Stay at home Moms?

Zane97

Has anybody experience of this ? I work shift at the moment , but have been offered day work by a family member. We have a 17 month old and another one on the way in June. We managed with out a crèche with wife's Aunty minding him and my mother. My wife was on about giving up work.

How do you find it financially ? Tough?

Woshy

I chose to stay at home after my first was born and we have another due the end of May so I'll be at home for a few years I think.

Financially we didn't find it too bad. We had good savings to get all the baby stuff needed etc and then once I had stopped working we just had to a bit more careful with money. I have a budget that we have to follow carefully but we never worry about paying our bills or putting food on the table and we can still afford some luxuries like eating out and holidays. You can't really ask for more than that really.

It just depends on your situation I guess, my husband has a good job and when you take into account creche fees and tax credits etc we wouldn't be a huge amount better off with me at work. It just depends on your monthly outgoings, ours are manageable. We do have less money to spend on ourselves or for fun things but to us it's worth it to have one of us at home.

It's not for everyone - some parents need to work for themselves not for financial reasons and I conpletely understand that but I like being at home and it works for us

Toots

Recently I finished work and I'm at home with our 3 year old full time now. Prior to that, my husband was unemployed, and was in college re-training 3 days per week. On those days, my mum minded my son, and then my husband was at home on the other days. We couldn't survive on my wages alone, in fact my parents helped us out financially in a massive way while my hubby was trying to find another job. If we'd had creche fees to pay on top of that, we'd have been screwed. Much as I'd have liked to spend more time with my son, I never thought I would have been able to afford to either stay at home, or work part time hours.

Last year, my husband got a job and it pays very well; enough that we can live on just his wages. The opportunity arose for me to take voluntary redundancy and I took it towards the end of the year. The main reason I did was because my son is very active, wants to be going all day, and while my parents adore having him in the house, I know they're wrecked by the time he goes home. We're also hoping to have another baby in the not-too-distant future, and I know there's no way they'd be able to look after 2 kids, it just wouldn't be fair.

Financially at the moment we're ok. It's still only 2 months since I finished work, so I reckon we'll have a better idea of how things are working out in the next couple of months. On sample budgets I've looked at, we'll be ok - just have to keep an eye on the money, and also keeping track of when bills are due. When both my husband and I were working (before he lost his old job) I would get paid by the month, and he would get paid by the week, so it worked out handy because the mortgage, loan and life insurance would be covered by my salary. Then he'd get paid every week, which would ensure there was always money in the account for direct debits, groceries etc. Obviously now we've got to be a bit more careful with money that we would have been with both of us working, but we're not broke.

Seeing as this is your second time around with a new baby, you'll already have the 'big ticket' stuff like buggy/pram/cot/car seat' that can cost a lot of money for first time parents, so that's not so much of an issue. I think the thing you'd really need to look at is would it be financially better for your wife to continue to work if both the kids had to go into creche? You've already got a 17 month old, and then another baby on top of that might be a lot to handle for your wife's aunt and your mother. Then what happens when the older one starts playschool or school? Will your wife's aunt or your mum be up for dropping them in and collecting them, or will it be a big hassle for them.

I know in my own situation, one of my sisters has special needs and still lives with my parents. She goes to a work/life training centre during the day, so my mum already has to drop her off and collect her from that, then adding on collecting our son from school/playschool just wouldn't have been fair. She would have been in the car for about 3 hours straight every afternoon.

Do you mind me asking roughly how old your mum, and wife's aunt are? Are they in good health? If your wife does go back to work, will it be fair on them to ask them to take care of a 2 year old and a 6 month old?

CarpeDiem85

When I weighed up the cost of rent, childcare, the expense of working (lunches, travel, clothes, paying in for social funds, tea kittys etc) it made more sense for me to stay at home for now. I absolutely love being at home with my child. I was saving for a deposit for a house prior to having my child which I'm using to fund my career break at the minute. I'm very fortunate as I'm not paying rent as it's a relative's house. As I'm on a budget, I look for the best value. There are big clothes sales after Christmas and summer where I'd pick up a lot of my child's clothes. I have the time to shop around, look for the best value and cook from scratch. My child goes to the creche one day a week to give her a chance to socialise with other babies. This costs €35. I was lucky as my baby wasn't ill up until recently. She had a bad bug and if I was working I don't know what I would have done. I don't have the family support so I would have had to take a week off work. My job would only give me 3 Force Majeure days per year. It's great not to have to wake up to an alarm every morning or keep to an overly strict routine. I can bring her to the park, swimming, to the library, to music classes whenever we please. I love being there for my child and being such a strong influence on her. If you can afford to, go for it.

Glinda

It's great to be at home when kids are little, but don't forget to look further down the road a bit too - creche fees and all that are only crazy for a couple of years. Look a few more years down the road and see where you want to be.

I'm not saying don't take time off to be a full-time parent, just be careful to think past the next few years and make some plan for where you'll be when they are all gone off to school or college.

Boring advice I know, but time goes very fast and it's foolish to make a permanent decision based on a temporary situation, even though it's a tough one!