Asking a friend out

akelly02

Just text her, then she cant see you crying with dissapiontment if she says no.

Mr Freeze

keeponhurling wrote: »

Yep, embarrassment is only temporary

You mean you don't have any terrible embarrassing memories that pop into your head every now and then, and you cringe at what an ass you were.

Lucky you.

hatrickpatrick

Bpmull wrote: »

I don't drink at all and she would drink very very little. I'd almost never see her out really as she goes out with her friends I go out with mine and we wouldn't have that many mutual friends. So unfortunately if I'm going to do it both of us will be sober which if anything it makes it more difficult.

You were sleep deprived and delirious then. Or you had a bad fever.
Basically anything you can use to convince everyone that your words weren't really your own, should they be badly received.

J Mysterio

Truffle Pig wrote: »

Do it or it will always be one of those things you wish you did.

If it doesn't work out, at least you gave it a shot.

Best of luck.

I didnt do this and was absolutely gutted last year to hear the girl got engaged this.

I imagine there would ve a spark between you two, capitalise on it. If you dont, she will move on.

It needn't even go beyond the two of you if you misread it and got a negatory.

Steve_Carella

RonanP77 wrote: »

I was best buddies with a girl for years, she was a bit young for me but as she got older I started to see her a bit differently. I didn't say anything because I figured she wouldn't feel the same way and she was probably out of my league anyway.

Fast forward a few years, I'm engaged, a date is set for the wedding, I meet up with this girl for drinks and she tells me she's mad about me and has been for years. It was too late to do anything about it at that stage. I'm happily married now and so is she, I don't know if she ever thinks about it now but for me it'll always be something that pops into my head every now and again. What if........

If I've ever heard of a situation that's a ticking time bomb, this is it!

J Mysterio

If you want the easy way out, just ask her to the cinema or something.

smcgiff

Stinjy wrote: »

turns out a few years earlier may have helped....oh well) ...

Um, haven't aged well then?

;)

Ficheall

I always browse incognito on my phone and only sign in to boards to post, so the ads are always somewhat related to the content of the page. The ad on this page begins: "I had 7lbs of toxic waste in my colon that was killing me from the inside out..."

ScumLord

Mr Freeze wrote: »

You mean you don't have any terrible embarrassing memories that pop into your head every now and then, and you cringe at what an ass you were.

Lucky you.

That happens to me all the time. Just about to fall asleep. Some non event from 10 years ago pops into my head, and starts a flood of similar memories. I heard an interview on the radio where some guy was making out it could be a mild form of obsessive compulsive disorder without the compulsive bit. It wouldn't be too bad if I got a clean house out of it but no.

J Mysterio wrote: »

If you want the easy way out, just ask her to the cinema or something.

That wouldn't really be helpful friends go to the cinema together all the time. He needs to make himself clear. Maybe go to the church and have a wedding ready to go.

OldNotWIse

Mehaffey1 wrote: »

Similar situation to me, was engaged for 3 years but always had the thought in the back of my head that my ex and I were "meant to be". If only I wasn't so awkward and shy when we were going out then things would be so different.
Now she has unfriended me on FB with a profile PIC with her and a fella, think she has moved on while I have moved backwards since the fiancé and I split.

Au contraire, I doubt that removing someone from Facebook is a sign one has moved on

HiGlo

What are your interactions with this girl like? Would you regularly be in her house or is it more pass her on the street and say hi and perhaps chat…? Do you have her phone number? Are you Facebook friends?
Personally I think you should go for it. Just in the course of a chat, “would you like to grab some lunch sometime?” or similar….
Or swing the conversation to movies in the cinema and if she mentions something she'd like to see ask if she'd like to go.... It would allow an opportunity to be a bit more tactile (I don't mean hopping on her in the back row )
Based on the interconnection and friendship built over the years surely she wouldn’t just make it awkward or stop speaking to you? Surely most decent girls wouldn’t??


I have kinda been on the receiving end of it. My best friend has an older brother so from the age of around 19 or so we used to hang out with him and his mates a bit. Over the years I’d see them here and there and in the last 6-7 years our circles of friends have overlapped more so I have spent more time in their company. There’s one guy in the group that is a really lovely guy. I’ve had some great conversations with him and always enjoy his company, but I just don’t fancy him at all… I really wish I did – I’m just too superficial.
He has actually asked me out twice (through facebook messages) but I’ve turned him down. I’ve always made sure not to be awkward about it and I don’t avoid him and chat as usual with him. I can appreciate how hard it is to ask out someone connected to your group of friends and didn’t want him to feel uncomfortable after the rejection. I also never told anyone that he asked me out so the only people that know are the ones he tells/told.

Would girls really be that shocked and appalled at someone they didn’t fancy asking them out that they would then blank them or avoid being near them?? Surely not….!

NotYourYear20

Go for it OP. Life is too short to be having regrets. If it doesn't work out, I'm sure your solid friendship will overcome any bumps.

RonanP77

Steve_Carella wrote:

If I've ever heard of a situation that's a ticking time bomb, this is it!

How do you mean? We're both married to other people and live in different countries. We'll more than likely never see each other again.

J Mysterio

Either way, make you update the thread as and when.

thelad95

HiGlo wrote: »

What are your interactions with this girl like? Would you regularly be in her house or is it more pass her on the street and say hi and perhaps chat…? Do you have her phone number? Are you Facebook friends?
Personally I think you should go for it. Just in the course of a chat, “would you like to grab some lunch sometime?” or similar….
Or swing the conversation to movies in the cinema and if she mentions something she'd like to see ask if she'd like to go.... It would allow an opportunity to be a bit more tactile (I don't mean hopping on her in the back row )
Based on the interconnection and friendship built over the years surely she wouldn’t just make it awkward or stop speaking to you? Surely most decent girls wouldn’t??


I have kinda been on the receiving end of it. My best friend has an older brother so from the age of around 19 or so we used to hang out with him and his mates a bit. Over the years I’d see them here and there and in the last 6-7 years our circles of friends have overlapped more so I have spent more time in their company. There’s one guy in the group that is a really lovely guy. I’ve had some great conversations with him and always enjoy his company, but I just don’t fancy him at all… I really wish I did – I’m just too superficial.
He has actually asked me out twice (through facebook messages) but I’ve turned him down. I’ve always made sure not to be awkward about it and I don’t avoid him and chat as usual with him. I can appreciate how hard it is to ask out someone connected to your group of friends and didn’t want him to feel uncomfortable after the rejection. I also never told anyone that he asked me out so the only people that know are the ones he tells/told.

Would girls really be that shocked and appalled at someone they didn’t fancy asking them out that they would then blank them or avoid being near them?? Surely not….!

I got the impression from the OP that they were quite close and her friendship was something he valued, hence the reason he was afraid of messing it all up.

Steve_Carella

RonanP77 wrote: »

How do you mean? We're both married to other people and live in different countries. We'll more than likely never see each other again.

She's your what if, you're her what if...you're both happily married now but these things have a weird way of getting a stronger hold of you as time moves on. I'm not saying that anything is gonna happen or that either of you is gonna go behind your spouse's backs. But I'm also not saying it never will, and you can't say it absolutely 100% never will either.

Bpmull

HiGlo wrote: »

What are your interactions with this girl like? Would you regularly be in her house or is it more pass her on the street and say hi and perhaps chat…? Do you have her phone number? Are you Facebook friends?
Personally I think you should go for it. Just in the course of a chat, “would you like to grab some lunch sometime?” or similar….
Or swing the conversation to movies in the cinema and if she mentions something she'd like to see ask if she'd like to go.... It would allow an opportunity to be a bit more tactile (I don't mean hopping on her in the back row )
Based on the interconnection and friendship built over the years surely she wouldn’t just make it awkward or stop speaking to you? Surely most decent girls wouldn’t??

We are fairly close not best friends by any means either. I've probably known her 10 years from a young enough age. I'm facebook friends with her, have her number and have been in her house probably 100s of times at this stage as has she been in mine although normally with family. As I said we wouldn't have many mutual friends just because we went to different primary, secondary schools and now in different colleges although we are both home almost every weekend. So I wouldn't ever really go out with her or see her out on nights just because of the different friends I go out with mine she goes out with hers.

Surly just asking her out the the cinema would be the wrong way to go about it as she would assume it's a friendly thing and Id be more or less back to square one do I need to use the word date to the cinema as otherwise she won't get it really.

By right I should have really asked her around 2 years ago as at that stage she wouldn't have ever had a boyfriend. Where as now she's had about 3-4 but the relationships were always short 2 months or so and she was always the one that was dumped which I always wondered why. Anyway I need to gmask her reasonably quick as its only a matter of time before she gets into a serious relationship with someone.

Señor Fancy Pants

Man,

This is what you do.

1. Put the kettle on and make a cup of tea.
2. Turn on Netflix.
3. Watch Ferris Buellers Day Off and Serendipity.
4. Be inspired and then tell her you are interested in her.
5. Then watch Predator to celebrate or console yourself.

Stinjy

smcgiff wrote: »

Um, haven't aged well then?

;)

well... I never though of that... damn....

no circumstances changed and I'm now on a different continent... its a tad far away!

Starscream25

So when you gonna ask her out OP? Hope It goes well.

Purple Mountain

Get your Nikes on and JUST DO IT!
Life is too short dude!

Egginacup

Bpmull wrote: »

Hopefully I can get some advice on this.

I've been friends with a girl for years basically we were neighbours when growing up now we are both in college. For the last good while as in years I've been thinking of asking her out. I see her regularly enough but there has always been one thing stopping me from asking her. Asking a girl out is fine she says no you move on grand. The problem with this girl is my parents and her parents are really good friends and they would meet up twice a month or so. I know her parents really well and get on well with them. In other words I would see her, her parents / siblings regularly enough.

So basically taking this into consideration if I asking her out and she says no will this just end up as one big awkward mess. Should I ask her out or just say nothing considering the situation?

Would you not just set the stage whereby she might snog you?
A few drinks and a walk home....if she gets a little slushy with you you can be a gent and say you aren't sure. If she rams you up against the wall, jams her thigh between your legs and pushes her tongue into your mouth then you know there isn't much doubt.
If the next day there's a spot of awkwardness then break the ice by quipping "Well....same time this evening, Cleopatra?"

J Mysterio

Bpmull wrote: »

...

You just need to get her to yourself for a while and have herenjoy your company. If she does, pull a move.

stop trying to bee so formal. 'Cinema date' :pac:

Bpmull

J Mysterio wrote: »

You just need to get her to yourself for a while and have herenjoy your company. If she does, pull a move.

stop trying to bee so formal. 'Cinema date' :pac:

I really can't see how that will work. We've hung out a lot at this stage. I think if I dont just say it straight out she'll still only think of it as friends hanging out while she goes off and gets a boyfriend.

Bpmull

Starscream25 wrote: »

So when you gonna ask her out OP? Hope It goes well.

Not too sure I suppose the next time I see her alone and get the opportunity which will hopefully be in the next few weeks.

Steve_Carella

Here's a thing OP. I was in your exact situation at one point. She was a really close friend and we eventually got together. We were together for about two years before we split up. The split was nasty, she broke my heart and the friendship was over (although it's a good while ago now and we're civil to each other now because life is too short).

But you know what happened, which I think is relevant here? The friendship ended - but I went out there and made new friends, and so did she, and in the long run it didn't matter a shite. Ask her out, and if the friendship falls apart (either because of asking her out or getting together and breaking up), you might just shock yourself by finding out in the long run that she wasn't as completely irreplaceable in your life as you thought!

Señor Fancy Pants

Bpmull wrote: »

Not too sure I suppose the next time I see her alone and get the opportunity which will hopefully be in the next few weeks.

Wait for that, and you could be waiting forever dude.

Bpmull

Truffle Pig wrote: »

Wait for that, and you could be waiting forever dude.

Oh I know I need to act soon or she will be gone although that doesn't seem to make it any easier for me to bring myself to ask her. But sure look the worst she says is no and at least I will have closure on the whole thing.

DoYouEvenLift

Bpmull wrote: »

Oh I know I need to act soon or she will be gone although that doesn't seem to make it any easier for me to bring myself to ask her. But sure look the worst she says is no and at least I will have closure on the whole thing.

Almost valentine's day, you can't wait "a few weeks", do it this week

Stinjy

Bpmull wrote: »

Oh I know I need to act soon or she will be gone although that doesn't seem to make it any easier for me to bring myself to ask her. But sure look the worst she says is no and at least I will have closure on the whole thing.

Exactly! worst that happens is No and chances are you carry on as normal unless she's totally immature .. good luck man!

Señor Fancy Pants

Bpmull wrote: »

Oh I know I need to act soon or she will be gone although that doesn't seem to make it any easier for me to bring myself to ask her. But sure look the worst she says is no and at least I will have closure on the whole thing.

Ah it's not easy for everyone, me included. But, ya don't ask, ya don't get

I think a lot of people are in your situation. It's what you do that counts. I'd like to think that if there was someone out there that liked me, that they would say so.

Best of luck and do it this week ya bastard!

The Peanut

Bpmull wrote: »

Hopefully I can get some advice on this.

I've been friends with a girl for years basically we were neighbours when growing up now we are both in college. For the last good while as in years I've been thinking of asking her out. I see her regularly enough but there has always been one thing stopping me from asking her. Asking a girl out is fine she says no you move on grand. The problem with this girl is my parents and her parents are really good friends and they would meet up twice a month or so. I know her parents really well and get on well with them. In other words I would see her, her parents / siblings regularly enough.

So basically taking this into consideration if I asking her out and she says no will this just end up as one big awkward mess. Should I ask her out or just say nothing considering the situation?

It would be brilliant if we all had time machines. You could zoom forwards 30 years in your life and have a peep. You might still be together. You might not. Who knows? But your life will be different from having not asked her out.

One of the great things about getting older is the ease that comes with decision making; it's easier with the experiences of life to see how things may or may not fit in the overall scheme of ones own life. If I could go back in a time machine to my younger self, I'm sure I'd smile ruefully about the self-doubt and lack of confidence that crippled me for years. Why should I? What if? I passed up on so many opportunities with people because I focussed on the negative what ifs rather than the positive what ifs.

Go for it. You'll look back and smile in 30 years.

Potential Underachiever

Bump!!!

What's the latest OP?

You can't leave us hanging like this, I'm on t'edge of my seat.

Bpmull

Potential Underachiever wrote: »

Bump!!!

What's the latest OP?

You can't leave us hanging like this, I'm on t'edge of my seat.

Haven't seen her since hopefully I will get the opportunity to ask her over the weekend. Dont worry you'll be the first to know either way.

Potential Underachiever

Bpmull wrote: »

Dont worry you'll be the first to know either way.

Nice one, you can have me on skype in the background, so I'm there live!

J Mysterio

Sounds like youre wigging out OP. Grab your balls and go do it!

Shurimgreat

BoJack Horseman wrote: »

You get one shot at life buddy.

Moderate embarrassment is just temporary, especially if your two families are close.

It's not going to be moderate embarrassment though is it? It's going to be long term, possibly permanent embarrassment.

The first thing she will do is tell her closest friends and you know what women are like when they learn some gossip haha...

After that you will be forever known for it.

Anyways, don't just ask her out. Ask her to meet you in town for a drink and build from there. Don't make it so obvious. Make it subtle and then subtly back out if required.

J Mysterio

Yeah. Ask to meet her somewhere you wouldnt normally meet or she wouldnt associate with your/ a group - drink in town is good.

kilkenny12

Shurimgreat wrote: »

It's not going to be moderate embarrassment though is it? It's going to be long term, possibly permanent embarrassment.

The first thing she will do is tell her closest friends and you know what women are like when they learn some gossip haha...

After that you will be forever known for it.

Anyways, don't just ask her out. Ask her to meet you in town for a drink and build from there. Don't make it so obvious. Make it subtle and then subtly back out if required.

Ah stop.. no need to be embarrassed about how he honestly feels. Just go for it!! Ye can look back and smile even if it's a bit awkward.

kilkenny12

bump.. any progress OP?

Gyalist

kilkenny12 wrote: »

bump.. any progress OP?

He's known the girl for years and hasn't made any moves. Why do you think that he will now? My money is on the "friendzone".

Iranoutofideas

Did you get your hole OP?

somuj

Are you a disgusting ugly pig face troll of a man who should live under a collapsed bridge?? If not then go for it. Make a joke out of it to gage her reaction.

You could also try taking your dinky out in front of her and start playing with it, if she sucks it your golden. If she yells out in horror and runs its most likely a no no.

Bpmull

kilkenny12 wrote: »

bump.. any progress OP?

No not yet I haven't been talking to her since.

Macavity.

If you ask and she says "no" your life will be destroyed.

deco nate

Macavity. wrote: »

If you ask and she says "no" your life will be destroyed.

B's, how?! At least he would know were he stands. They will still be friends. Just friends that know were they stand. Better to know than years later thinking.. What if?.

Very small minded, childish to think otherwise, imo

Bpmull

deco nate wrote: »

B's, how?! At least he would know were he stands. They will still be friends. Just friends that know were they stand. Better to know than years later thinking.. What if?.

Very small minded, childish to think otherwise, imo

Actually asking her is not the issue. It's just that I know her parents so well too and get on quite well with them. But I have a bad feeling that if she did say no she would eventually tell her parents I had asked her and the whole thing could get awkward fast. Would be so much easier if I just didn't know any of her family at all.

But either way I do really need to ask and have no regrets I can live with a no it's not as if I'm in a better position now anyway.

pmy.murphy

Bpmull wrote: »

Hopefully I can get some advice on this.

I've been friends with a girl for years basically we were neighbours when growing up now we are both in college. For the last good while as in years I've been thinking of asking her out. I see her regularly enough but there has always been one thing stopping me from asking her. Asking a girl out is fine she says no you move on grand. The problem with this girl is my parents and her parents are really good friends and they would meet up twice a month or so. I know her parents really well and get on well with them. In other words I would see her, her parents / siblings regularly enough.

So basically taking this into consideration if I asking her out and she says no will this just end up as one big awkward mess. Should I ask her out or just say nothing considering the situation?

He who dips the wick must pay for the oil!!

Gwynplaine

Go for it. Buy her a snack box meal, and show her yer lad on the way home.

kilkenny12

Gyalist wrote: »

He's known the girl for years and hasn't made any moves. Why do you think that he will now? My money is on the "friendzone".

Ah gway