Another revenge thread

frag420

So we have had a guy staying with us for Jan, it was a short let as we are all moving out next week and needed someone to rent one of the rooms for the month. We share a bathroom as its between the two rooms. It was ok to start with but last week he came home at crap o clock, woke me up with his yapping(can hear every word perfectly) to whatever bird he brought home. After about an hr I had to tell them to stfu and go downstairs if they wanted a full blown convo, he is aware that I can hear everything!!

So last night he comes home at 3:30am and starts making pointless calls to his mates. Hey man are you awake is all I could hear before another 20 min convo ensued. I banged on the wall three times but no joy, the prick would not shut up. He knows I have to be up at 6:30AM for work. He is chef so has opposite hours! I heard him telling his mate last night that I was annoying him by asking him to shut up, and that he doesn't give a **** what time I have to be up at and if I ask him again he will take me out the front of the house and kick my head in!! I am more than happy to do this, he is smaller than me and I reckon I could take him but I am not a violent person however tempting it is!!

I have decided that some passive aggressive revenge is the order of the day.

He doesn't know that I am able to access his room from the bathroom(he cant access mine) and I want some ideas on what I can do to him?

So far I have decided to put a drop of fish sauce in all his shoes and the pockets of his jackets, shirts, jeans etc, happened to me before and it stinks!! I will be sticking his toothbrush between the cheeks of my arse and sending him the pics too. I need more things to do to him, the funnier and grosser the better however nothing that will hurt him physically!

I want ideas, not moaning about me being childish or being the bigger man,this prick with ears deserves it!!

thanks and let the suggestions begin!!

frAG

Your Superior

Just be yourself OP. Being around a person like that would be enough punishment for anyone.

MonkeyTennis

Grow up?

Menas

How old are you op?

shruikan2553

Burn the house down

Or have sex with his mother. If you can hear him he can hear you.

Magico Gonzalez

You sound like an aul woman OP. I you put fish sauce in my shoes you'd be eating your own shoes shortly after.

What is your point here? The guy can't talk in his bedroom because your schedule doesn't coincide with his?

Get a grip.

the_monkey

+1 for the fish oil ...

Rhyme

Hollow him out into a canoe and paddle him up and down the Liffey. That'll teach him.

Gummy Panda

Murder everyone else in the house, stab yourself and pin the murder on him.

Birneybau

Offer him a drag of a joint and put your arm around him.

Ruu

Make him a really terrible omelette, as a chef he will be disgusted by it!

SweetChaos

I am so happy I dont have to house share with anyone, jesus christ why would you do such things

wp_rathead

Jeez I wonder why the other housemate moved out a month early..

The Backwards Man

Sometimes I thank my lucky stars that no one in their right mind would live within half a mile of me.

You seem like a lovely housemate yourself OP

SEPT 23 1989

a decapitated horse head lying on his pillow when he arrives home

Duggy747

Kill him, put his body in the wheelie bin, pour acid in (make sure it's right type of acid, we don't want it eating through the bin), let it sit for about 2 weeks and then pour him down the drain.

Custardpi

Does he work in a restaurant or what? If so, try to find out what dishes he'd normally be in charge of preparing, then leave some really bad reviews (disguising your identity of course) of the place at sites like Yelp, Menupages, etc mentioning especially how bad those dishes were. He'll be devastated!

RobYourBuilder

If he has a bottle of water by his bedside, whack a few eyedrops into it. That's all you need to do.

Magico Gonzalez

My suggestion would be to stop bitching like an aul granny and get on with your life.

The Backwards Man

Custardpi wrote: »

Does he work in a restaurant or what? If so, try to find out what dishes he'd normally be in charge of preparing, then leave some really bad reviews (disguising your identity of course) of the place at sites like Yelp, Menupages, etc mentioning especially how bad those dishes were. He'll be devastated!

He'd have to leave a few dozen reviews on other establishments first so he doesn't appear to be a crank. Plausibility is key.

Mesrine65

1/ Take a dump on a piece of clingfilm.

2/ Roll said dump on clingfilm into a sausage shape, DO NOT twist the ends closed.

3/ Place under offending parties pillow & await result.

Custardpi

Magico Gonzalez wrote: »

My suggestion would be to stop bitching like an aul granny and get on with your life.

Boards.ie would cease to exist if everyone followed that advice.

jamesbere

I wouldn't like living with either of ye. Why don't you talk to him first before you decide to do some idiotic revenge. You remind me of a fella I'm living with, very childish and immature.

El_Duderino 09

Scraps of raw meat hidden behind his bed or wardrobe. Fish sauce is better though. I love the stuff in food but it's vile out of context.

WoollyRedHat

Offer to make dinner one of the nights and put some laxatives in it.

The King of Moo

Live well.

Putting fish sauce in his shoes and sticking his toothbrush in your bottom are not good ways to start this.

liam24

Duggy747 wrote: »

Kill him, put his body in the wheelie bin, pour acid in (make sure it's right type of acid, we don't want it eating through the bin), let it sit for about 2 weeks and then pour him down the drain.

Add this to the list of things we've all learned from Breaking Bad!

Mr. CooL ICE

Tie him up in front of the TV, pry his eyes open with matchsticks and force him to watch the entire filmography of Nicolas Cage.

If that doesn't sort him, add Adam Sandler to the list. Nobody survives Sandler.

Birneybau

The King of Moo wrote: »

Live well.

Putting fish sauce in his shoes and sticking his toothbrush in your bottom are not good ways to start this.

This and revenge can co-exist.

Roddy23

SEPT 23 1989 wrote: »

a decapitated horse head lying on his pillow when he arrives home

He ate the horse's head, then gave it a bad review!!

porsche959

Wait till his next birthday comes around and serve him up a cake except it's not a cake it's a urinal 'cake' made up to look like a proper cake.

Sinister Kid

Ever hear of earplugs?

Steve_Carella

Take a massive shit. Fish the log out of the jacks and put it in a ziploc plastic bag and freeze it (you might need a friend's help with this in case he spots it in your freezer but I'm sure any friend worth their salt will be happy to let you use theirs). When it's frozen there's no smell off it. Next time he's out, wait as late as possible, then take the log out of the bag and put it in his pillow. As he's lying there roaring and shouting down the phone, his head heat will melt the chocolatey surprise in his pillow gradually filling the room with it's distinctive aroma. He might guess you're responsible but hey - it gets your point across!

frag420

MonkeyTennis wrote: »

Grow up?

I am grown up but thanks for the suggestion.

Trigger Happy wrote: »

How old are you op?

Old enough..........why does it matter?

Magico Gonzalez wrote: »

You sound like an aul woman OP. I you put fish sauce in my shoes you'd be eating your own shoes shortly after.

What is your point here? The guy can't talk in his bedroom because your schedule doesn't coincide with his?

Get a grip.

He can talk all he likes, but not half three in the morning and during the week when I and the rest of the house has to be up early to go to work.He can go to the kitchen and talk there as loud as he likes!

wprathead wrote: »

Jeez I wonder why the other housemate moved out a month early..

he bought his own place. I will tell him you were wondering.

The Backwards Man wrote: »

Sometimes I thank my lucky stars that no one in their right mind would live within half a mile of me.

You seem like a lovely housemate yourself OP

Thanks, you seem rather nice too.

Magico Gonzalez wrote: »

My suggestion would be to stop bitching like an aul granny and get on with your life.

Thats your second post on this? Are you bored? Did I hit a nerve talking about fish sauce? Do you know much about bitching aul ones?

jamesbere wrote: »

I wouldn't like living with either of ye. Why don't you talk to him first before you decide to do some idiotic revenge. You remind me of a fella I'm living with, very childish and immature.

I tried talking to him but no joy. He comes in drunk and makes noise. You are right though, he is very childish and immature!!

The King of Moo wrote: »

Live well.

Putting fish sauce in his shoes and sticking his toothbrush in your bottom are not good ways to start this.

I know but they are great ways to end it!!

Sinister Kid wrote: »

Ever hear of earplugs?

I have heard of them. Whats your point? Have you heard of common decency? If so maybe you could tell the prick in the other room what it is!!