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To tell a child's mother her daughter stole a toy - or not?

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    #32
    mrbrianj
    Registered Users Posts: 384 ✭✭mrbrianj


    professore wrote: »
    What about her daughter? You're teaching your own daughter it's OK to steal. Terrible advice IMO.

    Where did I say that?

    In fact its the complete opposite, the daughter will see how it is wrong to steal.
    Punishment or redress is not theirs to dish out.

    You think a 6 year old is lead down the wrong path because an other kid stole one of their toys? what do you suggest, use the criminal justice system to get back Mammy Rabbit;)


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    #33
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators Posts: 14,035 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    I think the point was being made that the child knows her toy was stolen. A toy that she treasures as part of a collection of toys. By her parents telling her to forget it, it won't matter when she's 15 is telling her that even though she's understandably upset her friend is going to get away with it and be allowed keep her toy.

    And I do think children can steal. This child is 6, not 3. And she was clever/quick enough to come up with her alibi in front of all the parents so that she wouldn't be questioned. She knew she did wrong and was getting her story in before anyone else could.


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    #34
    biketard
    Registered Users Posts: 539 ✭✭✭biketard


    This is a tough one. Something similar happened with one of our kids' toys a couple of years ago and I was absolutely convinced one of their friends had taken it, although I had no evidence other than it having suddenly disappeared after they'd been round.

    I didn't say anything about it.

    About a year later my son found it in a completely different box to where we would ever have expected it to be (and believe me when I say that we thought we had searched everywhere for it).

    Now that said, I think you have very good reason to suspect that girl. If I had a good relationship with the mother, I'd be tempted to explain just how upset your daughter is about having lost that toy. She may end up asking the cousin if she really gave her daughter that toy.

    Awkward situation, though. I don't envy you.


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    #35
    Merkin
    Registered Users Posts: 8,230 ✭✭✭Merkin


    Big Bag of Chips wrote: »
    I think the point was being made that the child knows her toy was stolen. A toy that she treasures as part of a collection of toys. By her parents telling her to forget it, it won't matter when she's 15 is telling her that even though she's understandably upset her friend is going to get away with it and be allowed keep her toy.

    And I do think children can steal. This child is 6, not 3. And she was clever/quick enough to come up with her alibi in front of all the parents so that she wouldn't be questioned. She knew she did wrong and was getting her story in before anyone else could.

    Agree with this, kids at six know what stealing is and this one sounds cute as a fox.

    Do you know the cousin by any chance? If so then you talk to the little cousin and find out if she did or didn't give the little one the toy. At least you can be fairly certain then and just talk to the Mum about it. If it was my little one I'd warn to know. It's not the crime of the century but I remember being that age and pinching something and I wasn't allowed out to play for a week, my career as a tea leaf brought to a halt in no short order!!!


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    #36
    zAbbo
    Registered Users Posts: 11,987 ✭✭✭✭zAbbo


    Of course a 6 year old pathological liar isn't going to leave any loose ends, expect the cousin to go mysteriously missing. :pac:

    Anyway, back in the real world. Just speak to the mother and ask her to check with her child. Most normal mothers would be sympathetic and understand.


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    #37
    January
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,862 ✭✭✭✭January


    ch750536 wrote: »
    A 6 year old doesn't 'steal' - conceptually they don't get this. So what if she took a toy home with her, my kids constantly come back with stuff that isn't theirs and vice versa.
    Nothing to see here, move on!

    or

    Call in the SWAT team!

    If my kids come back from anywhere with toys that are not theirs they are promptly returned at the next available opportunity. I've had toys returned here too that kids have taken (whether intentionally or not I never know but it's never a big deal).

    You seriously let your kids keep things they take from others?


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    #38
    Dades
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,558 Mod ✭✭✭✭Dades


    Big Bag of Chips wrote: »
    And I do think children can steal. This child is 6, not 3. And she was clever/quick enough to come up with her alibi in front of all the parents so that she wouldn't be questioned. She knew she did wrong and was getting her story in before anyone else could.
    They definitely can steal! And they can also be aware of the consequences of their actions. This lady knows her best friend has been in tears over her lost dog. But little people are Machiavellian, but they're only learning about life still.

    Have a potential course of action. I'm prepping my daughter to ask/talk about her missing doll in front of the other mom (they're likely to be in car together in the next few days). Chances are the mom will put 2 and 2 together straight away.

    Yeah, it's a bit of a storm in a teacup but interesting to see all the different takes on the scenario!


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    #39
    ch750536
    Registered Users Posts: 3,736 ✭✭✭ch750536


    January wrote: »
    If my kids come back from anywhere with toys that are not theirs they are promptly returned at the next available opportunity. I've had toys returned here too that kids have taken (whether intentionally or not I never know but it's never a big deal).

    You seriously let your kids keep things they take from others?

    Of course. House is already full of cheap plastic crap, a bit more will have no impact.

    On other planets where sharing happens there's a lot less 'stealing'.


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    #40
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators Posts: 14,035 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    There's a difference between sharing and stealing. If the friend took a loan of it with the intention of bringing it back or swapping it for something there would be no issue.

    But she has taken it, and taken ownership of it, with a cover story, without getting the ok from the other child or their parents.

    That's not sharing.. That's taking!


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    #41
    mariaalice
    Registered Users Posts: 12,495 ✭✭✭✭mariaalice


    How do you know there is not a subtle sort of bulling going on, the child is suppose to be a good friend of your daughter and knows her friend is upset and didn't return the toy and lied about how they got it.


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    #42
    Dades
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,558 Mod ✭✭✭✭Dades


    It'd have to be that subtle my daughter missed it too! There's no issues between the pair.


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    #43
    teggers5
    Registered Users Posts: 445 ✭✭teggers5


    No advice to offer apart from maybe putting your daughter's name/intials on the new hedgehog family just incase they decide to go walkabout also ;)


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    #44
    Dades
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,558 Mod ✭✭✭✭Dades


    teggers5 wrote: »
    No advice to offer apart from maybe putting your daughter's name/intials on the new hedgehog family just incase they decide to go walkabout also ;)
    First thing I did. :)


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    #45
    Tordelback
    Registered Users Posts: 677 ✭✭✭Tordelback


    We've had this a few times with friends of our kids, we've just mentioned it to the parents as being the result of a confusion at home-time ('By any chance did a plastic teapot arrive at your end, we can't find it here...'), and there's never been a problem (yet). We all know that kids steal, and that they know it's wrong (much as dogs do!), but confronting the reality is part of their learning process, as long as it's pointed out calmly that you shouldn't do it. No need for recriminations - it's an important learning opportunity for both parties.

    A bigger problem is leaving half their clothing and schoolbooks in someone else's house, necessitating late-night exchanges that everyone could do without!


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