approach girl

H3llR4iser

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

You've confused me a bit. In another thread, you said that women didn't need online dating and that they held all the cards.

They do - the fact is that the ultimate decision is with them, end of it. There is absolutely nothing a man, any man, can do to change that.

I can see where the confusion comes from - I didn't express myself in the best possible way, apologies

I'll try to clear it up.

The way I see it, the odds are stacked in favour of the ladies, and heavily so. If we take the example of "average Joe" and "average Jane" going out with the intent of hooking up for the night while keeping a certain standard (let's say "someone they fancy" - we're not talking about finding a long term partner), Jane's odds of succeeding beat Joe's by an enormous margin.

The reasons behind it are to be found in the fact that men are expected to be the ones to do all the chasing. The moment Joe starts talking to any woman, he's already made a statement, surrendered some advantage - he's already communicated "I like you". It's now up to her to decide "do I like him?"; She'll be looking for reasons to sleep with Joe, and there's absolutely nothing Joe can do about it.

Jane, by chatting up some guy, does surrender the same- she's essentially saying "I like you". However, the guy she's talking to will not gain any advantage from this; He is used to having to work for it, and being served a somewhat easier opportunity will be extremely tempting. He won't be asking himself "do I like her?", he'll be asking "Do I dislike her?"; He'll be looking for reasons NOT to sleep with Jane, telling himself "should I really let this pass?", even if his mind is not 100% made up.

This is where the situation stands, in terms of bare bones.

Flip side of the coin, the mildly amusing fact is that some women make it harder for themselves by seemingly forgetting the edge they have. They never get proactive, just standing there hoping this or that guy chats her up. We, men, are terrible at reading these signs and automatically see the pretty girl standing in the corner or amongst her friends as putting out the "stay away!" message. And then there are the ones that are outright b1tches and ruin it for everyone, but that's a different story.

I hope I managed to make the point clearer, gents

bb1234567

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

You've confused me a bit. In another thread, you said that women didn't need online dating and that they held all the cards.

Women don't need online dating, as I said , they don't get as much attention in clubs as people think. But the average woman could very easily pull a lot of guys on a night out if she did as much work as the average guy does. Women hold all the cards with regards dating in real life and even more so online.

ancapailldorcha

bb1234567 wrote: »

Women don't need online dating, as I said , they don't get as much attention in clubs as people think. But the average woman could very easily pull a lot of guys on a night out if she did as much work as the average guy does. Women hold all the cards with regards dating in real life and even more so online.

Well, does anyone "need" online dating. I see it as a tool to be used in conjunction. If you're sat on your lonesome waiting for new message on Plenty of Narcissists every evening then it won't do you much good. It can be a good way of meeting people you wouldn't get a chance to meet otherwise for various reasons.

sunshine and showers

The best way to approach me in a nightclub (back when I was one of those wimminz in the wild) was usually, after a bit of eye contact, to just come over with a "hello, how's your night going?" with a smile.

Nothing fancy, no chat up lines (for the love of god, just say no!), and no weirdly aggressive sexual behaviour. I've had lads say and attempt to do stuff that borders on ****ing indecent/illegal (and I'm openly admitting to being average looking, so if she's model-esque she's probably heard that shít even more). Seriously, it's the lads who are normal who stand out. The ones who want to try have any kind of conversation (small talk or whatever), rather than trying to shift you after three minutes or grope you during a dance. If conversation is progressing ok, ask her to dance (or if she wants a drink - that's your choice, not mandatory at all). Move on from there to perhaps getting her number/ the ride if you're both up for it.

So yeah, basically, don't be a díckhead - a normal hello and a genuine interest in having a nice friendly chat is what it takes. If that's not working, you've got the wrong girl and need to try again with someone else.

Oh, and telling a stranger in a club to smile is NOT a good opening. Just don't, it's fúcking annoying.

ancapailldorcha

I used to open with a basic complement, something like "the colour of your dress really goes with your hair..." Alternatively, one could go with hello. I never got far though...

sunshine and showers

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

I used to open with a basic complement, something like "the colour of your dress really goes with your hair..." Alternatively, one could go with hello. I never got far though...

A basic compliment is good. Just have something to follow it up with. It's the same with the hello, you need something for after that!

Gotta have a few small talk skillz for getting past the awkward silence that follows and exchange of "how are you?" "I'm fine"s.

ancapailldorcha

sunshine and showers wrote: »

A basic compliment is good. Just have something to follow it up with. It's the same with the hello, you need something for after that!

Gotta have a few small talk skillz for getting past the awkward silence that follows and exchange of "how are you?" "I'm fine"s.

Yep, I need to get out more.

RDM_83 again

spurious wrote: »

Hoping to meet someone in pubs/clubs is not a great strategy tbh - too full of perils, exacerbated by gargle.

Outside or in the smoking area of nightclubs/pubs though :pac:

Seriously though smoking is a massive advantage when your single

siblers

H3llR4iser wrote: »

This is especially true in Ireland; A lot of guys will kind of assume "oh she's too pretty to be available" and various other excuses. Similarly, she'd probably get approached by the overly-drunken types.

.

I had a date tonight with a girl I met off Tinder, she is actually stunning and as I live in a small town I recognised her from before we met up in person, prior to matching with her on Tinder, I saw her in person and thought there's not a hope in hell she'd be into me. Our date went very well and we made out and stuff(No idea if there will be a date #2)...just makes me wonder of all the potential lost opportunities when you presume someone is out of your league etc..

astonaidan

siblers wrote: »

I had a date tonight with a girl I met off Tinder, she is actually stunning and as I live in a small town I recognised her from before we met up in person, prior to matching with her on Tinder, I saw her in person and thought there's not a hope in hell she'd be into me. Our date went very well and we made out and stuff(No idea if there will be a date #2)...just makes me wonder of all the potential lost opportunities when you presume someone is out of your league etc..

Out of your league is a idiotic concept, makes no sense at all.
Its stupid ideas like this that makes girls miss out on chances with guys that would be great for them(Im not one off those guys )

siblers

astonaidan wrote: »

Out of your league is a idiotic concept, makes no sense at all.
Its stupid ideas like this that makes girls miss out on chances with guys that would be great for them(Im not one off those guys )

Yeah because every guy out there is obviously super confident about these kind of things.

cloudatlas

What do you guys reckon, is it okay to ask someone out on social media, i.e. give them your number suggest a meet?

I know them already and I know they are interested, I just don't have their number and I won't be seeing them for the next two weeks.

siblers

I'd ask instead of just giving them your number, but yeah it seems fine, especially if you know they are interested.

cloudatlas

siblers wrote: »

I'd ask instead of just giving them your number, but yeah it seems fine, especially if you know they are interested.

Bottled it I'll find my Cojones eventually.

DoYouEvenLift

cloudatlas wrote: »

Bottled it I'll find my Cojones eventually.

Suggest plans/date and if they say yes ask for their number so it'll be easier to set the date

todders

aidanki wrote: »

ok, so I don't have much luck with the ladies, in fact I have no luck TBH

so I see a girl I like the look of in a pub/club, and i notice her eyes have glanced in my direction too....so she even might be interested

whats the best way to approach her ?

Approach her, be honest and compliment her,

Oh and be good looking

Funtrepreneur

Generally I just confidently walk up, look her deep in the eye, breath deeply and say "I would gargle your diarrhoea" It works almost some of the time.

veganrun

siblers wrote: »

Am I the only person who never offers to buy a girl a drink? If they have zero interest in you, many will say yes just to get a free drink. I'd buy them one down the line alright but i'd never approach a girl asking to buy her a drink

+1

I'd never do this, but then I'm rubbish at approaching women anyway. But I'd never buy a woman a drink straight off the bat that I'd just approached. If we are chatting a while and getting on ok, then maybe I would, but not straight away.

I remember a cousin of mine telling us she'd get loads of free drinks on nights out from guys, so that really put me off the old "Can I buy you a drink?".

I'd try and say something original like "Why is that this place is always rammed pack that you can barely move?". Rather than "can I buy you a drink?". Just whatever comes into your head. You have to stop thinking of a woman as some wonderful goddess who you are desperately trying to impress so she doesn't click her fingers and make you disappear in a puff of smoke. She's just a regular person like you, the same worries and problems. Just talk to her like you would talk to a guy who you'd just met (omitting crude stories and language, maybe crack a few witty jokes etc). Also, don't be drunk!

As I say, I could never really approach women in bars etc but when I meet women from dating sites I might have one or two ideas in my head about things to talk about initially (this stupid thing happened at work, I saw this when driving here/parking the car etc), and then just let the conversation flow.

Wibbs

Deleted posts(and replies to same) from your friendly neighbourhood fantasist "game" obsessive rereg. As ye were. T'was nonsense anyway so...

mravaya

aidanki wrote: »

ok, so I don't have much luck with the ladies, in fact I have no luck TBH

so I see a girl I like the look of in a pub/club, and i notice her eyes have glanced in my direction too....so she even might be interested

whats the best way to approach her ?

I always find my icebreaker works like a charm, with a complete stranger

Walk up to her with a drink in yr hand almost finished (this is important that the drink is almost finished)

hi are you Andy Duffy's Sister... Mary who emigrated to ??????? 5 yrs ago?
No,
oh sorry but you just look like my mates sister how I remembered her, we use to go to/work at/be in the same class together blah blah blah and you look just like her, you have a doppelgänger you did not know then is'nt that strange? (wait for a response)

Now for the compliment: It was Your eys and pretty smile that struck me as being so much alike thats why I just had to ask if you was Mary hope you don't mind me doing so.....

Now depending on her reaction if its positive one now is the time to swig the last of yr drink pull the cash out order a drink for yourself and ask her if you can buy her one..........If its negative save your cash, be polite make your excuse and wonder away. It will not work every time for any number of reasons but the law of averages says that you will meet someone who responds well

Good luck

glued

The best thing that you can do is be yourself. There is no one way. Chat up lines don't work but be yourself and try and make them laugh. Don't be cheesy.

Don't try and box yourself into a routine when chatting up a girl. It has to be as natural as possible. Don't prepare too much and be confident in what your saying. Also 99% of the whole process will simply come down to what you look like. Chances are if she's checking you out at all that she is interested so most of the work is done already and as long as your not awkward or cheesy you should get a result.

audi12

veganrun wrote: »

+1

I'd never do this, but then I'm rubbish at approaching women anyway. But I'd never buy a woman a drink straight off the bat that I'd just approached. If we are chatting a while and getting on ok, then maybe I would, but not straight away.

I remember a cousin of mine telling us she'd get loads of free drinks on nights out from guys, so that really put me off the old "Can I buy you a drink?".

I'd try and say something original like "Why is that this place is always rammed pack that you can barely move?". Rather than "can I buy you a drink?". Just whatever comes into your head. You have to stop thinking of a woman as some wonderful goddess who you are desperately trying to impress so she doesn't click her fingers and make you disappear in a puff of smoke. She's just a regular person like you, the same worries and problems. Just talk to her like you would talk to a guy who you'd just met (omitting crude stories and language, maybe crack a few witty jokes etc). Also, don't be drunk!

As I say, I could never really approach women in bars etc but when I meet women from dating sites I might have one or two ideas in my head about things to talk about initially (this stupid thing happened at work, I saw this when driving here/parking the car etc), and then just let the conversation flow.

Good post def wouldent buy a woman a drink straight off they will use you and clear off happens all the time

bb1234567

mravaya wrote: »

I always find my icebreaker works like a charm, with a complete stranger

Walk up to her with a drink in yr hand almost finished (this is important that the drink is almost finished)

hi are you Andy Duffy's Sister... Mary who emigrated to ??????? 5 yrs ago?
No,
oh sorry but you just look like my mates sister how I remembered her, we use to go to/work at/be in the same class together blah blah blah and you look just like her, you have a doppelgänger you did not know then is'nt that strange? (wait for a response)

Now for the compliment: It was Your eys and pretty smile that struck me as being so much alike thats why I just had to ask if you was Mary hope you don't mind me doing so.....

Now depending on her reaction if its positive one now is the time to swig the last of yr drink pull the cash out order a drink for yourself and ask her if you can buy her one..........If its negative save your cash, be polite make your excuse and wonder away. It will not work every time for any number of reasons but the law of averages says that you will meet someone who responds well

Good luck

I don't think I could say that to a girl and keep a straight face. It just sounds so fake and cringey

bb1234567

audi12 wrote: »

Good post def wouldent buy a woman a drink straight off they will use you and clear off happens all the time

Why did he get banned for saying that?

Mod note:
Arguing or questioning mod decisions on-thread is not allowed. There is a forum for that elsewhere.

Pawwed Rig

Mod note: - A friendly reminder

Discussion of Pick-Up-Artists (PUA) methods and techniques are not allowed on this forum.