Most stupid requests you've ever had at work?

Bootros Bootros

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

This trope is lost on me I'm afraid. Is it geek humour? The reason I ask is that it isn't very amusing. Rather like Family Guy - a show loved by IT workers it would seem.

What's funny Aongus is that your work while highly renumerated could be done just as well by a monkey (there are plenty of studies on this) but the software doing the work for you has been written by much smarter people who are often paid less at least as wages ( of course plenty of the high net worth individuals you work for would be geeks but that's entrepeneurs).

It's really hard to explain( never mind justify) the wages of trade-monkeys. Not only could an actual monkey or a 4 year old do your job; it what ever skill used to apply in say 1970 is now done by computers. In general unskilled labour falls in price once automated. Not in the case of trader monkeys.

I suspect because it is a socialist scheme -- there being no risks to failure -- you can award yourselves whatever bonuses your monkey bosses want to pay.

Bootros Bootros

c_man wrote: »

I his blog.

He is I think sadly a real person.

bucketybuck

Electric Sheep wrote: »

Subtle?! Anything but...

And yet its still a constant parade of idiots posting replies to him.

Shanotheslayer

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

I learned vba to be able to automate things in Excel. That was logical and straightforward. I'm about to take a course in the R programming language so as to be able to query and analyse large quantities of financial data.

It really isn't that difficult. It certainly isn't as complicated or analytical as the work I do. And the salary structures reflect that. Some IT workers have a really heightened sense of self-importance about themselves and what they do.

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

And well done to whoever wrote them. I'm sure they are very good at what they do. Same as the engineers who designed my new BMW 5 Series. But I don't need to know the intricate details of how they work.

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

What car does your company provide you, Your Superior? A 1986 Ford Orion? If a BMW 5 Series and a Passat are for low-level drones, then what car would they buy for those higher up the corporate ladder?

I bought the car myself. It's a lovely drive and worth every penny. Premium German engineering. And when I do get it serviced, it will be in a garage where professionalism, courtesy and knowledge are always shown.

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

This trope is lost on me I'm afraid. Is it geek humour? The reason I ask is that it isn't very amusing. Rather like Family Guy - a show loved by IT workers it would seem.

I'll take the card if it's reported.

Just fcuk off mate. Sick of reading you talking pure bollix.

Lucyfur

MOD

I've a mad idea. If you don't like a persons posts, put them on ignore or skim over their posts.

I think it might be crazy enough to work

petrolcan

Aongus is going to need a bigger net.

The Moldy Gowl

aonghus.


He has a point. He is just condescending about it

Shanotheslayer

Lucyfur wrote: »

MOD

I've a mad idea. If you don't like a persons posts, put them on ignore or skim over their posts.

I think it might be crazy enough to work

I Was just testing your Mod Skills Lucy.

Congratulations you passed

NotCominBack

Have absolutely no idea why people get so uptight about posts like that, clearly a wind up, and if not then it's still funny

4zn76tysfajdxp

There's no way that blog is real.

bear1

Why am I not surprised that the first mod note has come onto the thread.

shruikan2553

anncoates wrote: »

We all get company space shuttles in my job.

Same as mine but the elites who know VBA get FTL drives in theirs. Cant afford to lose people with such programming skills.

Paddy Cow

Madeline Acidic Peppermint wrote: »

There's no way that blog is real.

That blog reads like an average person trying to come across as intelligent and eloquent. Stephen Fry he ain't.

Sociopath2

Paddy Cow wrote: »

That blog reads like an average person trying to come across as intelligent and eloquent. Stephen Fry he ain't.

It sounds like Hyacinth Bucket had a sex change.

shruikan2553

Madeline Acidic Peppermint wrote: »

There's no way that blog is real.

Everyone he meets is a stereotype.

bucketybuck

NotCominBack wrote: »

Have absolutely no idea why people get so uptight about posts like that, clearly a wind up, and if not then it's still funny

Because if I wanted to read his blog I'd go and read his blog. I don't want to read his fishing and the numerous posts it attracts in what otherwise could have been an interesting thread.

corner of hells

Reverseko wrote: »

I love Aongus Von Bismarck and look forward to reading more about his lifestyle.

You're him , aren't you ?

bear1

Lads, I can see that at some point this thread will be closed. Which is an utter shame as it was going so well.
It was a simple lighthearted thread about idiocy at work and it has come down to people talking about some lad's blog and how hes trolling around.
A few posters have tried to steer it back but alas we are going in circles.
Pity.

rawn

I worked for a photography company that specializes in college graduation photography, part of my job was to sell frames to the graduates along with their photos. Well, to their parents who were usually the ones paying. Anyways, the sheer amount of parents who got annoyed with me because they wanted to buy a frame in portrait, not landscape, not realizing that this involves simply flipping the frame on it's side.

efb

rawn wrote: »

I worked for a photography company that specializes in college graduation photography, part of my job was to sell frames to the graduates along with their photos. Well, to their parents who were usually the ones paying. Anyways, the sheer amount of parents who got annoyed with me because they wanted to buy a frame in portrait, not landscape, not realizing that this involves simply flipping the frame on it's side.

Well flip it on its side and charge double for the multifunction frame : D

Zemuppet

bear1 wrote: »

Lads, I can see that at some point this thread will be closed. Which is an utter shame as it was going so well.
It was a simple lighthearted thread about idiocy at work and it has come down to people talking about some lad's blog and how hes trolling around.
A few posters have tried to steer it back but alas we are going in circles.
Pity.

I'll save us from this peril with a story.

Working in retail a few years back and someone asked me where the off licence was. Fairly simple as it was located just outside the entrance on the right hand side (twas in a shopping centre and we didn't have a beer licence for the grocery shop). That said person asked me where the entrance was. I was very perplexed how someone could not find the entrance especially when there was only one way in .

Lucyfur

bear1 wrote: »

Lads, I can see that at some point this thread will be closed. Which is an utter shame as it was going so well.
It was a simple lighthearted thread about idiocy at work and it has come down to people talking about some lad's blog and how hes trolling around.
A few posters have tried to steer it back but alas we are going in circles.
Pity.

MOD

Indeed. If we could move away from AvB, it'd be deadly.

Ta

Pwindedd

We all have an online personality. Argos van Skidmark, whilst constructed is just a rather extreme online persona, it's still possible to engage or enrage at him. He pisses me off no end and then I remember he's not really who he is. Just playing a role for kicks. Relatively harmless, occasionally obnoxious, and mildly entertaining.

EDIT: sorry just missed mod warning.

On topic. Never had any really stupid ones, most of them are just funny. I have one colleague who keeps locking an online reporting account - I email her the password every time it changes - always locks the bloody thing without checking for new password.

P_1

Lucyfur wrote: »

MOD

Indeed. If we could move away from AvB, it'd be deadly.

Ta

Who'd have thunk you'd be echoing the thoughts of Spurs fans as part of your mod duties eh :P

Stupid requests would include idiot customers demanding you serve them while trying to evac a shop with the fire alarm blaring.

A_Sober_Paddy

Not so much a request but a question...

Had to call my regional manager today, to tell him i din't do a lodgement for the previous days takings as there was enough money to lodge while keeping a flood in order to do do business...

He asked why we din't have enough money to do a lodgement while keeping a working flood in the tills...

Automated system tells you want to bank, and if its a quiet with the previous few being busy your'll normally be 20% off having the money...He then asks again why...he earns 80K to ask why...

Zemuppet

P_1 wrote: »

Who'd have thunk you'd be echoing the thoughts of Spurs fans as part of your mod duties eh :P

Stupid requests would include idiot customers demanding you serve them while trying to evac a shop with the fire alarm blaring.

Sorry I can't serve you unless you want to become a new brand of smoked crispy bacon.

I remember some customer came up to the information desk complaining to a staff member looking for a refund for a roll of tin foil. The poor woman had to explain to your wan that you can't get a refund if (a) if its not in the box and (b) not having a receipt. Que the whinging and moaning before a manager came over and told she was in the wrong and so off she popped cussing and moaning as she left. We really are surrounded by too many morons these days.

minidazzler

Customers ordering a Bombay gin martini... Using those exact words.... And then asking can they change it for something else when they realise it's nothing at all like an Apple Martini..... It's come to a point that anyone who asks for a gin martini gets asked if they know what it is and are they sure,lol it's extremely condescending of me, but definitely needed.

rainbowdrop

I was told the other day that I have to start doing another report, which is about the report about the master report!

Daily reports, weekly reports, monthly reports, quarterly reports, yearly reports and now reports about reports about reports!

I think I'm going crazy.......

The Moldy Gowl

rainbowdrop wrote: »

I was told the other day that I have to start doing another report, which is about the report about the master report!

Daily reports, weekly reports, monthly reports, quarterly reports, yearly reports and now reports about reports about reports!

I think I'm going crazy.......

Monthly control packs?

They all sound familiar to me.

thelad95

Office jobs just sound like a cesspit of stupidity mixed with over-inflated ego's and annoying management heads with a few sane people left to pick up the slack. Much like the Office US in many ways.

Kevin McCloud

Get me the track machine with the blade and track motors at the same end.

Hulk Hands

Madeline Acidic Peppermint wrote: »

There's no way that blog is real.

Actually thought he could be serious until I read that. The bits about his wife etc could nearly be reported as an abusive relationship

The Baroness

Do not be digesting my husbands blogs with such puerile criticize.

Hulk Hands

The Baroness wrote: »

Do not be digesting my husbands blogs with such puerile criticize.

Haha brilliant! :pac: Although change it to 'partner' until 2016 I think

ocallaghan12

Sorry we 20 min late, can you restart the movie?
Sorry no, the 20 people who were on time might not be too pleased.

I run a small Independent cinema where we try to help people as much as possible, but this was taking the piss.

efb

ocallaghan12 wrote: »

Sorry we 20 min late, can you restart the movie?
Sorry no, the 20 people who were on time might not be too pleased.

I run a small Independent cinema where we try to help people as much as possible, but this was taking the piss.

Do you have to ask priests to keep their protests down?

Valetta

Bootros Bootros wrote: »

He is I think sadly a real person.

bucketybuck wrote: »

And yet its still a constant parade of idiots posting replies to him.

petrolcan wrote: »

Aongus is going to need a bigger net.

NotCominBack wrote: »

Have absolutely no idea why people get so uptight about posts like that, clearly a wind up, and if not then it's still funny

Madeline Acidic Peppermint wrote: »

There's no way that blog is real.

The Baroness wrote: »

Do not be digesting my husbands blogs with such puerile criticize.

Leave him alone.

He's not the wurst.

Irishcrx

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

I can't get over this rage all the IT drones here are expressing at the fact that the "higher-ups" of their company don't know the ins and outs of their software systems.

Of course they don't! If they did then they wouldn't bother paying you to sort out that stuff.

Just to pre-empt the shrill cries of "You think they'd at least learn the basics!!". It's a complete waste of time. If I have a problem printing off a document, or connecting to the internet, then its a complete waste for my firm to have me crawling around on all fours pulling wires in and out of a computer. I get paid to do a job that very few other people can do and thus am remunerated accordingly. It would cost the company a fortune to have me sorting out trivial IT problems. It's much more efficient to call one of the scruffy lads from 'the dungeon' to come up and sort it out whilst I get on with more pressing issues.

Haha , as pompus as self serving as that comment is. The mans not wrong.

Menas

Way back when, I got a call from a customer who wanted to complain about our software. This was the mid 90s.


Customer was a middle aged English 'gent' who wanted to complain to me about some of the files on the installation disk having a 'cnt' extension which he thought was very rude.

I gave him Bill Gates's email address.

D.Q

had a lad come in and tell me he was one minute behind his phone and asked me if I could fix it for him.

bear1

No stupid questions so far today... has she gotten the message?

Dark Phoenix

gave a training session years ago about a new software product the company had launched. All the trainees were to go and install the new software afterwards. Had one lad in sales email me to tell me the CD 'wouldn't fit'.

Went over to his desk and instead of using the CD drive, he was persistently banging the CD into the floppy disk slot and looking confused. It was one of the few times in my life where I just had no words. He didnt even look embarrassed when I showed him the disc drive.

Oryx

A woman whose card had been declined then asked if she could give me a cheque. From the same account.

Eh..we already know you have no money, so... no?

kfallon

I was asked to do some work of a Friday....don't think so!!!

Couldn't believe the cheek of them! :pac:

efb

I hate ringing the outsourced it team with issues. I feel for our it guy, tasks go all around the houses before be lately being directed to him

ectoraige

gimmick wrote: »

I sent an email with an attachment to someone. I got a phone call a few minutes later to tell me could I resend it as it had printed upside down. I shít you not

I used to deal regularly with a customer who used to send faxes of crayon drawings of his latest idea for a website. For a laugh I once asked him to resend a fax as it was upside-down. Said fax arrived inverted, as did all subsequent faxes.

TheBeardedLady

Someone tried to haggle down the price of a book when I worked in Eason and stomped off in a huff when I explained to her that wasn't how it worked here.

secondrowgal

A_Sober_Paddy wrote: »

Not so much a request but a question...

Had to call my regional manager today, to tell him i din't do a lodgement for the previous days takings as there was enough money to lodge while keeping a flood in order to do do business...

He asked why we din't have enough money to do a lodgement while keeping a working flood in the tills...

Automated system tells you want to bank, and if its a quiet with the previous few being busy your'll normally be 20% off having the money...He then asks again why...he earns 80K to ask why...

I actually have no idea what you're saying here??

somesoldiers

secondrowgal wrote: »

I actually have no idea what you're saying here??

Insert float for flood maybe, you can tell I do a lot of cryptic crosswords- as for the last bit, no notion.

bear1

secondrowgal wrote: »

I actually have no idea what you're saying here??

His username may give a clue as to why it doesn't make sense
I think what he's trying to say is that he didn't do a logdement as they hadn't enough money to keep the business going for the next day.
Then the OP was asked why wasn't there enough money if the tills are constantly busy.
And the automated system tells them how much should be lodged into the bank and if there isn't enough to lodge than they keep 20% of it to keep the business going?
If I'm wrong then I'm completely out of opinions.