a decision was reached that they would provide this quite frankly basic info to me so that I could process everything.
So 1.5 hours ago I got a request by the same gob****e I mentioned in my opening post which went something along the lines of:

Her: I sent you a task, please do it.
Me: Right I'll do it now.
5 seconds later:
Me: You haven't put in the date you want.
Her: And?
I lost it at this point I'm afraid:
Me: Well, if you can remember at all (seeing as shes the moron who was complaining the most about it) you complained for days about us not knowing the correct dates.
Her: yeah?
Me: and a decision was made that you would provide these details continuously so that I know exactly whats what
Her: ok and?
Me: so tell me what's missing what in your request?
Her: Can't see anything
Me: FCUKING EXACTLY!!!! If you don't give me the details then how in the name of lucifers bastard son am I supposed to process something I've no idea about?!*
Her: Jeez fine I'll stick the details everywhere then, hows that!?
Me: Fine. Good, you're getting the hang of it!



















*Didn't say fcuking - added for extra drama.

jmayo

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

They can't be that smart. They make about a fifth of the salary that those in front office roles do. And don't get a bonus. And are well aware that their jobs are being outsourced to a company in India called Wipro. Typing things into Google so you can see how someone else fixed a problem doesn't require an extraordinary IQ.

Piece of advice for you mr gekko.

Never pi** off the sys admin because they will know where the dodgy pics are, what sites you viewed, which escort is booked for that trip to Vegas , what backstabbing emails/messages were sent and to whom.

Any the real funny thing is the people who think they know it all, who think they are so special and above others quiet often make really stupid IT related mistakes and leave a trail.

Why do I have a feeling someone in IT in your organisation keeps a very close eye on you.

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

And well done to whoever wrote them. I'm sure they are very good at what they do. Same as the engineers who designed my new BMW 5 Series.

Oh that so makes sense.

MonkeyTennis

My boss insists we log a call with IT if the internet/ network goes down despite them being the first ones who know it .. just to be sure

bear1

MonkeyTennis wrote: »

My boss insists we log a call with IT if the internet/ network goes down despite them being the first ones who know it .. just to be sure

I can kind of see your boss' point. In my company, the IT crowd haven't a clue until we start complaining about it.
Tbf, they are very quick at resolving the issues though.

jimgoose

bear1 wrote: »

I can kind of see your boss' point. In my company, the IT crowd haven't a clue until we start complaining about it.
Tbf, they are very quick at resolving the issues though.

The IT crowd don't know the network is on it's arse until they're told about it?? Get a new IT crowd! :pac:

bear1

jimgoose wrote: »

The IT crowd don't know the network is on it's arse until they're told about it?? Get a new IT crowd! :pac:

Better yet... take a new job which I will in 2 weeks
They are just too blasee about it, and it's mostly the managers fault for the way they treat the IT crowd. They mostly couldn't give a fcuk what happens with the network.

thelad95

bear1 wrote: »

Better yet... take a new job which I will in 2 weeks
They are just too blasee about it, and it's mostly the managers fault for the way they treat the IT crowd. They mostly couldn't give a fcuk what happens with the network.

Stop calling them the IT crowd. This isn't a sitcom!

Xios

A colleague of mine had this situation, not really a bizarre request, more like a bizarre situation.

Anyway, a customer was having an issue using our software. So my colleague, while corresponding by email, requested that the user sends him a screenshot of the problem and the user said grand.

No response came from the user, so my colleague forgot about the case. A few days later there was a letter addressed to him. He opened it and found a print out of the screen shot of the problem...

Shenshen

Years ago when I was working in the twon library...

I was sitting at the information desk, on the 1st floor of the library, surrounded by shelves.

A lad in his 20s comes up the stairs, walks up to my desk and asks "Do you have any books here?"

Gally05

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

They can't be that smart. They make about a fifth of the salary that those in front office roles do. And don't get a bonus. And are well aware that their jobs are being outsourced to a company in India called Wipro. Typing things into Google so you can see how someone else fixed a problem doesn't require an extraordinary IQ.

google your own IT problems so and fix them !!

RDM_83 again

bear1 wrote: »

Me: FCUKING EXACTLY!!!! If you don't give me the details then how in the name of lucifers bastard son am I supposed to process something I've no idea about?!

*Didn't say fcuking - added for extra drama.

Well as long as you did say "in the name of lucifers bastard son" I'm sure we can all forgive you

ps I am stealing that line

Menas

Gally05 wrote: »

google your own IT problems so and fix them !!

Google is for the great unwashed.
The Baron uses Ask Jeeves.

bear1

RDM_83 again wrote: »

Well as long as you did say "in the name of lucifers bastard son" I'm sure we can all forgive you

ps I am stealing that line

You may have it

Hazys

I love how so many people get so wound up by Aongus Von Bismarck's posts. His subtle trolling is hilarious.

The Moldy Gowl

Hazys wrote: »

I love how so many people get so wound up by Aongus Von Bismarck's posts. His subtle trolling is hilarious.

The name is perfectly snobbish as well.

MonkeyTennis

bear1 wrote: »

I can kind of see your boss' point. In my company, the IT crowd haven't a clue until we start complaining about it.
Tbf, they are very quick at resolving the issues though.

Oh they know. Theres a big screen down there with flashing lights n stuff .. the whole nine yards. They actually call it THE screen

larko

Happened today

Mrs c - 10 packets of ...
Me- good news they're half price this month so thats 12,50
Mrs c- whats wrong with them?
Me - nothing its just a January special offer
Mrs c- whats the date on them?
Me - same as always. 2 year expiry Date
Mrs c- no thanks ill take the regular ones
Me - ok 25 euro please. Idiot

I felt I was in the life of brian with my ghurd

irish_goat

Had a woman who forgot to put her recycling bin out for collection and was asking for us to send a lorry to go and get it. I told her we couldn't and she gave out about how the council is always trying to promote recycling and saving the environment and should be coming to get her bin. I tried explaining how unenvironmentally friendly it would be to send a 32 tonne lorry on a 2 mile trip for 1 bin but it fell completely on deaf ears.

Also had a man yesterday try to tell me that he successfully drove his car up and down a steep hill in the snow so the aforementioned 32 tonne lorry should have no problem doing it either.

In my previous life I had a woman ask for less ice in her cocktail but expected the drink to still be full to the brim with alcohol instead.

dollyk

Me sitting on my till in lidl, with full uniform.
" Hi do you work here" :rolleyes:


Although in fairness I once asked a lad in a hardware store for a ton of skirting board nails.
Well I was sure thats what I was sent for.
Young lad serving couldnt even tell me why he was falling about laughing. lol

Birneybau

Hazys wrote: »

I love how so many people get so wound up by Aongus Von Bismarck's posts. His subtle trolling is hilarious.

You should check out his blog. Link is in his profile.

Dingle_berry

Them: 'That culture is urgent, can you write urgent on the plate?'
Us: 'eh... OK... (Bacteria can't read) it will still take 24 hours'
24 hours later
Them: 'I'm looking for the results of the culture on XXX YYY'
Us: 'there was no organisms isolated'
Them: 'OK and do you have the anti microbial sensitivities on that?'
Us: '...everything?'

Or
Us: 'sorry We have to reject that sample, it was collected into a (wrong tube with wrong preservative hence alters the results) then transfered into the correct tube type'
Them 'I took it my self, I definitely put it in the right tube'
Us: 'OK well then the results are incompatible with life. If the patient is still alive I strongly advise a repeat sample'

Then they go back to the patient and say 'oh they lost your sample, I have to take it again'

Sociopath2

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

I have excellent basic IT skills. I'm not on the telephone to It asking them how to book a meeting room, or how to write a macro in Excel. But I don't really want to or need to know what version of Oracle our systems are running on. Or how they get backed up.

I see IT as being like a utility. Water, electricity, IT. It should work almost all of the time, and if something goes wrong then I expect someone to arrive promptly and fix it. I don't need to know why it stopped working; I just want it back asap. And I expect the person who does fix the issue to be professional about their work. That includes being prompt, well dressed and with a pleasant phone manner.

Excellent basic IT skills? Oxymoron there, I would think.

That's the problem when peasants rise a little above their station, they begin to throw their weight around unnecessarily because they don't know how to act in polite company. Suddenly they believe they are a lord. Very parochial behaviour, you fitted in far better than you thought in your Galway bog hole.

I can assure you your German colleagues, including the IT drones mock your faux sophistication behind your back. You must give them no end of entertainment.

As I said absolutely no class.

Lucyfur

"Can you stop my son urinating in that plant pot"

For serious.

Electric Sheep

Hazys wrote: »

I love how so many people get so wound up by Aongus Von Bismarck's posts. His subtle trolling is hilarious.

Subtle?! Anything but...

c_man

Hazys wrote: »

I love how so many people get so wound up by Aongus Von Bismarck's posts. His subtle trolling is hilarious.

I his blog.